heres the link to her blog http://www.americanpunjabanpi.com/2016/04/the-token-white-wife.html#comment-form . She writes- "The Token White Wife In American culture there is the concept of the "token black guy." This is the African American character in movies or TV shows who merely smiles,stays out of the conversation and says things like "Damn!","Shit! The point being that there's a non-white person there, thus making the whole atmosphere more diverse. It's sad and pathetic in many instances and has also become somewhat of a joke when you see this now.

I found this video on YouTube that explains it quite well with a bit of humor and a dose of reality.

America is certainly not beyond racism yet but it's not just an American problem. Nor is racism just a white person's problem. People of all races can be racist. And as I've learned, you don't have to be black to be a 'token' of sorts.

I see the same trends in the pardesi groups that I've been a part of. Many Indians around us view us differently because of our foreign ethnicity. It doesn't seem to matter which ethnicity as long as it's foreign. I've written about this before. Rohit's friends have flat out asked what the benefit is for them for him to be married to a white woman. The fuck?

This notion was slammed in my face even more so recently. Rohit is looking for a newer, better job. He's got that 2 year itch going that most NRI's seem to get after their first job in a new country. They know how the system works and use it wisely. He's at that point.

So much to my dismay, one evening he all but begs me to attend an event I didn't want to go to because some high up the chain IT guy is going to be there and he wanted this guy to see he was married to a white American woman. While we were sitting at the table chatting with this guy and as I noticed that he kept looking over at me to seek my one word approving answers or an accepting gaze.

His wife got up half way through the conversation and left and I shortly after dismissed myself as part of the conversation. I had no hard feelings toward her. Perhaps she observed the same thing I did. It unnerved me at that moment because I realized just how many times I have been the token white wife to my husband and his family.

I don't doubt they love me. I'm sure they had no ill will or bad intentions. However, I cannot stress enough how much I HATED being emotionally bullied to go downstairs and sit in a room full of friends or visitors with them only asking once in a while 'do you like?' or 'how are you?'

I was never part of those conversations. I never even saw attempts to include me. Of course, I knew enough Punjabi to know when they were talking about me in the conversation and some of what they were saying but it was never directed to me, only about me.

To hear my husband tell it now, they always included me. He really doesn't understand. He has no idea the loneliness, the feelings of hurt and anger that those situations can brew. He thinks that I was 'getting all the attention' and thus I should have eaten it up. I didn't.

I don't enjoy attention. I'm not an actress on a stage. That's not my calling. I enjoy the simple peace of true bonds, relationships and emotions. Not some fleeting moments where people act like it's great that they have someone of a different ethnicity in the group. Ugh.

That night at dinner was and will be the last time I ever walk into that kind of situation again. I refuse. Call me hard headed and stubborn, I don't care. No true glory comes from show casing a human being this way. It's sickening. I'm not a trophy. I'm not a token. I'm a person. If you can't value me for that, then leave me alone.

**Just FYI, I'm not saying my husband married me to have a white woman around and I'm not trying to diminish his feelings for me. He loves me. I'm just voicing my hatred for a nasty, rotten, stupid ideal that you're somehow a better person by knowing or being involved with someone of a different skin color.

How about you? Have you ever felt this way?"