I decided i took your guys advice and called it off.

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November 8, 2017

As you know i made thread here about my now EX girlfriend which i basically thought i was just nice person when all i was is weak little bitch. Today after spending all night, yes all night awake reading the sidebar, Some of it hit me like a brick in the face!

Now i called her and asked if we could talk, she said No i’m busy can i call you later? which is not the first time she says this than calls 20-30minutes later, I asked her if i could come over before work and talk and she hesitated and said why? So i said You will find out then i went to her place and told her that i was breaking up with her and i had her stuff in this bag which i handed over to her. She started crying asking me why i was doing this i told her you know why.. and what she said shocked me...she said I’m sorry i’ve been such a bitch to you and ignoring your messages but i’ll change i’ll promise you just give me another chance people deserve 2nd chance. I almost budged and said ok i’m sorry but instead i did my best to be “mean” and said you had your chance then i walked out before her crying would make me stick with her, because women crying affects me easily, it’d a trick i fall for everytime but I blocked her number and her facebook account.

I just wanted to thank you guys for helping me out, thank the people who made the sidebar, and as some of you said she was ignoring the messages and yes that was true, she also knew where she had me and how she treated me. This was a 4 year LTR ending. Now the road of unknown takes me somewhere. All i need to do now is to remind myself why i ended it.

Post Information
Title I decided i took your guys advice and called it off.
Author Gfliestomuch
Upvotes 250
Comments 87
Date 08 November 2017 12:32 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/533
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/7bl0pq/i_decided_i_took_your_guys_advice_and_called_it/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
long term relationship

[–]zeussingh121 points122 points  (3 children) | Copy

Way to go !! ... Now keep complete ghost mode and avoid falling into guilt (sometimes people are tempted).

Its time to start working on yourself and slay other pussies. All the best !!

PS: Now that you have time .. read the whole sidebar.

[–]Gfliestomuch[S] 17 points18 points  (1 child) | Copy

I'm trying my best, The reason i did this before work was to get my mind of thinking Was this the right thing to do? I can be honest and say i'm tempted, But it's just gonna end up the same as always.

Sidebar has been read or at least most of it, Will finish it soon.

[–]Rogers_johnson2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I fell into guilt once, only to find out when I came around to speaking with her she was already fucking another guy lol the bitch mugged me off good and proper

[–]jackandjill220 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy


[–]smirk_addict61 points62 points  (6 children) | Copy

After rereading your first post, I’m 99.9% sure your EX-GF was cheating on you. Congratulations man. Remove that cancer from your life.

[–]fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck-16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy

Agreed. He probably bolted the moment he found out OP was headed over.

[–]Gfliestomuch[S] 13 points14 points  (3 children) | Copy

I'm also pretty sure she was, But i was living in denial because she wasn't that type of girl. I still actually am in denial, but now this is over and it's time for a fresh start.

[–]muddynips11 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy

As time goes by your brain with unfog, and the "maybe she cheated"s will turn into "duh"s. Good job making the tough decision and trusting your gut.

[–]Gfliestomuch[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes i hope so, It's pretty obvious that she was up to something, soon my head will open up and it will be How was i so blind?

[–]BrisingrAtWill1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Remember AWALT. All women are like that. There are no special ones, no "not that type of girl" ones. AWALT.

[–][deleted] 68 points69 points  (2 children) | Copy

Good job. It’s always 100x easier to say “you should end it” to a stranger than it is to actually do it. You showed a lot of strength.

Here’s some advice if the thoughts ever start to creep into your head that maybe she was serious about her “proposal” of treating you better.

She won’t... she can’t. Her treating you like you were worthless wasn’t a calculated move or conscious decision. It was her exhibiting her true feelings of attraction (or lack thereof). And no matter what she thinks she wants, attraction can’t be negotiated.

[–]Gfliestomuch[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you very much, The people here in my other thread burned this in my head, that a complete stranger could say all this that they did in the other thread was shocking, They aren't our friends or anything and if they can see this was bad, everybody can but people are often too afraid to step up and say it.

She won't ever change i know that, Her words don't mean anything it's her action that does. Somewhere early 2017 she lost the attraction to me, maybe because i was weak (still am obviously) and wasn't a man, I was a kid who was controlled by her.

[–]michael_12157 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–]McVaghunter30 points31 points  (7 children) | Copy

This is why I keep telling guys here NEVER GIVE CLOSURE; bitches already know what they've been doing wrong, no need to explain why you're ending it, just hard next!

You were NOT mean, you were fair. Hell you were very fucking nice. If it was me I wouldn't have bothered insisting to meet up with her, just a simple text "you're now single I left your stuff in x place" then block her everywhere. (Although, I never live with LTRs in the same house to keep their stuff in my place).

Congratulation, you're now free. You can do way better.

[–]Gfliestomuch[S] 5 points6 points  (6 children) | Copy

Thank you, It shocked me that she did know that she was treating me like shit. It was my own fault for not putting boundaries or be a man enough.

I felt mean about doing this, But it was for my own good. I know i wasn't mean but her crying made me feel mean and a bad person.

[–]Docbear6415 points16 points  (2 children) | Copy

Crying is womens biggest manipulation tool . They can murder someone and the moment they start crying many men / people ( usually women see through that shit) will sympathize with them instantly .

She wasn't crying for you , she was crying because her sweet setup of having a guy should could be a bitch too and would sit there and take it like a good dog was over.

Also understanding your value and moving on isn't " being mean" , that's just more words people use to shame you for not doing what they want.

Lastly it was better for you to drop her then to wait around for her to drop you .

[–]Gfliestomuch[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Crying works wonders, That's why i had to leave otherwise it would have worked on me.

By the meaning "mean" it's just something that i felt, now hopefully with time "mean" turns to normal boundary.

[–]Docbear641 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

understood keep exercising setting boundaries and eventually you'll look back and wonder how you lived without having clear boundaries before.

[–]theadj1232 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

She knew exactly what she was doing. If you had kept saying "and the other things you're doing" eventually she would have apologized for railing Chad too. And yea like the other reply to this said, crying = manipulation. She wasn't said, she just wanted her emotional tampon back. She was probably calling Chad back an hour later to come over, don't feel bad for her and don't feel like a bad person.

[–]Gfliestomuch[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Trickle truth right? Still learning if i would have pressed her then slowly i would find more and more right?

[–]theadj1231 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–][deleted] 24 points25 points  (7 children) | Copy

Good man!

As someone who was in your shoes not so long ago - I can promise you now that even though the first few days/weeks are rough, believe me once the veil lifts, it's the greatest thing ever.

I can honestly say I'm happier now than I've ever been, keep your strength up, don't ever give in to her, she's going to do everything she can to get back in touch with you, don't give in.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

This. First few weeks/months can be tough. Start smashing the gym and achieving life goals.

Soon you’ll feel so good you’ll wonder why the fuck you ever put up with the shit you did.

[–]Gfliestomuch[S] 4 points5 points  (5 children) | Copy

Yeah the reason i did this before work was to help keep my mind of her. Now that i'm done working and home i'm now thinking about her, But what helps me not to think about going back to her is to have the other thread and a note which i wrote the pros and cons of being with her in front of me.

Time will heal, I have a problems that myself need to work on right now, I didn't realize it that she wasn't the only problem i was a problem to being to weak to set boundaries to step up for myself. Now i know little better and hopefully improve to better version of myself.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (4 children) | Copy

Your brain will start hamstering soon and telling you that she wasn't actually that bad and that she deserves a second chance, you'll start considering it and you'll start wishing she'd message you. (I got cheated on and my brain did this)

It sounds crazy but you really do need to just push through it and completely ignore her, your brain doesn't like that it hasn't got its usual source of dopamine anymore and it's going to punish you to try and get it back.

Ignore it, keep pushing forward, focus on yourself and enjoy yourself, when you're completely free in a few weeks from her and your brain, you'll be so happy you dumped her.

[–]Gfliestomuch[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

I feel sorry for you man, I don't know the feeling of being cheated on is. But i can imagine that mine was doing it.

I'm pretty lucky it's Wednesday since, It's the day new people can come and listen and share stories about their childhood life and get help. (12 steps)

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

I'm actually really happy it happened to me.

It opened my eyes even more and it confirmed that anxiety wasn't a problem, but that my instincts were correct the entire time.

Trust your gut at all times when it comes to women, I truly do hate to say it, but from experience I can say with certainty, all women are like that.

[–]Gfliestomuch[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Fuck man, my guts didn't say anything to me, the love i'm used to is being treated like this from my mother. So it was/is the only love i know..

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ah for me it's slightly different.

My very first serious girlfriend was genuinely what people here call "the unicorn"

She set the baseline for all other relationships, if there ever was a woman who didn't fit the "AWALT" description, she was that girl.

However due to her family moving countries, we unfortunately had to break up.

Never found a girl like her, and I've never once even met a girl who was as mature as her or has ever treated me like her.

Every girl I've been with since her has treated me like absolute shit compared to her, hence my gut telling me when something's wrong.

I know how I deserve to be treated and you can be damn sure I'm going to get it.

[–]Senior Endorseddr_warlock20 points21 points  (0 children) | Copy

She was only sad because you ended it instead of her. This hurt her ego. If you took her back, you'd maybe have make up sex and cuddle a bit, then the next day or two she'd act the same way again making up excuses as to why then break up with you.

[–]LosBuratnos11 points12 points  (3 children) | Copy

If you are feeling down please realize that you did what 99% of men would be afraid to do, myself included. Good job on this one. In no time you will feel better if you keep looking in the future, not the past.

[–]Gfliestomuch[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Thank you, If the guys weren't so honest in the other post, I would have not ended it. the sidebar helped also, Making a list of Pros and Cons helped way more, I saw it clearly how bad the relationship was.

[–]LosBuratnos1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yes. You are feeling extremely bad right now but I can tell you that in shy 2-3 months you will be able to reflect on what happened. But don't do stupid shit - go full nc and don't react to her at all.

[–]Gfliestomuch[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

NC it is, But bad news are i’ll be bumping in to her from time to time, we live close.. but i’ll still walk the road of unknown rather than take her back.

[–]empatheticapathetic7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

When she said give me another chance, that was just her last ditch effort to have the chance to dump you herself in the near future. Girls are petty as fuck. And all they care about is success in the social domain. Such blatant failure and humiliation (being broken up with by what she considers a 'beta') is a huge issue she has to hamster around.

[–]MytruthNotyour5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Good job bro!!!
Just go no contact. DONT under any circumstances let her contact you ever again. BLOCK ON EVERYTHING.

[–]mlgwarrior4205 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

Don’t let her family or friends try to ruin you. If they threaten you, ignore it.

[–]Gfliestomuch[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

What do you mean ruin me?

[–]mlgwarrior4201 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

mentally or physically try to harm you or push you back to her

[–]chachaChad3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Good fucking job standing up for yourself. Now, keep it up and keep moving forward. Make the life you want and don't fucking settle.

[–]Narcissist4565 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

What everyone else said here about her asking for another chance just to leave you on her terms later on might seem non-sensical and petty, but it's so fucking true 99/100 times. If she truly cared about keeping you she wouldn't be acting shitty towards you in the first place. Right on man you made the best move for yourself. Fuck that cunt.

[–]failingtheturingtest5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

she said I’m sorry i’ve been such a bitch to you and ignoring your messages but i’ll change i’ll promise you just give me another chance people deserve 2nd chance

That is all you need to remember of your ex.
"I knowingly treated you like shit, and I was fine with that. Until there were consequences. Now I'm upset that treating you like shit has consequences for me."

The next time you think "Oh, but she really cared about me", just remember that. She KNEW she was being a bitch to you, but chose not to stop, and even expected you to give her a second chance after saying enough is enough.

[–]Gfliestomuch[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

This is what shocked me so much why she did it in the first place knowing i was too weak to leave thats shitty! But this is something is myself to blame for not figuring this out earlier.

[–]failingtheturingtest1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

That's what The Red Pill is for. How were men supposed to know that a woman can say I Love You, and still feel completely justified in treating you like shit? That's the difference between men and women in love. It's not 'their fault' and your aren't to blame! It is just how things become when you don't understand.
Now you know better. It's hard to stop yourself thinking "Nah, this girl is honest. She's not going to lie to me". Until you realise, she isn't lying. She truly believes it's ok to behave the way she does, it's what society has made everyone accept. Same as a kid at school calling a teacher a cunt. I'd have been flogged, but today they get a time out and asked politely to express themselves differently. With those consequences, I'd also be calling teachers a cunt.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Congrats brother DONT GO BACK

Do not fucking contact her

[–]TheSilentOne132 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah thats what i did with my ex. Threw in a nuke for her hamster too about how she was using me and didnt care for me at all, ever. Good job man im proud of you. It takes balls to do that

[–]refusewool4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just read your old posts. You did good. Don't let her guilt-trip you. Stay ice cold.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is fucking perfect, man, brings a tear to my eye almost.

[–]Herdsengineers2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Good job. Never tolerate disrespect. Whether she was cheating or not, the big picture was disrespect. If she was cheating, it's just another facet of disrespect.

Don't feel bad for being disrespected either. It's a sign of what is wrong with HER, not you. The only thing that shows anything about you that you can improve is when you tolerate being disrespected. But you've addressed that now, again, good job!

[–]Gfliestomuch[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you, Now it's time for fresh start to build myself up. learn to have boundaries and a lot more!

[–]shredzro2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

That mutual female friend that you had to cut out, you better fucking apologize to her.

Also block your ex on everything. She will try everything in her power to get you back so it's best to block.

[–]Gfliestomuch[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Both done, but our mutual friend is not to be trusted too much. Since she could talk about me to my ex.. Or something. But i explained the situation and everything she understood.

[–]shredzro1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

If you have an iPhone go to your podcast app. Search beige Phillip show. They just posted a show today ep287 with Carole. I think you'd like it. If not still look up that show.

[–]Gfliestomuch[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Carole montgomery? If so i’m listening to it now thank you.

[–]shredzro0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah man! Good.

[–]LordThunderbolt2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Make sure you delete her close friends off your social media as well, so she doesn't snoop on you through their profiles.

[–]Gfliestomuch[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

That's something i forgot to do, Glad you told me to do that, maybe she'll try contact through them too.. she actually has send 7 texts messages from unknown number which i blocked.

[–]Peter_B_Long2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Good for you man, honestly. I was in the exact same shoes as you 5 months ago. I ended an LTR of almost 5 years for the same reasons you did and I got the same reaction. Crying, begging for a second chance, etc.

It broke my fucking heart but I knew it was for the best. Funny that I actually saw her last night after 5 months of ghosting at a friends bonfire. I just played the "having a good time" guy and gave her a friendly hug but didn't speak to her.

I think it was good that I saw her, because it made me reflect on the improvement and experiences I've gone through these past few months and it made me realize that I wouldn't of gone through these necessary improvements and experiences if I was still with her. She still looked the same, she had the same friends, she talked the same, etc. and if I was still with her, I would've been the same.

And I totally felt the same as you with seeing the road ahead of you that's going to take you somewhere.

Only time I really miss her is when I haven't fucked in a few weeks, which is just my dick missing the consistent sex.

Just keep in mind the reasons why you dumped her, and at one point (this was hard for me) you're going to need to stop blaming her for the way the relationship was and take responsibility for it. Blame yourself for how you were being treated because at the end of the day, it was your frame and your boundaries that toxified your relationship.

You'll be fine man. Just keep improving your life, aim to gain some plates, and have fucking fun!

[–]Gfliestomuch[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks man, Wish you the best!

And about blaming somewhere in the comments i said that i was also responsible for this due not putting boundaries,,being weak and loosing frame, I created this mess on my self almost, This wouldn’t have gone this bad if i would have sticked up for myself.

But it’s a mistake i’ll learn from

[–]redpilldick2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I know you just discovered this sub, but I promise you, this will be a major turning point in your life. I read your other post and I truly KNOW that you will improve and change your life for the better. Go to the main subreddit and read the sidebar, along with NMMG as you mentioned. I am sure you will succeed. It will be hard, but once you realize the way things are, it will be worth it. Best of luck to you

[–]BorneofBlood1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Great to hear man. Not to take away from your moment but I went through the same. Felt really good to finally walk away even when she tried to pull me back with her bullshit tears.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Good on you for leaving a toxic relationship. In some ways your ex mirrored your mother so it’s understandable why you stayed with your ex for so long. It’s the only kind of love you’ve known so you were naturally attracted to your ex.

I’ve also read your previous posts and I have to say that you have some work to do to sort yourself out. You seem to get jealous very easily over some minor things. Now bare in mind that I don’t know you or your relationship 100% but reading how you were constantly questioning EVERYTHING she did throughout the day comes off as controlling, insecure, and jealous. I suggest you work on getting your confidence and self esteem up before settling with another woman or you might fall back to your old habits and get into another self-destructive relationship.

[–]Gfliestomuch[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

It’s the only kind of love you’ve known so you were naturally attracted to your ex.

This actually brought tears to my eyes. When reading this it makes a lot of sense why i stayed with her for so long, She mirrors my own mother, the love i know from her is being treated like shit, being called names, threatened and emotional abused. That wasn't love and i really don't even know the feeling of being loved by someone.

Yes it came as i was questioning everything but i wasn't. it was the other way around, she was asking me, then if we where talking and i went for a shower or didn't reply fast enough (less than 20m) she got mad and questioned why i took so long. But when she took an hour or two even 3 hours to reply, I started question why she complained over 20 minutes.

Yes that's my number 1 priority is to heal myself.

[–]gilver91 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Great job. You found TRP at a great time. I wasn't that lucky lol. Idk the context of your decision. But, I wish you the best

[–]Gfliestomuch[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I wish i found it sooner, The guys here are helpful and honest i like it. I stayed for too long though.

Thanx and i wish you the best too.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

Good job man. I ended my BP 4.5 year LTR last year without TRP, and went through a severe depression. My main advice is to stay busy, read and try to go out with friends. You're still human and depression may hit, but use TRP as a direction to pull yourself out if it does. This really helps end the wandering through life aimlessly hoping to find "the one" strategy. Women will begin to treat you better when you treat yourself better and your SMV rises, but they're still women. Remember that.

[–]Gfliestomuch[S] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

Thank you, how did you do after you found TRP?

I ended mine just before work to help myself focusing on something else so i wouldn't fall back on calling her or texting.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Before TRP I laid in bed depressed for months mourning the list relationship and wallowing in self pity for having to pay a mortgage by myself. I went on a bunch of dates with not very attractive girls with no personality who used me for meals. The first attractive girl I went out with I caught oneitis after the successful first date and shit the bed all over the second by professing how much I liked her and being needy. This aimless hopeless shit, combined with my brother sending me Chad memes, led to me googling "how to become Chad" and I found TRP.

I'm coming out of monk mode now, not fully because I still have massive projects to finish. I'm using tinder/bumble only for now, started going out with friends more, not being afraid to ask friends to take pictures (no social media) for my tinder. Since Thursday I've had four dates, one tonight and one Friday all with different girls. I've had a 19 year old come Netflix and chill (ALWAYS tell them it's only to watch a movie, their hamster needs it). You'll notice the more you invest in yourself, the more women want to invest in you.

If you want to talk send me a message. I know this shit can be tough and sometimes it's hard to find someone to relate.

[–]Gfliestomuch[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Haha when i read Chad me i thought of This

Sounds like your doing great right now! When inviting them to movie only it sounds more like you´ll end up in friendzone? I'm pretty new to this or is this an trick?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Their hamster needs to justify the reason they're coming over is for a movie, not sex. You just start gaming and kino right next to them on the couch. When they tell their girlfriends they can say "one thing led to another and we had sex!" It lets them save face and not look 100% whore, which, there's nothing wrong with that.

[–]Gfliestomuch[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I see that's actually very smart, thank you!

[–]Freedomoverbitches 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

Good stuff bro. NO matter how tempted you are to go back to her, DO NOT DO IT. Keep ghosting her hard, it's only going up from here my man. The sky is your limit.

[–]Gfliestomuch[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you, I will never go back to her, I'm not ready for relationship and i never was., I'm a wreck right now and honestly been for long time. I need to focus on myself and get myself together first.

[–]Work_In_Progress921 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Good job. Now get to work.

[–]MrAnderzon1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

keep it going

[–]Omn1c1d31 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I thought you had to post a request for advice or ask a question or you would be permanently banned?

[–]2SirKolbath0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You've done well, brother.

It is always easy for those of us who are not in the situation to recommend that you next a girl. It is much harder for someone who is actually in the situation to make that happen.

You have done the right thing.

[–]alamsohel19900 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She HAD you by the balls.

[–]ghyselinckr0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Good job man, keep going now

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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