I'm a vindictive person. How do i change this aspect of my personality?

account_for_rel · 2018-11-26T17:40:49+00:00

Therapy. Resolve unresolved issues.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2018-11-26T21:20:56+00:00

Why would you want to change? I rather enjoy punishing my enemies. It's therapeutic and fun, and serves as a lesson to others not to cross me.

QuantumSpecter · 2018-11-26T22:55:42+00:00

Just curious, because im trying to figure out if im vindictive too- what do you do that makes you think you are that?

W_O_M_B_A_T · 2018-11-27T02:36:47+00:00

Holding grudges and being vindictive is a type characteristic of a Scarcity/Victim Mentality. This is about, secretly being terrified that you're nothing, that maybe, just maybe you're really human trash.

This is a kind of learned helplessness where you put responsibility for your personal feelings of power and effectiveness in other people's hands, instead of taking ownership of your fears. You expect them to provide the opportunity to prove to yourself that you're not really human trash like you thought.

It's OK to be afraid, angry, and hurt. It's not good to try to give other people ownership for your fears.

What you need to be worried about is examining and integrating the reasons for your fears.

I feel like this might be a result of having a helicopter parent with boundary issues. This is something you want to talk to a professional counselor about.

Nobody likes it when other people parade the things we loathe about ourselves, in front of us, like a mirror.

To put it another way, obsessing about past hurts and ways others have wronged or abused us, is a way of avoiding living in the present.

Forgive other people for making you feel weak or vulnerable for a few seconds. Move on to new opportunities instead of living in the past.

Mobile_Pepper · 2018-11-26T18:14:13+00:00

learn empathy/foresight. Place yourself in the person’s (that has wronged you) shoes, consider how your vindictiveness will be perceived and what it will achieve.

Though also depends on the context too; for example, if a chick lbjd (or fed you some line that was complete bullshit, etc), and you accepted this w/o calling her out on it, later on, she (serendipitously) hits you up, you have two options, you can: a) reply with something vindictive, and come off as hurt/angry/insecure = unattractive. Goodbye prospects. or b) play it right, act chill, and potentially gets something (sex, vouched/reference) (i’ve had this happen multiple times where i’ve been passed on by one person, but they vouched for me with another)

Overall, it’s best not to burn bridges, being a vindictive prick can hurt your reputation, both socially and professionally.

I haven’t really provided any advice on changing that personality flaw-sorry

Title	I'm a vindictive person. How do i change this aspect of my personality?
Author	TopOccasion29
Upvotes	4
Comments	10
Date	November 26, 2018 5:17 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/a0lab4/im_a_vindictive_person_how_do_i_change_this/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/im-a-vindictive-person-how-do-i-change-this-aspect.54437 https://theredarchive.com/post/54437