My Red Pill transformation

In school I was the kid being picked on and walked over. I was chubby, short, was darker, always had a boner, was poorer and always nervous. I had a very beta religious upbringing with a excessively controlling mother who wasn't helpful or receptive to my issues.

I still wanted to make friends, so I tried to laugh it off instead of confronting it. Girls sided with the popular bullies unlike what socialist Indian media lied about - people like the righteous and oppressed. Me being nice to them didn't make any fucking difference apart from me being a doormat while those being rude to them were respected. Rules that applied in western world applied very well in high income westernized upper class Indian society. Problem was my parents were too traditional and middle class to comprehend it, so was I.

One day I got blamed for a fault I didn't commit. I realized there was no way I'm going to completely satisfy my mother. I realized she was narcissistic, more concerned about her image as a mother among her friends and relatives, than my comforts and interests.

So I snapped into a beta rage. I realized the only reason I never retaliated was to not annoy my mother. I realized more I follow her orders, the more she gets empowered. The more I didn't take action against being made fun of, the more they continued to look superior in front of girls. I rebelled against the puppet master by cutting off the strings - by simply smiling at everything she said, like it didn't even matter. No answers, no denials, no justifications, nothing. I did the same to everyone in authority after that. This helped others have low expectations from me - from being the top scorer to not making anyone else handicapped.

That day I got picked on and girls laughed at me, something different happened. 20 mins later, while they were seated on the edge of the first floor. I pushed them off. People screamed in horror, I smiled in honor.

One of the person was permanently handicapped. I got reprisals from their friends. Despite being outnumbered, I won the fight not because I put the strongest punches but because I took more blows smiling while they stood there confused. They would limit themselves to non lethal moves but I would bring in lethal objects and show no hesitation to end them because they knew I had very little to loose and didn't fear consequences anymore. People thought I was crazy. Life was better being the psycho villain than the clown who gets insulted.

My mother who feared her reputation as a mother at stake, covered it up by apologizing to the school administration on my behalf and caved in to my demands. I now had the upper-hand at home and school.

How I met my Oneitis

Previously, I was hated out of disgust. Now I was hated out of fear. There was another person who was hated, a girl who stared in Shampoo ads in the UK and India. She was in our grade despite being so much younger. Every guy wanted to be with her, but she turned them down every time. She refused to comply with social happenings at school, leading people to think she was stuck up. She was. She hated being in India and definitely didn't have a positive opinion of the country or people there. She treated everyone else as if they were beneath them. Apart from being hated, she was the polar opposite to the patriotic bluepill my mother wanted me to be. However unlike me, she was hated out of jealousy.

My violence seemed to have attracted her as I noticed her looking at me when I'm not looking at her or am looking at her through reflective surfaces. We had this mock parliament going on. I made a proposal against my more popular opponent. I lost it because everyone apart from one person voted against me. The one person was the shampoo model.

The shampoo model spent 85% of her time in class doodling and dgaf if she was called out by her teacher. If the teacher was strict, she would just walk out and teacher knew she wouldn't have much say considering how connected the girl was. Being extremely smart, she finished school 2 years earlier than normal.

I was good at art too but my mother previously always insisted stopping it as there was no future there. After my transformation, I got myself more involved in the art club. Where she approached me. We started talking about anime. After 2 months hanging out, I got into boob cuddling and fingering, we lost our virginity to each other after our exams. This may seem normal in west but was a big deal for school goers in conservative India, even for an expat from the west in an upper class school.

After 10th grade, we ditched school. Against the wishes of my parents, I moved in to her farmhouse. In her home I see the real scenario. She was raised by a grandmother. Her dad who was in the military died from an accident despite surviving two wars. Her mother was still in the UK but with another person. She was rich in property and family estates but had no money for running expenses apart from withdrawals from a depleting trust fund.

Soon after, her grandmother died. Barely 7 people came to her funeral. After her funeral, her relatives, disapproving of me - poor, not so tall guy scoring a naturally tan audrey hepburn look alike who was still royalty despite family issues. This wasn't the first time I got the feeling that everyone felt she was too good for me. She forfeited all her property to her mother's sister in a fit of rage.

We home-schooled ourselves and started side businesses. Realized it wasn't enough. We looked at options to immigrate and quickly realized that it was way easier for her to go to any first world country being a UK citizen unlike me.

So she halted her education plans and let me come on a student visa with her as the spouse. In India, for couple to get married without parental consent, the male has to be 21 and the female 18. I was already 21, I waited for her to turn 18. We left the country together.

In our new country, she was hit on by guys at her workplace all the time constantly despite her ring and necklace. She was hit on by guys while I was standing there with her. Her rejections strengthened our relationship. Twice we came across racist comments from people assuming we were an inter-racial couple just because I never looked like the kind of Indian who could pass off as Italian/hispanic. She started wearing the bindi that she never used to wear back in India randomly for no reason.

My business started going good after a got a contract from the very university I worked in. I told my girlfriend she never had to do any odd jobs anymore. That night she said something that I never forget. She said she sometimes thought she regretted her decision to be with me and not go with her relatives. But not now. I didn't know how to feel when she said that. Because after looking at how girlfriends act like they are too good to my other male peers, I started respecting her even more.

My girlfriend absolutely loved pets and kids. Something I don't see very common in women in the west anymore. She would go around hugging random kids, sometimes against their permission. We could finally afford to have one of our own. During pregnancy my girlfriend spent almost of her time browsing pregnancy related videos and designing children's play toys. She went from being a stuck up stoic worker to the most enthusiastic jumpy jumpy childish and feminine person I've ever met.

During this time she opened up emotionally, she revealed how her mother sided with her step dad after she realized she was giving lap dances to her step dad's boner. It took her 5 fucking years to open up to me. It left me very angry at her step dad, literally wanting me to hiring an assassin on that guy but I realized it wasn't worth it as I had a new life the kid.

My kid was the best thing to every happen to my life.Months ago my wife died, my kid was the only thing that kept me going. Although she died abruptly, I'm glad she died a happy person. My kid is too small to probably even remember much.

After my wife's death, all the single women in her friend circle see an LTR opportunity in me. I got myself into online dating. Despite being open minded, I've independently come to the same conclusions as the red pill before discovering more about it this month.

I can't help but compare how shitty they are compared to my wife. There is little feminine values genuinely left in the west - I see mom's and caretakers glued to their phones neglecting their children's needs. Despite being paler than my girlfriend, women here don't blush and after so many partners, love is just a chore and it doesn't even trigger chemicals anymore than watching a movie. Mentally women here are so masculine that sometimes you wonder if you just fucked a homosexual man with a pair of boobs and vagina strapped on. I also acknowledge that my girlfriend would have been the same hadn't it been for her harsh and unfortunate upbringing combined with eastern social expectations. I don't want to get started on gold digging, upgrading or cheating.

If I had continued to be someone complying to my mother's image of what I should have been, I wouldn't have been with this attractive lady. I would have been a IT engineer working his ass off for a fat wife selected by my parents instead of businessman who has time for his hobbies. Realizing this helped me become more realistic about re calibrating my expectations. It helps me come to peace after denial of depression. The reason my sex felt empty was because I compared and expected LTR. I don't do it anymore.

It's much better that way. After going through red pill I realize that it is very unlikely that I'm going to come across an equally valuable LTR replacement and more importantly I don't need one, neither does my child as my business allows me to spend more time with my kid. A lot more than in houses were both individuals go to work.

Summary and Lessons

As someone who has had only one but a very positive and long lasting relationship (until death did us apart) I wanted to share some of my suggestions. I recognize that I maybe giving off bluepill vibes possibly because I'm new and my case isn't very usual in this century and in western culture. But Human nature shares similarities across boundaries. I realize many here are against LTR and can completely understand why after being exposed to the western dating market. But having kids without LTR is difficult, depending on how badly you want them and with whom.

For people interested in having kids. Here's what to be wary of IMHO -

  1. Never compromise on genetics and appearance of the female partner. Healthy symmetrical outsides imply healthy insides and more attractive offsprings. Low education or low money can be fixed in the next generation with a bit of effort, bad genes ? No, you're fucked. Catch them as young as possible but also, take a look at how older women in the family look to see if youthfulness would be retained along with LTR.

  2. Most women are like my mother and my wife's mother and the women you see around - pretentious to earn "social currency". Look for feminine women who are attracted to pets and children. I realize cuddling random kids is intrusive in western culture but people seemed to have a bigger leeway towards my gf doing it because she was attractive and looked young. See how kids reciprocate back.

  3. Submissiveness and Sacrifice. Reflecting back on my relationship dynamics, she gave away way more than I did. Usually, from what I read and see IRL it's the guy who's doing it.

  4. Societal vs Individual Valuation - Ignore women who group think. I find this common between "liberated" urban indian women and women in the anglo-sphere. Less so among women from Europe. The Sigma female laughs at societal valuations and puts her own values on things. Family issues can either break or make the relationship. It alter's individuals valuation of another person's SMV. After turning into a psycho, the alphas feared me and avoided me with caution when I tread into their territory. You don't have to be loved by everyone to attract attention of the sigma female.

  5. Look beyond the smokescreen - Things are not what they seem they are. I misread my girlfriend's financial and family situations with wrong assumptions that the rest of the class thought. Only when you dig in deeper do you understand the reality. When my girlfriend let her guard down, I realize how she was genuinely being nice to me. Her being an asshole to almost everyone else apart from kids, wasn't surprisingly different from the stuck up person she presented herself to be as an initial impression.

  6. I understood that she had absentee daddy issues, even when he was alive but she remembers her little interactions with her to a great degree. Loss of paternal figure and betrayal from mother, probably made her value my presence more than seeking validation from her female classmates. Had she had an active friend circle in school she would have been disgusted by me or would be fearing me.

  7. Never downplay being bullied or walked over. It's unsexy in short or long run. Confront the bully on the spot, dont avoid the problem. Bully too strong or outnumbered ? When you are at the receiving end, do not appear hurt when taking blows. Smile. It annoys your enemy and makes them want to punch you more but it makes you feel less pain on further blows. It's a sexy way to get hurt for anyone who's looking. Think King Leonidas from 300 against the Persians.