I literally broke out in a dance this morning because it hit me how fucking lucky and happy I am in life at 36 compared to at 26. And it's just simple shit. I'm not rich, I'm not a social butterfly. I'm not famous or all that remarkable. I'm just free, content, satisfied and proud of myself for finally taking hold of the wheel and directing this ship away from the rocks and into the open water for a change.
At 26 I was married to a woman that I should NOT have been married to (nor should she have been married to me). I was living my life in a way that left me unfulfilled and always wanting. I have Crohn's disease but I was still eating like shit. I was in a mostly dead bedroom type situation with a woman whose personality is perfectly diametrically opposed to mine and it made both of us miserable half the time. I was unmotivated. At 20 I lifted weights, played hockey and boxed. At 26 I watched tv and ate. I skipped work sometimes. I skipped walks with the dogs. My drums were (figuratively) covered in dust. Ditto my skates and boxing gloves. Had a huge mortgage I did not want and ridiculous bills (mostly her her her). I was a minimalist living a "keep up with the Jones' life and we know whose idea that was......
This morning I went on a three hour hike with my dog in the bright sun, just lightly high on pot and carrying weights in my backpack for extra difficulty. Podcast in my ear, sun on my face, dog hunting out squirrels and mice, muscles working and feeling light and healthy in a fasted state. Crohn's under control. Healthy food waiting at home for me to break my fast with. Plans to work on this song I have been working on mastering (80% of the way there) on drums for a while after I eat. Then gonna drink a big strong coffee and play Axiom Verge for 4-5 hrs before taking a nap and getting ready to start my four day work week (no wife or giant mortgage to support so why work five days?).
On the way back home, I was contemplating all of this and a huge wave of childish glee hit me and I seriously started giggling and dancing out of pure joy.
I always wanted a simple, quiet, balanced life and I am finally, finally living my way- and boys, it's fucking brilliant.
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