Hey there,

Warning: This is some brutal shit. It's real. Nothing is made up. If the english isn't good enough, that's okay i learned it mostly when i was outside, sleeping in a tent in europe.

i have a disease (some sort of MS but its actually lyme disease which i got from my sports) which left me pretty much between the cracks of living a normal life but on the other end often disabled. Im kind of in between. The main thing is the crippling fatigue that comes and goes and is very dependent on the enviroment - yes this is all covered by doctors im not making it up, 10 years in. Because Lyme is such a controversial disease, it's very complicated to get proper treatment. Antibiotics did not work for me but only made it super worse.

Im a very down to earth guy. I'm recovering very slowly on my own through alternative methods & clean diet now. It's still a pain in the ass to be dependent of the parents as im 29 years old. But im working on that too. The community of those people loves me madly because im helping them recover and i know a ton. I still pretend im at UNI so i can fix my problems. It works because it gives you the status of a student, which helps with so many things : Fining an apartment, finding a part time job, being accepted (which i dont care about but its nice to be in stealth mode) - and no one understands lyme

Lyme is probably the disease where you have the least quality of life. It cripples you with fatigue and many other symptoms like depression, anxiety, weight gain/loss, insomnia - an endless list. And nothing might even work. It's very frustrating. You cant work full time with this. Its simply not possible. Even if you are hard as a rock. It's been said lyme makes the strongest men cry for days, weeks and months. Some celebrities reported their experiences with it and it's nothing but shocking. Most of them are too afraid to come out with the truth. They are afraid of losing their value - which is right.

In the beginning of this, i moved into my first apartment when i was 18 years old with my first girlfriend. I began to show the first symptoms of numb legs and skin and my MD was like "I have no idea" - While i had much respect for that girl and she always claimed to have "loved me so much" - she almost lost her entire love for me when i became sick with mysterious symptoms.

She mainly said that it's not the disease or whatever i have but instead it's me.

I was mainly in doctors offices, trying to figure out what is wrong. I was very proactive in finding a solution. Now looking back, she just saw that i might not have a fixed income and she just left. I was even working full time back then and it almost killed me.

Looking on her facebook she pretty much is now with a beta guy that runs a restaurant, he is way below her league and she constantly complains that he is pretty much dumb - i knew she got him via dating online and she digged as long as she could to find a wealthy guy. I got so much hate from her like telling me im a guy that doesn't take responsbility - the list of bullshit goes on and on.

While it first shocked me - the pattern was 100% the same in all my 20s. I never knew what was wrong with me until 4 years ago, so i was misdiagnosed with bullshit from dumb MDs, the pattern seemed to repeat itself.

Girls would take me as a boyfriend, spend a few years with me but as soon as they would find out that i wouldn't recover so fast they would come up with an beta idiot on which they could capitalize on or some other excuse why its over. I'm making 0% up here. I would sometimes find out i even was cheated on.

Some of those girls never lost the "love for me", others just turned the feelings of like a robot. Often the beta's they had were left even worse than i.

And i was very into these girls. I tought they love me as i love them. I was thinking i have the best time in my life with them, i felt full of love, joy and felt that deep connection between us.

I had a girlfriend from 23-29 where i thought she got it all right with me, but even with her the pattern repeated in the end. I got bitten by a few new ticks, got lyme on lyme again (after spending almost 100.000$ and being half way in remssion) lived in a moldy house (first unknowlingly but found out) and became so allergic to anything due to mycotoxin overload which accumulated over the years in my body - so bad that i had to sleep outside for almost a year in a tent with outdoor equipment - i felt like in war and was pretty much traumatized. So allergic i could not enter my apartment. Everyone thought i was crazy. I even slept there in the winter and it helped me. This experience made me hard as fuck. The nice guy in me truely died after a few weeks. I never considered myself as too nice.... but i was more between introvert and extrovert.

My ex did the same shit as all the other girls. She looked for a stupid beta that she could capitalize on. She pretty much left me in the tent and i had no answers. I found many health blogs from people with the same problem and many MDs that wrote books about the topic I began to read. I was researching the internet constantly through WiFi and got better, slowly, very slowly through diet and the right supplements. When i saw the "new" guy i was like shocked. He was skinny as fuck, ugly - but he got her a job at the theater. I wanted to beat the shit out of him but i knew that he was just another victim. A victim of women playing with the men's mind. It took her 3 days after 7 years of pure joy to get over me. She always claimed to "love me madly" and even claimed to do so "when she went away from me"....

I didn't even waste time talking to her.

You might ask, why did the relation last so long? I had a successful local rock-n-roll band and while i thought she was "into it" like me she pretty much never touched the guitar again after leaving me. So i had the university and the band and worked on both, not full time but i also had to work on my health. Looking back it was a mistake to take a girlfriend in a band. A man should never ever let a woman that close to his business. He should own it for his 100% freedom.

Despite having this shitty ass-whore disease which fucked me up like hell i still managed it to make decent side money with the band. So did the ex. She was all in love and so into me, everyone was jealous. Wow the rocker couple that plays shows. As soon as the disease wasn't in remission anymore the "girl of my dreams" was pretty much - gone. Sure it was slowly. But she asked me without any empathy when i was really sick and she knew it: Why arent we playing anymore?! Dude i was sleeping in a tent and could hardly talk i was in so much pain. She knew it. She knew all the details.

I was always very proactive with what i did, helped actually a lot of people to recover was kind of frustrated that it didnt work as well for me. She always said "im such a fighter" - i see it all as nothing but bullshit now. At least the sex was great. But anything else? No please. I feel like i was joked by a parasite. Whenever i had a nice apartment, the girls would be all over me. She had no empathy at all from the beginning it was all in her head that we maybe would make more money with all that stuff.

Some of her friends feminists and she was even told by them (and her mother) that she should leave me. Someone should slap those girls in the face to be like that. In the end she was on their side but with me alone she knows how serious my situation is... It was all a game.

I felt like this is a joke. She knew all the science about this. Suddenly more stars are having this: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/06/29/avril-lavigne-lyme-disease_n_7689642.html

Most of the lyme wives have husbands which pay for all the treatments around the globe. Not kidding. The other way around aka you are the man that catches it: The relationship is over.

Actually she didnt really leave me, i ended it when she told me she doesn't know if she is still feeling the same - i knew in my mind that it would be a back and forth for 6 months but it is normally pretty much over and girls just look if they dont find another idiot.

I raged. I was in so much pain, metally, physically. It was all too much for me. I found a new therapy, a lot of it was diet but it was so expensive i had to give up my moldy home. But i needed showers and a kitchen.

I didnt wanna spend all winter in the cold, sick world. I felt homeless. No. I was homeless... I just didn't look like one person that is. I often was too fatigued and too fucked up to even talk about it. Its actually the first time i even tell the whole story.

And i needed time to find a place that is OKAY. I see my email has over 2500 back and forth emails.... Not even kidding. According to my ex i wasn't even looking - typical bullshit from women when they need a new men. The typical "Bad ex, new good white knight" BS. Never fall for the BS that women spam after a breakup.

I began a different approach. I wanted the therapy but didn't have the money. Only if i would not pay a rent.

I went out, and slowly became a guy that fucked many women. To my surprise, the more i was distracted from women in my way of a kind of fucked up bad-boy with hate, the more they would like me. I still kept it somewhat likeable.

It was in the process of the trauma. I didn't care. What did i have to lose? Women became very attracted.

Never brought one girl to the tent.

After being at girls houses i first was often a bit paranoid but it soon calmed down.... found it was best for me to be in a high quality enviroment to recover. My parents home is moldy too and my dad has issues there and i hired a guy to fix it. Over 80% of the buildings have issues and once you react, you are fucked. You probably wouldn't tolerate your own house anymore. You can read about it here: http://paradigmchange.me/mold/

I got inspired by a guy called EJ:

"Erik Johnson became disabled with the illness that went on to be called CFS in the Lake Tahoe Epidemic in the mid 1980’s. Included here are various writings on how he recovered from the illness (and helped others to do the same) through what he calls “Extreme Mold Avoidance” and on his observations about the role that toxic mold plays in this illness paradigm. (Pictured: Erik at 14,500 feet on top of Mt. Whitney.)"

I know you guys must think im crazy, making it up - i tell you nothing is made up. It's all under the label biotoxin illness. I could post all the links but im too lazy to research anything via google. You can do it if you like to. You maybe learn a lot.

The tent was often too cold, too wet if something went wrong. The girls houses speeded up my recovery. So i had an idea. So i went from i dont care what happens tomorrow i just wanna wake up in a nice home with a girl to making progress which changed my views and my mind slowly.

I had a strategy, if i fuck em good enough, give them all the attention they need without being too nice i could use the home of the girls. But only if its not moldy. I would go out with them. I would never pretend to be their boyfriend. I would often vanish at midnight on some days. I would go to bars, clubs. I became pretty good and then very good.

I could sleep most of the time and be ready at evening or midnight. I would use a lot of time for education and reading and youtube. I was on no forums.

After some time i could wake up just like a normal person and even got to a point where i felt i made big progress. I remember waking up in a womans bed, she was working and i had the keys. I could pretty much come and go whenever i wanted. I also felt thankful at the same time but surely it was all part of the thing i had: I knew how to play. And i had good lies. I often had the ones that worked because they never questioned to much of the university story.

I would do my therapy and pump all the costs in that. I also developed good food and cooking skills. And also good knowledge about food. I always had reasons why we had to go to "her place". I often met new girls and slowly some people in this town knew me. But i actually never told anyone. My story was: Im at the university, this is my second time i study, i make music. It was not the whole truth but it worked. It sometimes became tricky so that you wouldn't stay to long but in the end i didn't give a shit about them. Apprently every woman has been using me all my life.

I used their homes because i couldn't find one. I knew if i gave them good sex, they would give me pretty much anything. I had 4-5 girls at the same time plus some extra one night stands or whatever was crossing my way hell i dont remember. I sometimes slept very long at their homes, tryed my best to keep myself alive, kicking and some of them had perfect homes which i couldn't find. It was essential for survival to fuck new girls.

Kept on working to get the band going again, which was really hard. Best one was a 40y old MILF that only told me stories of nice guys and betas she left. If they asked too many questions i would just fuck them, or leave them and go to another woman. I also had friends where i could sleep so i pretty much survived without paying any money for that.

I never told them what i had. I actually tested this before i invented this method. I have zero STDs and was even tested twice - nothing.

One girl that was really into me - i told her what my issue is - like with my exes, soon all her "interest and spark for me" were gone. She never fucked me again. She was a 10. I'm not kidding. I met her on the course of this fuck-rage. She was also the only woman who didn't wanna support me with a sleeping location although the sex was really good. If i would have kept her telling a lie, i would have had her for a long time but my brain tricked me into thinking that because she's a ten i could come up with the "truth" about my health. Won't make that mistake again.

One of those exes even met me when i was still dumb enough only to ask me if i now have a job. When i told her the sheer truth she lost all respect.

I finally got into an cheap student apartment. It took some time and wasn't easy because this town is full of students. Whenever i moved in there this was the final proof that men need to go MGTOW.

Whenever i brought a woman there, it would only take 1-2 visits of the woman until she doesn't respond anymore or just says "you need to move" - the room isn't bad but its cheap and has like nothing in it, just the stuff that i need. Some music equipment. Its so simple. But someone that still studies with 29, lives in a low cost apartment....The whole thing is pretty cheap. It's not dirty it just looks sterile and low cost.

Most of these women are all over me until they find out. Im not kidding. They would fuck me at the lake of this town.

But they just scan the room for money, wealth and stuff, what i own - and leave. Suddenly all the attraction is gone. The pattern repeats.

Are you fucking kidding me? This is even worse than when i became sick. So if i wanna lose a girl on purpose, i would just show her where i live. It worked all the time. You might laugh now.

With all the countless women and girls i found one girl that really doesn't give a shit about all of this and she still supports me. She understands and likes my knowledge.

She does not care about the other women, she only cares about me. She does not like bossy women.

Her roomate raged because she sensed that i had no big income and a lot of health issues. She unfriended her and comes by often at my low cost apartment. She really does not give the slightest of a shit about it, she only cares about me and my personality and thinks im the greatest guy she has ever met. She might be the only woman out of over fifty has some sort of sense for humanity that is still left in some people. She might as a women even go WGTOW - she hates feminism. She has the awareness that gives me a glimmer of hope for our species.

The problem is real.

I can only laugh now. Good luck out there men. Out of 50 women, one might be okay.