TRP made my life more successful, but I'm depressed as ever

Aaren_Augustine · 2017-12-22T13:50:14+00:00

First five bullets are based in external validation. 12 in total. So now you've just realized you have to find acceptance in yourself as no one can do that job for you.

is rotting me on the inside

Part of the take away I get from Rollo's Mental Point of Origin is to learn to be enough for yourself. To be the very source of emotions you look to others to fill. As they can't. And nobody wants your responsibilities; they have their own.

When you were physically weak, did you look for a guy at the gym to lift the weight for you? Why do you think being mentally weak is somehow NOT your responsibility to fix?

Stop skipping brain day.

Velebit · 2017-12-22T14:54:27+00:00

it's about micro vs macro

you are a collectivist in your heart

let me explain, the advice here is largely a micro approach or an individualist approach.

here is a good example in a super simplified version: lie and steal might work for an individual but if everyone does it, that means chaos, when there is chaos, society reacts by grouping around a tyrant who will restore order by brutality

this is how we humans evolved, we are neither loner animals like tigers nor are we mindless ants, we have both individual, family, tribal and even specie wide identities and loyalties

your disgust with your "new self" if merely an expected, normal reaction to a hyperindividualist ideology that you intrinsically feel is off and should not be practiced

however remember what brought you here or wherever you found this philosophy in the first place, the collapse of collectivist values and norms

edit: you have to decide do you want to follow a one man one world attitude or try to change the society you live in, where you can be yourself more and play pretendies less, if you decide you have no willpower to fight for a collective better future, than you have your dillema solved, keep doing what you are doing and dont complain, not even inside your own mind

chazthundergut · 2017-12-22T17:39:38+00:00

You've mastered the surface level of TRP but missed the deepest, underlying conclusion.

You are still stuck in the "game" and measuring your success based on other people's opinions of you. This is okay in the beginning, especially for guys who previously had no success with women or climbing the social hierarchy. Applying tactics can get you rolling in the right direction, but eventually you're going to need to do the REAL work. And you are now at this stage in your journey. It's not about chicks or getting laid anymore.

The real Red Pill is realizing that YOU are enough. You don't need validation from others. Your value as a man and as a person comes from within.

Getting to this point will catapult you forward in ways you can't imagine. This is true non-neediness.

When you are truly self-validating, you can live as your authentic self. You won't feel guilt or shame, because you won't be doing things that aren't true to you. You won't lie or manipulate people. You will allow yourself to be vulnerable by being honest and wearing no masks. This is so attractive to women that you're not going to believe it.

HOWEVER: the pitfall in all this is guys who think that "being yourself" means that they can be needy and desperate and losers who sit around and play videogames all day. That's not what this means. Being yourself means to understand your burden as a man, accept it, and willingly bear it. It means to understand the nature of women (their real nature and not what you wish they were), and accept them for who they are and keep them in the appropriate place in your life. It means that you must realize that your life as a man is 100% your responsibility, and to relish in the struggle and discipline it takes to create the life of your dreams. It means becoming the best version of yourself, not for anyone else, but because being the best version of yourself is what you desire.

When you BECOME the prize, all of the games and manipulation and lying and tactics go out the window. You'll still need to stay vigilant against allowing your idealization of women from clouding your judgement. And you'll still need to accept the harsh truths of reality and bear the burden of manhood proudly. Bit within this reality, you will be authentic and self-validating and completely non-needy. And the results will be staggering.

BusterVadge · 2017-12-22T14:56:10+00:00

You need a life's mission that's more challenging or exciting that gets you up early in the morning and keeps you up late at night.

Mine is to retire in my 50's with a house on the lake, parties on the weekends, setting an example for my daughters of what a man should be, learning new skills like auto restoration, being buff as I grow old, etc....

The key is to find something that excites you to think about, and excites you even more when your actions bring you closer to the life you dream about.

Depression is almost always caused by the lack of being able to imagine a compelling future.

Seems like you're focusing too much on external aspects of your life than you are planning your mission.

htbf · 2017-12-22T16:00:46+00:00

I have the EXACT same issues. I can't take off the glasses and I see things for what they are. I look at friends and I judge their frame, their game. I see ladies, friends' GFs, boss' wives and automatically, I start analyzing the dynamic.

Any girl, I flirt with until I reach that sexual tension that I wasn't even looking for, just doing it for kicks. And find myself in position where I'm getting "inappropriate" with girls in relationships with people I "care" about.

I'm not angry though. I cannot be angry at things that are. I'm proud of myself instead for being able to see with such clarity. It ruins a lot of illusions but I think I had my share of those back in the days.

Try and focus on positive feelings. Try helping people less fortunate than you. Not everyone is scheming their way to the top and you can find solace in how generous and kind and warm human beings can be to each other.

And you need to read about philosophy and meditation to cope with reality better.

InformalCriticism · 2017-12-22T16:30:26+00:00

I think it's a matter of finding good male friends. You're probably in need of someone you think you can say anything to without judgment, and while CBTs can serve this role, there's not much better than hanging out with some friends you can rely on for life.

Cutting back in order to make those social connections by picking up a social hobby might be your best bet. This coming year is probably where I'll be doing that, either joining ultimate frisbee, or bowling, or soccer, just something where you have to learn people's names and people get to know you while exercising is going to tap into the tribal evolutionary framework in which we all fall.

GayLubeOil · 2017-12-22T15:38:20+00:00

Sounds like you are perceiving your Red Pill actions in a Blue Pill way. In other words you never took the Red Pill. You did what every Normy does. You skimmed the theory on why and applied the practical advice without consideration.

egoissuffering · 2017-12-22T19:16:50+00:00

you're only with a woman bc of what you can get out of her, sex kids housewife etc. All relationships have some transaction to them. Women play the game and so are you. Stop treating people as a means to an end.

ibeenpoppinpillies · 2017-12-22T13:47:50+00:00

What’s the point of this successful outside shell if you can’t live with what’s inside?

Don’t take TRP as gospel, make the changes you need to make to be happy and keep the rest.

danhakimi · 2017-12-22T21:50:15+00:00

If you're not happy, then your life is not more successful, now is it?

Stop doing what people tell you to do, and what seems like it works, and start doing what makes you happy -- and not in the short-term, pleasured sense, but in the long-term, fulfilled sense.

Viktor Frankl talks a lot about fulfilment in Man's Search for Meaning. You may also care to study the Nicomachean Ethics by Aristotle: he says that the greatest good is the pleasure you get from contemplating a life well-lived.

There's no reason to think that being an asshole as trp suggests will make you happier. The reason "swallowing" the pill is hard is because it's wrong. Get out of this sub before they lead you further down this shitty rabbit hole.

Danzzo36 · 2017-12-23T01:41:00+00:00

Because this is just another flawed philosophy. There's only one true path to lasting peace and happiness, and thats Christianity.

Juan-San · 2017-12-22T20:41:53+00:00

Since I am always gaming I can never be myself around girls

The "being yourself" is a myth. The only moment you can truly be yourself around a girl is when you've faked it until you made it.

Constant guilt for manipulating people

Survivor's guilt in a "hunt or be hunted" scenario.

A feeling of being disconnected from everyone else

My best friend hates the new me, confessed to me he is jealous, and is trying to turn my friends against me

Crabs in a bucket. Improve your friendships. If this guy is trying to compromise your position, he is not a friend. Find better ones, people with hobbies and goals similar to yours, and that will stop.

Depressed knowing women only care about me for what they can get out of me

Constantly angry, disenchanted, and in my head about the true nature of women

You're aware of the pill but you haven't internalized it. You shouldn't get mad at a dog barking at you when you enter it's teritory, the same way you shouldn't get mad at women doing what evolution prepared them to do. It's in their nature. It's something we must accept, and prepare ourselves to deal with, or take the way out and go full MGTOW

Also, all kinds of relationships could be seen as economical transactions. You offer something (be it money, good sex, knowledge, friendship, loyalty or whatever) and the other person offers something too.

Good personal relationships involve people that offer what the other person wants, and receive what they want. This is pretty much subjective, and why many romantic relationships fail, because one is offering a lot but the other perceives it as not enough or unwanted.

Have you read Meditations by Marcus Aurelius? How's your stoicism going? I believe a stoic outlook on life is vital in order not to become an hero nowadays.

MattyAnon · 2017-12-22T23:12:12+00:00

Since I am always gaming I can never be myself around girls

Once you get good, you can stop the games and it all still works. It's weird. You have to keep TRYING, the effort doesn't stop, but you can drop the games, the rush, the pressure and you can be more yourself. Ease off a bit. It'll all still work. You can always bring it back if you need to, but for now try being yourself more - by which I mean less thinking about it. If this fails, change back.

Depressed knowing women only care about me for what they can get out of me / Constantly angry, disenchanted, and in my head about the true nature of women

Yeah.... this really is a thing. All of it OP.... I can relate.

You make it all work, but it doesn't really change how you feel about anything. You don't mention fitness, lifting, and doing things for yourself. Do you have these things handled?

[deleted] · 2017-12-22T23:33:37+00:00

The blue dream dies hard. You are not rotting, you are changing. You have as yet to fully accept the reality of the "terms of service" of living in the real world.

Don't get depressed when you find out water is wet and fire is hot. Get over it and seek to understand.

know_your_path · 2017-12-23T05:30:56+00:00

You never swallowed the red pill, you're still trying to prove something that doesn't exist, you're egotistical, and you're angry about something because you expect it to be something it's not because you want to control it

And the delusion that this is the red pill, or reality and the acceptance of it, is clashing with what you know to be right and are denying. We are social creatures, some of us are born cheaters, and you are not. Be you, be useful, and be happy. You're not useful at all right now, you're denying your purpose and hurting others to forward an illusion.

bob13bob · 2017-12-23T07:07:16+00:00

bob13bob · 2017-12-23T07:08:42+00:00

Some of us have also realized this and we don't make women the measure of our success.

How many women do you really need to game,. Be the man you want and you'll do well enough.

[deleted] · 2017-12-27T17:52:30+00:00

I am constantly scheming and planning how to succeed socially

it's what to be adult male

Since I am always gaming I can never be myself around girls

then you need to find out why real you is not enough for them

Constant guilt for manipulating people

like they don't manipulate you at all???

A feeling of being disconnected from everyone else

you was born alone and you will die alone..

My best friend hates the new me, confessed to me he is jealous, and is trying to turn my friends against me

crabs in the bucket mentality..

Depressed knowing women only care about me for what they can get out of me

..but you are a fucking snowflake right? you don't care at all about her looks? you just love her for her right? LOL

[deleted] · 2017-12-29T04:21:13+00:00

you get what you give. your manipulative interactions in life eventually lead you to be surrounded by people who are just as manipulative as well - everyone else is going to leave. there are plenty of great men and women out there as well. treat people well. don’t let trp stamp out your empathy, it gives life depth and it allows you to connect with people.

mallardcove · 2017-12-22T14:09:53+00:00

This post reeks of autism. Your problem is you made TRP your religion instead of just guidelines to help you in life.

Title	TRP made my life more successful, but I'm depressed as ever
Author
Upvotes	81
Comments	49
Date	22 December 2017 01:34 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	askTRP
Link	https://theredarchive.com/post/565
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/7lhg8v/trp_made_my_life_more_successful_but_im_depressed/