696,979 posts

How can I get back into the drivers' seat and save my marriage with children

Reddit View
April 30, 2020
19 upvotes

edited.


Post Information
Title How can I get back into the drivers' seat and save my marriage with children
Author barret_wa
Upvotes 19
Comments 69
Date 30 April 2020 11:46 AM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/658087
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/gau51x/how_can_i_get_back_into_the_drivers_seat_and_save/
Similar Posts
Comments

[–][deleted]  (10 children) | Copy

[deleted]

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando19 points20 points  (2 children) | Copy

One day I posted my gains on Facebook and got a ton of validation. It felt great. People were so jealous of what I'd accomplished! I decided to keep posting the things I was proud of. My husband wasn't one of those things, he is still a fat lazy shit.

LMFAO.

[–]johneyapocalypseThe one that says "Bad Motherfucker"9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

LMFAO indeed, OP's dilemma...

I don't think she physically cheats (of course, I don't know).

Followed by...

First, there's simply no time for that in her life. Almost always children around her.

Followed by...

Second, we track each other with an app and can see where the other one is.

Followed by...

But she admitted last month, that she has "a little crush" on him and needs a little distraction from this whole family mess/prison she is in since about a decade ago.

Followed by...

When I found out about that running guy 5 weeks ago (before TRP, Tomassi etc.), I told her that I don't like it. If she goes running with him, she has to tell me. If I have the feeling that I can't trust her, my head will drive both of us crazy.

Followed by...

From that day on, she asked me before going running with him.

Followed-by...

Except that at least three times, she lied to me... I know that.

Followed by...

Yesterday, we had another discussion.

Followed by...

I told her that she violated a boundary.

Followed by...

Usually, I am the one who initiates contact or says 'I love you', first. (aka I am gay.)

Heart-breaking yet soulful. The trials. The tribulations. Like napalm in the morning.

Conclusion (played to romeo foxtrot, shall we dance):

  • I feel that this is a crossroads-situation. My behavior during the next weeks will be decisive for our future.

  • For the sake of our family and children, I want to do everything I can to save this marriage.

  • I love her and I love my children.

  • I want them to be raised by healthy, happy (and married!) parents.

Victory!

[–]SKRedPill0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Disasters they say are a series of many events and failures.

[–]FoxShitNasty837 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

flabby, stinky wimp touch me.

Lol

About a six months ago, I realized that I'd spent a huge chunk of my adult life living like this, and something in me snapped. My husband wasn't going to change things, so it was up to me. I started working out, every day.

Owns her shit better than him

[–]Balls_Wellington_Main Event + Coronavirus3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, and there is literally no faster way to kill attraction than to be the guy fucking around doing nothing while the wife has her shit together.

This lady gave him thirteen years to figure shit out before she started shopping around. She's a trooper.

[–]Balls_Wellington_Main Event + Coronavirus5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy

Comment was originally posted on the account I don't use for MRP.

Here's the original text:

I'm going to write your post from your wife's point of view.

"13 years ago, I met a guy and we hit it off. He was decently handsome and we wanted the same things out of life. We got married and started popping out children.

For ten fucking years we let at least one child own our bedroom. My husband got fat and lazy. He didn't do anything to help transition the children to their own room, he put on a ton of fat, and he did the bare minimum of work required to keep me from bitching at him. I wasn't really attracted to the man he'd become, but I loved our kids and we had a comfortable life, so I scheduled in one night of sex per week to keep everything running smoothly. During sex I would close my eyes and imagine a real man was fucking me. After our third child, I couldn't even bear to do that. I'd rather jill off in the shower than let that flabby, stinky wimp touch me.

About a six months ago, I realized that I'd spent a huge chunk of my adult life living like this, and something in me snapped. My husband wasn't going to change things, so it was up to me. I started working out, every day. My body changed, and I felt so sexy I started fucking my husband every night. I still wasn't attracted to him, so I started trying to improve him. He resisted and continued doing the bare minimum.

One day I posted my gains on Facebook and got a ton of validation. It felt great. People were so jealous of what I'd accomplished! I decided to keep posting the things I was proud of. My husband wasn't one of those things, he is still a fat lazy shit. I wish he'd take some fucking initiative. I want to stay together for the kids and the social validation, but I wonder what my life would have been like if I married a man with actual balls.

Then I met Chad at the gym. I could tell he was flirting with me, but it felt so refreshing to talk to a guy who worked on himself and had his shit together. It turns out we live nearby, so he offered to start running with me. It's such an innocent ask, of course I said yes. I noticed he runs behind me to stare at my ass, so I started wearing tighter, shorter shorts. It's all fun and games. We haven't even fucked, although we've hinted at our attraction for each other. Of course, I'd never cheat, I'm not that kind of girl, but there's no harm in a little banter right?

My husband hates that I run with Chad, but he is too much of a wimp to call me out. I know he tracks my location when I run, he's so insecure. The one time he tried to tell me to stop, I just told him what he wanted to hear so he'd stop bitching at me like some whiny child."

Do you get it? Your wife is carrying the fucking team here, man. She's doing her work and your work too. She's sick of it and rightfully so.

You think forbidding her to run will change anything? You could move to a new country and it wouldn't change shit. The problem is you. Get your shit together and fucking lead. Get a mission and work toward it. You've wasted ten of the best years of your life as a piece of shit.

Your wife wants the feelings that this guys gives her that you can't. It's likely she'll fuck him, maybe she won't. It's irrelevant. Fix your shit and it won't matter if she cheats or not, because you'll be more than just her husband, you'll be your own man.

[–]tspitsatgp0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Lol, I hope you aren’t serious.

[–]Balls_Wellington_Main Event + Coronavirus2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

To be clear, I am referring to the parent comment, and not OP's victim puke.

I generally split MRP stuff away from my hobby-focused account. I don't exactly try to hide my identity on either, but things I've posted on this account could be damaging professionally if the wrong person read them.

That isn't super likely, so I'll just leave the mistake comment up until the post loses relevance and then clear it.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret[M] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

All good.

As a reminder folks - use a different account for your MRP stuff. Doxxing is real.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill22 points23 points  (1 child) | Copy

You're going to take a beating, but with tough love will come good advice.

Right now, you have a major red-flag. You are helping your wife branch swing. You've given her permission to start a relationship with another man, all because you are "woke" and want her to have a break from being mom.

You don't get to take a break from your responsibilities.

Did she fuck him? Many on this board are going to say she did, and believe me there's good evidence that points to it. Just because she's out running with him, and you can track it on an app doesn't mean she didn't have time to do it.

I trust her that she stays within boundaries.

I told her that she has to be honest to me. If she goes running with him, she has to tell me.

Except the at least three times, she lied to me... I know that

Look at all these statements. Ask yourself if they are congruent.

You're a drunk captain. You've let the ship drift and now the crew is in open rebellion. Fix yourself first. Put an immediate end to these red-flags.

Can you save the marriage? Yeah. Should you? I don't care, only you can answer that.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Madame Bovary, Part 2, chapter 9.

Same shit, different century

[–]Tyred_BiggumsRed Beret13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

Good for your wife for following the levels of dread!

She is at least emotionally cheating and she will physically cheat on Mr. Runner if she isn’t already. Get your shit together. Lift, stfu, sidebar.

[–]so_woke_da_wookie27 points28 points  (2 children) | Copy

You need to mentally divorce your wife now. Do not discuss anything with her. Do not tell her. STFU.

Imagine that she’s dead and you have to raise your family alone. Begin putting the structures and systems in place.

Prepare your bug out fund (cash). Have a place lined up to go.

Look at Divorce prep in the side bar.

If you’re screwing her, wear a condom. You don’t know where runner boy’s cock has been.

Look up hysterical bonding on the sub.

Take a deep breath and brace yourself.

You’re about to get fucking hazed by this sub.

See you around if you can take it.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Imagine that she’s dead and you have to raise your family alone. Begin putting the structures and systems in place.

Man, this actually helped me out.
Thanks

[–]so_woke_da_wookie0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Otherwise all the work is a covert contract. Secretly, hoping she’ll come around.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret9 points10 points  (6 children) | Copy

I bet your ass you got the ILYBINILWY speech.

[–]Tyred_BiggumsRed Beret6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

This morning, she initiated that. Told me that she loves me. Called me at work. Told me, she loves me ("really, honey!").

She was at least thinking it.

“What can I say to appease Beta Billy so I can go back and fantasize about running and fucking Chad?”

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

What's nice is that you can just link to that now.

[–]Over60_FireTempered3Red Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Second that.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

80% of the things we say here could just be linked to a post if we made them and save ourselves the same conversation over and over.

All the snowflakes look the same /u/steelsharpenssteel at this level.

[–]SKRedPill0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

How about this? The DIDN'T GET LAID WTBH speech

Full form : Daddy I Do Not Think (a) Girls' Extramarital Thoughts (of)Loving Another Is Definitely Wrong To Be Honest speech.

[–]Over60_FireTempered3Red Beret8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Barret, I have just a couple of additional thoughts for you:

First, understand that your wife, with all of her changes, probably views herself as a new person. That is an important "point of view" to understand when you evaluate her "actions, not her words".

Second you might want to review your goals, that you said...

My goals in life: Well, providing my family with financial and social stability...

Understand that falls squarely in the provider and child care roles. You fail to address the potential for other roles in your life. Makes you sound kind of dull and one dimensional "good old dad" and "dependable guy" roles. Might not be real appealing to your "brand new" wife. Think about that for a bit.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando13 points14 points  (1 child) | Copy

MRP fixes the man not the marriage - so at least you came to the right place, albeit with the wrong intentions. That's the good news.

There's about a 1% chance that she isn't fucking the Cardio King. That's the bad news.

That leaves you with 3 choices:

  1. pretend to yourself that she's in the 1%, forget about it and get on with your life;

OK, so that's not really an option unless you're a total fag, so that leaves you with 2 choices;

  1. divorce her now, fix your shit, get on with your life;

  2. pretend to yourself that she's in the 1%, fix your shit, then divorce her in a year's time and get on with your life.

Really doesn't matter which you choose tbh - you've been cucked, your marriage is over, you just don't know it yet.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

So you're saying there's a chance!

[–]johnmic075 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

So you lost 20 lbs... How fat are you now? This is very very important because it seems like the main problem in your marriage is that your wife isn't attracted to you. You need to focus very hard on making yourself attractive.

You're right to put an end to the runner friend. That's a huge red flag and you need to establish boundaries. Maybe she'll ignore them, but she will at least gain some respect for you by hearing you tell her no.

It's good that you recognize how serious this is and that you're making changes in the right areas. It may be too late and you should consider divorce prep.

Read no more Mr Nice guy and the married man sex life primer. Good luck

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red14 points15 points  (16 children) | Copy

You should try fucking her ass, then come here and tell us that it was your first time and she did it with no problems.

App tracking.

Fucking gay.

Wanna know how many times I have had public sex?

ALOT.

I fucked a girl while her kids were in the back seat of the car. She was bent over the trunk.

I have fucked in family bathrooms while kids stand outside.

I fucked my gal yesterday behind the shed while kids played in the pool.

We regularly fuck in the bathroom at the gym in between session. Well, when the motherfucker is open anyway.

Fuck outta here.

Let me know when you get past level 101 shit.

[–]Tyred_BiggumsRed Beret10 points11 points  (15 children) | Copy

I’ve never understood the “my wife is too busy for that”. How long do people think it takes to fuck?

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret12 points13 points  (10 children) | Copy

If you count foot rubs and massages to get her in the mood a long time bro.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red16 points17 points  (8 children) | Copy

This is why lifting is so important.

No bro with 18+ inch arms gets cheated on for a cardio faggot.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Not true. Correlation vs causation. This is part of the issue with "lift faggot" as your mantra to fix all parts of your life. If being jacked is a covert contract for the rest of your life fixing itself, then success you will not find. Lifting to become a man YOU want to be, regardless of how it affects other aspects of your life is where it's at.

In my regular life I have friends and lots of acquaintances that are alpha level 10 in their chosen line of work, swole as shit, everything the paint by numbers would tell you is the key to RP success, yet they still DEER like a fag when their thot girlfriend bitches them out on the phone.

[–]part_wolf0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

Unless they have zero frame.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

I'd gladly test myself against a weak framed mega-bro in a pussy gettin' contest.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

Cant stop laughing imagining a 4th annual "Pussy Gettin' Contest". I could imagine banners and trophies. Would be great. All the dudes behind a rope, it drops and they start charging the town like a fox hunt.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I'm headed to the school carpool or a baby shower. Where you going first?

[–]InChargeManRed Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Petsmart in the morning (girls looking to love something), the closest restaurant to a nursing school for lunch (nurses be horny), maybe a street art gallery or something in the afternoon (figure all the obvious spots are going to be mobbed with Chadbros, and girls who make art are looking for validation), then settle in at the local $10 fitness place next to a smoothie place.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Solid plan.

  • Puppy Lovers? ✓
  • Nurses? ✓
  • Emo Artsy Chicks? ✓
  • Cardio Bunnies? ✓
  • Smoothie freaks? ✓

Make sure you show up the start line with:

  • a puppy
  • obvious and normally obnoxious hard-on
  • interesting scarf, birkenstocks, or bag of weed
  • Muscle Tank
  • custom smoothie container

I can picture it now. You bet your ass I'm betting on that horse.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

ROFL

[–]InChargeManRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

For real. I fucked 5-6 times yesterday before getting to the real 2-hour play session. Didn't even cum most of the time, just saw some sexy ass or mouth and wanted to fuck it for a while. For a woman in heat looking to fuck Chad, well, as Jeff Goldblum would say, "Nature...Finds a way"

[–]Rivet227 points8 points  (5 children) | Copy

Go running with her instead of her running with that guy. Get in shape, get fast.

[–]part_wolf4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

Nothing is going to prevent his wife seeking out attention, validation, and feelz from another man if she’s intent on doing so.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

Other than the fear of being dropped.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

So - in his case - nothing then.

[–]RickTickTickyshaw1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

ing with her instead of her running with that guy. Get in shape

How about going running with Chad and the wife? Trying to imagine the outcome there. It sounds like OP is starting down a path and will likely have a hard road ahead. I say embrace the suck and push forward to make yourself your own hero in this story. What do you like to do? What can you get better at?

[–]InChargeManRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Wrong answer, sorry, thanks for playing

[–]ancient_resistanceShit coming out my eyeballs5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

I think, I'm on the right path.

My question: [no actual question]

I read your whole fucking post ready to offer advice, but then you ended with this. Three pages of puke followed by arrogant self-deluded bullshit about how "I got this." At least most losers who wash up here know they're fucked and have the balls to ask for help, not tell us how well you have everything figured out. Fuck you, faggot.

[–]barret_wa[S] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

edited

[–]johneyapocalypseThe one that says "Bad Motherfucker"2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

You're fucking retarded.

Edit: Are you really this pathetic? Who the fuck says shit like this:

"We are one family and I don't go without my family. Either we all go or nobody."

Jesus christ hers is not even the womb you were discharged from, why are you so goddamn clingy?

You're either fake or super gay.

Get your hormones checked.

[–]barret_wa[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

edited

[–]SKRedPill1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

OP, first go stand in front of the mirror and take a good look at yourself. Then repeat

"My marriage is already finished". You are trying to save a dead horse at this point. Drop everything you think you want and see the truth.

You're responsible for your life. You're just meeting a reflection of yourself in your life. You allowed circumstances to dominate you and became too comfortable, thinking that nothing was wrong - instead of exerting enough dominance to get the life you wanted.

Your wife most likely already has an affair with this guy and on top of this you're ok with that and you say you trust what she says. Seriously? Do you know how much she stands to win in the event of a divorce? She has nothing to lose.

Your job now is only this. To SLOWLY but surely rebuild yourself back to a man and check out of this old way of relationships entirely. This won't necessarily save your marriage, I don't give it any chance at this point, but it will save you and others from the lies you tell yourself. You will have to see the truth yourself that no matter what happens, your old marriage is finished.

Don't think any of us here saved our old marriages. Some might still be with the same woman, but our old self and old BP marriage is finished. Other marriages are definitely finished both inside and out.

You're way way too Bluepilled at this point. You think you're a nice guy but first go read the sidebar - you've no respect for yourself, and no standards to enforce, you're a naive wimp who believes everything what your wife says and just after one day you think it's already working, you think pleasing your wife will save your marriage -- so no one has any respect for you.

I give it a year of Un-conditioning before you really start getting your head clear and realize your wife is just pacifying her little puppy while she fulfills her real goals.

And on top of that you write HER words here and defend yourself. God, you're stupid.

Start checking out now or be kicked out.

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

What do you think is special about your situation that's not covered exactly in the MRP sidebar or overview post?

[–]UsefulWalk43 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Best advice you'll get: MRP comment from u/FoxShitNasty83

You need to read up and implement the basic MRP 101 advice ASAP. You have zero control of your situation. Your wife's cheating, you OK'd it, and you have little chance of saving your marriage. Worst thing is your marriage isn't even your biggest issue, your shitty approach to life is. You literally need to revise nearly everything about yourself. While doing this don't go all Rambo and start bossing your wife around or making any major stands, you don't have the chops.

Good luck and post in the OYS thread if you are serious about getting your shit together.

[–]Over60_FireTempered3Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

u/barret_wa

You understand that you can comment, or ask questions of the posters?

[–]DaneelOctavius1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You have to be the captain of the relationship from day one and never let it go. If your wife was still a fat slobby, maybe you could start lifting and take the lead, but no anymore.

She's having her cake and eat it too. She has a provider with a good job and house securing for her and her children and, she has attention from good looking fit men when working out. I bet she was already cheating from the time your sex life improved for a few months, but let us not take this route.

She's not attracted to you anymore and, this means she lost the respect to you as a male specimen.

I would continue to improve my health, body, and mind. Talk to a divorce lawyer about your options, and through actions, make clear to her in non insecure way, in your frame, that a single mom taking care of 3 children will not have it easy (this is the hardest part).

[–]NeoTheJuanDJ1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

LTR for 13 years, married for 12 years. 3 children between 3 and 11. Secure environment with big house, good jobs, etc. Looking from the outside, everything seems perfect. - Lifts and stats not included. Listed literally all beta qualities.

Problems:

Passion deteriorated over the years. Life with 3 children is demanding. For more than 10 years, there's almost constantly a baby/infant in our bedroom at night. Before child no. 3, we at least had sex once a week (more or less scheduled). Since then, no sex for 3 years. Wife always was "tired", "not feeling well", "not in the mood". - Life with 3 kids is demanding? Welcome to life. On top of this, you should have planned this before you jumped all in to the deep end. But you didn’t plan. The child in the bed, against your wishes, is a result of your lack of leadership and setting boundaries in the house. You wife is okay with it, because this serves as a barrier between you two so she doesn’t have to fuck you.

Half a year ago, she started working out. Lost lots of pounds. Got in great shape (contrary to me...). At the same time, we managed to get the little one into a separate room at night. Sex life was better than ever. In certain weeks almost daily.” - She started working out and got hot. She got into great shape to test the SMP and to establish plates/ a potential branch swing. That branch swing attempt failed, resulting in her hysterical bonding.. hence the sex being “better than ever” in “certain weeks”.

She asked me to get in shape as well, change my clothing style, etc. I was rather reluctant, passive and had excuses for everything. I did sports regularly, but clearly not on her level.” - She extended an olive branch to you, giving you the chance to raise your value so she could stay with you. You were a passive, indecisive, non-assertive faggot who doesn’t “just get it” and instead; double-down on your unattractive behaviours (such as making excuses for your lack of value, inaction and laziness).

That state lasted for about 2 or 3 months. I wrongly assumed that we turned around our marriage. Life seemed perfect to me, in hindsight, probably not to her. But at least, she seemed to have energy and was in a good mood for most of the time.” - Those 2 or 3 months consisted of you doubling-down on unattractive behaviours; solidifying in her mind that you are not the alpha she genuinely desires.

About 2 months ago, however, it started to go to far. She posts her progress daily on several social channels. Almost obsessively. Mentions her kids, but not me. I guess working out while raising kids emphasizes her image as a powerful woman (which she clearly is). She made it clear that this is her private space to connect to the world and I should stay out of this.” - Attention is the coin of the realm in girl world. She started to receive some as a result of her increased hotness and wants more. “Daily. Almost obsessively”. “Her image as a powerful woman (which she clearly is)”. You are putting your wife on a pedestal and making her into the prize. YOU must be higher value than she is. How can you accomplish this when you bow at her feet, give her praise, and allow her to cheat on your ass. You are the beta. She wants you out of that world because if you read her DM’s (recruiting center for Chad, aka your replacement), you may threaten to leave her, and you would be a liability to her sense of security (since security and comfort is all that you provide).

The other guy:” - No shit.

I found out that she goes running with a guy she knows from the gym for like 6 weeks (1-2 a week). She lied about this to me ("a girl from the gym"). I don't think she physically cheats (of course, I don't know). First, there's simply no time for that in her life. Almost always children around her. Second, we track each other with an app and can see where the other one is. And when she's away, she clearly \is* running. But she admitted last month, that she has "a little crush" on him and needs a little distraction from this whole family mess/prison she is in since about a decade ago. It's not only about me, but the whold family chores/situation. Caring for the children is extremely exhausing for her. She does this for more than a decade and needs to have a break from that.” - She finally let you in on a potential branch-swing to Chad. She is testing to see your reaction. Will you put your foot down, state and enforce a boundary? Or will you be *passive , just as she knows you to predictably be? “She admitted she has little crush on him”, so she fucked him and you’re getting the trickle-truth. Next week, she’ll tell you about the time they kissed and more truth about their relationship will be revealed to you, incrementally, over time. “She needs a distraction” is her attempting to hamster that she needs a break from the beta and lack of leadership in the household, by getting her holes filled by a man who’s in charge and attractive (Chad) every Tuesday and Thursday evening “running” session. “Caring for the children is extremely exhausting for her” is your beta NiceGuyTM excuse for offloading responsibility/accountability and excusing her indiscretions. You don’t want the responsibility of enforcing the boundary, and holding her accountable. On top of this, you currently are not a man of value (besides for providing a pay-check (and “safe, secure environments”), that even if you did enforce the boundary she still wouldn’t care.

I'm embarassed that over the last decade, I have degenerated into a beta faggot. Putting the happiness of my wife in the center of my life (without actually achieving it). Making life-altering choices, because I thouhgt that it would please her. Everything you read about betas, I did it. She, on the other hand, clearly was a master of framing right from the outset. Made sure she had her plates. Never apologizes. Always held smalltalk-connection to her ex-partners via social networks (downplaying that to me). I, on the other side, was always fully commited to her, which made me the needy one.” - Women are natural plate spinners. Women have a Rolodex of 15 phone numbers they can call up in 5 minutes to replace your ass. Your wife was in contact with and/or fucking her exes the entire time you have been together.

[–]NeoTheJuanDJ2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

My goals in life: Well, providing my family with financial and social stability...” - My goals in life: Lighting myself on fire to keep others warm.

My past weeks:

When her social activities went off the scale, I began to step up as well. At least two hours of lifting, running or other activities daily. Lost more than 20 lbs. Started to be much more active, assertive etc. in my job and in my personal relationships including my marriage. I feel that I'm on a really good way. For like 12 years, I never was in that shape. And there's still room for improvement.” - Read: “Mommy validated my progress, but it’s still not enough. She says I still have plenty more hoops to jump through. Also, she’s still “running” with Chad.”

The present situation:

When I found out about that running guy 5 weeks ago (before TRP, Tomassi etc.), I told her that I don't like it. However, I would accept it, if she needs it for her mental state. I know how exhausted she is from her life. I trust her that she stays within boundaries. No physical contact. I told her that she has to be honest to me. If she goes running with him, she has to tell me. If I have the feeling that I can't trust her, my head will drive both of us crazy.” - You stated your boundary, but in typical NiceGuyTM fashion, softened your dialect because you don’t know what you want and are uncomfortable with delivering a no b.s., clear and concise, statement about what it is that you want. Furthermore, you then acquiesced, by stating “I would accept it if she needs it” though. She will not follow a drunken captain. She will not submit to a man who is uncomfortable with authority, and competent enough to bear the responsibility of owning his own shit. She will not respect your boundary if she does not know, with unwavering confidence, that you would actually enforce it. She knows she can cheat and you won’t walk. She knows she can cheat and she still has her pay check. No amount of hamstering will remove what you already know to be true in regards to her indiscretions. You cannot trust her for anything other than AWALT and for her to behave as woman will. Pretending anything otherwise, is a fool’s game only he can lose.

From that day on, she asked me before going running with him. Except the at least three times, she lied to me... I know that. And she knows that I know. I told her that this is not ok. She was mad at me, because she has the impression that I would observe her.” - You put your foot down, with a rather butt-hurt version of telling her what you think of her actions. She got mad that her beta was acting incongruently (as an alpha with stating this is not okay). Understand that you are nothing but security to her. The threat of you potentially getting up in a flash of alpha, being “done”, and walking out, is a threat to the beta side of her Hypergamy; her sense security. You are essentially telling a tight/rope walker, once in the middle of crossing the wire, that the “safety net” is being removed from below but to keep trying to cross the wire anyways. She will fight you on this. You are the safety net for when her branch swing fails, protecting her from falling to a state of one of her greatest fears: being alone.

Yesterday, we had another discussion. I told her that she violated a boundary. She can't have the cake and eat it. The secure life with house and kids are not compatible with her flirting lifestyle.” - You can’t negotiate genuine desire.

Usually, I am the one who initiates contact or says 'I love you', first. I will stop doing this. This morning, she initiated that. Told me that she loves me. Called me at work. Told me, she loves me ("really, honey!").” - Read: Skittles Man by Roissy. Also, Don’t listen to what she says, watch what she does.

Conclusion:

I think, I'm on the right path. I finally starting to take care of myself. I'm determined to become the best version of me that I can be. I realized that I have to be a true alpha male in order to lead my life and our relationship.” - The process of becoming a HV man, takes years of consistent effort and work, overcoming of failures, internalizing RP concepts over time. You have your head so far up your ass that you aren’t even willing to enforce a simple, yet crucial boundary in which you have set. Raising value for you is one thing. You should do that. But “Raising value” takes a long time. You don’t have time. Your wife is and probably has always been fucking other men. Are you okay with that? If not, Are you going to do something? Hint: and it isn’t “raising your value” aka being passive and not ACTING (walking and/or potentially filing for divorce). You’re getting cucked. It’s up to you.

I don't think that, although she is on kind of a "eat, pray, love"-trip, she is willing to give up what we have. With our children, this one is far bigger than her and me. I think, we both have the responsibility to get \our* shit together. And I also know that this is a process that will take some time. In her head, I'm the beta husband and it will take time to change that image.”* - Did you take this from marriage counselling? Because this sounds like some marriage counselling bullshit. The only person you should be concerned with owning their shit is yourself. Forget her. She’s doing what she wants and you can’t control her. “Getting our shit together together” is all fluff. It’s an instant-dopamine rush to make you both feel better about things in the moment, when in reality actions will not change. Actions are all that matter. You will do the work, she will continue meeting your replacement, and you will continue paying the bills, and staying together. Nothing but stability, comfort, and security. Right where she wants you.

On the other hand, I don't want to be a jelous guy who is imprisoning her. And I have to take care of half of the household and children work (which is a lot). So, going on a masculine trip and leaving her alone with the daily chores is not an option. It's a thin red line.” - Walking on eggshells, placating to her emotions, and lack of frame.

My question:

I feel that this is a crossroads-situation. My behavior during the next weeks will be decisive for our future. For the sake of our family and children, I want to do everything I can to save this marriage. I love her and I love my children. I want them to be raised by healthy, happy (and married!) parents. I feel that I failed every shit test until now. I have to learn to pass them, set boundaries and become alpha.” - You are still very Blue Pill. Your idealization if the nuclear family “surviving it all”, “through thick or thin” is holding you back. Your lack of action and indecisiveness is holding you back. Remove the idea of family. What do you want? You’re obviously here for a reason. This is probably the best place you could be, but you have to figure that out for yourself. In the highly unlikely chance that you stick around, read the sidebar, lift, develop frame and mental point of origin, internalize this content, try, fail, overcome, it will STILL take you years. Now what if I told you, that You will probably never find a better place to change your lot in life? Would you still be willing to stick around, put in the time and learn? Doesn’t matter to me. How bad do you want it? STFU, lift, sidebar. That’s all I can say.

[–]W4T3V3R1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Goddamn you're so naive mate.

It takes 10 minutes or less to give someone a blowjob in the fucking bushes and then carry on running

[–]Tambamwham1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I knew she was cheating from the third paragraph. Best way to save your marriage is to continue doing what you are doing but file for divorce. And start pursuing other women. That’s how you save your marriage.

[–]RomulusTurbo1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You let your wife go on "runs" with another man?! Wow!

[–]SepeanRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I have to learn to pass them, set boundaries and become alpha.

Yep, do that.

There’s a lot of other shit going on, but right now, just work on alphaing up. Right the MRP sidebar, wiki, top posts, make it your religion.

In some months, if you stick to it, you’ll have the frame and abundance to think clearly about your situation. You’ll have a devoted wife, and good options to replace her.

[–]JasonStar792 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Have you inspected her panties after she's done "running"? I bet those suckers are wet and creamy – and it's not sweat. I would say inspect her pussy, but clearly you don't have access to that. Get your shit together man.

[–]SKRedPill0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

When I found out about that running guy 5 weeks ago (before TRP, Tomassi etc.), I told her that I don't like it. However, I would accept it, if she needs it for her mental state. I know how exhausted she is from her life. I trust her that she stays within boundaries. No physical contact. I told her that she has to be honest to me. If she goes running with him, she has to tell me. If I have the feeling that I can't trust her, my head will drive both of us crazy.

Everything that's wrong with you can be summed up in this one paragraph OP. You're OK being ignorant all your married life, and you are ok to be cucked over. If you treat yourself this way, the rest of your life is just a reflection of you.

[–]barret_wa[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

edited

[–]Edom_Kolona0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I am the prize, not you.
If I‘m not there already, I‘ll grow into that more and more each day.
I‘m not your safety net.
If you want to keep your life with house and kids, you have to fully commit to this marriage.
Otherwise you can‘t live with us anymore.

You just said "you" -- meaning "her" -- 6 times in 5 sentences.
You don't even have the concept wrong, you don't have the concept at all. This reads as something to be said to her. You are so deep in her frame that you cannot even imagine what having your own frame would be like. Your frame has NOTHING to do with her. If you had such a thing it would exist completely independent from her.

Want to understand frame? Read the sidebar. Implement it in small steps. Don't think that you can cut corners or skip steps.

You mention "positive" and "control the outcome". I think what you are trying to say is that your frame needs to reflect your values. Don't worry about that. If it doesn't then it isn't yours to begin with.

Frame is a lot of things. Placing self-value first, facing hard truth, stoicism in the face of adversity, firm commitment to self-improvement, taking responsibility, and taking action.

On the subject of facing hard truths:

I‘m not your safety net.

Alimony, child support, and division of assets laws say differently.

If you want to keep your life with house and kids, you have to fully commit to this marriage.
Otherwise you can‘t live with us anymore.

If you file for divorce, there's an excellent chance that she will get to keep the house and the kids if she wishes to. If she files for divorce, that chance becomes a near certainty.
If you file for divorce, there's a good chance that any attempt she might make to reconcile is a ploy to get you to drop the divorce so that she can then file, thus gaining the upper hand.
You cannot save your marriage. Perhaps it can be saved. Perhaps not. But doing so requires factors that are beyond your control. Accept this fact and move on.

She's overwhelmed by taking care of three kids, so she needs some "space and freedom". But her self-image/public-image places great importance on being a good mom. Major hamster workout going on there already.

[–]Tambamwham0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Everything youre doing is pointless until you have a full picture of what’s gone on with this guy. Have you even looked her phone? Recovered deleted texts? Until you have a conversation with her about how you’ve come to realize she’s been crossing lines and having low boundaries with other men for a long time. Until youve made her understand that your not ok with this. That your not just “uncomfortable” ... like her personal relationships with other men stop. Completely. All dudes are to be sent on their way. Until you’ve taken control of that hill... you’re wasting your fine.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2020. All rights reserved.

created by /u/dream-hunter