Summary:

A field report on #-closing and following somewhat unsuccessful second date with a HB8.

Body:

Last friday I was at a party where two my female friends were celebrating 18th birthdays. I am 26 and along with two of my other buddies we were by far the oldest guys there. Since most of the people were from my primary social circle (which is huge), it was no biggie.

In a distant corner of the room, I see a table full of unknown people who would only interact with one of the birthday girls (J). About 6 guys and an HB8, brunette, blue eyes, very pretty. She was just talking to J so I figured this was a perfect opening and just joined them, asking J to introduce us.

Turns out these people are all from my high school but they started just the year after I graduated so we couldn't have possible met each other. J immediatelly recognizes what I am up to, makes some excuse and leaves us.

We shoot the shit for a while, mostly about the HS and what has changed since I left. After few minutes I get tired of standing, so I gesture her to sit as I grab a chair next to hers. She sits pretty far so after she says something the first time after sitting down, I simply grab her chair underneath her and pull her closer to me (thanks lifting!).

She is very lively, recently turned 18 herself. Then we move the convo onto the hobby teritorry and I qualify her a little with the classic "that sounds like you are pretty adventurous, what else do you do?". She bites the bait and tells me some interesting stuff she did, how she is in girlscouts (very uncommon and somewhat unicornish in my country). After she mentions like the third thing that interests me, I say "wow, you are gaining points all evening, (take out my phone and open dial pad) give me your number and we will go out sometime". No resistance, she puts the number in.

I try to escalate the kino but somehow she doesn't repond to well, she doesn't look weirded out or uncomfortable by me kinoing her, but she doesn't reciprocate either. So after getting the number, I tell her we'll talk later and move on to other people in the party.

Unfortunatelly, the other b-day girl got drunk so hard she was unable to stand and since all her friends are 17 or 18, they literally had no idea what to do and were just panicking so I called a cab, took her home and then returned to the party, which was already over when I got there. No problem, I went on to a different event (thanks outcome independence).

So I called her sunday night to join me on a drink tomorrow (monday) and that I will text her the details during the day. She said OK.

There was the following SMS convo:

Me (11:30): Meet me at 20:30 at this place: http://link-to-wine-cellar.com

HB8 (13:10): Hi SeekingTheWay, could we please go somewhere else? I would rather not drink wine during work week.

Me (14:01): well what else did you have in mind when I said "for a drink" yesterday? :D

HB8 (14:47): :D i don't know, maybe a glass bottle of vodka somewhere outside :/ :))) (This is language play, "a drink" in my language is the same word for "a glass")

Me (15:30): A propper girlscout - party in a park it is, then. 2030 at XXXX square

HB8 (16:08): :D :D let's just meet and see

From the reading of the convo, it felt like she was trying to avoid drinking, which might either be an ASD or lack of interest.

I didn't further respond and after my workout headed for the meeting place. She took a wrong bus so she was about 15 mins late but called immediatelly as it happened so I let her get away with it.

We meet, I already have a somewhat good rum in my flask so we just grab a bottle of coke and mix it up, I really don't give her any space to object and so she doesn't.

We go to the park and after a short walk we sit on a bench. Now this is always a good assesment of how much she already likes you by how close she sits to you. The bench was very wide, probably like for 4-5 people to sit comfortably. I sit almost exactly in the middle and she sat like 1 foot 7 from me. I take this as IOD, she definitely could've sat closed to me, so now I am sitting in the middle and she is sitting almost all the way to the side. This makes the escallation so much harder. I should have just grabbed her and pulled her closer with something like "come closer, I don't bite..." but I haven't thought of that until the date was over.

The convo was pretty good, no awkward silences and she was fun to be around. But she stated at the very beginning of the date that she needs to leave pretty early (around 10pm) since she has a chemistry test tomorrow to study for, which gave us only an hour and half so I hoped for a k-close at best. The kino was almost the same as at the party, I kinoed a little, she responded poorly. 10pm comes and she says she really needs to go now, so we walked from the park back to the bus stop. I put my arm around her waist and walked with her like that all the way to the bus stop. No resistance to that, but again, no reciprocity. At this moment I am not sure how to proceed further. I wanted to kiss her but it didn't seem like there is enough tension/attraction built up, so I thought I will just wait for her bus to arrive, see if the atmosphere is right to kiss her or just tell her goodbye and proceed better next time.

During the convo in the park, she mentioned where she lives (actually the part of town where I grew up so I am familiar with how to get there) and after a few minutes on the bus stop, I realize that we are standing in the opposite direction of the bus. I say this and she says she just wants to go through a subway station and buy a baguette there in a street stand since she is hungry. It's not a big detour so it's plausible and I tell her "ok, i will go with you to the station and then we will split ways".

We shoot some more shit in the bus (it was just 5 minutes) and arrive to the station. This is where things start to go downhill. Instead of going for the baguette stand (which is closed anyway at this hour), she asks if I know where this certain pub is.

Me: "I don't remember exactly but I know I've been there before. (pull up my phone) But I am sure we can google map it."

I am starting to get a little suspicious but carry on

Her: "Oh you have data plan? Cool"

Me: "Erm, who doesn't? (proceed to search for the place on the gmaps) So you want to book the pub for some kind of party...?"

Her: "Actually.... there are a few friends waiting for me now."

This is the moment I realized she has been leading me on the whole time about the early leaving for studying

Me: "Oohhh.... It doesn't work like this, missy (I cancel the search and put the phone back to my pocket). So you have been lying to me the whole time, huh?"

Her: "I didn't want to make you angry, it was just a white lie."

Me: "Well I don't like being lied to, whatever color that lie is."

Her: "I am sorry.... So then what would you prefer I said to you."

Me: "Hey, you can always say that I am boring you and you want to leave, I'm a big boy, I can handle it."

Her: "But it's not like that... Oh god, I am sure you will never talk to me again."

Me: "Yeah, you lost most of the points you gained earlier... (i proceed to walk in the direction of my place since it's still pretty close but also in the direction of the pub she was searching for) Well, I am going home, you can tag along a few blocks since the pub is somewhere this way anyway."

She walks with me, it's mostly awkward now.

Her: "It would be better to meet during weekend, I am all free..."

Me: "Well I suppose you can try making it up to me... But this is where I get off (I kiss her forehead like a little girl) See you, liar girl! (I take a sharp turn and head for my place)"

Her: "(yells at my back) Weekend!"

Me: "Sure" (while putting phones in my ears)

I didn't turn back.

Lessons learned:

  • AWALT: Even a girl with unicorn-ish traits can turn out to be an outright liar
  • I clearly didn't create enough attraction during the date

Request to comments:

I am quite unsure how to interpret this now.

She could have just outright rejected the date or postpone it, but she didn't and went on with it despite having already arranged the party later. I take that as a good sign, she probably really wanted to see me.

The fact that she lied to me (supposedly) because she didn't want to make me angry for leaving me for her friends would also be a good sign, if there was a way to confirm it's true and it was really friends and not another date.

And finally during the convo in the park, she said that she doesn't like drinking too much because she drunk too much the weekend before and ended up on ambulance for alcohol poisoning because she were celebrating with her friend. I didn't address the celebration and talked more about the ambulance and she specificaly brought that up again so she could "casually" mention that they were celebrating her breakup. Her need to tell me this could probably also be taken as IOI.

So what the hell do I do now, do I try to contact her for the weekend? I really feel like low investment mode on this girl now, like "you can redeem yourself but I am not going pub-hunting with you again. you can come to watch a movie at my place"

EDIT: formatting, spelling