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How to make wife stop being a hysterical bitch anytime the kids cry or she is stressed?

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April 25, 2020
17 upvotes

I have three kids, the youngest is 6 months old. It is very hard to raise kids, especially when they're young and cry and nobody is sleeping good. We're both tired all the time but we keep soldiering on. Have had tons of arguments in the last 6 months, screaming at each other, ready to divorce but thinking it'll be better once our youngest isn't so needy.

Tonight I'm trying to get my 3 year old to take a bath but she doesn't want to for some reason, and is crying so I dropped it. But my wife is now freaking out and launching into the whole 'I had to work all day and you only get the kids riled up when I'm trying to watch TV and I have to do EVERYTHING around this house and I never get a break RAAAAA' that I'm sure many of you have experienced.

She calls me lazy, because I spent an hour watching the nfl draft last night. Usually I don't get so things on my own without her freaking out that I don't pull my weight. I do at least at much as she does, I'm a great dad. But she still starts attacking every time and I argue right back because she's so fucking wrong. How do I handle this better? It's so hard not to tell her she's an idiot and she's freaking out over nothing.


Post Information
Title How to make wife stop being a hysterical bitch anytime the kids cry or she is stressed?
Author Psilocybik
Upvotes 17
Comments 51
Date 25 April 2020 01:18 AM UTC (6 months ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/654701
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/g7ks87/how_to_make_wife_stop_being_a_hysterical_bitch/
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Comments

[–]SepeanRed Beret20 points21 points  (4 children) | Copy

  • Increase SMV. Lots of things run more smoothly when your wife is attracted to you. She’ll play along more, and BJs and signs of affection take the edge off how much the day to day sucks.

  • stop arguing. It is not just pointless, it is counterproductive. Either you have the leverage and respect that she does what you want, or you don’t. Arguing won’t change that.

  • Plan shit. We have 3 kids too, it is fucking hectic but you can help it run more smoothly. For example in the morning I have 3 alarms set - one when breakfast is over, one for when dressing is over, and one when toothbrushing and hair is over and we move to packing and getting out the door. Makes stuff run much more smoothly instead of being 15 minutes behind when you only have 5 minutes left. I also got them riled up for a speed drill morning with rewards where they had to get ready as fast as possible, to get them to practice and see how well they could do.

  • move away from yelling at kids to consequences. You can yell at them forever to get them to do shit - tell them they don’t get ipads until it is done or they lose half their screen time, they comply without any hassle (once you’ve shown them you’re serious and did it and endured their bawling - keep the screen time code from your wife is she is prone to caving).

  • don’t expect your wife to play along. Ignore her sabotage and just make it work.

[–]wkndatbernardus4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

This dude dads.

[–]Psilocybik[S] -1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy

I got 3 BJs last week so I'm doing something right, but my problem is i don't know what. Thanks for the reply, this is all great info. I had better start posting in the OYS threads for continued feedback.

[–]SepeanRed Beret9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

Remember that alpha and beta are separate. You can be alpha and attractive and enjoy the fruits of that (love, sex), and fail entirely at all the beta stuff with providing and taking care of the family (so everything is a stressful mess and she’s frustrated, hysterical and freaking out from lack of comfort).

[–]Vegasman200020 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you think this is a) valid or b) matters, why are you here?

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret39 points40 points  (8 children) | Copy

Have had tons of arguments in the last 6 months

So, you have no frame

Tonight I'm trying to get my 3 year old to take a bath but she doesn't want to for some reason, and is crying so I dropped it.

And you let your 3 year old run stuff

She calls me lazy, because I spent an hour watching the nfl draft last night.

And you have no leadership

Anything else you want to let us know about?

How about you stop writing less about her and more about you.

  • Lifts, height/weight

  • which sidebar readings have you read

Maybe that will give us a better starting point than you whining about how bitchy your wife is. “No More Mr Nice Guy” jumps out as a good book for you.

[–]Psilocybik[S] 5 points6 points  (7 children) | Copy

I have read some of the side bar and like what I see. I also just bought NMMNG on kindle so I'll plow through that this week.

Not to write more about her but I'm going to since I'm a noob faggot and really like the responses I'm getting. She went to bed early last night, then when we woke up she said to our youngest "daddy's crabby", to which I STFU and got dressed. When I was leaning over putting my socks on, she came over and stood right in front of me. So I figured shit test incoming. I stood up and she says "are you done being crabby?" to which I ask her "are YOU done being crabby?" with a blank face. I hold eye contact for a few seconds and she then pulls my shirt to pull me in and hug me. I'm internally like thank goodness for not another fight, but knowing that there's so much I don't know that i can't even articulate how confusing this morning was.

I have so much to learn...

[–]ancient_resistanceShit coming out my eyeballs3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I also just bought NMMNG on kindle so I'll plow through that this week.

Next up: WISNIFG.

I stood up and she says "are you done being crabby?" to which I ask her "are YOU done being crabby?" with a blank face.

Still engaging at her level. STFU, STFU, STFU. Better response: confident smile, then kiss her.

[–]Tyred_BiggumsRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Maybe you should stop being crabby?

"Are you done being crabby?"

"Nope, let me pinch you with these crab claws" -> ass pinch. You sound like you have stick up your ass.

[–]ancient_resistanceShit coming out my eyeballs24 points25 points  (4 children) | Copy

Have had tons of arguments in the last 6 months, screaming at each other,

Why the fuck are you screaming at your wife like a bitch? Shut the fuck up.

Tonight I'm trying to get my 3 year old to take a bath but she doesn't want to for some reason, and is crying so I dropped it.

Your 3 year old's frame is stronger than yours and your wife is giving you shit? No way, really?

But my wife is now freaking out and launching into the whole 'I had to work all day ... RAAAAA' that I'm sure many of you have experienced.

Funny how my wife stopped doing this when I started lifting, reading, fogging, gaming, and leading.

But she still starts attacking every time and I argue right back because she's so fucking wrong. How do I handle this better? It's so hard not to tell her she's an idiot and she's freaking out over nothing.

She attacks you to TEST YOUR FRAME because she wants needs a man who is stronger than her. She's REALLY saying "why the fuck do I have so much control over the man I depend on?? why aren't you stronger than me and our kids??"

[–]FoxShitNasty8312 points13 points  (3 children) | Copy

Tonight I'm trying to get my 3 year old to take a bath but she doesn't want to for some reason, and is crying so I dropped it.

Get Kid in bath with clothes on.... Now get undressed.... They only did it once.

[–]Vegasman200026 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

This. I don't understand how parents let their kids run things. Mine know that if I say x will happen if you don't do y, I will follow through 100% of the time. As you say, you only have to follow through once.

[–]wkndatbernardus2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Haha, it is that simple. It's also awesome how 98% of women don't know how to do this. They must think it's a male superpower.

[–]Serbianthuggger0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

So fucking true. It's like it hurts too much to follow through to do it.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret13 points14 points  (2 children) | Copy

But she still starts attacking every time and I argue right back because she's so fucking wrong. How do I handle this better?

STFU.

Stop being a lazy faggot.

Sidebar.

This is the way.

[–]ancient_resistanceShit coming out my eyeballs6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

This is the way.

[–]tspitsatgp7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

Stumbled across this classic just after reading yours:

https://www.reddit.com/r/SAHP/comments/fzxlns/my_husband_has_zero_respect_for_what_i_do/

This is you right now. Your wife hates you. She fantasies about divorce raping your ass to inflict pain on you. Let that sink in, you are such a disappointment of a man that she fantasies about inflicting pain on you.

You’ve got some work to do. Start with Steele’s guide.

[–]theDukesofSwagger2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Holy shit, the comments.

[–]skuttt11 points12 points  (3 children) | Copy

It doesn’t matter if she’s wrong. Women are usually wrong. Be the oak. Man up. Read the material. She’s looking to you to manage the family and be the strength in your family she needs. When she accuses you of not doing enough around the house what she really means is she doesn’t feel you are man enough for your family.

[–]RedPillGlasses5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Women are usually wrong.

It’s funny how often my live in gf will readily admit this when she’s calm, but then steadfastly defend her retarded ass female thinking two days later.

[–]nordicpolarbear4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yes manage the family. Recognize she is at breaking point and needs mental rest so give it to her. Take the kids out in the evening to the park without her for several hours. Have a fun time with them make your bond stronger. Have a picnic or pretend your camping kids love that shit. This is how to apply “manage the family”. Also, make sure you’re spending quality time with her away from the kids as well. Make it happen!

[–]wkndatbernardus1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

For sure. I always say that a dad/husband's default should be to take care of everything himself, especially at first, and then delegate as needed. Most men don't realize that they can run circles around women when it comes to domestic shit and it isn't even that hard/time-consuming.

[–]FrickOffAHS8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Read the sidebar. Specifically DARE vs DEER. You should never find yourself arguing with her

[–]RStonePT7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Lol @ the 3 year old getting a choice

[–]slappysq2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

What are your lifts and bf%?

[–]Psilocybik[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Lifts are shit, I'm skinny and weak. 15% BF. Have made it this far on good looks and dressing nice, pretty much. I'm doing a home workout now with some dumbells and a pullup bar, with bodyweight for the rest. I want a home gym when prices go down.

[–]HeckleandChide4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy

I’m sure you’ve got a 6 pack, have your budget nailed down, are crushing your job, planning for the future, dress well, keep a well-maintained car / garage / house, and have a few kickass hobbies too.

[–]Psilocybik[S] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Never claimed to. That's why I'm here. Needed to hear this though, thank you.

[–]academicRedditor7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

A lot of the advice here seems SOLID, but unnecessary BRUTAL 🤔! Take them, but disregard the tone. If “the fool is the precursor of THE SAVIOR”, you are already stepping out of your comfort zone, willing to be “ a fool” by asking essential questions about these complex interactions.... M/F dynamics so many of us never learned at home or school. I learned A LOT by reading these (unnecessary harsh) answers myself! Also, thanks for being a dedicated father. The world needs that, so bad. Thats how “saving the world” actually looks like. Thank you, and best wishes in your RP journey 🙏🏼

[–]ancient_resistanceShit coming out my eyeballs1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

unnecessary BRUTAL

If you can't deal with this shit from retards on the internet, how the fuck are you going to stand up to your wife and kids? Or other men when they are actively tearing you down?

Take them, but disregard the tone.

Fuck no. I used to think this way until a few red berets kicked my ass and the lights went on: this shit is training me for the actually hard shit in life. These high-value men are taking time out of their busy day to knock sense into me. Nobody does that out of malice. Men these days are way oversensitized and feminized, you can't take a few hard words from men on the Internet? fucking pussies. Man the fuck up.

[–]academicRedditor1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Good points were made! Thank you. I am not rooting for being “feminized”, but aiding understanding of WHERE people are coming from, and pointing out how the the hero’s journey is not always pretty: from Hercules, to Neo all the way to Ironman, we are ALL fools at first. ALL of us. “Embrace the suck”. That’s what I am saying.

[–]maxofreddit8 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy

You should be able to run the house without her. That’s when you know you’re leading.

Also, communication. If there 3 year old is freaking out about a bath, and you think it’s just not worth the effort, communicate that.

“Honey, she’s throwing a fit about the bath, and I’m just not in the mood tonight, so we’re skipping it, I’ll bribe her for one tomorrow.”

This verbally lets you (and your wife) know that a decision was made about bath time, and a solution has been reached. Instead of you not pulling your weight.

Alternatively, “Honey, little 3 yr old won’t get in the bath again, so I’m getting in too. I told her we’re out in 5 minutes. Do you have the other two for the next 5 minutes?”

From the sounds, you have a litany of covert contracts and a history of not leading. She has no reason to trust you or your thought process. You need to both lead by action, and at times, provide her with a new series of self talk that she has about you (that’s why you inform her of the steps your taking).

Read the sidebar. Lead by example.

[–]TRT_Maybe_Deca8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

Read the sidebar. Lead by example.

Where in the sidebar do I find the bit about letting the 3 year old call the shots in the house?

You say lead by example, and also tell him to let his kid throwing a fit dictate what is going to happen in the house... caving to a toddler is the example you want him to set?

A 3yr old throwing a fit means they are old enough to have learned that a temper tantrum means they get what they want. This isn't some spontaneous reaction from the kid. Children are a great tool in situations like this, they learn much quicker then an adult women.

[–]maxofreddit0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

to let his kid throwing a fit dictate what is going to happen in the house... Children are a great tool in situations like this, they learn much quicker then an adult women.

I'll give you both of these.

Also there is a more productive/easier path for some things than others. What I was bad at trying to communicate is that I see a lot of guys on here wondering why their drunk captain bulldozing leaves the family in chaos where there's a better way to do things.

There's a way to lead where everyone willingly and even eagerly follows, there's a way where they reluctantly fall in line. Generally speaking, it's better to lead by example so that the first happens, instead of not having your shit together and wondering why your wife doesn't respect you, or in the OPs words she "won't stop being a hysterical bitch."

I get what you're saying about the toddler running the show, and that wasn't the point I was trying to make. Funny enough, in retrospect, if he doesn't even have the respect of his toddler, then he's got a lot of fucking work to do.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

“How do I handle this better?“

Stop being a faggot. Read ===>

“I'm a great dad”.

That’s not for you to decide Faggot. She doesn’t give a shit about that.

[–]z2a1-91 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

ride the wave, and stfu

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy

Did you just say you “looked at the sidebar and like what you see”?! So you’re nowhere. You don’t even have frame with a child when it comes to bath time.

[–]Psilocybik[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

You're right. I viewed it as picking my battles since she's 3 and I'm trying to save myself some aggravation, and am starting to see that a leader doesn't do that.

[–]ancient_resistanceShit coming out my eyeballs2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

trying to save myself some aggravation

You just put aggravation on high interest credit. You taught your 3yo that she can get her way by throwing a tantrum.

[–]Psilocybik[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I should clarify - save myself aggravation from my wife flying off the handle due to her not being able to handle stress eg a toddler crying. Not sure that helps or if that makes it worse...I see what you mean about the high interest debt though, my kids usually listen to me. I've seen enough horse shit parenting and devil children to know not to give in to their whining or tantrums or you're training them to act that way to get what they want.

[–]ancient_resistanceShit coming out my eyeballs2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Your ability to bullshit yourself for ego-protection is almost as strong as mine.

Even if true, all you said was you can't handle your wife's tantrums instead of your daughters, and your daughter still learned that she can manipulate daddy by throwing a fit.

I've seen enough horse shit parenting and devil children to know not to give in to their whining or tantrums or you're training them to act that way to get what they want.

And yet you did exactly that.

[–]Psilocybik[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Point taken, a tantrum is a tantrum no matter who throws it. That's how I need to frame this going forward - I suspect my 3 year old will be much easier to train than my wife, but both are trainable and both of their tantrums are my fault as captain of the ship, is what I gather from the responses here.

It's going to take a lot to make me see what my ego will not currently allow me to, so seriously thank you for the time and feedback. Everyone has their own blind spots and I'm sure I have some big ones...

[–]ancient_resistanceShit coming out my eyeballs1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

both are trainable and both of their tantrums are my fault as captain of the ship

You're on track. Sidebar, lift, STFU. This is the way.

Everyone has their own blind spots and I'm sure I have some big ones

We all do. How do you think I spotted yours so easily?

I will be looking for you in OYS tomorrow.

[–]Red-Curious1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Everyone's already said it, but you have no frame. Seriously, did you even read what you wrote? You probably could have deleted the post before submitting it because it's so obvious.

No, you're not a great dad if your 3yr old tells you what to do. That's not "picking your battles." Picking your battles is about STFU during the ones you can't possibly win. If you're a good dad, there's no such thing as losing a battle with your kids. If you're a great dad, you not only win, but you get them wanting you to win. It's not that hard, even with 3yr olds. I've been through it a number of times. I have kids who are 2, 4, 6, and 8. You're on your 3rd kid. You should know how to do this by now.

Also, I just wrote this a couple weeks ago. It addresses exactly what you're talking about. You read it? If not, you're not reading enough. Or maybe you are, but you're not actually internalizing it. https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/fu3k1v/have_you_swallowed_the_red_chewable_tablet/

[–]Psilocybik[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is a God-tier reply, all of your posts are brilliant. I have so much to internalize and integrate, and also so much more to read. Thank you for providing the resources and feedback!

[–]wkndatbernardus1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

How do I handle this situation?

Stop relying in your wife or expecting her to do anything when it comes to your household for the foreseeable future. She is along for the ride, homie, and it's your job to make it smooth like a Caddy instead up bumpy and unreliable like a Mitsubishi.



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