Hell on Earth

Well it's come to this...

Avalanche of emotion. And fuck me this is the only place on the planet I know of where there is the slightest chance I'll find anyone who might get it.

The SS above is from a friend of mine... and it's just fucking crushing me this morning. Really staring into the abyss today, and the overwhelming, gut-wrenching reality.

Pain.

I'm a heart patient and had emergency heart surgery yesterday. There's quite a bit of physical pain involved, but I'm no pussy and just suck that shit up. However the process just leaves you drained... weak and on the ropes. Fuck...

Thing is, I do my best to conceal any of this from the people I know irl. The guys I know would understand, but their stupid bluepill asses can't help but tell others... which means the women find out too.

As most of you know, women simply despise weakness... period. That "deer in the headlights" look lacking all comprehension, much less actual compassion or empathy... just the look of a confused woman... who now can't help feeling revolted. Fuck me...

So the ex has withheld my child once again... my 7 year old daughter who adores me... the feeling is mutual.

Now I'm sitting here with some very real physical pain... the kind of pain that would reduce these women into a blubbering mass of tears and confusion, but guys... this pain is nothing compared to the guilt I'm feeling not being able to rescue my child from this toxic shit. I am just absolutely struggling with this today... I almost can't fucking believe it... almost.

So the first thing I see this morning is my buddy who made the post above... and I just lost it. The only thing I am certain of is that I don't have enough tears to express how this makes me feel.

I'm not even sure what's worse... that people can behave this way, or that they don't seem to understand how fucking evil this is.

It's a surrealistic nightmare...

And for the cherry on top?

An internet forum is the only place I know of with people who might understand what I'm saying.

God Fucking Dammit.

I'm an accomplished 51 year old man... I'm strong and compassionate, skilled, smart and well educated. As good a man as I could make of myself.

This shit makes me feel like a weak, pathetic loser. As accomplished as I am I can't help the person in my life who deserves it most... all I get is a front-row seat to the slow-motion trainwreck... and I am fucking powerless to stop it.

The next time you're tempted to post on here that some guy should man-up and get past the anger phase... think about this. Normally I just live my life... not today apparently.

What am I supposed to do with all of this wisdom, compassion and ability that took me a lifetime to achieve? I feel like my society has abandoned me and just thrown what I have acheived into the dumpster. After it's all said and done I feel like an idiot for even trying. What a waste... fuck.

So, in case you guys don't encounter the genuine sentiment today, from somebody who really means it:

Happy father's day gentlemen... happy fucking father's day.

\ Sorry just had to get this out... yeah.

edit: Well yesterday sucked...

Thanks guys for all the comments. I knew I'd get understanding, tough love and actual empathy here. Feeling a bit better today and looking forward to getting back on track.

This is missing from our/my RL... If I said any of this to regular people I'd be taking a risk. But here I'm interacting with men who have done their homework and have an understanding of human nature that just does not exist anywhere else.

So thanks again MGTOW...

PS - I'm pretty jealous of you younger guys finding this understanding early. The possibilities...

So keep calm and MGTOW on... as bad as some of this shit sounds I have to say I prefer the clarity of understanding over the nameless/faceless blue pill world any day.