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To Married Men of the RP: How much support in hard times can you count on to get from her?

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May 3, 2020
23 upvotes

tl;dr: How much support, loyalty, understanding do you get from your wives in bad times, when you struggle? Is it a blue pill dream to not see them as just another thing to manage?

Hi,

Im not married, but in an LTR. Im an expat living in a western country , have a local as a stable gf. Im having a bit of a rough patch right now- my close relative is fighting for his life in hospital in my origin country, and I cant be there to support my family cuz of Covid travel/quarantine restrictions.

My girl is working from home. Because of the Covid the only human contact she has is me when im not working ( and im free once in a week and on weekends). She isnt dealing well with this isolation, i normally dont mind dealing with her emotions, dramas, etc. shes a girly girl and a fairly delicate one so its part of the package.

This Saturday I get grim news from home that the health of family member took a dramatic turn and only a miracle can save him, made few calls to my family and everybody is in bad shape. I call my girl to tell her that i received a phone that my kin is dying, and that i wont be a good company for her to stay over, that shes welcome to come over for a bit but nothing more. Her reaction was 'yh, but you kinda a knew that already', she calls me 5 minutes later crying saying that she understands that im dealing with shit, working hard etc but she is lonely, she was looking forward to the weekend, etc etc etc - me, me , me generally.

She came over for dinner, I dealt with drama, she got into chirpy happy mode again and I kicked her out.

Now I know that females and males work differently. That girls struggle with empathy. That for her Im basically what I can provide, what value, which utility I give. She got her fix, she got her rock, some attention and felt better. I got a crying child to deal with when I really didnt need more on my plate. Plus she probably lost some attraction for me seeing that I can actually worry sometimes.

Now Im left a bit in a pickle. I am wandering how much AWALT is in this behavior. I saw generation of my mum (55+) soldiering through some really bad times like champs, holding families together, thinking about everybody else but themselves and this girl (25) behaved in a manner that astounded me for a second.

Is it a generational thing? Did I just discovered that my girl isnt a person who will be of help in bad times or is it just a normal thing and all women are to an extend the same and you look for support within yourself and in your mates.

tl;dr: How much support, loyalty, understanding do you get from your wives in bad times, when you struggle? Is it a blue pill dream to not see them as just another thing to manage?


Post Information
Title To Married Men of the RP: How much support in hard times can you count on to get from her?
Author warburgio
Upvotes 23
Comments 34
Date 03 May 2020 07:15 AM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/659220
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/gcmfnv/to_married_men_of_the_rp_how_much_support_in_hard/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
AWALTdramalong term relationshipplatethe blue pillclose
Comments

[–]SepeanRed Beret39 points40 points  (9 children) | Copy

The general picture is good support for everything except handling your own emotions. If you’re down or out she’ll keep the household running and take care of you. If you need emotional support, they’re really bad at that and react poorly to it - stoic practices is your best source of support. Some also use family, friends or therapists.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret16 points17 points  (7 children) | Copy

Fucking perfect response. This has been my wife while I have dealt with finding new employment for 6 months now. I've dealt with all the emotional stuff on my own - she would be no good at it anyway. I've reached out to other men when needed.

She hasn't even asked how I'm doing anyways. Wouldn't expect her too either.

Instead she worries about making sure her Captain's log is cleared to chart the next voyage and her reward is the fucking a Captain who she trusts to weather the storm.

OP is getting shit tested by his woman to see if he can handle all this shit life is throwing at him plus her. She wants to know if you can always handle one more thing and if you're really as strong as you claim to be.

Because women want to fuck strong men. Period.

[–]WolfofAllStreetz5 points6 points  (6 children) | Copy

My wife is the same way, women seem to be awful at handling our emotional shit I literally don’t even bring it up anymore. Sucks as I have to eat it as I dont have men to vent to. (Not that I really should anyway, men should be able to hold the burden).

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret8 points9 points  (4 children) | Copy

men should be able to hold the burden

The price of corn is dropping rapidly and if you don't harvest it quickly, you aren't going to be able to sell them at a profit in time to make even.

Timmy broke his leg in the well last week and can't help you, Dad, but he's going to be fine. Just laid up a few weeks.

The dairy cow died last week from sickness, no milk or butter for the family. You notice the other cattle are walking funny too.

All this and your wife says, "How in the fuck are we going to make ice cream now?!?"

You're telling me you don't drive your tractor down the road and vent your feelz on your brother, who your trust, and ask him to help harvest the corn in trade for milk?

You're telling me you should just be like, "oh well? I'll deal with it."

Especially last week when your brother drove his tractor down to your place and harped about how his wife won't shut up about the barn doors needing painting so Suzabell from church will be impressed when she stops by next week?

Get my point? Bros can be a valuable ally for your sanity and planning. An asset even. Bros can help harvest the corn and get both of you out of your head. He gets it.

So you harvest some corn, get some milk for the ice cream, and help him paint the barn door. When you're done you sit down, share a beer, and laugh at fucking life comically and a job well done.

Edit: See it in action between me and /u/red-sfpplus

Should be able to, yes. Be a retard about it when you know you have resources? No. Get and keep resources? Yes.

[–]WolfofAllStreetz1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I always appreciate your posts. This is a good one. I owe you a beer if we ever cross paths.

My Dad is very blue pill, so I didn’t turn red until about 8-10 years ago. Its crazy to see how he acts toward my Mom and he’s a hard working veteran.

[–]ObjectionTrue0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

100% men should be utilizing other men to lean on. Isn't that what MRP is all about? Find other RP men to lean on don't waste your time on BP men. One difference between men and women is that men will use other men for support, while women just hate each other.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Men respect other men's struggles and journeys to the imaginary finish line, and revel in their success over challenge.

That's why I love you faggots at MRP so much.

Women want to hang out at the finish line and fuck the winners.

[–]warburgio[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Great post, thank you. With changing countries its hard to find time for socializing at first- lack of in-life bros, getting there though.

[–]warburgio[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks guys, insightful. Really appreciate it!

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The general picture is good support for everything except handling your own emotions

OP - This is just another part of the pill you have to swallow and accept. It’s also sidebar 101 material. Go to bros for support, but don’t be a whiny bitch. If you don’t have any bros, find some. Also, if she is your only support system, you will develop ONEitis ... I’m guessing you already have it though.

[–]Balls_Wellington_Main Event + Coronavirus14 points15 points  (2 children) | Copy

Depends what type of support you are expecting.

In a good relationship your wife should be able to carry some of the load, chores, children, and family stuff.

She will never be able to be your emotional pillar. Or, more accurately, asking her to be your emotional pillar will poison her attraction for you, causing resentment and eventually a lack of motivation for her to continue providing emotional support. As the man, it's on you to process your emotions, and support should come from other trusted men only. Yeah, it can suck. It's also just the way it is.

[–]warburgio[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Thanks. id expect a bit of shutting up, doing the chores and spoiling me, not bringing more stuff into the mix, maybe just like one comment said she was checking if i can handle it.

[–]Balls_Wellington_Main Event + Coronavirus1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're dangerously close to holding a covert contract there: "If I handle myself during this difficult time, my wife will do thoughtful things to make my life easier."

When you are at your weakest is when you can expect the most shit tests. If you need her to handle more chores or work, you're going to have to make your needs explicit. If you haven't already established yourself as a strong and worthwhile leader, don't expect making your needs explicit to do anything either.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando20 points21 points  (4 children) | Copy

You're looking for emotional support from a woman? Yeah, good luck with that.

[–]warburgio[S] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

not emotional support, just shutting the fuck up with her issues for a bit.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, good luck with that one too.

[–]FoxShitNasty830 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

A woman spewing her emotions is a good thing. It's when they are quiet and shutdown that you have bigger problems

[–]LazerSpin0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That's a unicorn, bro.

You'll have to figure out how to avoid having to "carry" her emotions because she'll always demand emotional/attention labor from you.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

“ I saw generation of my mum soldiering through some really bad times like champs”

Those days are over.

[–]ancient_resistanceShit coming out my eyeballs5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Women depend on their man for the physical and emotional strength they lack. Depending on her for core emotional support will only trigger anxiety and resentment from her. Be the oak.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

So many men fuck this up

You must remain strong Always be in control of your emotions. Stoic genre is your source of strength.

I hear so many pissy, whiny fucking stories of the state we are in, and yet not one of those fucks are out helping the needy, because they have become the needy bitches

Women draw from your strength. If she is worthless and adds no value than dump her. Other than that, STFU and lift

[–]Vegasman200022 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

My experience is different than most. My wife has been there to support me during the bad times I endured.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

It's all information to decide if she is wife-worthy.

The rest just sounds like you whining.

[–]warburgio[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

lol

[–]maljo241 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I get incredible support whenever there is a problem. We are a solid team. Wouldn't want it any other way.

[–]BigBoiBahmani0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Support of what kind? Moreover, where do you vent? And if you vent to her, Do you think it is sustainable?

[–]iwillruletheworldkjh0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Every girl is different. There are some who can be altruistic as you can imagine a human being to be, there are some who are utterly egotistic. You'll find someone in this vast spectrum, it's up to you to decide who should be in your ship. There should be some prerequisites. The more your ship is fancy, the more you can choose.

Generally the more a girl is egotistical, the shittier you will feel in a relationship. You choose who you are with. Choose wisely

[–]Tambamwham0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I don’t get what she meant with her message. You told her it won’t be a fun night and she responded that you already knew that? Huh?

[–]warburgio[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

so many pissy, whiny fucking stories of the state we are in, and yet not one of those fucks are out helping the needy, because they have become the needy bitches

Women draw from your strength.

She knew that my next of kin is in bad shape, when I told her that the news is he's dying she answered 'but u already kinda knew that'.

[–]BigBoiBahmani0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Redflag. You pander to her needs (edit: DEMANDS) too much, it's a shit test in itself. She is being a selfish cunt bro. Get her in line, or abandon ship, because you have abundance to replace her with. If not, become a man who has abundance.

Edit: Don't be a man-whore though, have standards and morals.

[–]warburgio[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks. Took me by surprise a bit cuz out of character presented so far. Will try getting in line first, hard to have abundance in a lockdown ;)

[–]DrBeaufort0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Interesting point. I have never seen anyone of my generation get substantial support from a wife or a loved one during difficult times. Medical or psychological issues always lead to the woman leaving... It does seem like my grandparents generation was quite different in that regard.

[–]JoeAccidental0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I've never been tested by my wife more than when I've been in my own deep emotional or financial turmoil. I think wives are hard wired to unconciously test that their man is the strong, attractive provider they can desire. Sadly when the shit hits the fan, she might keep the house running, but will comfort and shit test the hell out of you. If you don't pass these tests, you can spiral into a dark place because you expect support and validation from your wife and it ain't there. Ask me how I know?

In my darkest hour, I paid for personal therapy for the emotional support I needed. I stopped talking with my wife about my problems and got my shit together with a mission / plan. I learnt that this is the way women are and everything changed. I read the sidebar, became more attractive, got fit, stopped giving a shit and got on with life. This has to be authentic, you can't fake this type of confidence.

A byproduct of getting it together was a happier, more attentive and affectionate wife. It happened quite quickly, 10 weeks or so and I'm a lot happier too. I'm not resentful that she wasn't there to help when I needed it, not resentful she tested me, it was all my fault. If you learn to listen with red pill ears, through the bitchy tests, you will hear a loving wife telling you loud and clear to get your shit together and fucking lead the family. Most wives just can't articulate their feelings in any other way.

In short: Don't expect support, especially during uncertain times. Learn to interpret and pass the tests, validate yourself and lead. In most cases, things will likely start to get better as you become more attractive.

[–]warburgio[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks man.



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