I feel like I won't be able to completely shake it off. Despite leaving and stopping caring about those red pill guys, a lot of it is still in me and I think it's permanent.

My story is classic - being a nice guy, getting rejected, late virgin being short, discovering red pill bla bla you know how it goes...

I took the message about self improvement and made good improvements. Stopped being a nice guy pushover and started exercising and taking a great care of myself. But red pill ideology just still rezonates whithin me and I feel like I'll never be able to genuinely love a woman after all that shit I've seen.

I don't know if I even want a relationship anymore. Because being "nice guy" is seen as negative and I was a massive nice guy back in the day. I cringe so hard when I imgine what I was like in my past... But now that I'm different and better man, and a woman starts showing interest, I'll get angry because that's not how I want her to be attracted to me. I'm angry that many of the RP stuff actually works. It tempts me to treat women like disposable bitches and not invest my time emotion and time in them because some of those RP stuff is still in me.

Like, I like a woman, I want to be with her in a relationship, but there is this "red pill voice" in me saying it's not worth it, that she'll leave me for a better many anyway and that she will lose attraction when I show wekaness, and bla bla bla you know how it goes.

I wish I could find a woman who I could show weakness to. Who I could "simp" for. Yeah, simp, this word that has gotten so popluar recently... I want to simp for a woman but I also want to keep my value and not slip back the "pathetic nice guy" state of being. It's really hard to balance between being a dick and being a pushover.

Anyone else fighting this? How did you overcome this? What do you recommend me to do?