Summary: My journey through the BDSM scene has led me to conclude that the dominant/submissive power exchange dynamic within a BDSM relationship is an attempt to 'play' at being alpha, without requiring the actual internal transformation. It is a way to allow betas a chance at the respect and devotion of an alpha, while leaving the woman in charge, or else glorifies their cuckoldry.

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Hello all, been lurking here for awhile I thought I'd take some time to write out my experience being in the BDSM (Bondage/Domination/Submission/Masochism) scene, and hopefully generate some perspective/discussion on how TRP and BDSM fit together in men's sexual strategy, given how mainstream BDSM is becoming.

My interest in BDSM began when I was young. My classmates had a fun game called 'Boys chase girls', which is exactly what it sounds like. For 15 glorious minutes, we would sprint around the playground, whooping and yelling as we attempted to run down the girls, who would shriek and yell with equal excitement. The game got boring however, since the boys, though smaller than the girls, were faster, and were able to catch them with little trouble. A council was held, and it was decided that not only must the boys catch up to the girls, they would have to pin them to the ground for it to count.

The gleeful shrieking resumed. It was at this time that I started to notice that I really liked to pin down the girls. Like, really liked. I also came to school early, and would have to wait to be let into class, so I would stand around and wait with other kids who had to be there early, one girl especially, since we were both teachers kids. Let's call her Jackie.

Jackie liked to have me order her around. I can recall her wanting me to walk her like a dog, tell her to fetch things, just boss her around. Now when I think about it, I'm guessing that she was more than a little bit kinky herself, and was merely responding to the vibes I was putting out, young as we were (6 or 7). So from a young age I had an awareness of the absolute rush you get from power, and being in control. I tried to tell the adults in my life, but I was immediately told to not think about such things, and largely forgot about them.

My BDSM interest rekindled, and really took off when 50 shades of grey came out, because I finally had a term to put to my hitherto nameless, dark passions. While I came to find out that 50 Shades was nothing like the actual scene, it started me towards exploring BDSM more seriously. At the same time, problems started. I was bullied severely in junior high, and almost completely closed up. I turned into an absolute beta, afraid of being who I was for fear of getting picked on, developed oneitis for a cheerleader who I wrote poetry for and got friend zoned hard enough that everyone around me got friend zoned too. I started playing video games for hours on end, and was a loner for much of my high school years, never mind sharing anything about my interest in BDSM.

As time went on however, I still found myself attracted to BDSM. I was still a little beta, shy and insecure, and BDSM seemed like a perfect escape from my everyday existence to be someone else. I wanted to have the respect, desire and admiration of an alpha without having to actually do the work required to BECOME more alpha. It took me a while to realize that i was missing the inner game necessary to make a woman submit to me (which is how I found this place) and that I was missing something. As I spent more time around the scene, I was disgusted by the weakness i saw. Even as pathetic as I was at that time, I had an awareness that I was not yet 'dom' enough to elicit the response I wanted, yet there were tons of out of shape, unhygienic, unemployed dudes ordering around their respective ham beasts as if they were kings.

I have since left the scene, and am now focused on becoming a part of the top 10% of men, lifting, talking to everyone, not putting the pussy on a pedestal, reading the sidebar, pursuing physical, mental, and social/emotional fitness. While i still enjoy spanking, blindfolding and mindfucking girls, I am not relying on BDSM as a crutch to inflate my SMV, or to give me the alpha boost that i needed in the past. It is a novelty, not the whole show.

The reason I share this is to hopefully give some insight into what prompts someone to start becoming active in the BDSM scene. I wanted to be sexual, but felt an enormous amount of shame, not just in my sexuality, but in my very identity and worth as a human being. I was a classic nice guy, and underneath my façade of having it together, anger and lust seethed and twisted themselves into dark shapes at night, and BDSM became a means of releasing that darkness.

Criticisms There are a lot of fucked up, low SMV people who go to BDSM events. Ymmv depending on the city you're in, but on the whole, there's a lot of people with a lot of issues. It attacts those who were unable to be successful in normal settings, so we had to seek out alternatives. For me, BDSM was a step on the path to recovering my sense of self worth, and the community helped support me through a dark times in my life, but I caution anyone who wants to go hunting for plates at the BDSM bar. There are a lot of people from broken homes, single mothers, post-wall chicks trying to regain their sex appeal, and troubled youths. I'm not proud to admit that I lost my virginity to a HB3 I met at a BDSM event who was just trying to get her life back together, and had just gotten off the streets.

In addition to the general low quality of the BDSM scene, there are some philosophies which characterize the scene which are incompatible with TRP. There are a lot of SJWs and white knights which help to propagate a belief that a woman's submission is a gift, not an expected part of the natural order, and that women are super ~special snowflakes~ who are love shiny sparklies!1!1 /s

Other criticisms include femme domme phenomenon, where otherwise successful men pay hundreds, if not thousands of dollars to get pounded by a strap-on, lick a women's boots, or actually be a cuck. This is acquiescing to a woman's frame on a whole other level.

Another criticism of the BDSM scene is what it does to your ability to have normal sex. There are many, many people who engage in extreme fetishization, to the point where guys can't even get off unless they're wearing a full latex suit and a dog mask with 'Bitch' scrawled across the top, or have a bowling pin shoved up their ass, or what-have-you. The emphasis on ever more extreme expressions of sexuality is, in my opinion, dehumanizing to everyone involved. I had to seriously question what I was doing when I went to a dungeon party and saw a lesbian couple whipping each other until their backs literally bled as they screamed in pain. (I personally think that the reliance on extreme implements such as whips and chains are merely manifestations of poor frame control)

There are however, some things that I think BDSM does do well, and deserve more consideration from the TRP community.

Positives

Fucking her good, and you are the prize.

There are an enormous amount of types of relationships within BDSM, but I want to focus on the most salient one for TRP, a male dominant/female submissive dynamic. This type of relationship is usually characterized by a power exchange, a voluntary giving up of power by the submissive, to the dominant. This power exchange may take many forms, from asking the dominant for permission before buying something, wearing a collar at home, kneeling at the door naked when the man gets home, sandwiches on demand, not being allowed to speak to other men without permission, being made to ask before cumming, and affectionate titles such as 'sir', 'master', 'daddy' and the like.

The Distortion: Submission/coming into the man's frame is a gift, not something to be expected

While all the above sounds great, (who doesn't want sandwiches on demand?) the problem comes in when the women start reverting back to their usual solipsistic tendencies and no longer want to submit to you, or only want to submit in the bedroom. (There are some couples who 'live the life style 24/7', but we won't get into that here). It's maintaining frame in the bedroom, but dropping frame once the door is open. Again, this is due to the concerted efforts of SJWs and white knights pushing to have people believe that a woman is just as good as her man, if not better, and that you should THANK her for LETTING you treat her that way!

Should clarify, I do not condone forced submission, ie: rape. The type of dynamic that I'm trying to explicate here is the outgrowth of the SJW mentality which says "I'm just as good as you are, and I LET you lead" instead of the RP perspective, which is that the man is in charge, leads, because he is BETTER than the woman, as Patrice O'Neal likes to say. The difference is in the expectation of the sub. A Dom may order his sub around the bedroom, take her mind and body on an incredible trip, guide her back to earth, and then afterwards, will her where she wants to go for lunch.

You might call a woman coming into your frame as a type of passive submission. You set the tone, the pace of the relationship; she is coming into your life. AFAIK, this should be the expectation for every RP relationship, but many SJW types want to say that this type of basic submission is a gift, which is what I want to challenge. Much of BDSM is based on the blue pill idea that men and women are the same, and that we don these Dom/sub roles like a cloak over which to briefly obscure one's identities, whereas the red pill (as I understand it) is to undergo a personal transformation in how you view yourself and your partners so that no such cloak is necessary.

What IS a gift in a relationship is where things get murky for me. For myself, I would call active submission a gift. She's making you sandwiches, cleaning for you, wears outfits around the house etc. I'd love to hear from some of the more senior RP members on this however to help clarify what should be expected as part of a normal RP relationship, and what we would consider going above and beyond.

If you are ever playing in a BDSM scene, remember the SSC acronym, Safe, Sane and Consensual. It's very important that you make sure to cover your ass by having some form of documentation that shows the woman agreed to what happened. Even some text messages before/after a play session can be used as evidence to help exonerate you if things were ever to go sour.

Other concerns: BDSM will not help you to become a better man

Disclaimer, of course there are exceptions, and some hardworking individuals within the BDSM community who want male doms to grow and flourish as entire human beings, but I believe these are the exception rather than the rule. For the most part, becoming a better Dom involves enmeshing oneself more and more deeply into the subculture, going to conferences, volunteering, learning new tricks on how to humiliate/dominate/spank etc rather than flourishing as human being; lifting, increasing one's SMV, learning how to be sociable, skills which will be applicable in ALL places.

Edit: Formatting, expanded sections thanks to u/colmatterson and u/SilentShills

If anyone has any questions about BDSM, feel free to pm me

Lessons Learned

  • TRP is a much more comprehensive, in-depth understand of human sexuality than BDSM. BDSM, as a community, largely distorts the simple truths of TRP by 'borrowing' alpha behaviour without the corresponding inner game.

  • If you have an interest in BDSM, fetishization, or kink, think back to how, and why you came to have these attractions. It may be, as it was in my case, that you have some personal issues to sort through.

  • Be wary of girls that are actively involved in the BDSM community. Many of them are lovely, but are carrying a lot of baggage that you should be mindful of.

  • If you are interested in BDSM as a supplement to your RP life, keep things light. Some spanking, a blindfold, and some silk ties to restrain/gag her are all you need. Going into the deep end of BDSM with a plate is playing with fire that can easily get you burned.