https://np.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/77ldos/me_25_f_got_dumped_by_my_36_m_boyfriend_because_i/

I've always been into ''guy'' stuff (soccer, kickboxing, video games etc.) so naturally I have acquired a lot of male friends through my life. Among my closest friends there are both guys and girls, I never put too much thought into it, that's just the way I am and I accepted it like that. Although there is some difference between my friendships with men and women, I treat them as equal because to me a friend is a friend, regardless the gender. I have never hooked up with any of my male friends, I really have strict boundaries on that one. If I find a guy attractive, I never become close friends with him, period.

That being said, one of those male friends of mine is a friend from college. We've never been really close but we used to hang out after class lots of times, go out for a beer and stuff like that. Anyway, we went for a drink in June and started talking about vacation plans. It turned out we were both single at the time, didn't have anyone to travel with, but both wanted to go to Italy. So we said what the hell, booked our vacation for September and continued with our lives. Again, we have never been romantically involved, there has never been a single spark between us, just friends looking for someone to travel with.

About a month after that, in July, I meet this fantastic guy. We hit it off instantly, start talking every day and begin a relationship soon enough. He lives in another town, but he didn't mind driving 3 hours after work to see me every few days. We went on dinners, on hiking tours, we were both into same sports and we just had a lot in common. He is 36, divorced with no kids, financially stable and works as a CEO in a big company. I'm not materialistic, but being ambitious myself and since I've put a lot of effort in my education, it's important to me that I found someone as hardworking as him. Most importantly, he's been treating me with most respect and since he is a bit old-school he thought it would be rude for him not to meet my parents when he came to pick me up one day (they were in town at the time). They loved him and I loved him for that even more! Soon after that I went to visit him at his hometown where I met his family, they were very kind and seemed to have liked me a lot.

So you could say things were getting serious pretty fast, at that time we were dating for about a month (though it felt like we knew each other for ages) but I have never been so in love in my entire life! He met all of my closest friends, two of which are guys and they really liked each other. I told him everything about having both male and female friends and he didn't seem to mind it at all, he even said he noticed I was a bit of a tomboy, but in a cute way.

A few days after that I told him about the vacation thing with my college friend. He was a bit bummed out because he told me he wanted to ask me to go on a vacation with him that summer. Naturally, I was thrilled and head over heels for him, so I agreed to go with him as well. That seemed to cheer him up and we went on a wonderful holiday together at the end of August. Everything was perfect, we were both so in love and I could feel he cared for me deeply.

However, my trip to Italy was coming up in a couple of weeks and whenever we got to that topic, he seemed to have shut down more and more. He never acted jealous but I could see that he was having a rough time dealing with the fact I was going to go on a vacation with another man. He mentioned a few times ''Maybe I'm old fashioned but it's just not normal for a girl to go away alone with a man who is not her boyfriend''. Other than that, everything went on smoothly, he never made any scenes or acted out, and most importantly he didn't show any signs he was planning on ending the relationship any time soon. He even told me he was very well aware that I made those plans long before he was even in my life, it's just that he'd never been in a situation like that before and he was having a hard time understanding it.

Of course, I had also started to feel bummed out, mostly because I could see he was trying so hard to be nice about it even though it was obviously bothering him. But everything has been booked and arranged long before, and it would have been rude to bail on my friend and cancel the trip at that point. And honestly, it didn't even occur to me that it could lead to a breakup; yes - I could see it bothered him, but no - he didn't make that big a deal out of it. A few days before the trip he invited me to his hometown where I spent a few days at his place, it was awesome as always and we even made plans for a weekend away in the country when I got back from Italy. So it was the end of September, it was the time for my trip; he took me to the airport, wished a safe flight and told me to get back at him when I land.

From the moment I arrived to Italy, he cut all contact with me. Actually he texted me to say that he can't handle talking to me when he knows I'm there with another man and we should just talk when I get home. I tried contacting him again a few times after that, but no response. I was miserable, on top of everything my luggage got lost at the airport so I spent my whole vacation without my stuff and without any word from my boyfriend. The vacation ended up being a disaster, I was stressed out the whole time being there and nothing seemed to be working out for me.

I called him when I got back and we talked on the phone for a few hours, he didn't want to meet in person. (?!) He said it was too hard for him to be near me at the time, that he still loved me but he couldn't cope with the fact I went on a holiday with another man. He said he didn't think I cheated on him, it's just THE FACT I was able to go away with some other guy is what he can't deal with. I explained again that it was a specific situation and that I wouldn't have made those arrangements if I met him before. He said that he understood that and didn't want me to feel guilty, but just the fact I would go on a vacation with a guy who is not my boyfriend showed him that we have different lifestyles. (?)

He also told me that even though we were dating for a couple of months, I was the first girl after his divorce that made him consider getting married again. And the main reason for his breakup was actually this - he was getting more and more attached to me, but this trip to Italy made him realize he can't really rely on me. Meaning: maybe we would spend a few years together, everything would be awesome and he would want to settle down but I would still be this adventurous type and wouldn't be ready for a family.

Although it's true I'm not ready for a family yet, and I am aware he probably already is (he pointed out a few times he would want kids before he was 40), that doesn't mean I won't be in a few years! But no one can tell how things would work out for us in the future, even if I didn't go on this trip, right? I mean, maybe time would show that we are not at all right for each other OR maybe we would be married in 6 months from now, who the hell knows! What I'm trying to say is (and what I told him) that the most important thing is what we have NOW. If we get along so perfectly and love each other this much, why would he throw it away just because maybe one day it doesn't turn out to be what we wanted. But he says he's ''too old'' to invest time in someone who isn't as serious about the future as he is.

I called him one more time after that (on October 1st) and again we talked for hours, but he still wouldn't meet in person which I think is cowardly. But he says if that way he would let his guard down if he was near me and he doesn't want that because it was already hard enough for him to make this decision about the breakup. And he sticks to his arguments - he loves me but won't let himself fall for me more when he can tell I am not that serious about the future.

We haven't heard since, it's been three weeks. I didn't call him anymore but I am miserable, I love him so much and like I've said to him many times - I DO see the future with him! I don't know how he could get to the conclusion that I'm not serious enough based only on that trip with my friend. I would give anything to make up with him, but he seemed so determined when he broke up and he hasn't called since. What do you think I should do? I know he cares about me and this has been the most fulfilling relationship I've ever been in, I can't just let this go! Did I make a mistake when I went to Italy, given the circumstances? How can I make this right? I'm not ready to give up yet, I deeply believe we still have a chance!