Quick background of myself: when I was 9 I started doing YouTube videos about programming/pc stuff. I remember how I still was in elementary school. At 11 I started doing gaming videos (Call of Duty, Minecraft, and so on.) . At 12 I started graphic design and it turned into a small job. At 14 I started lifting as I was the nerd of the school and wanted to change my appeareance.

Life is made of choices. You become what you repeatedly do.

Where is the problem? Once I started lifting, I noticed both positive and negative changes. At 14 there's an HUGE increase of testosterone levels due to puberty, and lifting increases even further the normal test synthesis.

Testosterone is a sex hormone. It means that testosterone is the hormone which is needed for men to reproduce. This translates into wanting to get laid. The desire of getting laid can turn into obsession. This is what happened to me. I become obsessioned about women.

Here comes my decline. My test level was so high that I couldn't think anything else but women. *It was my only desire**.*

This is mainly because I've always been the nerd guy, the one who couldn't even talk to a girl in a non-autistic way. So I decided to change. I wanted to demonstrate myself I could get what I always wanted. Which was attention from women.

So what? I lost all my old passions. I couldn't enjoy life anymore. I couldn't enjoy anymore doing the stuff I LOVED to do before my test level was so high.

The desire of getting laid overwhelmed by mind.

If I look back at my old self, I feel some sick emotions made of nostalgia. I loved doing what I was doing. It was a real passion. Nobody my age was doing what I was doing.

Now what am I? At the age of 18 I'm a normal guy who lifts weights. What a fucking waste. Right now I'm no more special than any other guy out there.

Why? because I spent my last 3-4 years thinking about women. Seriously, I wasted my youth.

What was the fucking point of making women a priority?

I could be rich right now if women were not my only desire.

Now, I'm still obsessioned about getting laid and I can't seem to find fun into the old things I used to do. Nor I can't seem to enjoy any other activity.

What the fuck happened to me?