A lot of where I went wrong when I was cracking out of my awkward egg was trying too hard to be cool, and trying too hard to get my dick wet. This often had the opposite of my desired effect and lead me to some of the craziest women I've ever met.
A lot of times we want to succeed at something so badly we're willing to do it at any costs: This is probably what a lot of guys feel like when they decide to go out of their way to approach women for the first time in their lives. It's like getting anxious during a test, or adrenaline before a fight. It's very natural to feel some sort of apprehension in a risk/reward situation. Many think that if you want to succeed you've got to put %110,000 into whatever you're doing, but I'm about explain to you why trying so hard to the point of forcing the issue is holding you back.
Your goal is most likely to become the cool chad who picks up hot bitches effortlessly and never sweats it over a woman. I'm here to tell you that even you can become the chad you've always dreamed of, but you're going to have to loosen up a little. Most spergs are simply too anxious. They invest their ego so deeply into the outcome of every social situation that every single encounter is make or break it to them. I get it, if you're hard on luck with women you can feel like it's life or death taking that girl home with you.
I believe that you need to understand a few things before you can be cool and calm around women:
- A woman isn't going to change you as a person. She isn't going to build you up and make you into the man you always wish you could be. That's you're job.
- A woman isn't going to bring you happiness. All the problems in life that you are facing in this moment will still be present with any number of women in your life (Unless it's cooking and cleaning). They aren't going to make your problems disappear. They can distract you from the problems in your life for a short while, which isn't helping you much is it?
- Women are a burden just like a child, pet, or drunk friend. They are something that requires guidance, energy, and direction/dominance. Don't expect them to be the pillar of support in your life. They aren't going to be the one that drags you from your pit of depression and saves you from your self. Women will not give you the direction you are looking for in life. They will not lead you in the direction that you need to be lead. This is your job.
- Women are looking to be lead. They want you to be strong and to give them direction in life. They understand that they are terrible at making decisions and want a strong man to make their choices for them so they can live life without responsibility or effort. It will always be your job to keep your dominate your woman via leadership and make the choices in the relationship.
- You are not going to get along with every women, and will most likely get along with very few of them. Just like you aren't friends with every dude you come across you are not going to be compatible with every pair of legs you fall in love with.
IMO one of the key things about keeping cool with women is understanding that they're approval doesn't shape who you are as a person. Many will lead you to believe that a woman's opinion (and especially a woman's opinion of you) is the end all judgement on life, and that women decides a man's place in life. If in your heart you are unsatisfied with yourself as a person you will naturally seek approval from other people around you (especially women). Women are not your parents and getting a gold star from them doesn't mean shit. Visa Versa, getting ridiculed by women also doesn't define who you are and ultimately doesn't matter.
When you watch movies with the stereotypical "cool" character he usually doesn't give a shit about anyone or anything. The reason he's cool isn't because he doesn't give a shit about anything, it's because he already knows who he is and doesn't require other peoples opinions or perspectives to shape his own opinion of himself. This attitude is what you PUA nerds would call a rock solid frame.
The harder you try at something doesn't always mean the more you will succeed. In reality your concept of harder probably means, "Force it more, and do the same shit over and over that hasn't worked out for me in the past again". They key to throwing a good punch is the same is trying to throw your cock into a pussy: If you over invest you're going to be weak, easy to read, and miss the target.
Add some social lubrication to your life By not taking shit so seriously and removing your emotional investment from every interaction you have with women.
Good luck nerds
-Bitter
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