EDIT 3 Thanks for all of the submissions. Not all of everybody's made it into the list, but I think the community has compiled here a pretty thorough list of the most common "vapid-whore-bullshit-statements" that one can encounter whilst navigating the treacherous sewers waters of online dating. When I have more time, I might edit these down and compile them into an alphabetical reference list.

Secondly, for all of the lurking women/doubters of AWALT that might read this, look how quickly a relatively small group of men on Reddit were able to compile a thorough list of the same damn shit we read on all of your profiles. You aren't special, snuggle-fucks. You're not a snowflake, sugar-tits. You're just like every other damn woman on the planet.

If you want to be treated unique and special, well...be unique and special. Because the compiled evidence below shows that currently you are not.


Thanks to /u/Aerobus choosing /u/Archwinger's classic post for the RP Rewind, "Men Are Not Happy," I got to perusing the comments from a year ago and realizing that I let a particular sub-set of comments come and go in the comments section of that post.

In short, the subject of "dating site profiles" came up. And you can all lie to us and to yourselves, but you, me, and your keyboard knows, you have all at least tried to ply your hand at online dating fucking at one point or another.

There's no shame in it; I've vacillated from one end of the spectrum to another on the matter; on one end, if you know how to ply your trade and adapted your profiles to /u/OmLaLa's guidance, you may find some serious success in treating these cum-dumpsters for what they are worth. On the other end, depending on your geography, online dating might be nothing more than a dumpster fire of single mothers and fat girls.

Either way, we've all done it. So, my intention here is to create a sort of "Online Dating Translation Manual; What She Says, and What She Means.

I'm going to start it off, using translations I've discerned in the past, and add to it based on contributions from the community. Why? Well, many men actually make the mistake of taking a hamster at its word, and disqualifying himself from easy pussy, unaware of the fact that the self-acclaimed new virgin is, in fact, sluttier than the prostitute standing on the corner in his neighborhood.

I'd like to present these in bullet-point format:

  • "I like to have fun" - this is universal slut-speak for "I like to fuck many cocks. Whether or not YOUR cock will be one of them is up to you. But with this singular profile statement, she has revealed that she isn't interested in your job or your mortgage payment. She's looking for the internet version of being picked up by an Alpha Douche; be the Alpha Douche. Trust me, when she says she's "looking to have fun", she's not talking about coed softball, canoeing down a river, or learning about your rank on Destiny.

  • "I like to travel" This is a SLUT dead giveaway. If she says she likes to travel, she's talking about traveling to strange lands to land strange cocks in her pussy. Notice that her "traveling" never involves a brother, an uncle, an aunt, a parent, or a boyfriend". She's "strong and independent", and she's backpacking through Europe and Asia.

She's also sampling so much foreign cock her pussy is gonna need it's own passport.

When she says she "likes to travel", she's plate material at best. Be ready to accept that you are NOT her "one and only", you never were, you never will be.

  • "I'm tired of the games" Oh, my, don't we all love this one, and it's pretty much the staple of any dating site girl over the age of 28; "I'm tired of the games". First of all, she isn't tired of SHIT. If the "Alpha Fucks" game could go on for another 20 years, she'd absolutely LOVE that. But she's realizing it can't. The Spanish hunk "Mandingo" isn't buying her free drinks in Cozumel anymore; the Chad bartender in Dallas isn't covering her bar tab anymore; the restaurant maitre'd is no longer gives her the seat next to the fireplace in NYC anymore.

The "I'm tired of the games" routine is NOT a statement of desire; it is a statement of negotiation. She has personally recognized her position of inferior value, but is still trying to project an image of superior value. Do not adhere. These women can be had for easy sex, even though they may not be the option you actually want.

Are you a beta on the rebound? GREAT. Date these women using the same damn tactics you've been using your entire pathetic dating life. Supplicate them, compliment them, tell them they are pretty, swoon them back to your place....then never call them again.

You are still a beta bux, but with TRP knowledge; they wanted a beta, you gave them beta, but you ditched like an alpha last minute. This worked time and again during my own transition.

  • "I'm career oriented" Gents, if you can't fuck these harlot broads on the first or second date, EJECT. I've gone on plenty of dates with these floozies, and they all just ramble on and on about how great their careers are, blah blah blah, listening to her yammer on about a pointless HR job that you don't give a fuck about whilst you sip over-priced whiskey. You end up wishing by the end of the night that you were actually on a date with an ISIS militant and that the next event was you being beheaded by a sharp knife. These women are definitely husband-hunting, and they're hoping to find a husband who makes more than they do so they can quit their high-paying jobs and take care of kids go back to watching Maury Povich all day.

  • "I'm a single mother and you have to accept that my child comes FIRST." (Like I say, dating sites are often cess-pools of fat chicks and single mothers) Gentlemen, if you ever see THIS common dating profile statement, RUN. Unless she's willing to fuck you THAT NIGHT (wear a rubber, we already know how she feels about birth control, she DOESN'T) then get the fuck out of there. Don't walk, RUN.

Single mothers are a tricky batch; you know two things about them:

  1. They are willing to give birth to children without an involved father (shows bad decision making, use this to your advantage)

  2. They are usually pretty easy about letting strange dick into their pussy.

If your dick is gonna be "the one", then obviously, wrap it up and do not bareback under any circumstance. She's already shown herself to be unstable and a terrible decision maker, i.e., bringing a child into the world fatherless. Remember how we rank women on the "scale of commitment", 0,1,2,3? These women never ever get above a "1". Any single mother trying to withhold pussy for long term commitment either has a totally deluded sense of self-worth/entitlemnt/SMV, or is daddy hunting, or both.

I invite you all to post "dating site" common statements from women, and interpreting them into what they really mean.

EDIT /u/PemBayliss brings up a good point in the comments; one of the places women always lie on dating sites is the body type descriptor. So here I will add some commonly listed body types, and what they actually mean IRL:

  • A few extra pounds - I don't think I've ever seen a woman profile where a woman cops to being a fat-ass straight away, unless it's completely and massively obvious from pics; she even still may describe herself as "curvy" (see below)
  • Curvy - Massively obese; any pictures that do not reflect massive obesity with a listed body type as "curvy" are old/outdated pictures. Women today have a completely demented, warped view of what "Curvy" actually means; Marilyn Monroe in her prime, by today's standards, would be considered "curvy"; no, ladies, Tess Munster isn't "curvy", she's a hideous slob.
  • About average - At least 20 to 30 pounds overweight. The FA and HAES movements have convinced most women that overweight = "average woman", ipso facto, most overweight women will call themselves "average"
  • Slender - If pictures corroborate this claim, then it's safe to assume she actually represents the shape of a woman and isn't a moo-cow. If, however, pictures do not corroborate this claim, then she is probably "about average"; maybe skinny fat, saggy triceps, small to middling-sized muffin top, you get the idea.
  • Athletic - "Slender", "about average", and even some "curvy" women who think that because they walk a treadmill at Planet Fitness after their Starbucks Double Frappuccino Mocha Latté, or they run 2 5K races a year, that they now qualify as "athletic". I'd say that actually athletic women make up less than 5% of the female population, and this figure drops to 1% on dating sites.

EDIT 2 LifeProTip on her profile pics:

Focus on the ugliest/least flattering pic in the collection. That is the girl you are going to meet if you're lucky.


User replies coming in:

/u/killtoparty -

  • "I'm fluent in sarcasm" - I never speak with sincerity, and I'm pretty much an asshole all the time, but I have a pussy so deal with it.

/u/lumberjackinla -

  • I am looking for a relationship - Translation... Iam looking for an open relationship on my end and i need to have a guy who can pay for my drinks, dinner and take me on vacation. On the other end if i find a hotter or higher status guy iam going to pursue him and dump you like you are a piece of shit

/u/MattyAnon -

  • "I'm tired of the games" Translation: please lower your shield so that I may have an easier time defeating you, for I shall not stop playing games. "I'm tired of the games" is like a snake declaring its disinterest in biting you a third time. Play fucked up mindgames with her for best results, expect the same from her.

/u/MentORPHEUS -

  • Spontaneous Can't make up her mind or commit to anything until the last minute, impulsive; actually believes that these are positive qualities.

  • I make the most of each day and live life to the fullest I'm bored, and boring; no original ideas of what to do or even what to type here. Entertain me, till you don't and I bounce.

  • Tired of the bar scene Probably still an active lush, has no dating or life strategy outside of said bar scene. Will still go home with you on the first date, only without the pretense of a bar beforehand.

  • Looking for my partner in crime I'm naughty, don't take the prospect of a LTR with me seriously, but other than that anything goes (and everything does.)

/u/darkstout -

  • "Ask" (with nothing else in the bio) -- I'm on here for validation, can't you see I'm a princess? (this one is actually quite common; if the profile is blank, then so is the space between her ears; easy slut tell, this is perfect ONS material)

/u/Ricardo2991 -

  • Just looking for friends I am looking for people to pay for my activities. I'm pretty open to who I hang out with, and the more you can pay for, the better. If you're Alpha, you can probably sleep with me easily.

/u/exit_sandman -

  • not interested in ONS: "I have been pumped and dumped by men hotter than me more than once, so if I put that info in my bio, maybe the guys who just want to have sex stay clear of me. Of course I still want men hotter than me, though."
  • where are all the men who are serious/are there any men who are serious around here?! Same as "not interested in ONS", only more passive aggressive.

/u/Hotblack_Desiato_ -

  • Must have own transportation = ...because I don't. (forgot about this classic. And also very true. )

/u/trpatty -

  • I'm looking for a REAL MAN - This one typically appears on profiles of single moms and/or post-wall women. Women who have made strings of bad decisions about men). They are begging for an Alpha but pretending that they want him to have all the qualities of the beta-ist of the betas. Basically, it's translation that she still thinks she deserves a top-quality man in terms of appearance, but she expects him to financially take care of her and solve all her bullshit. If you act like an alpha with an even half-decent job (don't even need to say what it is; just hint that you have one), she'll think she struck the jackpot. She'll fuck you on the first date. Then ghost her.

/u/PemBayliss -

  • "No douchecanoes (douchbags, assholes, etc)" Translation: You can be a douchecanoe if you're hot.

  • "I've made a few mistakes in my time...." - I'm a divorced mom/single mom. I've been pumped and dumped one too many times. I've learned my lesson and I'm ready to settle for your boring beta ass. (This is also another massive red flag that should trigger a swipe left/next; "I've made mistakes" could range from "single mom" to "I have the clap" to "I've starred in gangbang pornos")

/u/Cyralea

  • "I believe in equality/feminism/non-gender conformity" - "I fully expect you to live up to all of the male gender roles because that's what I find attractive, but I don't want any responsibilities for myself. You're also paying for the first date because reasons"

/u/letsgettrandy

  • Not looking for a hookup — I'll take a hookup, but only from a guy alpha enough to ignore this sentence.

/u/OmLaLa

  • "Not looking for anything physical!; Don't message me if..." - Ignore this statement. She's probably down for sex. That statement's just beta repellent. She's been hit by betas and decided to put up this scarecrow. She's probably on the hotter end of the LSSW spectrum. Or at least hot enough to get enough unwanted attention to warrant a scarecrow. That or her pics are just slutty. She'll shit test to make sure you're not one of "them". A&A and she'll fuck by the second date. Stern and solemn isn't the best choice but it'll work okay. If you can go A&A. Best way to fuck: wait and escalate after her little prelim shit test barrage.

  • "My Snapchat: ValiDali333"; "Kik Me: Ima Valodayshun_Hore6969" - Typical validation whore. Avoid. Any move she makes is to get more of that sweet sweet nectar. Probably already has a decent Alpha cock. And don't go to her Snapchat dude. Thats her frame. You can try to fuck but just know she'll try ti keep the convo going for as long as possible. To fuck, you have to give her zero validation. Like zero zero. That's tough so I wouldn't bother.

  • "You can stop looking now." - The princess. Someone told her she was God's gift to men. Someone lied. Neg or Daddy-complex her to fuck. She'll be pretty easy.

  • "Looking for me? - Insecure, probably with baggage, probably average to below-average appearance. Strong daddy game's and you're a shoo-in.

/u/SwissPablo

  • Looking for a man who knows how to treat a woman/I like the finer things in life - She expects any man to spend money on her, and won't put up with cheapskates or the frugal. This doesn't necessarily mean she has class, even though the use of these phrases hopes to give that impression.