A friend of mine works for a big multi national corporation. He claims that the offices in the US have not gotten the updated agreements.

I translated one part of it, it is a summary sheet and not complete. I did not add any spice to it, in it's original language it is even harsher. He gave me permission to post the following with the condition I do not reveal the company, location or language.

I wonder if other companies will go down this route too.

Please review the revised employment agreement dated 19 October 2017 (H.EA191017). Failure to return it signed and completed by Monday 16 October 2017 will result in the immediate termination of your employment.

Below we will outline in simple non legalese language some of the highlights of the revised agreement. Read carefully and only ask what you truly do not understand. Acting like you do not understand or asking question in an attempt to come off as morally superior, is a surefire way to find yourself jobless immediately. If you are of the human race, you understand full well everything mentioned. We repeat, do not ask ONLY what you truly do not understand.

Introduction (A1.0 simplified summary)

We operate a business and in the past few years some decided to turn this place into some form of social gathering venue mixed with personal drama and sexual disgustingness beyond what any respectful pig should be exposed too, let alone a human.

Facility Changes - Acknowledgment of recording devices. (B3.2 simplified summary)

You acknowledge that while you are anywhere on the premises (except in the washrooms) we reserve the right to record both audio and video of all activity.

Communications with co-workers (B7 simplified summary)

Any communications with other employees must take place in one of the designated monitored conference rooms.

When we say “any” we mean ANY at all. This is the clearest warning we can give. If you communicate outside the monitored areas you will be terminated immediately. If you are approached by an employee outside of the monitored areas you have 3 minutes to alert your project manager. Their offices are monitored and you can freely communicate with them there.

Your gender identification does not offer you any exceptions to the rules. To be clearer. IF you are a female and think it is ok for you to communicate outside of the recorded environment with other females, YOU WILL BE FIRED. If you identify as a Gay male and you feel it is ok for you to communicate with female co-workers outside of the recorded environment, YOU WILL GET FIRED! If you are a straight male and see nothing wrong with communicating with other straight males, including with the older brother you never had, outside the recorded environment, YOU WILL GET FIRED!

If you are involved in a personal relationship with an employee, you will be terminated. We are a business and effective immediately are terminating any and all unnecessary risks and drama.

Phone and email communications should be about business only and must be done via company provided email accounts and monitored phone systems. Using any messaging system outside what is monitored will result in your immediate termination.

If you have social media accounts unfriend and unfollow any coworkers immediately. THERE are no exceptions to the type of social media system, it does not matter and you might not realize it does not matter until you are terminated. Do not test our resolve, you will find yourself jobless.

Non active social media accounts are considered active. That excuse will not work. Unfriend and unfollow now.

Filing complaints (B3.8 simplified summary)

When you encounter any problem you need to file the complaint immediately. Failure to do so makes it hard to investigate wrongdoings timely and properly.

Filing a late or false complaint will result in your termination.

No exceptions means no exceptions (C2.1 simplified summary)

The following will get you terminated immediately, regardless if it is done in a monitored environment or not.

Joking with another employee.

Complimenting or criticizing another employee.

Flirting with another employee.

Teasing another employee. Even the one that you think loves it.

Touching another employee including shaking their hand.

Wishing another employee well.

Asking an employee how their weekend or holiday was.

Discussing religion or non-religion.

Discussing politics.

Do not hold doors open for anybody. If you see someone carrying a 6000kg box of routers, do not hold the door open. Let them figure it out or let management deal with it.

The parking area is a parking area, not a gathering place. We will leave it at that.

When you leave for a break do not ask others if you can bring them back anything. Don’t do it, ever!

What is permitted?

Discussions in monitored environments that revolve around helping the company generate more money. Simple!

In conclusion.

We are a business and only a business. For everyone’s sake, adhere to the rules and do not think you are exempt because you are not, and we stand ready to prove it.