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Just discovered my fiance has a very promiscuous past and I have thoughts of ending it. Am I being too rash?

Reddit View
March 30, 2018

Posted this in another sub, but getting a lot of hate. Another user PM'd me and referred me here and said this sub deals with issues exactly like mine and the population is largely men who would be able to relate better. I read the rules, seems like an interesting sub. Wanted to get your thoughts.

Here's my other thread:

I've been with my fiance for right about 2.5 years. We recently became engaged this year, and the only way the timing could have been worse would have been our wedding night...

I was with my best friend the other night at a nice bar and there he ran into someone he knew from work. We hung out with the guy for a bit, making small talk and I guess at some point in the evening he saw my lock screen photo of my favorite engagement photo with my fiance. I ran into some people I knew later on and split off my friend for a bit, and apparently this is where shit gets real.

My friend hung back with the guy from his work, and the guy had mentioned he knew my fiance, but didn't want to say anything in front of me out of courtesy. Apparently he is one of many who have slept with my fiance, and apparently she had a bit of a reputation before we got together that I was oblivious to the entire time. According to my friend, that guy and two of his friends have slept with my fiance, but the guy knew other stories as well. My best friend being a fucking bro and knowing I wouldn't take this well asked him some questions to verify if what the guy was saying lined up with where my fiance went to school/what neighborhood she lived in at the time/mutual friends etc... The guy even texted another friend of his asking him what would be one word to describe my fiance and the reply was "horny lmao".

I've known my best friend since we were very young kids, and we've done nothing but have each other's backs so I know he's not lying. When he told me and certain elements of what he told me fell into place I felt sick to my stomach. Bad thoughts flashed into my head. I don't know my fiance's number and she doesn't know mine, but that's because she refused to answer it a long time ago when it came up. That should have been a red flag in retrospect. We have sex, it's not like a dead bedroom or anything, but she's always struck me as being more on the average if not slightly conservative side of libido and openness. This is mind blowing to me.

She doesn't know I know, but this is extremely hard to keep to myself. When I saw her again I just acted like I wasn't feeling great and went to bed. I don't know what to do guys! This has completely changed my perception of her. I'm legitimately grossed out by the thought of having sex with her, and I've even had thoughts of calling off the engagement. But how tf do I tell her it's because of her past? How do I tell other people why it was called off? Is that even a legitimate reason?

Any input is appreciated!

TL;DR Found out fiance slept with a ton of guys before we got together. Have lost almost all of my attraction towards her and now considering ending the engagement

Post Information
Title Just discovered my fiance has a very promiscuous past and I have thoughts of ending it. Am I being too rash?
Author fyouIgotthis
Upvotes 158
Comments 195
Date 30 March 2018 12:53 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Original Link
Similar Posts

[–][deleted] 156 points157 points  (20 children) | Copy

Damn whoever PM'd you back handed slapped you into reality lol

[–]redrogue1272 points73 points  (11 children) | Copy

Stranger: “Hey psst. I know wha you are looking for. Go to X place and they will help you out...BY DESTROYING ALL THE BELIEFS YOU HELD DEAR, MAKING YOU MISERABLE AND ANGRY FOR A YEAR UNTIL YOU SURRENDER TO REALITY AND START LIFTING!”

[–]kenpachitz36 points37 points  (5 children) | Copy


If you're lucky.

Going on 18 months and I'm still very raw about it.

[–]redrogue129 points10 points  (4 children) | Copy

I was in anger for a while too. When you are stil learning and don't have many plates it is hard psychologically. I guess that's why we focus on lifting and self improvement first.

[–]adam_varg 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

shit i guess i am more autistic than i though

my reaction was 'cool, life is like rpg, why the hell i didnt notice myself', relief was the only emotion i felt, because from there is pretty straightforward, albeit long and hard, way to really get what i want from life, not just hope for it

[–]redrogue121 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Yeah it is rewarding still. Now I'm the asshole friend in my group of old friends which causes a lot more tension now but in college I hang out with a few younger guys and it helps them a lot to see someone who tells them shit like it is and tries to guide them.

[–]adam_varg 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

Give a shot Mark Mansons Art of not giving a fuck. Should help you sorted it out in head.

When you manage chill down you will be happier and progress way faster.

[–]redrogue120 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Damn I gotta check that one out. Thanks.

[–]BluntMFer1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

LMAO this was me, except I tried DREAD then realized I liked having options better then trying to force something on someone who didnt want to change lol

[–]redrogue126 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

Man it sucks when you first realize you were more invested than her and that she won't do what is required to solve the problem.

[–]LateralThinker133 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Dread doesn't force change. It just frightens and shuts down hamsters.

[–]fyouIgotthis[S] 34 points35 points  (7 children) | Copy

Yeah no kidding. Surprised he hasn't posted in this thread tbh

[–]RandyBumgardner8542 points43 points  (0 children) | Copy

It looks like a lot of white nights/old hags have followed you from that other forum into here. Ignore them. The advice you get here, particularly from the endorsed guys is going to seem pretty harsh but these guys know their shit. Many have been studying the female psyche for decades.

You need to ask yourself a few questions. I'll help you out with the answers.

Q. What are the benefits (to you) of marrying this chick? A. She'll let you reproduce with her

Q. What are the risks? A. She'll cheat on you, lose attraction, become a bitter old cow, let herself go, try to turn you into her slave. All of which end with divorce and you losing half your shit and supporting her financially for decades. If you don't divorce you'll be miserable. A woman will completely change her demeanour to you once she loses attraction. Even a good woman. Trust me on this.

Q. Why was she so willing to do loads of freaky stuff with random dudes back when she was younger and hotter but now she only lets you get the scraps. A. She was more attracted to them. Chances are most of your value as a man (Masculinity, wealth, wisdom) is ahead of you and she gets to benefit from it until she decides to walk and take your stuff. She already gave away her value (youth, beauty, sexuality) to a bunch of strangers.

Q. If she couldn't keep her legs closed for a bunch of strangers when she was younger, will she be able to keep her legs closed for the next 50 years to anyone other than the man she is evidently not that attracted to?

A. I wouldn't bet half my wealth on it!

If you do nothing a book called the Rational Male before you marry this woman.

[–]TheRedPillMonkey103 points104 points  (0 children) | Copy

You want us to tell you to break it off. You wouldn't have posted here if you didn't. You're seeking that as an answer. The other sub wants you to stay with her, you didn't like that, so you need some reaffirmation to break it off.

Break it off. You're not into her anymore and you never will be. Even if she turns in to the perfect bedroom slut for you, all you'll think about is her doing that with other guys. That's what you want to hear because that's what you want to do, so do it.

Or, stay with her and give her half your shit in a year or two.

Let me give you the quick guide to trp marriage:

  1. Don't do it.
  2. If you do it, start with a bunch of plates (multiple girls you're banging on a regular basis), but none are a relationship. Let one prove herself and earn a promotion to LTR status. Verify her background, make sure she subscribes to your frame and treats you as the one in charge. Then, maybe consider giving her half your shit.

If you didn't do that, time to start over.

[–]Quantum_Jiraiya 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

  1. Read the entire sidebar of r/theredpill

2a. I can’t say how many guys your woman has banged. Is it 10? Maybe. Is it 30? Maybe? Is it 100? Maybe. Is it less than 5? No.

2b. You might have discovered a small pocket of dudes she happened to get with in college. Maybe she got with 4 guys over 4 years, which isn’t out of the norm for college women.

2c. She might have been passed around 30 guys. Sometimes shy girls, wallflowers and the like are the most promiscous females.

  1. n count isn’t the end all be all. She might love you forever and have 3 cute kids and retire to Florida. BUT n count is statistically shown to have a direct coorelation to problems down the road regarding divorce and infidelity.

  2. A bigger red flag is how absolutely in the dark you are about this. You clearly have not been able to properly filter this woman in 2.5 years of knowing her, and she keeps secrets.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

  1. A bigger red flag is how absolutely in the dark you are about this. You clearly have not been able to properly filter this woman in 2.5 years of knowing her, and she keeps secrets.

Yeah, this would certainly be my biggest issue. Knowing that she keeps some skeletons in her closet but not knowing to what extent.

OP needs to know the truth about her past and he needs to hear it from her. Otherwise, he cannot clearly assess the situation and will constantly have it in the back of his mind.

I wouldn't necessarily write a girl off for being a just a little slutty when she was younger. What is more important to me is that she is honest with me about it. Lying or generally keeping secrets is an instant deal breaker.

[–]hellprince76 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

nice one

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

A person's credit score is a view of whether or not they are good at paying bills.

A person's n-count is a view of whether or not they are good at commitment and not sleeping around.

[–]kingmovesonly6 points7 points  (10 children) | Copy

Higher n count=higher likely hood of divorce?

[–]hawkeaglejesus22 points23 points  (4 children) | Copy

Data straight from the CDC

[–]1jacques_cousteau00711 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

^ New iPhone wallpaper for date nights

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

ironic... CDC (center for disease control) reporting on promiscuity

[–]hawkeaglejesus13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

how is that ironic? People who fuck around spread STDs, that's well known

[–]0wnieee1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Interesting data

[–]Quantum_Jiraiya 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

Sally has an n count of 3. She has been in 3 long term stable relationships before she met you that ended amicably.

Jane has an n count of 20. She got around the block in college and has been in and out of a few relationships. Half her sexual experiences consist of one night stands and hook ups with guys she doesn’t know or barely knows.

Rebecca has an n count of 150. She lost her virginity at 14 and has cheated in every relationship she has been in. She has had threesomes, orgies, one night stands, fwb. She also screwed her mom’s boyfriend (her dad left the picture after she was born). You rank as her 85th best lay.

Sally gets married and has 3 kids.

Jane gets married, has an only son, divorces the dad within 3 years. He pays child support and only gets to see his kid on weekends.

Rebecca gets married and divorced. Receives alimony. Gets married and divorced a 2nd time. She then “forgets” to take her birth control with boyfriend and gets knocked up. She gets full custody of child.

[–]RedWinter884 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

I remember another post that basically related high n-counts to 3 things...

  1. Promiscuous
  2. Bad decision making
  3. Low value

[–]growinglats0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yep.... stay away from bad decision makers. Stressful as shit and lead you to stagnation

[–]kingmovesonly1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I know. I just didn't read that anywhere in TRP. I just assumed that for my knowledge.

Thanks Master jiraiya.

[–]Fryguy483 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev362 points363 points  (43 children) | Copy

First, why the fuck would you get married to anyone in the first place? If I said, ”Hey, let’s go skydiving tomorrow…But don’t worry only half of the parachutes don’t open!” You’d tell me to fuck off. At least that’s what you would do if you had any brains. And yet, that’s what marriage is.

On your fiancée in particular, you are wifing her up to get what she was previously willing to give away to every outlaw biker, escaped mental patient, and drug dealer for free back when she was younger, tighter and hotter. How does that make you feel? Pretty special, I’m guessing.

Look, you can’t turn a whore into a housewife. You should be happy you found the shit out now, before you went and that her half of your stuff plus 40% of your gross that she would love you for the rest of your life. Dump the doorknob, sidebar, and lift.

[–]StrongAffordance 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

Advice won’t get better than this.

[–]empatheticapathetic20 points21 points  (0 children) | Copy

I read the comments from the other sub and then read this. Keeping. It. REAL.

[–]braindead8868 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

If I said, ”Hey, let’s go skydiving tomorrow…But don’t worry only half of the parachutes don’t open!” You’d tell me to fuck off.

This is the best analogy for marriage I have ever read in my life. I was dying of laughter. Someone give this guy gold.

[–]ValuePrestige0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It's not his quote though, it's from Bill Burr

[–]ttkkk28 points29 points  (3 children) | Copy

Loving the parachute metaphor

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev66 points67 points  (1 child) | Copy

Full disclosure: I stole it from Bill Burr.

[–]sixseven8916 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy

That man is a wonderful human being

[–]TheJCR9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

[–]Narcissist45612 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–]fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck-3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Shit. Wifing her up to not even get what she gave to all those other guys.

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Indeed. That's the theme of the two Rollo posts I linked, downstream. Fair point.

[–]Andgelyo2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

He is new to the red pill. He will learn. We will be waiting for him.

[–]Asdfghjkugfvnki 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

It will eat away at you for the rest of your life if you stay with her. Dump her, but don’t tell her why.

[–]cdogg758 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think this is the most important thing OP needs to face. If it's going to eat away at him, and whether he can see her in the same light as before. His initial reaction is his honest reaction, whether he wants to believe it or not. The fact that it hit him the way it did, shattered the image he had of her.

[–]FatGirlsInPartyHats0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is the right answer. Your perception of her has changed and you know you can never change it back. Have enough for respect for yourself and her to end it but I wouldn't go into "why".

[–]module_process98 points99 points  (9 children) | Copy

We have sex, it's not like a dead bedroom or anything, but she's always struck me as being more on the average if not slightly conservative side of libido and openness.

This is what would bother me...sounds like she gave out her best while on the carousel. Even if she didn't, now it'll always be in your mind regardless. Once that seed has planted...well, good luck trying not to think about it.

If you call it off, I wouldn't tell her or anyone why. 2018 is only a couple of months in, so it hasn't been that long for the engagement. Has a date actually been set? Have you already spent money planning a wedding? If no, then it might not be as hard as you think. I'm obviously going to suggest to not get married, but I'm 40...and have seen the results of marriage far too often.

The truth is that you'll never know where any woman has been. That's OK for fun, but it is the ultimate reason not to marry and legally be tied to any woman.

Good Luck.

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev45 points46 points  (3 children) | Copy

This is what would bother me...sounds like she gave out her best while on the carousel.

Good catch:

OP, go read:

Saving the Best


Hats Off to the Bull

[–]Original_Dankster30 points31 points  (0 children) | Copy

Saving the Best

"I got married to a whore, that fucks like a prude."

Best line to succinctly describe it all.

[–]fyouIgotthis[S] 31 points32 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah, I see your point. Not exactly thrilled at the prospect of losing half my shit just because I couldn't compare to Moose and his ankle spanker...

[–]Original_Dankster35 points36 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, sexually conservative with you - but "horny" with Chad (and his buddies). Seriously, follow Vasiliy Zaitzev's advice, and read Saving the Best. It's exactly your situation.

My take on it:

You don't have details now, but how would you feel when you hear about how she gave random dudes the sexual access she now denies you? That you're less special than some schmuck from the bar?

There's probably sexual things you want that you aren't getting. Wait until you find out that while she's sexually conservative with you she previously let Chad bareback in her ass, sucked a dude off in a department store dressing room, that she was part of a MFF threesome.

Will she let you do those things? Of course not. Why not? Because she sees sex with you as a chore, a reward to dole out for your provisioning and companionship - rather than something she truly desires on an animalistic level.

That was for those other guys. But not for you.

[–]JerryLawlerPigFace20 points21 points  (0 children) | Copy

Beat me to it. This is what stuck out to me also. One random person texted on a whim is asked to describe her and “horny” is the first word that comes to mind? Extremely telling. The fact that she has a rep and is now conservative in the bedroom with her now fiancée is just really off. She did god knows what with strangers and now won’t do that with the man she “loves”?

Idk man, tread lightly with this one.

[–]officerkondo7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is what would bother me...sounds like she gave out her best while on the carousel.

Exactly this. OP, what did all those other guys give her that you didn’t? Chlamydia.

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX19 points20 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yes, good catch. She’s a mirror for you OP. she had fun in college and that’s fine, but more concerning is that it sounds like you’ve pegged yourself as the safe Beta guy. Maybe postpone the wedding indefinitely until you figure this out. I’m not saying she’s not worth it. Some of these chicks do figure their shit out later in life and they find their place so to speak.

[–]aDrunkenWhaler25 points26 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sorry to spoil the wishful thinking, but once a hoe, always a hoe. They figure their shit out until they have a ring on their finger and maybe a couple of kids, but as soon as they get bored their inner slut will surface. Getting away with half your shit doesn't help keep her in place either. Only a matter of time.

[–]juliusstreicher1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is it. She was 'horny' for all of them; with you, it's 'conservative...average...etc...'
Scary stuff. She values you as deserving 'average' and 'conservative' sex. Her past dudes get 'horny' behavior. Do you agree with her assessment of you?

And, at this age, she's supposed to be fucking you like a bunny, since she needs to get her baby making mandate out of the way. Except...she ain't.

You can drop her with no explanation. That isn't a bad thing. Just say "Well, I'm worried about it not working out." "We seem to be on different wavelengths." "I'm not sure that I'm ready...I prefer being alone, more." Or, make up some shit. You don't need to tell her it's because she was the town bike.

[–]Zanford26 points27 points  (0 children) | Copy

Marrying her would be the rash thing to do, you could lose half your shit. NOT marrying someone is never rash.

Well maybe if it's a billionaire heiress.

You said it yourself - you've lost all attraction to her. There is no point in continuing a relationship, much less a legal entanglement.

[–]sagaray30428 points29 points  (0 children) | Copy

So, I have a friend who went through this (don't we all have that one friend?). There are far more experienced redpillers than I who have given you advice. It will take time for you to digest it and get through it all. BUT you don't have the time, so keep this in mind:

People will try to shame you, guilt you and outright ostracize you if you don't do the right thing. What is the right thing you may ask and you have. For society, the right thing here is the woman's wellbeing - her feelings. Your fiance. You don't matter. Your feelings don't matter. Your well-being doesn't matter.

BUT for you, the right thing is to do what you feel like, what you want to do. If you want to break up with her, then there is nothing wrong with that. Reasons don't matter. What matters is you. Your self-esteem, your confidence, your ability to judge for yourself and trust yourself. Once you lose it, it's hell getting it back.

Society will break you down, use your own guilt against you, use convoluted arguments to convince you what you believe and feel aren't right. That you are being irrational, misogynist and a million other things. That is the only power they have over you, your guilt and shame for having the audacity to have thoughts and feelings that reflect your values and ideas.

They will do their damnest to strip them away and make you a shell of a man. How dare you have the audacity to do what you want to do. How dare you expect your fiance to not have slept with half the town, she was finding herself. It's not her fault, she has no responsibility for her actions. It's in her past. Remember, these arguments are not reciprocal. They do not apply to you. That argument you had with her, all of a sudden it's not the past but a valid instrument in which to get a restraining order.

Do what you feel is right mate. Your feelings matter, no matter how irrational, controversial or against societal norms. No one else is going to take care of you. You don't owe anyone an explanation.

That friend of mine? - He's a shell of a man.

[–]huntersam1323 points24 points  (1 child) | Copy

"she's always struck me as being more on the average if not slightly conservative side of libido and openness."

She is like that with you... but she obviously isn't like that with other men. This is the biggest red flag of all... You are setting yourself up to be cuckolded.

[–]IDoOverStand6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

DUMP HER!!!!!!!!!

[–]kolluminko23 points24 points  (17 children) | Copy

i had this woman years ago, she wanted to get children with me. then i found out she fucked 50+ people before me. found out she was the mistress of husbands 20 years older than her. that she cheated. swallowed dick on toilets. oh man, it hurt so much when i found out.

she and her fucking single mother, her strongest advisor, wanted to sell this to me as healthy sexuality. that my gut feeling was in fact slut-shaming.

i tell you, do not listen to any woman's opinion on that. deep down they know that this is a hard dealbreaker, because it is. a man can't be safe for the rest of his life with a woman like that. she will suck toilet dick sooner or later, get bored, miss the past, whatever. every male who did not leave his balls at the wardrobe yet understands you. this is an evolutionary mechanism. you dont want to breed with a female you can't be sure of. this is not ego, this is reality. get out of this relationship, you will never recover from this and she will not be able to hide her true personality forever.

[–]WithItOrOnIt1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

How did you find out?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Jesus. Slut-shaming is ok when she’s really a fucking slut.

You can have a ho phase, sure, but you have to draw that line somewhere, damn

[–]Postergirl1109 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

Even though in one of your own posts you admitted that you’ve slept with over 100 women, but still have the audacity to criticise a women who’s slept with half that amount?? You’re an absolute joke mate.

[–]juliusstreicher3 points4 points  (13 children) | Copy

Just like kolluminko's example!

[–]Postergirl1109-2 points-1 points  (12 children) | Copy

How so?

The point I trying to make is that he has said “women like this can’t be trusted and will eventually get bored in a relationship because they can’t hide their true personality”

BUT wouldn’t he be exactly the same?? Seeing as he’s slept with over 100 women.

[–]kolluminko6 points7 points  (9 children) | Copy

you problem is that you think men and women are exactly the same. but they are not. they love differently, they have sex differently. you are coming from a very zeitgeisty cultural idelogy, but natur doesnt give a fuck, i am sorry. spend more time here and understand

[–]Postergirl1109-4 points-3 points  (8 children) | Copy

Yep so just reading your post about your heartbreak shows me exactly why you’re single. Change you’re attitude mate. You won’t be impressing any girls ever with you’re immature way of thinking. And it’s funny how your way of dealing with heartbreak is to go on Reddit and ask randoms if you should go out “fucking” LOL. Good luck on that.... Yuck 🤢

[–]kolluminko3 points4 points  (7 children) | Copy

haha, you are funny. lonely internet-girl lecturing me on trp. tits or GTFO

[–]Postergirl1109 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

Ok keep degrading women... I feel sorry for the girl you were with. Thankfully she stomped on your black heart. I’m sure she’s moved on already... balls deep and fucking loving it

[–]kolluminko3 points4 points  (5 children) | Copy

gentleman, see a typical millenial ego-inflated woman in action. sniffing around, trying to find weak spots like a bloodhound and then, when she thinks she found a wound, she scratches it as hard as she can. never trust them, only suffer in male company. i am really happy a place like trp exists. enjoy your ban, man shaming slob

[–]Postergirl11090 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

So telling me “tits or GTFO” makes you a better person because it’s in your “nature” as a man (wouldn’t really call you a man in my opinion, more like POS) and because I’m not a man I must be some millennial ego inflated women? TRP sounds like yours only friend and the only reason you don’t trust women is because they leave you because of the ABOVE. You’re a cunt. That’s all there is to it.

[–]juliusstreicher4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

BUT wouldn’t he be exactly the same?? Seeing as he’s slept with over 100 women.

No, because, contrary to PC and SJW philosophy/propaganda, men ARE different from women. This difference is fully explained in the THEREDPILL sub, so, I won't go into it.

We want equity, i.e., 'good for the goose good for the gander' stuff, but, life doesn't really give us that Disney ending, does it?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Just to play devils advocate here, even if a man was the same from sleeping with 100 women and thus could not be trusted, that's not what we're talking about in this thread. OP gave no indication that he slept with 100 women. He is asking about his fiancé who has slept with a lot of men. So your point, even if taken as hypothetically true, is not relevant at all.

[–]2comment21 points22 points  (0 children) | Copy

You have a good friend.

[–]batfish5516 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy

She's decided that you'll be a good provider, that's why she said yes. And she's be slightly conservative so you won't think she's a slut. Because if you did think she's a slut, you'd feel just like you do right now.

She's also being conservative because you're not turning her on as well as Chad Thundercock did. But you'll do. For now. Then, after a few years, she'll yearn for Chad's 14 inch personality again, and leave you. And take your house. And kids, if you have any.

Next. Also, go to the redpill sub and read everything on the sidebar.

[–]Casd1233 points34 points  (0 children) | Copy

Read this. It shows a direct correlation between the number of partners a women has and marriage failure rates.

Don't do it.

[–]TRP VanguardWhisper40 points41 points  (1 child) | Copy

Why the fuck are you even asking?

If you are getting married at all, then you don't fucking listen to what we have to say.

So, here's what you will do.

  • You will read a whole bunch of comments telling you not to do it.
  • Then you will do it.
  • Then she will cheat on you, not with a super alpha, but with some tweaker with a mullet and a service job.
  • And you will write us another post asking for advice you won't take.

[–]Original_Dankster22 points23 points  (0 children) | Copy

In fairness OP just discovered us (was directed to us more accurately) like an hour before his post

[–]Ironic_Gangster14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy

Nah, she has exhibited low value behavior in the past and the sheer fact that you feel negatively over this is an instinctual indicator that you probably shouldn't go down this path. Feelings are instinct. This specific feeling/instinct has evolved in us men as a natural cuckold defense and a measuring stick for where you are in the hierarchy compared to her.

You're instinct is saying "You can do better than a hoe and there's a higher probability of you taking care of some other man's kid without even knowing it." Plus, it's obvious that you now think less of her for this. Don't marry someone you feel this way about.

Another thing. If you know that she was horny in the past, but doesn't fuck you whenever you want now, she is not that attracted to you. She was attracted to the guys she fucked often back in the day. Not you.

End it.

[–]the_monk_of_tomorrow14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy

"Her genuine desire, her sexual best was never intended for him in the first place."

[–]ElOweTea12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy

OP if I were you, not only am I calling the whole thing off, but I would demand for the engagement ring back and whatever engagement jewellery i bought for her so I can re-sell it and get my money back.

[–]ElOweTea9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

Another thing OP, lmao, she's older than you at 26? Damn man she'll be hitting that wall at breakneck speed. Eject ASAP

[–]loganal 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

what if I told you, if you read the sidebar of /r/theredpill, get big muscles and cool hobbies while cultivating a social circle, you can fuck prime babes well into your 50s? At the very least? I think you'd be lying if you said you weren't interested. Not only does trp promise this, but the advice within makes it an attainable reality. go forth my son, dump all sloots to the gutter and live your ONE life to the fullest my dude.

[–]empatheticapathetic9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

He hasn't understood that monogamy is dead for this to really appeal to him yet. He's only just peeking through the veil.

It's a lot of work and no guarantees. Don't promise him something without the disclaimer.

[–]1319Skew23 points24 points  (2 children) | Copy

You have two paths. Do some soul searching, take a red pill and thank whatever deity you worship for that chance meeting. Don't get married,fuck women and be happy.

Swallow your ego. Realize your potential fiancé was a whore, roll the dice and get married. Maybe she'll fuck another dude or branch swing or divorce rape you. Maybe she won't and you'll retire by a beach.

People fuck. Sex feels good and if you dig up the past you'll get dirty. Your precious wallflower, could have been the slut that video taped herself sucking off a homeless man on a dare and posted it online for everyone jerked off to.

Or maybe she's made a few decisions, slept around and is really invested in you.

I don't sit and think about who my plates fucked because it's my turn and baring it happening while I'm with her it doesn't really matter to me but I'm not emotionally or financially invested. You are.

Best of luck to you and sorry for the pain. Use it to strengthen yourself and I hope to compete one day with you for that hot 10 with the nice tits.

[–]anylegtypes 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

She doesn't know I know, but this is extremely hard to keep to myself. When I saw her again I just acted like I wasn't feeling great and went to bed. I don't know what to do guys! This has completely changed my perception of her. I'm legitimately grossed out by the thought of having sex with her, and I've even had thoughts of calling off the engagement.

I think the key point that those in r/relationships were missing is that, at this stage, it does not matter whether you are justified in feeling this way or not.

You could be a complete asshole who unjustly shames women and has outdated sexual views and is treating her with total disrespect... and that would not change what course of action you should take here.

Should a racist hold their beliefs? No. Should they try to change? Absolutely. But should they marry someone of a different race while they are still a racist? Definitely not, because it's just going to cause trouble.

In the same way, the simple fact that you DO now feel this way about your fiance strongly suggests that you should break it off with her. You might become less sexually judgemental over time if you chose to work on it and push yourself in that direction, but it's not going to happen any time soon, and you're just going to have a disastrous marriage in the meantime that causes both of you an incredible amount of pain.

Break it off, be polite about it, don't tell her why, and move on.

After that point, THEN you can decide if you want to try to change your beliefs about sex, or persist with them but find a less promiscuous girl. It's really up to you.

[–]fyouIgotthis[S] 15 points16 points  (9 children) | Copy

Wow, really like the racism analogy. Made me think hard. But how would I be a me to just suddenly break off an engagement for no other explainable reason?

[–]anylegtypes 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

Without giving you an actual speech, you might explain:

  • You were and are deeply in love with her
  • You got engaged to her with genuine intention of marrying
  • Since then, you have reconsidered your views on marriage and do not think you could go through with it
  • You know that this will hurt her and there is no way around it, but you are deeply saddened by that
  • You do not think that a relationship after a marriage cancellation would stand a good chance of recovery, so you would prefer to end the relationship rather than drag it on for years trying to rebuild trust

Just know that she won't buy a word of this, will question you on ulterior motives etc, will likely suspect you have been cheating, and so on. Not much you can do about this, just do the best you can to handle it sensitively so it's not even more painful than it's already guaranteed to be.

Note that explaining it, or even coming up with another, bullshit reason is likely to cause even more damage, especially if you get caught in any inconsistency (now or later). Ain't a good way out of this.

[–]pridebrah12 points13 points  (3 children) | Copy

You do not think that a relationship after a marriage cancellation would stand a good chance of recovery

Can attest to this being true. Did this exact thing and the relationship was rocky afterward with the cancellation being thrown in my face numerous times. Know that if you cancel it, it is absolutely in your best interest to call it a day on the relationship as a whole.

[–]redrogue124 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

Yeah and whatever excuse he gives, they will try to dig for a better explanation at which point he must hold his ground and explain his decision no more.

[–]pridebrah1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy


[–]redrogue122 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah a few times I gave an "explanation" at which point it sounds ridiculous and you immediately lose all power in the dynamic. All excuses, no matter how valid, sound like shit when expressed.

[–]Original_Dankster4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

You do not think that a relationship after a marriage cancellation would stand a good chance of recovery,

100% on point. Cancel a wedding, and even if you do sick with her and eventually marry, she will pull that event out of the mental shit list she keeps and use it as a nuclear guilt-seeking blame missile repeatedly.

[–]Soderbergh1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly. Never tell her what you have discovered about her. This will only cause pain and drama for both of you. She deserves to not be judged harshly for her past. You deserve to be with a quality woman. Both of those ideas can happen at the same time if you come up with a reason to break up with her. This is not the time to be thinking about why you're lying to her about breaking up. This is the time to think of more important things like lives not getting fucked up.

[–]LethalShade1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I mean bro, you went into a random bar and found a bunch of random guys that told you your fiancé was basically a horny slut that they all fucked. Maybe don't exactly phrase it like that but I think anyone you tell this to would understand.

You went into one random bar and found one dude and his two buddies that fucked your girl. How high do you think the number is if you take all the bars near you and everyone in general? At least 10x, if not much more.

Up to you what you do with that information.

[–]atlas8719 points20 points  (1 child) | Copy

Hey man, first off that sucks to hear, but all is not lost. I agree that you should pop over to The Red Pill subreddit and start reading. If you’re new to this perspective, keep an open mind and just see how many things start clicking into place re your girls behavior.

Generally, I am one of the minority that supports marriage in this sub as a structure within which children should be raised. I also think if you’re going to commit to that, it’s full blown monogamy and you abandon all ideas of being a player. You also go down with that ship. Child support ain’t shit IMO compared to the prospect of losing my kids. All that said, you have to be a man that is capable of exciting and challenging your wife if you have any hope of her not being shady. You do that by being a competent man that knows what he’s about, knows how to seduce and turn a woman on, and is ready to lead a family.

Okay, so back to your situation. What you are experiencing is simultaneously the death of your fiancé, and having to live with the person who killed her. It’s tough, but don’t let on that things are off quite yet. Keep things close to the vest for now, but start getting things in order in case you do have to call it off.

There are two parts that concern me about your situation. First, the fact that her promiscuity is a shock to your system says something. We don’t know the extent of her past exploits, and that’s not really what’s important now. 20 dudes isn’t that different from 75 if your response is gonna be disgust either way. This may be irreconcilable if you are learning for the first time that women like sex. The women that I would describe as “horny lmao” usually REALLY like the type of degrading sex that would probably not sit well with you.

Second, the fact that she isn’t the “horny” girl she was with these other guys is something you need to look in the mirror about and is by far the most concerning part. If you haven’t drawn that out of her yet, it would take a massive change in your outlook on life to become the man that illicits that response and knows how to push those buttons. In this day and age, this is usually discovered by trial and error in the dating scene.

At the end of the day, none of us know you or your situation. Go read the side bar at TRP and do what makes sense. If anything is a deal breaker as far as I can tell, it’s that you aren’t the type of man that is really turning her on sexually after she’s already experienced that with other men. That can be fixed, but trying to learn it within the context of a toxic relationship is counterproductive at best.

Edit: I wasn’t trying to be a dick with this post. The Red Pill is a fucking tough one to swallow, but its exactly what you need right now. Any of your shortcomings can be 100% remedied if you work on yourself. That’s the whole point of TRP. We’ve all been where you’re at and everyone wants to see you succeed.

[–]Mike_348712 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

Second, the fact that she isn’t the “horny” girl she was with these other guys is something you need to look in the mirror about and is by far the most concerning part. If you haven’t drawn that out of her yet, it would take a massive change in your outlook on life to become the man that illicits that response and knows how to push those buttons. In this day and age, this is usually discovered by trial and error in the dating scene.

Exactly this. Shit I'm no saint. Been with quite a bit of women. If I ever get married, I'm sure the woman I marry won't be a virgin and may have 20+ partners. But that's ok to me if we have mind blowing horny sex - - if I can dominate her and make her scream things like "Ima dirty slut, fuck my ass", etc...

The fact that she isn't HORNY with YOU is a concern.

[–]XT3M310 points11 points  (3 children) | Copy

LMFAO at the post in that thread.

"the past is the past"

the constant ganging up on OP while white knighting your soon to be ex.

as for the actual advice. seems like this girl was your unicorn and hearing these stories about her is now breaking your view of her. you set this girl on a pedestal and it's been knocked down.

the first red flag is she REFUSED to answer your question about body count. this either means sges ashamed or figured you would see her like this. fact is, you still gave her commitment/security and while doing so I guess imagine she had a smaller count than you which I'm guessing is low.

sex is different for you compared them because she doesn't have to try as hard with you. you already gave her what she wanted. compared to all the chads before you. a girl who is down for you completely has no limits (or barely any)

what you should do? clearly the image you have is shattered. and she will never be the same. no matter what. so break up with her. you go your own way and she goes her. you are setting your self up to possibly be cheated on later and setting up your own unhappiness. just end it saying you aren't ready yet blah blah. get ring back and etc.

my question is a repeat tho of 1 from the other topic. are you actually looking for help or just seeing who is going to agree with whatever plan you had in your head to possibly stay or go?

[–]fyouIgotthis[S] 17 points18 points  (2 children) | Copy

I am actually looking for help. So far trp guys have been the most helpful and calm, which I appreciate.

[–]Venny_16 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

There is another aspect of this entire dilemma that you must consider:

Do you like to have your dick sucked? Do you like to do anything besides "the 2 positions that she feels comfortable in"? Do you like to initiate a spontaneous sex session and have your significant other be thrilled about it?

If your answer is yes to all 3 above then break it off with her immediately. Why? Because she has shown you prior to marriage what she is willing to do with you sexually, and it's not gonna get better from there. You have to respect your own wishes in the sexual arena, before you respect her wishes.

Idiots will try to shame you into forgetting your own desires by saying: "how dare you expect her to suck your dick! If she doesn't want to then she doesn't want to. Her body, her choice!!"

And they are right; her body, her choice. But before you think about her body and her choice, think about your own body, your own choices, your own sexual desires, your own instincts that need fullfulling, because the most important human being in your life is you, and noone else.

If you break up with her now and find yourself a honey who craves to have your dick sucked (so fucking easy to find), then you can just count your stars that you didn't end up in a dead bedroom situation, which will eventually happen.


[–]XT3M36 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

compared to the first topic we keep it real here. and explain things. most of us are here now cause our unicorn broke like yours is now.

just be sure if you want to become like us, read the sidebar and the recommended books to make sure something like this never happens to you again.

[–][deleted] 31 points32 points  (4 children) | Copy

That whole thread is women just like your fiancé. They too probably slept with a lot of men which is why they're defending it. They too are lonely as hell/pump and dump material because of their promiscuous past and deep down are probably ashamed.

Asking the relationships sub how to proceed in that situation would be just about as predictable as asking the_donald who you should vote for in the 2016 election.

that being said, you being disgusted by your fiancés actions just shows you prefer to not marry an overly promiscuous woman. Don't let some harpies shame you into doing something you don't want to. If you prefer less promiscuous partners, then stick to your guns. You don't want to marry this woman and wake up to her everyday thinking about how much of a whore she was.

[–]Postergirl1109-3 points-2 points  (2 children) | Copy

God, you sound like a moron...

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

My boyfriend [26M] keeps comparing me [21F] to another girl [25F], and wants me to be like her. How do I make him stop? submitted 1 month ago by [deleted] to r/askwomenadvice close Postergirl1109 • 147 points • submitted 1 month ago I can’t believe you wasted 2 minutes writing this when you could’ve been dumping his ass. He sounds like such a POS. When you dump him, make sure you remind him that Maria never wanted a loser like him. And now, neither do you

I agree, she should dump his ass. He's being petty and unrealistic given the context of the thread. Maybe there's more brooding beneath the surface and it's just a relationship that needs to end. I personally feel that if you feel slighted and need to ask strangers on the internet for advice it's probably going to end or just a crappy relationship all around.

By that logic, OP should dump his fiancé because she isn't the type of women he prefers to spend his life with. Not everyone is super progressive in a "let it all hangout" kind of way, and to some people sex is an act that you don't just engage in with anyone whether it's for religious reasons, desires to avoid STDs/pregnancy, or just simply because you see it as something special.

That's not to say having a sex life is "bad" for anyone. Ultimately you make that decision for yourself and sometimes that comes with living with the consequences of said decision. Some people just prefer different types of sex lives and people should respect that without feeling the need to belittle someone and call them insecure or similar bullying.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks 🙏

[–]nhlfod218 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

No doubt this is a lot to take in at once, but DO NOT get married until this is sorted out in your head. TRP is not a joke, and you are not going to get it right away. AWALT and the only thing that you can change is yourself.

[–]pridebrah7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

I don't think OP will actually next this chick because most guys that come here for advice don't actually take it.

With that said, this is definitely something that will bother you forever so it's best to rip the scab off now if it bothers you that much (and it sounds like it should since her libido doesn't live up to legend).

Shoutout to your friend, too.

[–]potato-stache6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Your sex life with her is average but you found out she was a wild feral when she was younger. Just another story that will lead to 'I found out my wife of 7 years been cheating on me. She only let me have sex with her once a month' case.

Here's the thing, your fiancee is 26yo, not 56 or 66yo. Her sexual urge is strong as any other women in mid-20s. Be it the porn star, the party girl, the quiet nerd but cute girl you always saw in your fav bookstore, the top college student or the nurse. They all will get the same type of horny and wild with Chad on bed at that age. Remember we are all animals on this earth. If she strucks you as 'average conservative' on bed, something is wrong. Very very very wrong.

Now thank the universe for showing you the sign before you get married and have kids with her. So many dudes in divorce and custody battle from similar background wish they got the sign like you.

[–]3d_truth7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's very common for men to find women very sexual but when she finally settles with a beta provider, that beta doesn't bring out the sexual side of her.

Ive heard loads of stories here where beta men think their gf is conservative in the bedroom, not willing to give head etc. But she is willing to go ass to mouth with any other alpha male that wants to fuck her.

Read sex god method.

[–]bruiser186 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

End it.

Take my advice. I was with a girl for 2 years before I found out she was a whore. She had slept with 20 something black guys by the time I met her (she was 17) and was known for being a slut. I was never able to get over it, I was unhappy being with her and we suffered a shitty relationship for about a year before it ended due to how I felt about her.

Shame, some women are just amazing until you find out about her past, and they say the past doesn't matter but it definitely does. Do you want your kids to come out of the same vagina all those guys have been inside? You kiss the mouth that has sucked off all those guys? Do you wanna introduce her to your friends, and have all your friends think the same thing: she's a whore.

Don't do it, it's unfortunate but you'll move on and accept it just like I did. I'm sorry.

Edit: I promise you, everything you know about her, is most likely less than half of the full story.

[–]Andgelyo6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

+1. The past absolutely does matter. If I’m having sex with some dumb broad I don’t care how Chads used her up as long as I get to wreck her ass too. If it’s a woman who I actually envision settling down with and having kids, you bet your ass I’m gonna screen her to make sure she’s suitable and worthy of my commitment.

[–]bruiser183 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

This x1000

[–]eganist5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

/r/relationship_advice mod here with a meta-comment

For the sake of future posts, can we switch www to np in crossposted threads? Crossposting is fine, but while I don't personally agree with the views expressed in this subreddit generally, I can appreciate that many people are able to hold their own views and not become vindictive about it.

That said, that's not always the case, and usually whenever we see a crosspost, we see some amount of brigading as a result.

TL;DR: you can do what you want, but we'd really prefer it if you use np.reddit when you crosspost, just as a courtesy. We can enforce the same on our end.


[–]El_Serpiente_Roja4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

You dont get over this type if thing, its either cope or next. Seriously.

[–]chasebandz015 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

get rid of her man. her duplicity is a red flag. if she owned up to being a whore, great, at least she gave you the story. she didn't. she obfuscated reality. get rid of her.

[–]DevilishRogue4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

how tf do I tell her it's because of her past?

"Listen, Stacey, I've decided to call things off. It's your past. Your decisions don't give me the confidence that this relationship would work. Bye."

[–]redarkane5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

She's willingly gave her body to how many guys for free.. And you're going to put a ring on it? And potentially get divorce raped? Think with your head and not your heart mate. The heart is weak.

[–]Bear-With-Bit4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

You've come to the cancer wing. Every problem like this to us is cancer and thus every solution here is chemo.

Either jump in and end it or don't come back and marry her.

[–]Soderbergh4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

These kinds of discoveries are sad. Here's this wonderful person about to be your life partner who turns out to be a giant skank. Men like to hold up women as these shiny objects of hotness hoping deep down that they will make their lives better only to realize so many of the seemingly better ones are not really worth their time.

That's the issue with this one. She's not worth your time. You sound like a smart guy who deserves a relatively honest girl. Sure, those are hard to find. But this one's been sleeping with the football team. Imagine the poor quality person she has to be to be one of those girls. 100% of the girls I've known like that have been abused or seriously hurt in some way and have tons and tons of emotional baggage requiring therapy. You just discovered the tip of the iceberg I'm sure.

Here's the strategy I would use going forward:

  1. I would first and foremost make peace immediately with never knowing the full truth about her. If you handle yourself right you could of course figure everything out in time. But it would hurt you and take too long so don't go down that road.

  2. I would decide on a rock solid reason to tell her for breaking up and then do it. It should be as real to you as humanly possible. Because chicks are geniuses at knowing when you're lying she will probably figure out that you're bullshitting her if it's a weak reason. Which will then lead to her unravelling everything about you and your friends discussion. That's a disaster to avoid so be careful.


  1. I would go all in with TRP. All the core tenants are very close to explaining how the real world actually works. It's not perfect philosophy, but in a year or so of hardcore learning you will be well past this slutty fiance of yours and with a new awesome girl.

Btw, we know sluts are not evil. Your fiance isn't evil. She is just a whore and deserves her whore future. Just don't be a part of it. In the next decade your fiance will sleep with more guys, maybe cheat a couple times and generally be shitty in bed with her beta partners as they try to decipher her ass loads of emotional baggage. Don't be involved in that bullshit - it will lower your quality of life.

Instead find a chick who other guys have no/minimal gross stories about. They do exist.

[–]3d_truth3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don't feel bad btw dude. Realize how extremely lucky you are. You have been given this gift to unplug right before its too late.

[–]ThisIsAgent0073 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Did any of you read the top comments in the original thread? That shit is just hilarious.

[–]DirtyBastard133 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Search your feelings brain. You know the correct answer...

PS... Dump her...

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I went through something similar with a past long term relationship. Society shames men for “slut shaming” but in my opinion it is pretty fucking normal to not want to be the guy who marries the village bicycle.

In my current state I wouldn’t really give a fuck because I don’t plan on getting married. But back then before I discovered TRP, I was really insecure about it.

And the thing is, me and my LTR had a great sex life. Sex 2 times a day minimum most days (it was college we had a lot of free time). And she was a freak for me and basically did anything I wanted her to do in bed.

But once I found out about her past I just couldn’t get the picture of her doing stuff like that with other guys out of my head. And to be honest it was one of the factors leading to me breaking up with her.

I’ve matured a lot since then, but from the tone of your post it sounds like you won’t be able to move past this. I know it’s tough but I’d say it’s best that you move on.

[–]rcwhitaker2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

OP it is unfair to yourself to stay with this person when they've not contributed to you what you have to them.

[–]_the_shape_2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

End it before you start dropping serious money (or any more money if you already have) toward the fulfillment of a contract with someone you have grown to become highly suspicious of (you shouldn't get married anyway, even if you trusted her with your life, but you've already been told that on here I see)

You will lock yourself up in a cage of your own doing if you go through with this marriage. You can end it now, or shell out an ungodly amount for the marriage and festivities, then go through a gut-wrenching divorce (hopefully with no children involved) just a few years down the line because the buried secrets of thought of your (now) wife getting drilled by one Chad after another is slowly eating you alive. Mark my words, the resentment will cause the relationship to explore, especially if her libido drops from the "5" that it's presently at to a "3" or lower.

Unlike the other sub, I'm not telling you to "get over it" because "the past is the past" or some bullshit like that. What stands out to me is that you're still quite young, your trust for your fiance is rapidly declining (and will likely continue to plummet), you're about to get married (which you should never do), you've now discovered that the word to describe her once upon a time was "horny", and here you have a girl who's sexually lukewarm toward you.

I'd simply go with "I'm not ready/I wasn't ready for marriage" as for your reason. Make it existential. Fuck it. All of this will get swept under the rug and people will leave you alone over it (eventually), but it's your life, and if they can't accept your decisions, then fuck 'em. Don't let the pressure force you into doing something you don't want to go through with anymore. The truth is that we men virtually always come out as the bad guys once a relationship reaches an end, so you might as well embrace it.

[–]hellprince72 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Take a few weeks off, no contact.. . . . .

See what happens . . . .

Maybe you need to move on. . . .

[–]IDoOverStand2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

id demote her to plate instead of breaking. yeah cancel marriage and have sex and thats it

[–]FUCK_YEA_GLITTER2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Last thing you want is a whore who fucks like a prude. Get out now dude, your long term happiness is on the line.

[–]AVWA2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I concur with all the comments. You need to end this. Just posting in case you needed extra confirmation. Dm for a more thorough conversation.

[–]CommanderCumlord2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

If I were you, I would be fucking crushed like I'm sure you are. You're not alone, many have felt that feeling of deep disgust and betrayal you feel now. She faked you out and almost got you to sign on the red dotted line. But guess what, you're so fucking lucky you found out- most guys never do. Change your perspective: You just hit the lottery and get a chance to meet a new better woman.

You're not yet aware of the material and perspective here, so you wouldn't see clearly how mechanically her actions are rational and make sense. Why would you want to commit to a partnership with someone who hasn't been honest, hasn't been open with you, and hasn't given her love to you? You wouldn't want that if you were thinking rationally. I'm not saying she is a bad or evil person who wanted to hurt you. Actually the opposite, she didn't want to hurt you. But she wanted her cake - fucking every guy under the sun - and to eat it to - marry a good guy. That's not what you want though man, your gut is literally screaming in disgust because you're repulsed by that behavior.

Do the reading the other guys recommended. Just understand nobody here actually hates women, (don't listen to those that do), that's a common misconception. What the guys in here are advocating, which can come across as harsh, is to stand up for yourself. Stand up for yourself against someone who has misrepresented themselves to the point where you have been embarrassed and fully made out to be a fool in front of others. Don't be scared to walk away - it's your most powerful point of negotiation.

You should definitely post an update once you think this through and give yourself some time to make a decision. If you want to carry through with this knowing what you now know.. best of luck to you, I can only hope you don't get burned my friend.

[–]throwitdownman2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Get out of a bad situation. Learn, and next time, remember PRE-SELECTION. You do it with cars right? Seek out reviews? Test drive it a bit? Project it’s value in a few years? Look at MILEAGE? Learn to control your emotions, use your brain to preselect instead of being guided by feelings such as ‘sunk cost’ and blaming yourself.

[–]daymi0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Get out of a bad situation.

‘sunk cost’

This is so important. OP, read this article: sunk cost fallacity. Don't marry her. Dear god don't.

[–]its_meKnightSwolaire2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Welcome to TRP.

Get ready man because when I discovered the main sub in 2014 my life did a 180!

[–]its_meKnightSwolaire2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Lol post wall women in this thread. This is men’s safe place! Fuck off hags

[–]blackedoutfast2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

don't get married.

definitely don't get married to this chick.

when you dump her, don't get into an argument or have a long discussion or agree to take a break to think about it or go to counseling or any of the other things she may suggest. try to extricate yourself from the situation as much as possible before she finds out. then dump her hard and fast.

don't tell her (or anyone else) that you're dumping her because she used to be a huge whore. if you do, people will try to make you look like the bad guy and give you shit about slut-shaming and how the past is the past and shouldn't matter and all that like the idiots in the other thread. also, any women in your future that find out you ended an engagement because you found out the girl had a slutty past will be even more careful to hide their own slutty past.

if people insist on knowing why, just say something like "i found out that she lied to me about something very important that i couldn't forgive and that's all i want to say about it" and most people will assume she cheated on you.

women have a dual-pronged reproductive strategy. they fuck sexy alpha guys who turn them on sexually. but then they try to rope gullible beta guys in to be good providers and help them raise kids.

in this situation, you are the beta bucks, not the alpha fucks. your fiancee wasn't really sexually attracted to you (that's why she was more sexually conservative with you than all those dudes she fucked while she was riding tje cock carousel). she was with you because she saw you as a solid, reliable, good provider who would give her a wedding and family. she only fucked you because she had to.

[–]nofucksgiven-exe1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Have you ever brought up her sexual past? If she lied to you then she's out instantly. If she just didn't talk about it she could still be LTR material; she's not crazy, she's just not likely to have actually changed, therefore a not yours-just your turn situation.

Either way, don't get married. Will probably end your relationship when you say you want to call it off, but tough shit; better than divorce.

[–]juliusstreicher1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Have you ever brought up her sexual past?

He did. She just refused to tell him.

Which, to me, is another red flag. Of course, she can refuse to tell him, but, I'm seeing that extending further into his marriage. "Honey, we haven't had sex in 8 months...what's the problem?" "Listen, are you starting with that again?? I don't have to explain myself to you!"

[–]ArticulateSavage1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She was never yours, it WAS just your turn.

If you marry this girl, OP, you are in for a lifetime of heartache and poverty.

[–]BluntMFer1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Lol at the beta bucks here. Honestly she's going to tell you "that it was before you met her" but that's what all hoes say.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy


[–]Nyquil-Junkie1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I don't know my fiance's number and she doesn't know mine, but that's because she refused to answer it a long time ago when it came up.

If I read that right.... and I hope I didn't..... and you're gonna marry her... With all do respect I'll ask;

Are you stupid or something?

[–]its_meKnightSwolaire1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Your best friend is the real MVP and just saved you thousands, maybe more

[–]0kool741 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

But how tf do I tell her it's because of her past? How do I tell other people why it was called off? Is that even a legitimate reason?

How do you tell her? You just simply tell her it's because of her past. You'll understand why when I answer the 3rd question.

As far as for what you tell other people, it's none of their business and they can fuck off. But, if you feel the need to tell them something, you can tell them it's because you no longer wish to marry her.

As far as for is it a legitimate reason......HELL GOD DAMN MOTHER FUCKING YES IT'S A LEGITIMATE REASON!!!!! Why you ask? Because you will be confined to a life of starfish duty sex, no blow jobs, no anal, no kink, just missionary most likely with the lights off. None of the stuff she did with those other guys will be on the table for you. Now.....if you think that you can be ok with accepting that reality, then sure......go ahead and marry her. Otherwise, RUN!!!!!!

[–]ditchthisaccount37490 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

A lot of what you read right here OP will be painful to hear. It's all the truth and you may not want to accept it because anger will be blocking your logic and will put you in denial. You need to read the sidebar material in r/theredpill . Again this material will be hard to accept but soon enough you'll read something that clicks with your past and present experiences and the realisation will make you think clearly and help with your decision making. And once you have read that orientation material the content in these comments will have more impact.

[–]jahesus0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Her n count is fucking irrelevant. Don't get fucking married. You lose everything if you do. Learn from others, there's nothing in it for you

[–]7Fig0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

There's a real paradox going on here. If you choose to be the kind of man who bends to the pressure and will of everyone else telling him to just stick it out, it was in the past, don't overreact: You'll live the blue pill life and slowly give up every inch of yourself until there is nothing left.

If you choose to live the life you want surrounded by the kind of people you want: You'll close this chapter with her abruptly and stoically. There is no need for theatrics. Simply move forward without her. This will cause the most shocking result you have ever seen. She will feel your rejection and use every female weapon she has to bring you back into frame. She'll be your little slut, she'll get nasty and try to humiliate you, and you'll have to ignore it all.

You will have to leave her to get her to be the kind of woman you'd want to be with. But your time with this one is over, and that's just how it is.

[–]juliusstreicher1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You will have to leave her to get her to be the kind of woman you'd want to be with.

Wow, this really puts OP's dilemma into focus. Of course, all of the other advice is spot on, but, this answers his question of dumping her.

OP wants a wife who isn't a passaround, and who will fuck him with some degree of enthusiasm. This chick meets exactly ZERO of those requirements.

[–]alleyteris0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

bro the first thing you should do in this case is , go to theredpill subreddit and read the side bar in one sitting, after you do this then go buy the book called :The rational male by Rollo tomasi . Until you have done this steps you MUST not continue with the mariedge . Do this steps ,think hard and then decide for yourself

[–]devilkingx20 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The only issue imo is that your girlfriend isn't into you enough to be YOUR naughty little freak, but she was into all those other losers that much.

It doesn't matter that your gf isn't a pure little snowflake or any of that shit, what matters is that she's a dirty naughty girl for everyone except the guy who actually has to buy the milk.

It's like buying a car and finding out that driving it is a privelege only for people who didn't buy it

[–]DarkWhale___0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I’m super late to this post but I hope you dumped her. She knows exactly what she’s doing which is the scariest part of all this. Keeping you in the dark. That’s a huge red flag. Her past is another. Don’t let anyone ever tell you “the past is the past”. The past is everything. EVERYTHING. That’s what has led to who she is now. Same for you. I’m sure she enjoys the fact that you probably spent your past working on yourself and your career. Your past is beneficial to her. Yet her past is riddled with her sex addiction. Not like she was going steady with a quality guy or two. It’s the female equivalent to man addicted to porn. Is that something you want to put a ring on and raise kids with? She probably didn’t have tie to learn how to act like a proper woman in between all her quicky relationships. Meanwhile you seem like a responsible, respectable guy who has his head and his priorities straight. Fuck all those rancid hoes trying to sell you a used up sex junky and passing it off as a wife. Don’t accept that bullshit.

[–]cl3537-2 points-1 points  (1 child) | Copy

You thought you were marrying a virgin? How superficial and immature can you be.

I never understood the how many guys she slept with lowering or raising her value arguments.

If you are looking for a reason not to marry her or break it off, that is a silly one but you don't need a reason just end it.

[–]juliusstreicher2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You thought you were marrying a virgin? How superficial and immature can you be.

You are totally mischaracterizing what he wrote, and you know it. This is worse than superficial, and it is emphatically immature. When did the word virgin EVER come up on this thread? You do not belong here.

I never understood the how many guys she slept with lowering or raising her value arguments.

I submit that you DID and DO understand that how many guys she slept with gives value. I think that you are a woman, and you know exactly why values are assigned as they are for a woman being a notorious slut or not.

If you are looking for a reason not to marry her or break it off, that is a silly one but you don't need a reason just end it.

I agree with this, LOL!

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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