Do you punish plates who cancel on you

FinancialThanks1 · 2020-05-02T19:49:48+00:00

The “hang out with your friends” can be perceived as butthurt. Take that out and you’re fine

I don’t punish plates but there may be an inadvertent effect of punishment when I point my attention towards more reliable pussy

Snowboard18 · 2020-05-02T20:10:29+00:00

“She’s not yours, it’s just your turn.” Punishing a plate is basically saying she’s yours, so no.

Tambamwham · 2020-05-02T22:40:18+00:00

No. That’s part of having plates. And you should be glad. It helps keep a certain distance.

alphakari · 2020-05-02T20:31:33+00:00

I don't punish plates for being flaky directly, because if I do, then it implies I want her to feel obligated to show up. People in general don't like to feel obligated to do something, and it takes something away from what they're doing when they feel like they're doing something they don't want to do.

Indirectly though, I just register in my head each time they flake that I can't expect anything from them, and that passively leads to them falling down the pecking order. Similarly, if a girl is reliable I might even hit her up more often than the hot flaky chick, just because it's lower maintanence.

There's a temptation to assume a girl is flaky because of you. But it's just the nature of relationships with women that no matter how large the SMV gap, provided she has any self-esteem whatsoever she'll eventually get ungrateful for you to an extent. It's why plates are hard to spin the longer you spin em.

PhaedrusHunt · 2020-05-03T01:51:35+00:00

The only punishment that works is the withhold of attention. If that doesn't work, nothing else will.

Reward good behavior, ignore bad behavior, if it continues, withdraw attention after bad behavior.

hiddenpersona · 2020-05-02T20:07:30+00:00

Just cancel and move on, that’s why you need abundance mentality.

If she does it again, don’t make plans next time. Just invite her when you have free time, no plans, nothing scheduled. If she does it again, move on, soft next.

AshyLarry27 · 2020-05-02T23:40:06+00:00

I text "Don't worry about it, shit happens."

After that, it's her move. If she wants to keep seeing you, then she will text first. If there are cracks in the plate, any evidence she is getting ready to move on, then she won't text you back. And that's okay. You don't get vindictive. You just move on to the other plates.

The reason she has to text first is NOT because it is a "punishment." It will instead give you an idea of how much she is invested in you. You don't want to directly or indirectly force a girl to keep hanging out with you if she doesn't want to. Women respond to their feelings in the moment, and their feelings for you can die out. It's human nature. You have to have had these relatable moments where you got tired of fucking the same girl I would imagine, so use that to understand where she is coming from to avoid getting butt hurt.

The idea behind having plates isn't just to look cool and and enjoy variety, it allows you to divide up and disperse your attention. If all you have is one girl, you are more prone to getting angry and butt hurt when she cancels, ends things, or outright ghosts. This is because all your attention is focused on her. If it is instead dispersed amongst diffrent girls, you feel less attatchment to one particular girl. This is especially true when new girls enter the picture because it's someone diffrent, who you don't know well yet, and it is just the "new" feel to it that helps take your mind off the old plates.

_DeezNuts714_ · 2020-05-03T02:41:27+00:00

Simp. Chad wouldve just said “Aight”.

catsdontsmile · 2020-05-02T22:48:47+00:00

I don't like when people change plans at the last minute, its disrespectful to my time. I won't get mad but I'll go indifferent and turned off by that person. Repeat that and I'm done with you. Its not related to punishing the other person, its about you and your time deserving respect.

W_O_M_B_A_T · 2020-05-02T22:56:46+00:00

Now main plate canceling Sunday and suggested Monday.

If she's trying to reschedule, then something serious legit came up and odds are low she's just blowing you off because there's a better party the other side of town.

Option 1) "OK, Come over Wednesday @6p. Objections?"

If she's going to flake on you last minute the cost of entry of your time and commitment needs to go up a little.

Option 2) "I'm busy on Monday", then leave things hanging for a few days while you invest your valuable time and attention in other plates.

I said “no worries, hang with your friends, we can figure something out later in the week”

Too much effort, you sound like you're butthurt but trying too hard to pretend you're all cool and cheerful about it.

Anyone would be irritated at being cancelled on. Let her be the one to do the smoothing things over. Don't lie about your feelings, but don't try to make your irritation her business when it isn't.

and now she thinks there’s something wrong because i suggested so far in advance “are we fighting?” etc.

Because you were obviously bullshitting her. It's a bad idea to try to beat a woman at this particular game of pretending not to be upset. They're masters at it.

Ignore for a couple days. Invest your valuable time elsewhere. Then tell her to come over on Wednesday or whenever convenient.

Scorch6 · 2020-05-03T00:36:35+00:00

Just tell her don't worry about it and change the subject.

She thinks you are mad at her, likely you let on some butthurt.
Your title also gives this away, you are a bit butthurt about the fact she canceled.

She can feel that too and now she is anxious. You don't want to driver her up the walls with this shit, that's needlessly cruel and will make her drop.

Just tell her it's fine, you just have a busy week. That's enough. You don't do this to punish her, you just can't make monday.
If there is any motive of revenge or pettyness at all, you need to cut that shit out.

throwawayok272728492 · 2020-05-03T00:00:10+00:00

Don’t give a shit that’s why you spin plates. You don’t own her why try a “punishment”?

If she wants to hang, cool. If she doesn’t, cool. Just be cool man you care too much to spin this.

BlaseJong · 2020-05-02T22:18:27+00:00

Yeah, you sound jealous that she prioritized something else over you. You have other plates so it’s nothing to you. Act like it.

atrejomtnz · 2020-05-03T03:23:23+00:00

Bruh just say, "Ok cool maybe next time."

Zombiespire · 2020-05-02T22:39:48+00:00

I would say only react if they cancel more than once, especially more than twice. One of those reactions can be next

mrpleaser97 · 2020-05-02T22:32:23+00:00

I think you're probably still using Dial-up. This post is like 3 months late; how the fuck are you still meeting women in a time like this?

Pycnostyle · 2020-05-02T22:26:33+00:00

Are you sure you're not overthinking this? You suggested later in the week because you already have plans earlier in the week. That's the whole point of spinning plates. You keep options so that you're not beholden to the fleeting whims of any specific chick.

None of this is punishment. It's just the reality of being with a high SMV dude. She needs to accept that you have a busy social calendar and not take it so fucking personally.

RivenHalf · 2020-05-02T22:34:54+00:00

Results may vary, entirely depends on why they are canceling, what they are canceling, how soon they are canceling. Like most things there is no one size fit all answer.

idevastate · 2020-05-03T01:19:38+00:00

She cancelled but immediately offered another day, that's good, it shows high interest from her. There is no reason to punish, and if there were, punishing is juvenile, women are like cats, one moment they're here next moment you gotta be cool when they back off, you wanna look centered, you never know when it's a test. Be vague, tell her you're a busy man, but would love to see her later on in the week when you're available.

And the idea that you're seeing other girls or might see other girls is good, no woman wants to date a guy that isn't successful with women, you are of course never going to bring them up to her.

Flip_Angelo · 2020-05-03T03:11:38+00:00

I don’t fucking care either way

Vyergulf · 2020-05-03T03:51:03+00:00

No I don’t punish anyone, simply because that’s not who I want to be. Just let her cancel and move on. No fuss.

when_its_too_late · 2020-05-03T11:13:36+00:00

Should have said "sorry that was my only free day till _______ day _______ week"

Foend · 2020-05-03T11:57:18+00:00

The line you said makes it sound like she went out clubbing with friends instead of seeing you?

Can you explain why her coming back to your place to bang afterward were not an option.

YourPapaLarry · 2020-05-03T14:24:11+00:00

You wouldn’t punish your friends if they had to bail, why are you punishing a plate?

If one friend cancels on you , you just make plans with another.......

hittincervix · 2020-05-03T14:56:10+00:00

I don't know about "punishing" but if it feels like she tried me I put her on the bottom of the depth chart.

MGTOW_BEASTMODE · 2020-05-03T15:30:38+00:00

No punishment needed.

You just next to the next plate.

"Can't make it tonight? no worries!"

MrBlack096 · 2020-05-03T00:32:34+00:00

Yeah she’s figuring out you’re a player and getting suspicious

NexusReflexX · 2020-05-03T00:10:06+00:00

"Nothings wrong, im busy the rest of the week"

Demolitionerx · 2020-05-09T15:22:53+00:00

Plate spinning is just a ticking time bomb for getting some chick you hate pregnant, lol. Don't fuck a girl unless you think she'll be a good mother.

Title	Do you punish plates who cancel on you
Author	pilot333
Upvotes	52
Comments	51
Date	May 2, 2020 7:46 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/gcckrx/do_you_punish_plates_who_cancel_on_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/do-you-punish-plates-who-cancel-on-you.659331 https://theredarchive.com/post/659331