https://np.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/79xtrp/my_boyfriend_31m_is_uncomfortable_with_my_30f/

"My now boyfriend, let's call him Andrew, and I have been dating for about 10 months now. We've had a few spouts here and there as all new couples do, but for the most part, everything feels so amazing all the time. I truly feel that he understands me in a way that no one else has before.

To provide some context, we first met through a mutual friend one night when we were out for her birthday. We got along well, but at the time I was still with my then-boyfriend. We would chat here and there, maybe grabbing lunch a few times - nothing too crazy. During that time, I was having a huge falling out with my then-boyfriend; we had grown complacent with each other, he wasn't driven, we stopped having sex, etc. A co-worker of mine, let's call him David, was going through a similar thing with his girlfriend (he is in a long distance relationship) We bonded over that, supported eachother throughout that time, and grew close. I work in Investment Banking so our line of work is in an extremely hire pressure environment, so it was nice to be able to have someone at work to talk to. I want to point out that David is actually from the SF Office (I'm in NY) and we would only chat occasionally when he comes to our office. I decided to end things with my then-boyfriend (maybe about 4 months later from the time I met Andrew). David decided to see if a break would help his situation - ultimately not really finding anyone that he connected well with and went back to his girlfriend.

Last month our company had our annual social, they fly in everyone to our main Headquarters in New York and book hotels. The event was maybe a 1 hour drive from my home, so I was contemplating whether I needed one or not. David offers for me to crash at his hotel room just for convenience purposes. I told him no, and ended up getting my hotel room and invited Andrew to stay with me for the night too. I would like to think I am pretty open, so sometimes (this is quirky) I just offer Andrew my phone and just let him read my text messages. I want to emphasize that I just think it's fun for him to read my text exchanges, and never asks, nor pries about anything. He knows about David, but this time he started to get a little uncomfortable with the way we were texting. Some of David's messages read, "you know the only reason I'm coming to New York is to see you. I don't even want to go to the event." Also, David sent me a text when I left earlier to go spend the night with Andrew, he texted, "don't leaveeeee. I'll hate you if you do. Come back and hang with me :)" Andrew also read the text of David inviting me to stay at his hotel room.

I don't see David in that way, at all, so I didn't think much of these texts. David is just an extremely friendly person, I can't see him having ulterior motives at all. Andrew says that it's a bit weird that he's inviting me over, despite having a girlfriend, and sending "super flirty" text messages. I kept telling Andrew that I don't really see it that way, that he's just being friendly, which only made Andrew more uncomfortable. The next day David and I had plans to hang out. He and I share the same heritage and his whole family is back in Asia, so we had been talking about plans of him coming over to have a nice, home cooked meal for a long time. I let Andrew know that I had planned to invite David over for family dinner (I haven't introduced Andrew to my family yet), but I made sure to note that if he was uncomfortable with it, I wouldn't invite him. Andrew was still a bit upset, let me know that he is quite uncomfortable, but didn't want to be controlling and tell me what to do. I took this as his blessing and invited David over. Andrew and I got in a pretty big fight / discussion that night. He told me was really hurt, and more so confused. He said, "don't you think it looks weird that he invited you over, sends you these texts, and the next day you invite him for family dinner? Isn't that just...weird?" I told him I agreed that how things happens can be perceived that way, but I reassured him that I don't think of David like that, that we had those plans already, and David doesn't have those ulterior motives, that's just how he is. Andrew felt that he almost expected me to not invite David over, since I told him that if he was uncomfortable I wouldn't invite him. I said that he needed to be more direct with me next time, but to be honest I don't like it when people are controlling, I need to come to that decision myself. So after a while, we work it through and ended up with a better understanding of each other's perspective.

Last night, I tell Andrew that I've been thinking about a solo trip for a while, just to decompress from all the stress I've been feeling. He was excited for me. I mentioned that David is leaving back for Asia permantely in the next year or so, and that he's been inviting me to visit him in San Francisco. I told Andrew that I'm considering going to New York for a week and staying at David's house. Andrew, again, gets extremely (sad?) and asks me why I think that's okay.I told him if it matters at all that I don't see David at all in that light, and that it's just logical to save money and stay at a friend's house. Andrew argues that it's a bit of a different context when David is constantly seeking to hang out with me and trying to get me to go out with him, versus staying at a friends place. Andrew also brings up a point saying that David actually tried to date other people, pretty much failed, and went back to his girlfriend, which is why he feels that David is being shady. I personally don't really see it that way. To cut it short, we kind of work through it again. I told him that this time I really won't do anything that makes him feel uncomfortable, and if he feels that way I won't go stay at his house if I do visit San Francisco. Though, to be honest, if Andrew did straight up say "no, you can't go" I would be really upset and feel that he's unfair and controlling.

I don't have a hard question, but I would like to get some perspective here. Is David being suggestive? Does that even matter since I don't see David that way? How can I communicate to Andrew that I don't want to hurt him, and that staying at his place is just convenient?"

It's the same thing over and over. Girls these days man... YIPPEE IM GOING TO GO ON A TRIIIIP ILL JUST STAY WITH TOM/BILL/BRAD/CHAD WHILE IM THERE YAYYYYYY :D :D :D ITS NO PROBLEM THAT IM IN A COMITTED RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS OK THESE DAYS YAYYYYY :D :D :D

How many of these posts do there have to be until men realize women are fucking pathetic?

EDIT: "Though, to be honest, if Andrew did straight up say "no, you can't go" I would be really upset and feel that he's unfair and controlling." What a fucking joke. She puts him in a lose-lose situation and sees nothing wrong with this? What a great person to get into a relationship with.