Old school history, back from high school.
No one's gonna believe this shit.
We were dating for 1 and a half years.
She was dressed like a schoolgirl. Anime clothes and all.
We were sitting on my bed, just finished smoking a bowl. Sexual tension was in the air. I could feel she was waiting for me to make a move.
Something in me, prevented me. I knew she wanted me to grab her by her choker, and pin her down by her neck and pull her school-skirt up. But I didn't. I couldn't, I was repelled by her. Maybe it's what she said earlier during our smoke sesh...
"When I first met you I said "oh he's not that cute he'll just be my friend."
I gamed her and same day laid her, but still. It fucked with me, I wondered if she was telling the truth in a moment of open honesty, or was shit testing me. I didn't respond.
Eventually she moved closer to me until my hand was on her leg, and one thing led to another...
After we finished, the problems started.
She sat at the edge of the corner of the bed, distant. I saw her playing with her phone, arms crossed and body slouched forward.
Something didn't feel right.
Trust But Verify.
When she left the room, I went through shawty's phone.
"I feel like you don't wanna be here," I told her.
She kept facing away from me, just using her phone, typing away on it with her headphones in.
"I think you should go," I said.
She finally turned around, pulled an ear jack out and said "what did I do?"
"Nothing," I responded, "you just seem like you don't wanna be here."
She said, "Congratulations. I don't wanna be here."
I got angry. "Then why the fuck are you here? You need to leave, now. I'll take you to your mom's house. Your grandma's house, but you gotta go."
She stayed planted, "no, I don't wanna deal with my family more than I have to."
I asked her what she meant, and she dropped this on me:
"I can't be around my family, and I dont have anyone else to hang out with. I have nowhere else to go, so I come around here, and I have sex with you, it's the price I pay.
It's the price I pay? What the fuck? Even in my Pre-TRP days, that struck me the wrong way. I flipped out, controlled rage. I told her she needs to get the fuck out of my house, cus if she doesn't wanna be around me, I don't want her around.
"Look, I'm not bothering you, we just fucked, I just cleaned your house and cooked you food, just let me stay in the other room if I'm upsetting you."
I couldn't kick this bitch out without causing a scene with my family, and I still felt bad, tinges of blue pill feeling, preventing me from just throwing her out.
I fell asleep next to her, knowing that despite her doing nice things for me and giving me sex on demand, she still wasn't doing that out of lust, it was out of cold calculated trade.
I woke up in the morning, about 7 AM, she was laying so her feet were at my head. The glow of her phone screen illuminated my room.
"What the fuck?" I said out loud. "Turn that fucking light off! And why are you laying like that?"
"I was getting too hot," she said.
I yanked the blanket off her body, and it was covering her cellphone. I saw similar texts to what I saw earlier, "you better have some free time to party with me," and "I can't wait to see you again."
I even saw a picture of somebody sucking dick.
"You gotta go." I said.
I made he stand up and gather her clothes. "Are you even going to give me a ride?" She asked.
"The fuck nigga?" I said, pushing her out my bedroom door.
"Can you at least let me use your bike? Come on, you have a car, you never use your bike. Just lemme use it."
I told her, "No. I'm not helping you," and held firm.
She said "I'm going to use your bike," then she ran downstairs into my garage, and I followed. Whether she dragged the bike up the stairs of my house, or opened the garage, I did not want her waking up my family.
For lack of a better term, we argued. It was mostly her asking me to "explain why she can't use my bike," and me repeating myself, "I just don't want you to."
I never moved an inch - I never let her know I saw what I saw. I was even beginning to think about driving her, just to get her out of my house, before she decided to try and give me that lip.
"I come here, I fuck you whenever you want, I suck your dick, and you always treat me like shit! I never cheated on you. I never sucked someone else. Why do you always have to treat me like shit?!"
I felt the gaslighting effect my feelings, but she forgot, I knew the truth. I saw it. Maybe her manipulations would have worked on a lesser man, but I just clicked. It was almost funny, listening to her claim innocence, and me remember each text and picture I saw.
I pulled her by her arm and started leading her out of the garage. "I'm kicking you out of my house now. Get the fuck out."
She started shouting, screaming, "Go ahead, call the police on me!"
Everyone woke up. They rushed downstairs to see what the commotion was.
My family stood against me. My brother called me a monster, and shamed me.
My mother stood on her side, and yelled at me, trying to force my dad into giving her a ride home.
"Don't do it dad. This whore wants to be somewhere else, she can get there herself."
My dad was speechless, he couldn't find the words to respond to the truth he just heard.
It didn't take long for her to run out my house. I have no idea where she ran off to, after that.
Even after all this time, I am still looking for an explanation.
Why did I feel bad?
Was it because she broke my heart? Was I angry that she fooled me into believing she was special or I was her only? Did I feel bad because I was stooping to her level?
Or was it because I wasn't used to standing up for myself?
I think it's the latter.