I believe the reason why I can't relate to people anymore is because I spent a good chunk of my life following Reddit advice but with no success despite the effort and pain

Inareskai · 2020-04-30T09:07:32+00:00

If I remember correctly you're about 23/24 right? I'm actually fairly certain feeling like all your friends have their life together while you stagnate is a pretty common feeling at that age.

There are plenty of happy and fulfilled 30-somethings who aren't in serious long term relationships, I get that it's not something you want and if a relationship is a priority for you then that's fine, but it's not like there is only 'one' way to be happy.

I would say that you need to understand that there isn't a checklist of what makes someone attractive, and if there was then almost every relationship I know of would never have happened! You think my partner had a house and a car and loads of money when we got together? Or that they do now? Nope. I love the person not their material status. There are women out there who do care about those things, but there are plenty of others who aren't like that at all.

You don't need to be 'confident' per se. You need to be un-apologetically you. Do your drawing, dislike sports etc. All the things that make you the person you are, because if you're not displaying those parts of yourself you're never going to find someone who loves you for who you are.

I still think you'd benefit from therapy to help you understand and manage how your past abusive relationship is affecting you. But I think you've got a lot of room to grow and change as a person and find the love you're craving.

MolochAlter · 2020-05-03T23:27:47+00:00

A small piece of advice: if you're unhappy alone, you'll be unhappy in a relationship too.

Learn to live without someone, not begrudgingly, mind you, but simply because that's the healthy thing to do.

Furthermore, it's hard to have strong feelings like love if the object of your affection is someone kinda boring and uninteresting, that reeks of desperation and doesn't like himself.

So don't worry about money, cars, whatever, become a happy, satisfied, fulfilled person for your own sake, and in the process you'll probably meet cool people you'll like, some of whom might like you back.

That's what I did, and it worked, and I'm neither hot nor rich, I'm just kinda funny and unafraid of committing social fuckups, cause I'm not desperate for social interaction and approval. I like people, and it shows, and nothing is more attractive than a happy, fulfilled, social person.

GeoffTheArteest · 2020-04-30T04:10:17+00:00

People will tell you "this is what you need to do..." or "the problem is..." or "this is what you can control..." And there will be tons of opinions and advice. You will not know what is true and what is false. So you tested some them for yourself.

As you have recognized. Something is up. Peoples advice is lacking something big. You can't quiet put your finger on it. The thing that is missing.... Their leaving out God.

Just like building a house. You set the foundation. Then build the house upon that foundation. God is the foundation. Without God; we end up building a house without a foundation. The house crumbles. This doesn't mean the house wasn't built with good materials. But the house can't stand because it has no foundation. Some people provide good advice to build your house with. Some people provide bad advice to build your house with. But no foundation, no matter what material you use... the house crumbles and falls.

If you put your eyes on Jesus Christ, pursue God... The next time you start building your house, it will not crumble. Because this time it will be built on a foundation.