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How how to handle insults from other men

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May 5, 2020

What can I do to handle confrontations in a better way that wouldn't make me look like a beta pussy? Everytime i find myself in situations where someone (most often in my social circle) calls me word or an insult, i just clam up thinking how the fuck can someone say this to me. Not knowing the right thing to say at the moment, i try to de-escalate the situation and justify my mistakes like a pussy. After the encounter, i replay and overanalyze the whole thing until i figure how I should have acted. I get pumped and psyched up to destroy my next opponent, just to fuckit up in the next encounter,and I am back to square one. I am tired of it.

I am a coward, have been so most of my life and I am sick of it. I wanna be brave and confident, i wanna be that guy who no one wants to mess with. I always imagine how my life could have been different had I just respected and defended my self.

Besides lifting, fight training, and more exposure, how can I handle that part of my life?

Post Information
Title How how to handle insults from other men
Author WeddingCrasher91
Upvotes 118
Comments 108
Date 05 May 2020 04:59 PM UTC (9 months ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Original Link
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[–]TheRedApprentice161 points162 points  (15 children) | Copy

That depends on the tone of the insult, since they're more commonly coming from your social circle. Where I come from, roasting your friends is a sign of endearment. My friends and I make fun of each other all the time, which often includes name-calling. If that's what it looks like, then don't take it personally. You can either agree and amplify (similar to the way you could handle a shit test from a woman), or you can throw a jab right back in their face. If it's legitimate insults intended to make you feel like you're trash, bro, get a new circle.

Here's the thing... you don't have to fight to prove your manliness, or establish yourself as an "alpha" male. If anything, refusal to give a shit is an open display of strong mental and emotional fortitude, which is a quality very much worthy of respect.

[–]bayfarm21 points22 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ya it's not what they say, it's how they say it. You'll be able to pick that up. It also depends how confident you are. If you're insecure a lot of things will get under your skin easier. If you're confident you can play it off like a joke and not let it bother you.

[–]WeddingCrasher91[S] 13 points14 points  (9 children) | Copy

Well the last thing happened at work was a guy calling me dum and brainless for fucking something up. I am higher level than him though he isnt my subordinate. We have been bros a while back and hanged out a lot, but we've been distant for a while. That ticked me off, especially that it was done infront of other coworkers and they saw through my weakness.

Thanks for the feedback though

[–]clickherebaby53 points54 points  (1 child) | Copy

"Bro i get your pissed, but that doesnt call for that shit."

You have to mean it. You have to be serious. Not mad, but stern. I wont be disrespected for being human.

[–]flexman200015 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's also good to tone down on the caffeine, I find that I get more agitated in the workplace and need to sometimes just take a walk and reframe

[–]TheRedApprentice8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

No problem. Though, in that particular event, I still think the agree and amplify strategy could have served you well. Alternatively, you could have just ignored the shit out of it and carried on. Business as usual, 'n' shit. I used to work in a fast food restaurant and the majority of our low-level crew (which I was a part of because I fucked up a management opportunity- blessing in disguise) saw upper management as incompetent mouth-breathers. They were plenty aware of this and they thought it was hilarious. No skin off their asses. If it didn't matter then they were free to continue fucking up with little to no concern and eventually the comments ceased because nothing changed. Most of us were at one point or another cool with each other, too. That changed over time and a good chunk of us went our separate ways and moved on.

I think these guys keep giving you shit because you keep reacting to it in a way that pleases them, and makes them feel superior to you. Give yourself at least one reason to believe that they're full of shit and you're the better one. More than one is best, but one is really all you need. At that point it will become significantly easier to laugh at their remarks and keep it moving. If it means you have to bounce and start over at another job, then take the plunge. I know that this isn't ideal given the global pandemic, but there are tons of companies that run "essential" establishments that need bodies more than ever, right now.

[–]WeddingCrasher91[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for all that feedback man. Changing jobs wouldn't be a solution as I encounter that everywhere to the point where I see it just a normal part of everyday life. I just need to handle it better

[–]strongerthandeath974 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just have unbreakable frame.You have just got sucked into his reality where you are dumb and have no value and he is your boss who dictates you what to do.What you should said depends of what kind of frame you want to hold.Personally,if somebody close told me that i am brainless i would tell him:"Yeah,it looks like i am the most stupid one in this room" delivered in a sense that you think that you are fucking genius from mensa who has iq 150,and he is stupid moron who is so unaware of how stupid he is ,that he thinks that he is smart.

And if helps you,i myself am genius from mensa and people from time to time from below average intelligence call me stupid,that is what i tell them every time.

[–]znikrep1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

In front of a work audience I'd resort to " we all make mistakes, we'll revise it", perhaps even "We all make mistakes, you know a thing or two about it..."

Definitely a private conversation about this, to make him understand that he needs to separate personal interactions from professional environment interactions.

[–]Ill_mumble_that1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Just ask him " Hey do you want to take this outside?" in a friendly tone while smiling.

He will be confused as fuck.

If he tries to make something of it "you are making other staff members uncomfortable, but I appreciate your opinion so I would hear it privately as I am not uncomfortable in the slightest."

[–]juliusstreicher0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

First thing, tell his boss. Next, stop being friends with this turd. Don't speak to him about personal things, keep it strictly business.

Next time something like this happens, walk away without a word, as though nobody is even there. You don't need to explain your departure to anybody.

[–]mrheh1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Also, another option is to remember roasting each other is like playing hot potato, deflect, or pass that shit works as well.

[–]Bushinatordid4200 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I actually had something similar happen to me today This guy keeps pushing me when my back is turned we are both pretty young What do I do ?

[–]Iwantaporsche5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Turn around, look at him frowning and say “Why do you keep touching me weirdo?”

[–]GunPostal36 points37 points  (3 children) | Copy

1.) Agree and Amplify or to be more exact: make yourself even lower than they expected.

I had this before - My uncle in front of everybody in the family:

"Sorry I am not giving you any money. All of them are in banks and IRAs."

My reply:

"Oh don't worry uncle, I am just going to borrow your car for a joy ride."

Everybody laughed out and confused the hell out of the beta uncle of mine.


2.) If you feel beta towards another person, what I do is since I am a BJJ practitioner, I imagine putting this guy in a choke hold or an armbar that tricks my brain and reminds me that he might be better than me at X, but I can beat him in Jiu jitsu.

These are just techniques but usually an overlying problem has deep roots that you should also give an equal focus on.

3.) Insecurity might mean you need to learn how to not give a fuck. There is a book about that by Mark Manson. To make the book's moral lesson short:

To not give a fuck, you must be doing something very important and meaningful enough that you don't care about useless things for you rather spend time working on your meaningful activity. For me, my meaningful activity is building a business, insults from other people are nothing but a distraction.

4.) Another, if you think you lose your cool really easily, it may mean you have some emotional baggage. Learn Transcendental Meditation which will help you release trapped emotions. It cost $$$ but its worth it.

5.) You can also read this article which is a simplified explanation of a psychological map to understand yourself better by renowned psychiatrist Carl Jung:

... and see how you can integrate your shadow, animus/anima etc. into your consciousness.

6.) Overthinking is bad. Open a word document and write down your thoughts everyday. Also called Journaling. Google 5 Phases of Grief and go through the phases in your writing. The most important part is the Acceptance stage. To me, I ask myself: "What is this personal responsibility that I am not accepting that is causing me to feel grief?" Usually it's because I am at fault too. Then I stop my victim mentality and move on.

7.) Google EFT and EMDR. They will help you release current negative emotions instantly but it will come back again if you don't make a convincing plan on how to fix the problem that is causing you grief.

[–]WeddingCrasher91[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Wow. Thanks man. Gonna delve in all that.

[–]send_it_for_the_boys2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I just listened to an audiobook called “calm cool and collected” by David de las morenas good shit it’s pretty much in depth on everything this guy just wrote about. Accepting reality makes a huge difference.

[–]SlyThought0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That was really well written! : )

[–]Greek-God-Brody15 points16 points  (2 children) | Copy

You must lack social awareness / intelligence / be aspie, or hang around low status people and you yourself are low status. If someone is being mocked, it's because he is perceived to be low status, is a weirdo, something in behavior betrays him.

I was mocked in high school, due to being shy and timid. I was an easy target.

Do not react. Be unphased. Only low status people are reactive in such situations. Think of it as them testing your frame. Don't fall into it.

[–]WeddingCrasher91[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

You hit the nail on the head. I hanged around low status people all my life just because i wasn't picked at by them. Biggest mistake of my life.

I am pretty chubby and muscular. Once i reach my fitness goal, will it drastically change the way I am being treated?

[–]redditme7893 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Many people have said. Muscles let you get away with stuff. That said, it’s more of the discipline and mindset that you hone whilst you’re training that changes you. You might not notice it, but eventually your mindset will change after you work out. This is what people come to respect in beefed dudes, not their muscles purely.

[–]thrwy7547931 points32 points  (8 children) | Copy

After the encounter, i replay and overanalyze the whole thing until i figure how I should have acted. I get pumped and psyched up to destroy my next opponent, just to fuckit up in the next encounter,and I am back to square one. I am tired of it.

You're trying to be perfect. You want to have the best one-liner that'll put them in their place. You're also probably carrying yourself like a weak person: shoulders slumped, head down, etc. There are videos on YouTube to teach you how to change that.

To break through this barrier, you need experience, which you will only get by fucking up, and learning.

Next time you're agitated by something someone said, get aggressive, tell them to STFU, and get in their face, and occupy their personal space.

Check out the story of the snake, and the monk:

There was once a snake who terrorized a tiny village. Women, children, adored family pets he would bite them all, without a moment’s contemplation or modicum of sensitivity.

One day, a Buddhist monk visited the village. He observed the snake’s behavior and committed to teaching the snake the principle of non-violence or non-harming. As it turns out, the snake had a penchant for self-improvement and thoroughly absorbed the monk’s teachings. He loved the concept of non-violence and accepted it wholeheartedly.

Alas, once the snake refused to bite the villagers, they, in turn, exploited his newly discovered vulnerability. They threw dirt and rocks at him, poked at him with sticks, and, generally, made his life miserable. Some time later, the monk returned to find the snake bruised, beaten, and starving.

“What happened to you!” exclaimed the gentle monk. Clearly, it pained him to see his former student in such a predicament.

Sadly, the snake replied, “You taught me the principle of non-violence … You taught me not to bite people!”

“Ahhh, my friend, I did teach you not to bite people,” the monk conceded. Then, he lowered his voice to indicate the sharing of a very important secret, “But I never said that you couldn’t HISS.”

[–]rockyp329 points10 points  (5 children) | Copy

Yeah that’s true everyone complains about getting picked on but then when the situations are flipped these same people would make fun of someone lower than them. I’ve been there

[–]thrwy754798 points9 points  (4 children) | Copy

And, this is exactly why every dude has no choice but to perpetually be an asshole. The slightest bit of vulnerability, or kindness, and you'll get eaten alive.

[–]rockyp323 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I don’t think it’s that’s severe but everyone needs to be able to stand up for themselves or atleast show others not to mess with them. Like people say don’t react and I generally agreeee...but others say react. But I think it’s better to be unreactive verbally. But show through body language like intense eye contact. But maybe it’s better to not even do that and show u don’t view them as a threat

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy


[–]thrwy754790 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I agree that it's an area with a lot of grey, and you do have to be nice at times to survive.

However, it's better to be mostly a jackass, while peppering in some nice, rather than being nice, and throwing in some assholery. In the latter case, people will simply find your behaviour cute.

For men, this is particularly true in the workplace.

[–]Noodlesoupe21 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Being assertive doesn't make you an asshole and being a beta pussy doesn't make you a good person. Hence why most "nice guys" aren't that nice.

[–]backizwack2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Under-rated comment.

[–]poortrait1001 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This must be the fable of the week, second time I’ve seen it in two days

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy


[–]johncillo10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

This. Agree and amplify is so underrated and is a skill that will help you with everything, say yes to everything, and then make it ridiculous. However, there are times where you just need to agree and then ignore, change subject. Agree is a way to say that you’re comfortable not being perfect. I also use these responses:

  • Is everything okay at home?

This works all the time, because basically you are pointing that the behavior is erratic and nothing to do with you. I use this when the insult is really aimed at my neck.

  • Silence

Silence is a form to command respect, you can turn around, talk about something else, or simply ignore. Also removing from some place or someone is a form of higher value, use more silence when you don’t know what to say. Remember to not take it personal. Smile and ignore.

And remember this OP: insults are good. People insult you not because of you, but because you are the tangible version that reminds them the bad things about themselves or because they see you as a threat and you are a reminder of something they lack. Eitherway it’s good because they want to let you down so you’re perceived either way in a higher value, so be happy when a girl or guy throw an insult, they admire you secretly, treat them like children and have fun with them.

[–]chadtrx14 points15 points  (8 children) | Copy

Agree & amplify is my favorite. It can be a complete mind fuck. You can make a lot of connections when you are confident enough to jokingly take a negative remark & turn it upside down. You’ll be surprised how unconfrontational people become when you agree & amplify. You can find details on A&A in the side bar “Passing Shit Tests”.

[–]WeddingCrasher91[S] 8 points9 points  (6 children) | Copy

I've read the thing about shit tests. But I am sensing that I am facing something more aggresive than a shit test, like being called an idiot,dum, etc.

[–]HellSpeed2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you truly feel it is coming from a place of malice, try this. The next time someone says something like "you're an idiot" as calmly as possible stop what you are doing and stare them in the eyes. Hold the gaze until they break it. If they hold it for a while and things start getting really tense like a fight is going to break out, say something like "you good?", while still maintaining eye contact. This is basic human behaviour for establishing dominance hierarchies. If you can't do this then you have found your problem and need to do some research into why you are submissive (Hint: you probably need to lift).

In the case you mentioned in another comment, you are his superior in the business, even if he doesn't work directly under you. And even if he was your superior you can still do this: Ask to speak to him in private and tell him that what he said isn't appropriate and if he does it again you will be forced to take disciplinary actions.

I don't agree with other comments telling you to agree and amplify, while it may work to achieve what you want it can also be seen as immature and a bit weak.

[–]rockyp320 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Just tell them that’s why I’m higher up than you

[–][deleted]  (3 children) | Copy


[–]WeddingCrasher91[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

I should. I've been called sensitive numerous times. Though you see its not the insult that bothers me, its my lack of incompetence to fire back.

[–]Noodlesoupe20 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You can just laugh it off or ignore it then. You don't always have to have a comeback.

[–]RP_utiliser0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You dont always have to fire back, dont pressure yourself, ignoring shows that you dont approve of their action just as much and is effective.

When i have nothing to think of, I just ignore

[–]KillaJewels4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Key thing is avoid getting in your feelings (reacting). You don't have to respond verbally, you can just respond with your cool, calm body language like you're in his head and you understand why he would want to bring you down.

You can also be playful in your response. If someone insults you, use some aspects from game (AA, pressure flip, etc.). If you're caught off guard, have a default response ready, like "I love you too bro". You communicate that nothing he says will bring you down and its all love.

[–]when_its_too_late1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Whatever they say "yeah, sure man"

[–]rashnull6 points7 points  (5 children) | Copy

Agree and Amplify. Start now.

[–]WeddingCrasher91[S] 2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

I know man. I figure out what to say after the thing happened. The problem is I freeze up in these situations and get a mind block. I need to work on that.

[–]rashnull1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Let’s try some out for you to get those creative juices flowing. Throw us some examples of shit you’ve faced

[–]WeddingCrasher91[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Today called an idiot and brainless

[–]Onefamiliar0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

"if I'm so dumb why'd your mom let me bag?"

[–]fake_account_1011 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

" your mom felt like being the same after i fucked her into oblivion"

[–]3chazthundergut2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You dont need a witty retort. Just have a simple "fuck off" ready in the chamber at all times.

[–]Edom_Kolona2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I wish I remembered the source. Seems like it might have been aiming for comedic effect, but it's no less true for that. I'm sure I'll butcher the quote badly, but it was along the lines of:

"Men socialize by giving each other insults they don't really mean.
Women socialize by complimenting one another, but they don't mean it either."

With that said, if they don't really mean it, participate. Insult them back in good fun. If it's a lot of different people and they also do it to each other, it's in fun.

If it's just one guy, maybe he does mean it. If it's a large segment of your group and it's just you, you are being hazed.
If they do mean it, keep working on the lifting and the fight training until you are confident in your ability to deal with them physically before you make your move. That move probably shouldn't be physical but may end up that way.

[–]WeddingCrasher91[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Read that before. Great quote.

[–]bumbuff2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don't worry too much about it. Guys are like that with friends. If you hit a wall with creativity find a way to turn it into self-deprecating humor.

Never be the guy that defaults to the same insult when their imagination runs out, it's best to just keep quiet and let the trash talking turn to another friend.

You don't need to be the guy that's always the last one with a witty comeback. It's more Alpha to be comfortable with your limits in these types of scenarios than push yourself and say something that crosses an actual line - or worse, say something to make yourself look really stupid.

When I was younger, before my creativity for impromptu banter became what it is, I would turn the trash talk from friends into self-deprecating humor.

Hell, just 30 minutes ago I was joking with my roommate and was going to slap the phone out of his hand. I wasn't trying to hard, but I was walking and making him move. He told his girlfriend "/u/bumbuff is chasing me without his shirt on", he was making a slight at me acting gay. So I double down and yell, "I'm about to take my pants off too".

I saw you responded to someone else about a colleague insulting you over a mistake. Mistakes happen. If he's trash talking you over it just own it. "Yeah, I made a mistake. It's what happens when you work hard. We all can't work slow enough to cover our mistakes or we'd get nothing done."

[–]warthundersfw2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Tell them to stfu faggot, especially if the girls are with them. I’ve had girls smile and eye fix me after telli them off their fucking friends!

[–]HereToReadDirty2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dude, you’re a beta for sure but also, they aren’t your friends if you can’t tell them not to do that. Who’s your best Alpha friend in the group?

Confide in him and he will stand up for you.

[–]shouldergirdle2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Whenever a group of men congregate a natural hierarchy is established with the most capable and dominant at the top and the least capable at the bottom. If you are getting picked on and made to feel beta it is because you are. The group is putting you into your rightful position. The only proper response is to STFU and become a better man and move up the hierarchy. It's a long term move but it's the only move you have. I was in your position 15 years ago. This is what I did:

  1. Became very successful in my career. More successful in my career than anyone else I know is in their career.
  2. Got in shape. Such good shape that it is obvious to everyone.
  3. STFU- I do not overshare. I do not talk about myself. I became more mysterious. Everyone knows I have shit-on-the-go. They want to know so they have to ask me about it.
  4. I learned everything about fashion. I dress better than anyone I know. It's obvious to everyone.
  5. Treat everyone with kindness, respect and generosity. It makes people that like you, like you more. It makes people that are jealous of you, hate you. It's a superpower.
  6. I developed friendships and interests outside of my main friend group. It makes me more interesting and mysterious to everyone and limits my availability to any one group.

As a result of the changes I have made, I have moved to the top of most of the groups I belong to. Take this feedback that you are getting now as an opportunity to better yourself. You won't regret it.

[–]WeddingCrasher91[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Roger that man. Good stuff. I'll STFU

[–]Noodlesoupe24 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

men banter so banter back. They’re not insults they’re ribbing

[–]watchguy451 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Do you know how to fight? Are you lifting and I’m really good shape?

[–][deleted]  (3 children) | Copy


[–]WeddingCrasher91[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Being called dum and stupid for not doing X and Y to improve my life. Something along those lines. Its a long story.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy


[–]tacosattack1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

That's gold, I might use that.

[–]sebastianconcept1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

A bad way to do it is to try to explain yourself because that would be agreeing with the qualifiers from the get go.

Star from a different position and the best I can think of is one in which you are the adult in the room and the other guy is the kid. So you treat it like a kid, which is not being mad and agree and amplify leading the narrative to the fun side. Show that it can’t possibly be taken seriously. If it all ends up in laughs you won.

Like girls wanting to feel fun and not be taken seriously, most guys do too.

It took me a long time to realize that life is not a serious conversation among technical people but, instead, is mostly having fun and eventually being serious with some, and only sometimes.

[–]tacosattack1 point2 points  (11 children) | Copy

This boils down to self-esteem. If you feel in your subconscious that your SMV is superior to your peers, you will naturally display dominance behaviour.

You need to hit the gym, work on yourself, get that positive reinforcement that comes from self-improvement. And with time this will all click into place. To an extent you can fake it till you make it, but I don't advise trying too hard to micromanage your body language. This shit (dominance/submission behaviour) is all biologically hardwired.

[–]redditme7892 points3 points  (7 children) | Copy

This was the advice I took but I’ve since hit a wall. Let’s say I lift and I know I’m pretty decent. But changing the context to say, a band/group of musicians. All of a sudden, musical prowess takes the lead.

I can be dominant all I want, but the fact that only the best musicians will be respected/taken seriously just confuses all I learnt from TRP. What do you do in such a situation then?

[–]tacosattack1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy

It's true, environment has a big influence on how people judge your SMV. My take on it is I'm not here to be a king, I'm here to have fun and to offer that fun to people around me. I don't need to be a master of everything to have a great time.

[–]redditme7891 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

Yeah.. that’s what I thought initially too. But it slowly became clear that music was something that take seriously. Kind of like how TRP takes the gym seriously. No fun when it comes to music and I’m expected to take it all seriously. I can’t play around or have fun on stage because then it reflects my poor attitude.

[–]tacosattack0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Damn, what do you play?

[–]redditme7891 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

The guitar. Initially I was in it for the fun. The thrill of performing on stage and all that attention on the band alone. But most of them have been in music for all their lives. They have acute hearing and profound musical senses.

I eventually conceded that to develop my craft, I’ll have to suck it up. It sucks being at the bottom of the barrel but there really isn’t much one can do when these kind of stuff are warranted by years of experience.

[–]tacosattack2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

That's awesome man. I tried to learn but my fat fingers can't hit any chords right! If your heart's in it, you should go all the way. It's a great skill to have and you'll find a way to have some fun with it.

[–]Whatdoin270 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

As a musician I can tell you that it just clicks one day. Yeah, you'll have your guitar players who think they are top shit because they can shred some solos or something like that, but no one ever truly masters the guitar. In fact, I used to hangout with this guy and he was that "I'm so better than you" kinda person. He acted like that through and through and fucking especially when it came to guitar. I grew eventually and chose people who are on my side the real way instead of hanging with people who always try to one up you.

But this guy always gave me shit about my skill at guitar and at the time, I had started to actually take it seriously, but for myself. I wanted to get better to fucking blow my OWN mind and one day that clicked man. I adopted that mindset and now I'm 15 years in guitar and now I'm quite skilled, not going to lie.

My point though is people will always run their mouths dude, you just do you and play music for you. fuck what people say! Now, I teach it and I also teach my nephew for free haha.

[–]redditme7890 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

But how would you suggest implementing trp into such an environment though? There’s no way I can run my mouth off or necessarily do much when skill and expertise trumps all else that trp preaches?

[–]mraees931 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I come from a rough childhood (obese, acne, hyperhidrosis) and raised my smv over the years. What I notice now that you're saying I will naturally display dominant behavior isn't exactly true. I don't like being the center of attention around females now especially after years of them ignoring me.

Not to brag but I get so many approach invitations and I get so many women interested now I can't handle all the attention. Coming to my point, my work circles of guys recently only make fun of me for not getting one or two girls. They never mention anything about thee many girls I approach and get or girls who are interested giving approach invitations etc. They make fun of my slight acne scarring or maybe the wrinkle between my eyebrows, telling me that's what drives girls away. They laugh at all the jokes they make about me but when I hit em back the group never laughs and just ignore what I just said. Not bragging but I get the most attention out of all of them.

Could it be jealousy? Because around my older friend group we usually laugh around and not try to hurt anyones feelings

[–]tacosattack1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

That's great man, it sounds like you raised yourself up from the bottom. If you had a rough start in life like me, that took blood sweat and tears.

But make no mistake, your journey is just beginning. I can tell from your post that you desire the approval of others. You think in terms of 'they make fun of my acne', which is rooted in your past. This particular event sticks in your mind because you had an emotional reaction to it.

Once you develop inner frame, insults will bounce off you like water off a ducks back. Without the emotional response to the insult, you will agree and amplify or pressure flip without even thinking about it. Which is dominance behaviour.

So how do you get inner frame? By investing in yourself, taking risks and getting experience under your belt. But enjoy the journey, don't focus too hard on the destination.

[–]mraees932 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for the feedback. I just smile it off, I'm not as insecure about those things as I was when younger especially nowadays. Took a while though. Still building frame to 100%. Boxing helped me so much.

I just smile and ignore it now because they never have anything nice to say. Even when I was younger I was never jealous of anyone I just showed admiration. I'm so lucky they just work colleagues and I'm just straight forward with them now and do my thing.

[–]hollabomb1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Exact same as a woman, agree and amplify, it works!

[–]SuperiorConstantine1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Depends who the insult is coming from. If you’re a skinny nerd and chad of the group insults you it doesn’t matter what your reply is, you’re the bitch in the situation.

Same applies the other way round, if you’re the chad of the group and a skinny virgin calls you a faggot they’re the bitch and it’s understood by everyone, no need for a reply.

Among similarly matched men, just unapologetically dig at shit they’re either insecure about or lack: Poor physique, no money, poor social skills, no father figure etc. Ask them why they’re talking when they’re xyz and tell them to shut the fuck up. Ask how much they bench, how many women they fucked in 2020, how much money they make. If they can’t name a figure they’re the bitch regardless of whether they continue trying to talk shit.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Your friends here are doing you a favour, this is a perfect time to develop your social skills and especially how to maintain frame. The better at it you get with them, the better at it you'll get at it with other people in social settings like school, work, parties, bars, clubs and especially with girls.

When your taking a shit or taking a shower come up with your best traits and come up with their worst ones. If you got a big dick, you're tall, full head of hair, whatever use that against their worst ones like if they're short, got big ears, weird voice, etc. No ones perfect, use what you can to your advantage. If you want a source on what a good kind of general banter looks like the old Opie & Anthony shows with Bill Burr, Patrice O'Neal, and Louis CK are great.

Don't get bitter, get better.

[–]misfithustle3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Imagine youre eating a hotdog and some guy says "ah you really like weiners huh". He probably has a girl with him, hes trying to be cool.

You can defend yourself by saying something a pussy might like "No man! Shut up I dont like weiners!" Lol

Or you can say "Yup. Love em." With a smirk.

Totally shuts down his plan to get you worked up.

Be quick though, guys who say shit like that will quickly follow with a "Just fuckin with ya bud". Dont need to say anything to that, but it's annoying.

Edit you could also throw it back with a "Are you getting off on watching me eat a hotdog?"

[–]ViolentInteger1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

What can I do to handle confrontations in a better way

Study up on Agree & Amplify (AA) and Amused Mastery (AM) responses. Basically, you'd not take them so seriously and roll with it. You'd entertain yourself.

I am a coward, have been so most of my life and I am sick of it. I wanna be brave and confident, i wanna be that guy who no one wants to mess with.

Then you should be pumping iron like your life depends on it. Slam protein in your face every day (if you're not sick & tired of chicken in the first three days, you're doing it wrong).

Lifting will form the base upon which you draw your confidence from. Then if you find that you need even more... consider mixing in some MMA or BJJ training.

[–]jzekyll61 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Stop stuttering when writing titles

[–]WeddingCrasher91[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I haven't noticed that till now

[–]tacosattack1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dude this would be the perfect opportunity to agree and amplify. I was too busy busting a nut in jzekyl's mum to get the title right.

Or pressure flip, next time stop having a seizure while picking usernames, jzekyll6.

[–]phoenixshade0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You're missing the most important part of "working on yourself," from what I read here. The money part; the success part.

Can one "learn" to be alpha? I would say that this question is not so simple as it appears. You can read and understand everything the red pill community shares, but if you don't put it into practice, you won't make it. Theory without practice is impotent.

You're thinking like a woman right now; putting all of your value into your physical prowess alone; thinking your sexual market value (and most confrontations between men are to establish dominance based on SMV) is dependent on your body image alone. That is a mistake. If you tie your identity to the physical, well, that type of man has to deal with a wall of sorts, too. A "softer" wall than what women face, but you'll hit physical limitations that can EASILY be overcome with financial success.

Think about the Rocky and Mugsy characters from the famous Bugs Bunny cartoon. (Cartoons from that era are actually really good at codifying a LOT about human relationships. Banning cartoons from this era was a huge "win" for feminism towards the end of emasculating upcoming generations.) Rocky is by far the physically weaker of the pair, yet he completely dominates Mugsy.

How? By being the brains behind every operation. By being the key to the success of their capers -- which are never very successful and I'd argue that Rocky is actually a poser who is faking it well, at least where the dim-witted Mugsy is concerned. Even the "fake" nature of his dominance is shown by his choice to exist in the criminal underworld, where fakers can control their exposure and avoid confrontation with REAL alphas. Bugs Bunny, of course, is the real alpha in this story, manipulating Rocky purely for his own amusement and seemingly not caring at all about the result, and that is one of the hallmarks of an alpha -- the appearance of NOT CARING, at least not on a conscious level, because everything will work out for him and subconsciously he knows it. He is the MASTER at maintaining frame.

But I digress. The dynamic between Rocky and Mugsy is relevant here, because you are currently at the stage where you have to fake it. Faking it is NOT about self-delusion. You have to realize that what you're doing now is an ACT; it's PRACTICE to develop your skills.

Your social group has to be a place where you can practice. Don't be the "whipping boy" of your group; if that is your cemented role you need a new group. It will take more effort to improve your position in an established pecking order than to establish a higher position from the start with a new group.

You need to see these insults as a playful game. If you take it personally, you'll clam up. Don't do that. Say something back, however stupid it might seem. Maybe look up some quippy comebacks for popular insults and have some of them always on hand to shoot back at an insult. Watch videos of comedians responding to hecklers. Better still, try to anticipate a back-and-forth for three rounds of insults. Do this a few times and you're well on your way to building your confidence. You'll be surprised at how quickly it comes and how satisfying it feels.

[EDIT: Agree and amplify is a great technique if the comeback doesn't immediately occur to you. This requires correct delivery, however, and you must be careful not to overdo it, nor to do it in such a way that gives the appearance that you are accepting a LOWER POSTION than the person who originally made the insult. And you MUST amplify in a witty way, something hyperbolic and over the top. Otherwise it just looks like "agree," and you don't want your social group to think you really agree with the insult.]

This next part seems like a non-sequitur, but it is very closely tied to your ability to assert confidence in primarily male social groups. Work on your career. And I mean a genuine, all-in effort to develop your financial potential to the maximum. That is where your sexual market value truly lies. The same confidence games you play in your social groups will be played in the workplace on the next level. Just as you "study" quips and comebacks to deal with insults, you'll need to study what you do to be ready to back up any show of confidence with competence. Initiative in the workplace is important too; if you have an idea and you're in a position to implement that idea, remember the expression: "Don't ask for permission; ask for forgiveness." If you know the idea will work and will have positive results, DO IT FIRST and defend it later. Don't give someone else the power to tell you "no" if you are sure that you're right.

The physical is really in third place here, at least in terms of lifting and fight training or whatever. (Hygiene and some sense of personal style, however, are a must at all times. Don't make the mistake of neglecting these.)

This is necessarily a collection of generalities. I don't know you; I don't know your social group; I don't know what you do for a living. The important thing is to see this advice as a set of PRINCIPLES and apply them from the top down. The principles should have application whatever your current station in life. It's up to you to find that application.

Good luck.

[–]WeddingCrasher91[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for the time spent writing this man. A lot of informatiom to digest.

[–]backizwack0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Something that I've learned to ask myself if someone insults me or tries to undermine me:

"Will acknowledging that comment benefit me in anyway?"

Usually the answer is no, but in this case this guy is just picking on you. Stand up for yourself. You should have said, "Yeah, I am. Learned from the best" and then stare at him. He'll be like browtf?

Like most of these comments have read, he is projecting his insecurities onto you. He wants to feel superior.

If you want to stick it to him, you should have said "takes one to know one."

The thing is, the confidence and word association is already inside you. It has just been repressed from conditioning as a child into adulthood. I had a guy who would lead our friend group and he was the best shit tester of all time. Sometimes he got a bit too personal, but man could he dish it. But, he couldn't take it. He would throw a fit and threated to beat the fuck out of anyone who gave him shit back, or he would take the insults too far. That's the fine line between "busing each others balls" and just being a straight up dick.

Don't be a dick. If someone shoves you, shove them back.

[–]manfrombelow0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You might as well ask how to improve and increase your testosterone.

[–]SoulRedemption0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

There are a bit of factors in situations like these. At times it is hard to tell from an outside perspective because social circle dynamics, background to this situation and body language is not available to the people question being asked from.

With that in mind, some people (especially friend circles) would look at you in a certain way due to past behaviour. It is usually hard for them to change that viewpoint, even if you have changed, neigh, especially if you have changed.

Now I dunno how the actual conversations go, but here are my two cents:

-You can try agree and amplify, but if you keep doing it with no result then nothing is going to change. I have actually found out that in certain situations this works against you, because either you are not doing it right (for example the amplifying is not crazy enough that people miss the point), or that it really put yourself down even more.

-Banter back, one liners but without aggression or being butt hurt, always calm and with a smile on your face

-Do not become defensive and start explaining yourself, especially why or how you didnt do something to improve yourself

-Use a sarcastic smile, something very obvious, even shake your head a bit, do chuckle, even bite your lip while smiling and chuckling (it is hard to explain but it is trying ro show that his insult is funny, and also you are restraining to reply because it is stupid to even discuss) and change the topic. Gaze around the rest with this smile to one, see how they are reacting you being insulted, two, to be more of "Man look at this guy, oh well", this is to help rest know that you find it uncool/stupid, you are aware what is happening, and that you ain't butt hurt. Do not do the gaze in a pleading way, otherwise it will come as you are looking for someone to step in and "save you".

-if all else fail, if it is a recurring point that they(it has to be one individual only for this) keep calling you shit for, tell them to "shut the fuck up" in an aggressive tone and quickly flip by giving a big ass smirk, chuckling a bit, genuine smile. This is to show you were serious about shut the fuck up but flip it so they are not sure about your stand point. Don't just say shut the fuck up, but add something like "worry about your own shit". Do not be too aggressive, this is a flip. But if you have been saying things being annoyed all the time, this will have no effect. This one is also something hard to explain not showing.

-Your eyes lie, be aware of this. In this whole thing the biggest step is to not be too butt hurt. This will move ontp other aspects, no quick fix. No matter what you do, or say, or facial expressions you have, your eyes will lie. It will give away that you are butt hurt. So, really not being upset is something that you need to work over long term.

-Disconnect. Second someone starts doing this, in their mid sentence, ignore and turn your attention to someone else by asking them a question. Ignore the other guy foe that short period. When doing this, always keep cool and smile.

[–]TheChinkLord0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Pretend you only half understand, and then flip the joke on them! Proven to work! 100%

[–]i-am-the-prize0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

DARE never DEER: although 'talking with women' is the sub-title, it still applies.

some (me included) finds D and R and E work better than A&A when dealing with guy shit tests, but understand thats what they are, tests. so make a game out of it and stop taking it personally.

and yes, you're mentally weak because you know you've not (yet) done anything great with your life. so start doing great (even if small) things. check out microhabits and get ripped, no one can take away your physical progress and prowess.

[–]JaevonTheDon0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I usually smile and say something the lines along of "oh yeah?" and move on. Insults or anything along those lines to me are just pure distractions.

[–]drevenx130 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for the laugh. I can tell you are a beta faggot. BUT, there is still hope.

First, why the fuck do you hang out with people who disrespect you? That’s beta right there. Get better friends who believe in you and won’t disrespect you for no reason.

[–]dudedoodickle0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I don't really think that agree and amplify works if its matter of respect at work and best bet would be pressure flip. You need to dish shit back.

A&A is better between friends/chicks.

[–]Lostfate09-2 points-1 points  (4 children) | Copy

Just don't take any shit

[–]WeddingCrasher91[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I know. How is my question

[–]Monkitail0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You’re gonna have to scrap man. I feel like that the only way. Just get your ass beat to a pulp a few times and after a while it won’t even matter anymore and then you can turn into a total lunatic that people will know better than to say something to. worked for me

[–]Melbthrowaway1410 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

How many pull ups can you do again?

[–]Lostfate09-5 points-4 points  (0 children) | Copy

That is the answer to your question, There's no how to it, Just don't take any shit. simple

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

You need to figure out why it is making you react. I couldn't even comprehend what someone would have to say to me to elicit a reaction.

Why do you care what that person thinks or says? What makes their word so important?

If they burn you good, learn to respect and laugh at their wit. Also steal their lines for your own use.

If your work place is full of cunts and you can't touch them, change jobs.

And then the easiest way to deal with insults, drum roll, learn to fight.

Every dude will be a bit careful with their tongue if they know you could beat the shit out of them.

[–]Anupam200288-1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy

I have been whole life till now...started trying to take things under control..

[–]WeddingCrasher91[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

How bro? I am still a fat fuk though a big guy with muscles,and working on losing all that fat. I wonder whether being in shape and fit would change how people treat me to a noticable degree

[–]poortrait1000 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

There is nothing besides the lifting.

[–]Anupam200288-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

Not sure man....i have read online many stories people getting confident after getting fit....but not sure how it works...

[–]Pure-pussymagnet-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Throw it right back at them. I call my friend a bellend and a moron all the time. It's playful banter. I know he's my friend, but thats the sort of thing you want to do.

My tip, handle it like banter. Throw it right back at them. May even catch them off guard.

[–]billyboy_123-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

well actually i do the opposite i dont literally take a shit and literally hurt people

my sarcasm is dark and you know most people dont like it

ex my friend tried to fuck me over . in terms of reflex i choosed to itch his weakest point ie his gf was faking to commit suicide and i passed a dark joke on her which literally went bad he took it on his ego and went sad. i felt bad and later appologized anybody knows how to handle it better

ps his gf was cheating on him so i didnt had any respect for her

[–][deleted]  (2 children) | Copy


[–]WeddingCrasher91[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

How can I enrish that sense of identity?

[–]Galaticchild-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Firmly ask the guy for a fucking apology!

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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