Girl got pissed that I didn't pay for her bar tab on first meeting.

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January 26, 2018

I met a bumble chick at a local bar. Most of the girls I've met in the past agree to go Dutch on the first date or whatever. I honestly thought it was common sense.

We actually hit it off and had fun playing pool, darts, and just chatting. She was drinking pretty heavily. She had like 5 different expensive mixed drinks over a 2 hour period.

Side note: At some point a group of her old work friends showed up. I don't know if this was orchestrated but I really didn't care. We all started playing pool and whatnot and having a decent time.

It's getting late and I'm ready to go. I had already made out with this girl earlier in the night. I told her I was leaving so she walked me out to my car, where I was going to invite her back to my place. So we make out again, and right after she says "oh yeah, thanks for the drinks!". I had cashed out my tab while we were playing pool. I told her I don't pay for shit the first time I meet someone and I never agreed to pay for hers. She was like "you're playing right?" I told her no, said bye and left.

I'm not even sure how much her tab was, but I would guess >$40 and I was NOT paying that. I did buy the wings we shared.

So she texts me the next day saying her card was "froze" and her friends had to pay for her tab. I asked why did she come out if her card was froze(i.e. didn't have money). "you invited me out" She didn't respond after that. I could tell she was really into me before I told her i didn't cover her tab.

Did I handle this correctly or should I have told her I wasn't paying for her shit upfront?

I'll probably just meet girls at the park or something from now on.

Post Information
Title Girl got pissed that I didn't pay for her bar tab on first meeting.
Author fade2clear
Upvotes 63
Comments 55
Date 26 January 2018 03:17 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Original Link
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[–][deleted] 100 points101 points  (9 children) | Copy

You handled it right IMO. You'd think that's something you'd tell someone straight off the bat if you're going out and your card "froze". I'd even say that might be a bit of a red flag

[–]fade2clear 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

Right? Who would feel so entitled to run up a $50 dollar tab and expect a stranger to pay. That's asinine. I wouldn't have minded so much if it was just a drink or two(still don't agree with that though). I'm sure the night would have ended in sex if I payed, but I don't do handouts anymore.

[–]YourShadowScholar2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Out of curiosity, where do you live? This is horrifically common in Los Angeles, CA. Dutch girls are the exception to the rule.

Also, Mexico City... but at least if you pay for $50 worth of drinks in Mexico City, you're getting laid all night for sure.

[–]fade2clear 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

I live in the South. I've never come across this level of entitlement.

[–]YourShadowScholar2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You are blessed.

[–]nabosch2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dodged a good bullet my man haha

[–]ockhams-razor6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy

That sex would have cost you so much more than $50, so much more than a hooker too.

[–]ShavedApel0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

more than 50$ how?

[–]awalt_cupcake5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

it'd cost you in emotional damages and self respect.

[–]endertheend1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

sidebar. thats how.

[–]2SirKolbath87 points88 points  (0 children) | Copy

You didn't handle it right.

You handled it perfectly. She expected you to be the cash cow and maybe, maybe, she would consider gracing you with a little action.

Well done. Cyber fist bump. 🤜🤛

[–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen117 points118 points  (1 child) | Copy

Tonight, when you are lying in your bed, thank God for dodging a bullet and sorting that cunt right out from the start, before you could invest more time and effort into her.

[–]RAiderNat8831 points32 points  (0 children) | Copy

I could tell she was really into me before I told her i didn't cover her tab.

She wasn't into you, she was into the drinks!

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev29 points30 points  (2 children) | Copy

The reason her card was "froze" was that she sux at paying her bills and wand other people to do it for her.

I could tell she was really into me before I told her i didn't cover her tab.

She was into you being her bank. Bitches need money. You are better off cutting this cancer out of your life now.

[–]fade2clear 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

How common is this petty leeching bullshit?

[–]360_no_scope_upvote27 points28 points  (0 children) | Copy

You had one bad experience going on a date in a bar, does that mean you exclude bars now? No. Bars are great at social proof, if she does something disrespectful you can withdraw attention and game other women right in front of her, you can't do that at a park. She was being a cheap bitch, and figured you were the shmuck dumb enough to pay for her interesting night.

I've had a few dates where they expected me to pay and I always say, I don't know you, if I knew you better that might be a different story. Most women agree, some women will ghost you for being 'cheap', but like you said fuck that shit. I sometimes have 4-5 dates a week, I would go broke paying for all these hoes shit.

Asking a woman to take responsibility for herself was the wrong move, next time say something like shit happens, or 'glad you figured it out'. Hit her up in a week and lightly tease her about it, say x time x place, you can pan handle outside for drinks.

[–]menial_optimist17 points18 points  (1 child) | Copy

You encountered an offshoot of the dinner whore: the alcoholic drink whore. For the price of a few sex-gazes, a makeout or two she has her $80 expensive drink tab paid by a sucker.

Really though, if it was true her bill was to be paid by you on the first meeting you would think she would be kind by ordering 1-2 decent but not expensive drinks. Racking up a $100 bill because "oh he'll pay for it" is just inconsiderate and comes off as high maintenance selfish bitch. It's the same thing as going to a restaurant where you're expected to pay for her and she orders the lobster something something instead of the normal stuff.

[–]boscoist1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I don't mind buying dinner or drinks on a date, provided they're reasonable. If she orders surf n turf or a crazy cocktail, I have called it out immediately. If she's a decent chick she'll be choosing something reasonable and along the same lines as you.

[–]RedPillIsTruth227 points28 points  (0 children) | Copy

ghost this stupid bitch

[–]RedSkeller7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah I cut back on dates like this for the same reason, chances are she’s single for a reason and a princess complex isn’t cute. You did right but could’ve screened her better over coffee or another activity, I’ve done coffee first date and my place for a fuck in the second and if she’s crazy you can ghost. You did right, fuck her entitlement.

[–]006rbc5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

You handled it right. If it was one drink I really wouldn't care, but if you drink like a fish pay for that shit yourself.

[–]ockhams-razor6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

You know you did the right thing.

There should be no assumption that someone else is paying/buying something for you.

Her reaction revealed so much about her character and I think you dodged a bullet there.

[–]AchillesHeel772 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Who the fuck orders 5 mixed drinks or more on a first date/meeting? That’s a major red flag for me. You did the right thing, stood your ground and kept frame. You definitely dodged a bullet

[–]thefisherman19615 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Card froze = she’s financially irresponsible. Red flag, could be crazy. Don’t stick your dick in it

She’s lying about the card freezing = she either saw you as potential B.B. or is an entitled brat/crazy

Bullet dodged either way. NEXT

[–]huge_gap3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

That's why u buy 1 drink then bounce to your place for drinks

[–]W_O_M_B_A_T2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Should have got a laugh or two at the expense of her entitlement, but you handled it fine.

Enjoy not wasting time on a greedy, grabby, entitled douchenozzle.

[–]NapalmSunshine2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Before I meet someone at a bar I’ll text them and say “last one there buys the first round.” We usually split the bill in half at the end, anyways.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

yes! buddy you dodged a bullet! you said she was drinking heavily. if you would have fucked that would be a road to false rape since she was impared. you had a fun night with a hot chick its a win in my book!

[–]APSTNDPhy1 point2 points  (7 children) | Copy

Might as well use a prostitute. Men here need to learn. Don't date below your wealth class.

[–]YourShadowScholar0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

That's the opposite of the right advice... women below your wealth class will fuck you imemdiately if you buy them a decent dinner/drinks.

Women who are in your wealth class expect you to pay for nothing in return.

[–]APSTNDPhy2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

You're wrong. But regardless, the point is dating. Fuck whomever. Do not date below your class.

Fyi poor chicks play the game way harder than middle class.

[–]YourShadowScholar0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Right...all of my life experiences are wrong... sure, why not?

Since when the fuck does TRP believing dating at all??? Wtf is with this shit??

I don't know about you, but if I WERE to date someone, it would be someone who fucks me often. Poor women are far better at this than rich girls.

I have no idea what game you're talking about, but if you've just taken a poor girl to a bar where cocktails are $20 a pop, you rack up a casual $200 tab, asking her to pay half when she has $50 in her bank account to live off of for the week is pretty fucking ridiculous...

I don't think they are playing a "game" at that point.

[–]APSTNDPhy0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I'm not a fucking TRP parrot.

Fact of the matter is, a lot of men complain about getting financially raped and think the solution is "Don't marry", I'm just saying/ pointing out, if you are inclined to do those things- stay within or above your own wealth class. Hell you might even benefit when it all goes tits up! (Before you put words in my mouth, I am not saying 'go get married'...but do you really think everyone here is a single alpha james bond lady slayer? A lot of men actually want to be in relationships and have children).

Also to attract those chicks (rich/ middle class) you gotta have waaay better frame/ game yourself. Buying some poor chick a few drinks at the bar so you can get your dick wet aint impressive, actually, it's beta aF. You sound like a bit of a chump tbh? New here? I don't think you have that much experience. "Poor women are far better at this than rich girls" - What planet are you on? Rich girls are renowned for being freaks in the sheets.

The game poor girls play so they can trick you into betabux is what I'm talking about. Middle class/ Rich chicks have no reason to do this as they got dollar, they just want some dick.

[–]YourShadowScholar-1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy

Having sex with women is beta AF bro, why are you still having sex with women??

[–]APSTNDPhy1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

When you're paying for it and think you're some kind of Casanova.


[–]YourShadowScholar-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

I never said that you fucking retard.

But I have money, and I like going to expensive restaurants. I'm not going to go slumming it because some girl is poor.

I'm not a classist piece of shit like you.

When I go out with middle class or rich girls, they pay their own way for sure.

But thinking your some kind of social justice warrior for forcing poor girls to pay for expensive drinks or trying to force people to fuck only within their class is beyond cringe-worthy.

There's nothing wrong with outright paying for convenient sex either, btw.

I am sure all of this will be lost on someone with an double digit IQ, though.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Did I handle this correctly or should I have told her I wasn't paying for her shit upfront?

Best to clarify up front.

Avoid places with shared tabs..... you want somewhere that you pay round by round. Simplest way is to bounce after each drink..... you pay first drinks, bounce, "you're getting these" (and make sure she does the actual ordering).

[–]Steve_O--2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–]snarky_nonsense0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

My time is more valuable than the bar tab. I would pay but I’m also pretty selective with who I choose to spend my time with.

[–]LordThunderbolt0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You just made a long ass post about an adult woman complaining you didnt pay for shit she consumed.

[–]maxrp0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

dont need no broke girls.

[–]APSTNDPhy0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This post just reminded me about all this gender pay gap stuff and I completely forgot how much some women still expect men to pay for and do in the dating world.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You're not an ATM, so you handled this right.

Keep that in mind.

[–]Greek-God-Brody0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I split the tab tab almost always when on dates. I also almost always don't get a 2nd date. Lesson in there too, I guess.

[–]pythonETH 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy


[–]garlicbot-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

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[–]flatox0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Are you seriously considering if it was wrong of you not to pay for her shit?

[–]mrHappyPotatoe0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

look at it that way. you weeded out the bad one.

[–]disposable_pants0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

When you go to order drinks, say "I'll get the first round". If you don't like her enough to buy her a single drink, you're wasting your time, and this way you're setting the tone from the start. Close out your tab after buying the drinks, or pay in cash.

If she's just there for free drinks, you'll find out pretty soon. If she might be into you, but might take advantage if you let her, you'll get the better side of her.

And no one on here should be believing her claim that her card didn't work. That very easily could be just a pity play, or designed to make you feel bad. You shouldn't take what a spiteful person tells you at face value.

[–]YourShadowScholar0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I have no good idea how to handle this... it's bizarre, but I've taken to dating women who are obviously in lower economic classes than I am.

I can stomach paying for women who make no money or a small fraction of what I make since I like going to nice places, but it's absurd when women who make their own money don't want to pay their own way.

No reason for me to buy women shit, because I can't get a boner once I pay for dinner/drinks on a first date. I'd rather just buy an escort if it's come down to that.

The only time I'd do it is if the woman agreed to blow me in the bathroom before signing the check.

[–]Merwebb0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You, sir, are a natural.

She just thanked you for being her bitch the moment she thought you bought her all of the drinks and was going away. She wasnt in your car with your dick inside of her.

Maybe she had genuine fun with you but why order expensive drinks? Thats rude on her part.

[–]sqlbequel0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It should be assumed that everyone is dating everyone and has more than one date per month. People should go dutch so that one side doesn't get taken advantage of. Even when both parties become exclusive it's not rare for both to contribute to tabs, or taking turns. And if it's your own friends/family's event, then you pay for that outing.

Sure it's nice if one pays on the first outing, but she has no leg to stand on.

"you're playing right?"

If you pay, then she should've had sex with you. "Your'e playing right?" - is what she'd say again.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Before going on dates, make it clear that you're going dutch/not paying for her shit.

That will help weed out the leeches from the grown adult women with their own money to spend.

[–]pythonETH 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy


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