Summary

Last Month I discussed Day One of your Captain & First mate dynamic and a very easy way to start building your this relationship dynamic.

Today we’ll talk about respect and how it plays a role in the C&FM dynamic.


Body

Respect is the seedling to admiration. Without respect, you will not reach admiration from your girl nor will she follow you. Respect is just the stepping stone we need to cross in order to get into next times topic, admiration.

Respect is the here-and-now social dynamic in any group of people. In terms of discussion for today and in TRP philosophy, every man and women has a social hierarchy in any given group. That hierarchy is not resolute though. It is dynamic, ever changing depending on the environment you're in. Gronk owns the domain that is the Frat house, Surf dudes own the beach, car guy owns the drag strip, Gymbro owns the gym.

This is a relic dynamic of a bygone era back when we lived in tribes. We naturally create a social pecking order whether we want to or not.

We will stick with the gym date example from last week for the entirety of this series.

Respect is not just earned, it can be transferred/mimicked

This is a social phenomenon that I see talked little about so I’d like to take a minute to define it.

Ever notice how when you walk up to a new group of guys, within 5 minutes you subconsciously learn the social pecking order. The guys at the top are shown a lot of respect and praise while the lower you get the less is shown. Usually the guy at the bottom is the verbal punching bag that always gets messed with.

Don’t be the guy at the bottom of the social pecking order and bring a new friend or a girl into the group, because the girl/friend will mirror this level of respect.. Even if you initially convince a girl you are King shit when you pick her up or game her, if your friends treat you like dirt, you’ll take a massive social hit in the eyes of your girl.


Transference of Respect - Every new person brought into an established group will quickly learn your social rank and subsequently mirror the same level of respect that the group as a whole shows you. Once your rank and level of respect are learned by the new member, it will remain at that level even if certain members of the group are currently not present.

The level of respect is directly proportionate to your social rank and as the group grows larger your level of respect is only compounded further.


If you are the low man on the totem pole, your girl will reference you as low value and subsequently show you low respect. This is why you cut out toxic people or people that show little respect to you and also why it is paramount to make a good first impression.

The universal phrase is, ”Respect is earned”. Well respect is also transferable and that is the social shortcut we are going to use to quickly build up your SMV in your girl's eyes.

Size Does Matter

In the animal kingdom the largest animal is the one that gets fucked with the least. There is an intrinsic instinct for animals to show respect for their larger brethren. You should be lifting and gaining. Nothing more really needs to be said here because it should be drilled into your head by now to always lift. However you may ask, "When am I big enough to bring your girl to the gym?" When you start getting complimented out in public and girls throwing you IOI’s i'd say that's a pretty good indicator that people are consciously noticing your size. If it's by complete strangers then even better.

Don't take that as, "Don't start this process till I get compliments" though. You should actively be working on this process way before you are ready to bring a girl with you.

The more Public, The Better

Respect is why in ”Day One” I heavily advocated taking your girl to the domain that not only are you awesome in but is also social, having multiple people there. The more public the better. Women intrinsically place value on your social rank, even if the majority of the people there don’t even acknowledge you. When you demonstrate a high social rank anywhere, your girl will associate that value to you later, regardless of the environment you are in. It’s the same psychological phenomenon we discussed in Day One were leading her in the gym will result in her following you outside the gym.

You want to treat the gym as a stage. You are the veteran director and your girl has just arrived for her first audition. When taking your girl to an activity you should be one of the top alphas or at least a respected member. I say ”one of” specifically because in a public area such as a gym, there will be cliques of people. Some of them you might just say ”hi” to. Some might be pretty good friends that you see every day and some you may never speak to at all. The majority of people at the gym play no role in your setting other than being a background filler for your main performance. For you the director, your efforts in this setting don’t require you to be the top alpha macho gymbro freak-beast man of the gym. No, you only need to have a reasonably high social rank in a small group of gym goers.

These are the guys you walk up to and brofist, say what's up to, shoot the shit over the crazy night you had Saturday where you got the midget stripper to snort cocaine off your recently divorced beta friends face. This can actually be a group of guys or multiple acquaintances. The important thing you are doing here though is demonstrating you have a large social circle, are obviously confident in talking to people and due to natural social hierarchy forming, people will naturally show you respect by the more people you know. These people are your main source that you can use for the transference of respect. If they are girls, even better.

Ever notice that guy that just knows everyone at the gym? The guy that has no trouble walking up and talking to anyone? You’ve probably never looked at it this way but next time you walk into the gym, try to distinguish the social hierarchy. It’s not necessarily the biggest dude in the building. It’s the most charismatic and friendly one.

You need to be that guy. If you’re big then it’s more of a bonus.

”But Clint I don’t know anyone or can’t talk to anyone?”

We’ll it looks like you aren’t bringing your girl yet then. It’s time to make friends...

Building Your domain

Your domain isn’t just a building, the machines or the weights and bars. It is the experience.

Everything that your girl will be subjected to is what you need to focus on. Take note of the people you are bringing her around. A LARPing event, as fun as it looks to beat the shit out of each other with fake swords, probably isn’t the best place to take a HB9 because most of the people there will be seen as low SMV from your girl's perspective. Mainstream stereotypes do in fact have a very strong effect on women and how they will perceive you and those you associate with.

Look for pretty much what TRP teaches you to strive for. Look for people that are strong willed, dedicated, warm, funny, social, personable, entertaining, etc. Physical appearance also plays a role. A guy with 10 hot friends looks a lot better to a girl when she talks to her girlfriends than a guy with 10 ugly friends. Don’t take her to Blizzcon unless you are partying with the booth babes or Dev’s at the after party.

the easiest way to build this social circle is to invite people. I hound my friends every once and a while to quit being pussies and join me at the gym. It’s somewhat effective but can be tiresome. Inviting girls you know to train them is also a great way but the majority of them won’t stay disciplined enough to be their on a routine. Becoming a personal train would also be a great way to build a circle and give you a bit more credibility for training along with the extra income.

The much harder but also much more effective route is to just make friends. You can be fairly confident that the regulars you see at the gym every day will be there again tomorrow so you never have to worry about running into people you know. this also improves you. Work on becoming more social and charismatic. I recommend ”How to Win Friends & Influence People” by Dale Carnegie. It’s a great book and I highly recommend it. It covers many different stories of people and how they became successful in relation to their interpersonal skills and socializing. Even recalling the biography of Teddy Roosevelt at one point. A brief example of the book is;

  • A person's name is the most valuable thing you can give them. Always remember a person's name. Nothing pleases someone more than a random stranger that only spoke to them for 30 seconds remembering their name.

  • Listen, don’t talk. People love to tell you about themselves, so let them. Ask for advice from the seasoned guys at the gym. Ask someone to spot you, what position or form they prefer. Do they have any suggestions on something you have plateaued on. Just yesterday i asked a dude for some tips on sumo deadlift, now i have another dude I can use a social proof if i bring a girl to the gym.

  • Give a sincere, genuine compliment. I’m horrible at complimenting people so It’s been my main focus lately. It’s actually quite easy I’ve found and the reactions you get are never anything but positive. I’ll scan the person and the first thing I see that I even remotely like, like a dude wearing a funny broscience shirt, I’ll blurt out a compliment immediately. Thus insuring it’s genuine and free flowing. Never think about what you should say, just say it. People know when you aren’t sincere, even if it’s subconsciously.

And lastly something I learned through personal experience, take your fucking earbuds out. You are in no way approachable when you have them in. It gives off clear body language you aren’t here to talk or make friends. For the first 8 months of my lifting i just listened to music and lifted. The day i put them in my pocket was like a brand new world. People act completely different when you give off a warm and welcoming persona. It’s a small tweak with a huge impact.

For a more full overview of the books content check out it’s wiki here.

Two other books that i won’t go into but need to be read are ”What Every Body Is Saying” which will teach you the importance of body language and non-verbals. And ”The Charisma Myth” which compounds on body language and gives you a ton of tools and knowledge on what charisma actually is. Spoilers, it’s not magic fairy dust you are just born with.

Things to avoid and things to focus on

When building your domain, there will be things that can derail or sidetrack your efforts. If you still have friends that consider you to be low ranking and give you shit constantly. First you need to get rid of them but if that’s not possible, you need to never have them at your domain while you are with your girl or while you are building the domain. The disparity between their view of you and the view you are trying to build can have extremely detrimental effects. From the understanding earlier of transference of respect, it should be obvious as to why this is bad. With your domain, It is possible to one on one, improve your rank with your friends via the same way you improve your rank with your girl but that’s a topic for another day. I might add that as a bonus at the end of this series.

What you want to focus on is having your girl in a public or crowded place, but also isolated enough that she will be focusing on you and not anyone else because there is always a chance she will know some people there. You want her to be immersed and learning from you, not distracted and chit chatting. When you first arrive immediately B-line it to anyone you know and strike up a quick conversation. Make some quick 1 off comments to acquaintances. Show that you are comfortable and this is your domain. Then get down to lifting, keep her moving around, don’t spend 45min at a squat rack. this is game 101, the more you move around, the longer time it seems she’s spent with you and the more rapport you build. Isolation also allows you easy kino and the gym is perfect for that.


Closing

Ultimately it’s up to you to get out and actually start making friends and a quality social circle in whatever activity you choose to do. This is just one way you can quickly gain respect from a girl. If your skill or knowledge is high enough and you show enough passion you will also earn respect, but at a much slower rate. Women are social creatures, use that to your advantage. When you demonstrate your social proof in tandem with your passion it only compounds and accelerates your progress with her. There is tons of books, post and reference on TRP for you to start improving social circles and making friends. Just don’t fall into the rut of constantly reading everything you can on the subject and not actually going out and implementing what you’ve learned.

Hustle and quantity over reading and quality.

Once you have the skill and knowledge of an activity & your social circle built, you should have everything you need to have a quick, easy and repeatable process to bring your plate, fwb or LTR into a captain and first mate dynamic. Next week I’ll discuss the long term effects of this dynamic and how admiration is built and it’s effect on a relationship and what to expect.