What does it mean to be a man?
If you asked this question of Marcus Aurelius, Seneca, or Epictetus they would answer that it means to live with virtue. In fact, vir is the Latin word for “man”. The word “virtue” finds its roots in the Latin word for manliness, which is “virtus”.
There are 4 cardinal virtues that the ancient Stoics abided by:
- Wisdom
- Justice
- Fortitude
- Temperance.
It is these 4 virtues that I have strived (and continue to strive) to embody more of in my life to narrow the gap between the man I am and the man I know I’m capable of being. Hopefully they can help you do the same.
Virtue #1 - Wisdom (Knowledge of life)
The word philosopher literally translates to “lover of wisdom”. The ancient Stoic philosophers were in love with learning and understanding the process of how to live optimally. Whether you look at Seneca (who was a statesman, playwright, and tied in to the upper echelon of Roman society) or Epictetus (a former slave who won his freedom, became a Stoic, and was eventually one of the biggest influences on Marcus Aurelius) or Marcus Aurelius (the most powerful man in the world during his time) - the ancient Stoics were active members of society. This is contrary to how philosophy is taught through the modern education system whereby students are taught to become mere “librarians of the mind” rather than “warriors of the mind” - as were the ancient Stoics.
The fundamental Stoic wisdom is to concern yourself only with that which is within your control. As Epictetus puts it:
The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control.
There are only two things that we have control over - our thoughts and our behaviors. Run an honest audit of your day. How many of your decisions were a series of pre-programmed patterns and how many of your decisions were planned and deliberate?
As men, the ultimate wisdom we can embody is clarity of our path and purpose. Seneca uses the word “euthymia” or “energized tranquility” to describe this:
Believing in yourself and trusting that you are on the right path, and not being in doubt by following the myriad footpaths of those wandering in every direction.
Your thoughts and behaviors need to be directed towards some end, some purpose, for them to have any meaning. As Seneca puts it:
Let all your efforts be directed to something, let it keep that end in view. It’s not activity that disturbs people, but false conceptions of things that drive them mad.
If you’re currently lacking clarity in your path and purpose as a man, write your own eulogy. This is a daunting task but, trust me, doing so will provide massive insight towards the type of man you wish to become.
Take out a pen and paper, imagine yourself at your own funeral, and journal your answers to questions as such:
- What do the people in attendance have to say about you?
- How do they describe you?
- What will others miss about you?
The more deep the questions, the better. 99.99% of you won’t do this, but if you do, it will provide massive clarity in your life.
Virtue #2 - Justice (Integrity)
To live with justice means to live in integrity with your highest ideals. Are you consistently acting in accordance with what you deem valuable or are you stuck in the perpetual cycle of going through the motions and procrastination?
The ancient Stoics used the term “Eudaimonia,” which describes the state of being best friends with your inner daemon. The daemon can be visualized as your inner guide, the highest version of you that is eternally present and taking notes on every single thing that you do. To experience a state of inner flourishing, you have to be on good terms with your inner daemon. Because at the end of the day, what matters most is what you think of yourself when you are by yourself.
How to build integrity:
- Keep a to-do list every single day and complete it.
- Set deadlines for your goals.
- Make commitments and live up to them.
- Do what you say you’re going to do; don’t say you’ll do something you won’t.
Virtue #3 - Fortitude (Courage)
The word “courage” comes from the Latin word for heart. Courage is the virtue that vitalizes all your other virtues just like your heart vitalizes all your other organs.
We all feel fear, but the ability to act in spite of fear, i.e. courage, is a large part of what makes a man manly. By definition, growth in any area of your life requires you to do something you’ve never done before, i.e. to step outside of your comfort zone.
If you’ve been holding off on something, it’s time for you to take Nike’s advice and just fucking do it.
How to build courage:
- Cold showers
- Cold approach women
- Strive to set personal records in the gym
- Practice a martial art
Also keep in mind that you are only entitled to the action and not the fruits of your action. The Stoics always used a reserve clause, Deo valente, i.e. if fate shall have it. The struggle is guaranteed but the results aren’t. Having a reserve clause in place instills a frame of calmness and levelness because you are not overly attached to the outcome.
Virtue #4 - Temperance (Self-mastery)
There are two freedoms - the false, where a man is free to do what he likes; the true, where he is free to do what he ought.
- Charles Kingsley
Self-mastery is simply a matter of doing what needs to get done regardless of whether you feel like it or not. It is about striving to consistently narrow the gap between the man you are and the man you know you are capable of being. There is no end to this journey. There is only moving toward the ideal or moving away from it. The ideal can never be achieved, but it is always there to indicate whether or not we are moving in the right direction.
How to develop self-mastery:
- 30-day challenges
- Track your habits
- Build momentum on your habits
Remember that if you ever begin to believe that you’ve reached your potential, you strip away your power in taking it to the next level. There is no finish line. Self-mastery is a journey in discovering what you’re truly capable of. And your potential as a man is a moving target.
Conclusion
The ancient Stoics tell us that to be a man means to know your path, to have the courage to walk it, to consistently strive for improvement, and to live with your lips pressed against your fears. These are the 4 cardinal virtues of Stoicism and working on integrating them into your own life will help transform you into a more grounded and powerful version of yourself.
Thanks, this is a great post. Do you recommend any good books on Stoicism that you found helpful?
Meditations, by Marcus Aurelius
I'm reading Letters from a Stoic by Seneca. It's really good especially when you have gone through some shorter texts like Meditations or Enchiridion.
Yeah, most definitely. Letters of a Stoic is one of the best, but it is pretty dense.
Look up Author Ryan Holliday. I may have spelt his name wrong but if you google Ryan Holliday Stoicism. I’m sure his website will come up. I read his book called “the obstacle is the way” really really great read.
not much of a fan of ryan holiday tbh its more "pop" stoicism. he should start with meditations by marcus aurelius in my humble opinion.
The Enchiridion (Discourses of Epictetus) too is a wonderful read.
Id start with Aurelius, followed by Epictetus.
What else do you recommend after these two?
Definitely check out all the classics, but also keep in mind that Stoic wisdom is echoed through the teachings and experiences of many of the greats out there. Check out Phil Knight's autobiography Shoe Dog or Arnold Schwarzenegger's Total Recall. Other than biographies, check out Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson. The provocative title has definitely spurred it into the mainstream, but much of what he says in that book can be tied back to Stoicism as well. As for some of the thought exercises that the ancient Stoics practiced, definitely check out A Guide to The Good Life by William Irvine.
The Courage to be Disliked.
Meditations by Marcus Aureilus and Letters from a stoic by Seneca
Anything by Seneca, Epictetus, Marcus Aurelius, Musoniis Rufus. Also anything you can find by Chrysippus and Zeno. Zeno is credited with being the founder of the school of stoicism but his writings have been lost. Stories of him and quotes still exist today though. Also im currently reading "How To Be A Stoic" by Massimo Pigliucci which offers more of a modern day take on stoicism with the advances that we as humans have made in knowledge of self kept in mind.
Will definitely have to check out How to Be a Stoic by Massimo Pigliucci, haven't heard of that one before. Thanks for the recommendation.
there is an app called the stoic bible download it for free, there are Marcus Aurelius, Seneca and Epictetus.
The daily stoic is good.
Marcus Aurelia meditations
Epicetus the enchiridion
Edit: to get started the daily stoic gives you one thing a day to focus on and reflect. After absorbing some of the ideals one at a time it will be easier to digest some of the other works. Meditations is literally Marcus journal so it's tough to read
The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday
Meditations by Marcus Aurelius
A great layman's introduction and text without being 'pop' is "A Guide to the Goodlife: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy" by William Irvine
In addition, the book, 7 habits of highly effective People by Stephen Covey, covers this stuff. I've read it about four times and each time I read through it, I get another insight that I may have missed.
This book should be required reading for every highschool junior. Then a second time for seniors, and a third for college. It's that useful.
I highly recommend this book to anyone on TRP. Changed my life forever.
Wish we could have more posts like this and less political, mgtow, gender relation related bullshit posts.
Agreed, I want to improve myself not feel outraged about stupid shit I can’t control
Fucking beautiful and tied perfectly into the TRP instruction that we so often don't understand the basis behind. Thanks for the post.
For sure brother, glad it could provide you with value.
Thanks for this contribution. American author Tom Wolfe, whom just died last month and is considered one of the G.O.A.T., wrote a novel titled A Man In Full in which one of his characters, a young man in jail, discovers Stoicism and it helps propel him to turn his life around. I believe Wolfe embraced Stoicism based on how he described it and it's impact on said protagonist.
Can't reccommend that book enough. A great read.
A Man In Full. Have added it to my reading list bro, thanks for the recommendation.
Everything the stoic Seneca the younger says is red pilled as fuck. And he lived 2000 years ago. He promotes self-improvement. Heres just a few. I have notes to all his letters in a document.
Letter 1: On saving time
What is the state of things, then? It is this: I do not regard a man as poor, if the little which remains is enough for him. I advise you, however, to keep what is really yours; and you cannot begin too early. For, as our ancestors believed, it is too late to spare when you reach the dregs of the cask. Of that which remains at the bottom, the amount is slight, and the quality is vile. Farewell.'
Letter 7: On crowds
"But both courses are to be avoided; you should not copy the bad simply because they are many, nor should you hate the many because they are unlike you. Withdraw into yourself, as far as you can. Associate with those who will make a better man of you. Welcome those whom you yourself can improve. The process is mutual; for men learn while they teach. 9. There is no reason why pride in advertising your abilities should lure you into publicity, so that you should desire to recite or harangue before the general public. Of course I should be willing for you to do so if you had a stock-in-trade that suited such a mob; as it is, there is not a man of them who can understand you. One or two individuals will perhaps come in your way, but even these will have to be moulded and trained by you so that they will understand you. You may say: "For what purpose did I learn all these things?" But you need not fear that you have wasted your efforts; it was for yourself that you learned them."
Letter 28: On travel as a cure for discontent
"Socrates made the same remark to one who complained; he said: "Why do you wonder that globe-trotting does not help you, seeing that you always take yourself with you? The reason which set you wandering is ever at your heels." What pleasure is there in seeing new lands? Or in surveying cities and spots of interest? All your bustle is useless. Do you ask why such flight does not help you? It is because you flee along with yourself. You must lay aside the burdens of the mind; until you do this, no place will satisfy you."
Letter 78: On the healing power of the mind
But do not of your own accord make your troubles heavier to bear and burden yourself with complaining. Pain is slight if opinion has added nothing to it; but if, on the other hand, you begin to encourage yourself and say, "It is nothing, – a trifling matter at most; keep a stout heart and it will soon cease"; then in thinking it slight, you will make it slight. Everything depends on opinion; ambition, luxury, greed, hark back to opinion. It is according to opinion that we suffer.
Is there a volume of Seneca’s writings you’d recommend?
Epistulae Morales for Lucilius is what Id recommend, it covers a lot of issues and moral issues. You can find them all on wiki, although the translation differs depending where you read them.
Here you go.
Wow a link and everything, thanks man.
Any useful 30 day challenge links you could link?
Start with just this, start of each day 2 hours of thoughtfulness only, you no longer care about anyone's personal crap, political talk, anything that makes you feel the need to inject your own opinionated crap designed to demonstright an image you failed to live but shutting the fuck up for once.
Practice ignoring people.
I do all of this everyday and still feel like a failure. Am I doing it wrong ;-;
Hmmm That's a good question, Let's start with a few notacible points of faulier.
Can you recall the first instance today you lost frame?
I think honestly my sleep schedule is the problem. I just woke up and it’s 2 PM. Yes. I already did all of this because it gets boring hearing pointless political arguments like “hurrr durry trump is bad hurr durr no trump is good” etc etc like it’s not affecting me so why should I care. I’ve just had a mindset lately that I should be able to dig myself out of.
2pm wake up on a Saturday...... What the fuck did you do the night before and do you have cancer?
NoFap, just to prove to yourself that you can.
Masturbation is perfectly healthy. I do recommend though because you lose your libido afterwards that you jerk off after you exercise.
Sure if you do it like once a week/2 weeks without porn... If you are addicted to porn or masturbation, I would recommend doing a 90-day reboot and then if you fell like it you can start to masturbate again but without porn
90 days is a bit overkill, try and go once a week.
I mean if we are talking about a addicted person 90 days is more or less the time that it takes for the brain to rewire... if not, I don't really care but it all comes down to self-awareness and honesty, if you think you're not addicted but can´t stop for a week then you are addicted... that's all I'm saying
How about this. For the next 30 days: 1) wake up everyday at 5am, 2) do 100 push-ups, 3) take a cold shower, 4) meditate for 10 minutes, 5) read for 30 minutes.
Start small or start big. It all depends on where you are right now and how much discipline you currently have. You don't want to shoot so big only to miss the mark and get even more discouraged. You also don't want to shoot so small that you're bored. The challenge should only be slightly outside of your current capabilities. Good luck!
Go to Darebe.com a million cool ones there. Mostly for excercise and health though.
I'm currently doing semen retention for 30 days.
I tried that and had nocturnal emissions within 2 weeks, which made me give up.
This. Your body will get it out some way or another.
Well, in my current situation I can't even imagine people attending my funeral. Shit.
Bro, this exercise is not meant to be a reflection of your current situation. Write down your answers in regards to where you wish to see yourself in the future.
Do the 30 day challenge then kill yourself.
This is the best post I've read. Thank you for sharing.
Appreciate that brother. More posts to come!
Very good post.
Do you even philosophize brah?
All of us philosophize brah, whether we know it or not. The question is whether your philosophy is instilled through the shackles of mainstream consciousness or through your own thoughtful learning and exploration in to the truth.
I meant that as a compliment. It was one of the best reads on TRP. Most of the other posts are just guys writing to penthouse.
“What will others miss about you?”
This question promotes getting the approval of others to live a satisfying life.
“You must be on good terms with your inner daemon”
This promotes the cancerous mentality of creating inner battles with yourself instead of accepting your urges and emotions and letting them go. It creates a never-ending sense of self-hate when you battle yourself endlessly, especially when you trip up (which you will eventually).
The right route is accepting your emotions and urges, letting them go, and doing the right thing. Not always trying to “satisfy your inner daemon.”
The alpha male is concerned with the approval of his tribe.
The inner battle is the only one worth fighting. The battle between your lower urges and higher self is won when you take action on that which you already know you are supposed to do. You always know the right thing to do. Self-hate can only arise when you continue to act on your impulses and emotions instead of conscious deliberateness. Emotions are merely an indicator and self-awareness arises when we learn to understand them as passing clouds in the sky and not as the sky itself. Your inner daemon is the sky - eternally present. You might have a certain urge but you also have the daemon that knows whether or not following through with that urge is moving you away from or towards your vision of the future.
The alpha male is not concerned about the approval of his tribe. The tribe is concerned about his approval of them.
There should be no inner battle. I read a great post about this the other day, I’ll see if I can find it.
But my main point about inner battles is that they do not benefit you because they create chronic cognitive dissonance.
It is almost impossible to never trip up on your disciplines. The mentality you’re promoting here sets you up for failure. Acceptance combined with taking the correct actions following leads to peace of mind.
"The alpha male is not concerned about the approval of his tribe. The tribe is concerned about his approval of them."
This has definitely got me thinking. How would you say legacy factors in to this? Would you say that the alpha male is not concerned with his impact on other people? Would you say that the great men of history did not think about what they wanted to be remembered for? A quote that wrings to mind is: "They say you die twice. One time when you stop breathing and a second time, a bit later on, when somebody says your name for the last time."
If there was no inner battle, there would be nothing to overcome. What is life but a journey in overcoming one obstacle after another? Solving problems and getting to the point where you actually enjoy solving the problems that you have.
The mentality I'm promoting is to figure out your path and purpose as a man and to have the courage to walk it. Nothing more.
The alpha leaves a legacy by overcoming great challenges (creating order out of chaos) that others would not have the courage to do themselves. Garnering approval does not factor into this, because the alpha is the highest status in his own mind. When others see he is creating order out of chaos by overcoming challenges, they join him.
When you constantly battle yourself, you win nothing, because you are always at war. You may defeat challenges, but you never find fulfillment.
You can feel fulfilled and continue to conquer. This stems from drive and passion.
You are not your emotions and urges. Therefore you do not need to battle yourself. You need to accept those emotions, realize they are nothing but emotions, and do what is right for you regardless of those emotions. This change in perspective will allow you to find emotional tranquility.
Thinking you are fighting yourself builds self-hatred over time, and often leads to a sense of low-self worth.
Think of a son always trying to impress a distant father who doesn’t validate him. He is forever finding ways to perfect himself and impress his father, but he never feels fulfilled, because he thinks he is inherently bad if his father doesn’t validate him.
The inner-daemon is a similar relationship, except it is all mental. You are forever trying to be perfect, but being perfect is not human.
But those challenges would have to indeed be considered great by others. The lone wolf cannot be an alpha without the pack. What if you believe you are high status in your own mind but others don't treat you as so? That is what leads to, I believe, outbreaks of so-called "toxic masculinity."
I agree that you are not your emotions and urges, but they do exist within you. And like you say, you do what is right regardless of those emotions - which I describe as winning the battle within.
You are not fighting yourself, but you are fighting something within. And doing what needs to be done is winning that battle.
The inner-daemon is not an outside force giving validation. It is an inner force. It is your reputation with yourself. The main problem arises when we grant external forces the power to determine what we think of ourselves.
Great post. Stoicism could be really useful for not just men out there, but western societies as a whole.
question: what are some good 30 day challenges to try?
Very interesting i was always fascinated by the stoic philosophy and the mindset that comes with it. Indeed those values stated are very important for a man and we are witnessing their absence in youngs nowadays. We need more of these valuable posts.
For sure man, I will continue writing more posts about this type of stuff.
This was a wonderful post, sir.
This is the sort of Stoicism content that i hope to see in this sub. Full of great and practical advice, and grounded in the basics of the philosophy. Cheers.
My respect to you for comming up with a hand-on approach. But Professor Michael Sugrue is best for putting Stoicism into words better than anyone else.
OP, I agree with what you are trying to do but here is the sole (and soul) essense of Classic, Stoics theory:
YOU MUST FORGE A WILL IN LINE WITH REALITY.
This is TRP: pulling back the veil and actually looking at what you will have to deal with in your life!
If you carve a path in life, and there is a tree in your way, they you have two options:
1) kill that MOFO tree and keep going
2) go around the tree.
In practice, option 2 tends to come up more because we are mere mortals (or just lazy).
Stoic philosophy involves so much more but for beginners. . .
You can achieve ANYTHING that REALITY itself is not working against you on.
thank you for this post. I hope it stays up forever
The ideal can never be achieved, but it is always there to indicate whether or not we are moving in the right direction.
This is what a perfectionist needs to internalize, especially if you started beta. You will consistently improve, but it will feel as if it's never enough. Once you get to a point where you realize you will never reach the ideal, you learn to improve while accepting who you currently are.
Does anyone have a good source that explains why the virtue of justice does not directly link to ‘social justice’. The FB group called Stoicism Group (Stoic Philosophy) has been coopting ‘Virtue’ and claiming that equates to social justice for the cosmopolis notions. Virtue can lead one to support SJW causes, but being SJW is not a requirement for virtue.
Beware the word changers. We need to preserve old dictionaries and encyclopedias,
Brilliant. Saved for later.
Thank you for the excellent post
Same virtues in Christianity.
Same virtues are preached everywhere man. Most of the great teachers come back to the same fundamentals.
Very, very wrong. This is almost the opposite of what religions teach. Religion is almost always obedience to a higher power, its a slave morality as nietzsche puts it. What stoics are teaching are rationality, reason and self-mastery, complete opposite of a communal doctrine.
My interpretation of religious texts is that they have been construed over the years for political purposes. When you get down to it, really, all of them are simply a collection of stories that embody the same kernels of universal truths.
Religious texts... Well the Torah and the Quran do not share this heritage. Christianity does embed Greco Roman philosophy, and this is where people misunderstand religion. Put all of them in one bag to dismiss Christianity, but in the end never criticise Islam nor Judaism. Hypocrisy, or ignorance.
Doesn't this depend on the religion?
Regardless, If something appears black or white at first glance, it most likely isn't.
There will be parts of religion preaching communal doctrine, parts of it that preach something else. Up to you take what's useful and discard the rest, like with any other philosophy
Very very wrong! I don't read, I know nothing but I know. Proof? I heard Nietzsche one day in my life! I read the title. Pathetic. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seven_virtues
Awesome read... Saving it in my personal "Knowledge of Self" Database. Thanks man (Y)
For sure brother, glad to help.