Love my LTR girlfriend, but she has gained weight and doesn't care/try to lose weight

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May 4, 2020
122 upvotes

I have been dating my LTR for a year. She is really great other than a few small things that irritate me and is usually super submissive/nice to me (cooks for me all the time, splits paying for things for me or pays for them herself, has good career, is feminine, etc.)

When I first met her she was slightly chubby/curvy but had great proportions and was sexy. She was probably 5'5" 140lbs at the time.

I had noticed her steadily gaining weight since we started dating. Now whenever I see her step on the scale she is about 155 lbs. She looks fatter and even her face looks fatter, and also has a belly.

I have sat her down on 3 separate occasions within the last 5 months and said "Hi Amy, I like you a lot for all of these reasons XXXXXX, however I noticed I think you've gained weight since we started dating. I still like you a lot, but I was a bit more physically attracted to you before... Do you think maybe you should get healthier and lose weight"

When I've told this to here she started crying and agreed that she has a goal of losing 20lbs.

Well.... it's 5 months later, and if anything she has gained 3 or 4lbs. She has lost no weight at all.

Fast Forward to last night. I had just eaten dinner with her, and I saw her inputting the calories into MYFITNESSPAL. I looked at what she was inputting, and saw that she had chosed a 1/2 serving for each item on her plate. I had looked at the food on her plate, and I KNOW it was more like 1 or 2 full servings per item. I said "Hey Amy, I use myfitnesspal too. Just letting you know there is absolutely no way you ate only 1/2 servings of each. You got to be honest with yourself when inputting that stuff"

She exploded at me and said if I mentioned it again "she is done".

What should I do in this situation?

TL:DR Girlfriend keeps getting fatter. I bring it up to her nicely and she says she will lose weight. Doesn't lose weight. Makes fake attempts at losing weight, but uses fatlogic and lies about her caloric intake


Post Information
Title Love my LTR girlfriend, but she has gained weight and doesn't care/try to lose weight
Author joebidenshairylegs69
Upvotes 122
Comments 172
Date 04 May 2020 05:01 PM UTC (11 months ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/660339
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/gdfeh8/love_my_ltr_girlfriend_but_she_has_gained_weight/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
long term relationshipplate
Comments

[–]∞ Mod | RP Vanguardbsutansalt[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (0 children) | Copy

Dread does a body good.

[–]Dennasidaupp86325 points326 points  (11 children) | Copy

You cannot force people to change. They can only change if they want to. Clearly your LTR doesn't.

One of the key principles of TRP is "medium is the message". Pay attention more on what they do,less what they say.

You need to accept the fact that your LTR won't change for you. Therefor you have two options: Stay with her regardless of what she does or leave her. It is really that simple.

It is tough, but she got her chance.

[–]Adorable_FecalSpray73 points74 points  (3 children) | Copy

This is the correct response. You can’t change or control her, you can only change and control yourself. If this is a deal breaker for you, it would be for me, then you need to start working on moving on.

[–]throwawayok27272849210 points11 points  (2 children) | Copy

No. You can not negotiate attraction. I have been in OPs situation before and had the exact same response as he did. It was only after I looked in the mirror and saw a flabby man looking back. She will only care enough to keep you from going to other options. So if OP isn’t Adonis himself don’t expect his woman to want to be on his level.

[–]theyearsstartcomin0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

So if OP isn’t Adonis himself don’t expect his woman to want to be on his level.

What a crock of shit. He doesnt need to be adonis, he just needs to actually respect himself. As long as hes not a fat sack of shit and working to become better, then hes fine. The question is if 1. Hes going to keep being autistic enough to "sit her down" and say lose weight instead of showing her he only finds fit women attractive and 2. Just take her snapping at him like that

Shes fat and she knows it. The question is, will op take her taking it out on him? Any man expecting her to get fit wont. And that includes dudes with dad bods.

[–]throwawayok2727284922 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Close but still no. Reread the sidebar. Your SMV must always be higher or at least the same level in the looks department. We can assume this isn’t the case with OP and his girl felt it was okay to let herself go.

[–]Ill_mumble_that5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Went through this myself and dropped her when she went 50+ lbs more than she was when I met her.(within a 2 year period) It was hard. I cried. But I moved on. I went back to tapping HB8s and found someone(s) more compatible.

I wasn't going to be happy with that woman and her weight, and staying would have only wasted her fertile years on me.

[–]z2a1-98 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Agreed this is correct.

[–]BurntYams5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy

What about the trp teachings of positive reinforcement as training?

”unicorns aren’t born, they are created.”

[–]Trposh5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

First there must be good behavior in order for positive reinforcement to work.

EDIT: You’re right, though—add this to the list of examples where OP tries to implement the more “mainstream” advice by going the verbal communication route, unfortunately (and unsurprisingly) with no results to show for it.

[–]knuglets1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yup, you're spot on.

In askMRP, this subject is pretty common. The usual advice is "lead by example". If you start hitting the gym hard, she WILL notice. And she WILL do something about it if she doesn't want to lose you.

[–]i-am-the-prize0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

which is why Covert comms via Dread is the answer:

https://archive.is/BEv6l

[–]jackandjill221 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yea, agree. I wonder why though usually there's some motivation.

[–]Endorsed Contributorleftajar66 points67 points  (5 children) | Copy

Just do what girls do:

Don't "try to discuss it." Just quietly start getting in shape, improving your looks, and being less available.

She'll know exactly what that means, because it's exactly what she would do in your situation. It means she needs to step up her game, because you're losing interest.

Either way, you win -- you get to keep your GF, or you have an easier time replacing her bc you improved yourself.

[–]frappuccinoCoin9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

I like this reaction, it's a win either way. And improving yourself is the trp way anyway.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy

[removed]

[–]i-am-the-prize2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

he will endure it as long as he believes himself optionless, sadly.

[–]MGTOW_BEASTMODE0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Perfect.

[–]ay-fuh-q206 points207 points  (9 children) | Copy

Don't worry. She'll lose all that weight and look really hot..... for the next guy, because that's what women do.

[–]_the_shape_84 points85 points  (0 children) | Copy

She’ll gain it back for him too.

Expressed a little differently: “Here, she’s your problem now. Toodles!”

[–]MisterMarbles198810 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

Or descend into a spiral of depression eating after OP dumps her, and wallow in why she is struggling to lock down a quality dude when she is tipping the scales at 170lbs+

[–]le_wolfe15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy

Haha, some get worse.

[–]asskisser3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

And why is that?

[–]Trposh13 points14 points  (2 children) | Copy

Some combination of denial and knowing OP won’t leave her... until OP leaves her, which will shock her back to the reality that she won’t be able to attract anyone of high value unless she gets her shit together.

[–]Ill_mumble_that3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

This is 1 part where it's nice to be a man.

No matter how ugly a dude is, his SMV comes from what he can create, not only his body.

That said, lift.

[–]MGTOW_BEASTMODE1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don't forget "I cut all my hair off!!"

[–]i-am-the-prize1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

LOL yup, and all of a sudden: "blowjobs are back on the menu!!"

AWALT

[–][deleted] 168 points169 points  (18 children) | Copy

Man, let me tell you.

I met an LTR who was a little chubby (not too bad -- 5'9" 155, probably) and she's gotten more and more in shape every year since I met her because she wants to please me.

She would never let herself go like this. It is an insult to a man. Men are visual--you are saying "I don't care about turning you on."

She flips out because she wants you to feel shame for bringing it up to her, and she wants you to consent to this and stop mentioning it. She wants you in your place, as her beta.

This is not a high quality LTR, and it would be extremely difficult to salvage it into one. Next.

[–]antariusz52 points53 points  (6 children) | Copy

She exploded at me and said if I mentioned it again "she is done".

That's when you go the nuclear option and say "goodbye"

If you don't have abundance mentality then she knows she has you hooked and will treat you like dirt.

[–]TominatorXX15 points16 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah, perfect time to say "i'm done."

[–]theyearsstartcomin0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

"Ok. Leave"

[–]kellykebab23 points24 points  (0 children) | Copy

Seriously. She's consistently letting herself go, lying both to herself and OP about it, and then she threatens a breakup when he addresses it. How whipped can you get?

[–]L1amas14 points15 points  (1 child) | Copy

Abundance mentality and outcome independence are the primary two takeaways in this (and most) thread(s)

[–]KilluminatiGotti20 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I wish I could upvote this twice

[–]Greaterbird1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Unfortunately it's only going to get more antagonistic from here.

[–]DerpJungler9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

Spot on.

Our guy needs to apply dread.

[–]_the_shape_20 points21 points  (3 children) | Copy

It is an insult to a man

And it is precisely for this reason that many women will double-down and shoot from the (expanding) hip at a man who adheres to this mode of thinking.

Why? Because “the patriarchy” decrees that women ought to strive for such a figure, to please him at her ‘expense’ (“you really think I’d rather be on that treadmill for several hours a week instead of binging on more Netflix if not for you wanting a fit girlfriend? Pfftttt”) Because a man not accepting her as the beautiful, perfect queen (yAaas!!!) that she already is and always will be is a foot soldier of the patriarchy, enforcing the misogynistic ideals of an antiquated, oppressive worldview created by men, and for men

Omg, it’s like, 2020! Women are like, the bEsT!! Get “woke”!

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (1 child) | Copy

Honestly, telling a woman to get in better shape for you is a fucking amazing quality-check on both the woman herself and her view of you.

I told my LTR to get in better shape and said it bluntly enough that many woman would have wanted to rip my head off. She accepted what I said and got in shape. Test passed. And it's been a great LTR 4 years later.

All those girls I've met throughout the years who get insulted even at the notion I told a different woman to get in shape for me? They fail. Fucking miserably. Do not LTR if they're your last option living.

[–]Casanova-Quinn1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

That’s a great screener test. Solid advice.

[–]Trposh8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

shoot from the (expanding) hip

lol nice

[–]CaiusBard7 points8 points  (3 children) | Copy

idk about framing it as an "insult" to her man. Some people, men or women, are just undisciplined and just won't change regardless. If anything, I'd think women who are upset with their man would actually be motivated to lose weight to increase the odds of Chad scooping her off her feet. But regardless, I agree that it's absolutely worthy of breaking up even if she insists she's "trying"

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (2 children) | Copy

Ehhh, few people are "permanently lazy." If they are, then it's less of a direct result. But most aren't--they put in effort when they feel that effort will yield a benefit.

Case in point: buddy of mine is astronomically ripped. However he's beta with women. He always coaxed his LTR to go to the gym, but instead, she got fat in their 3 years together. They've been apart maybe 6 months now, and I saw her 2-3 months ago. Guess who was in better shape than I'd ever seen her in my entire life?

That's why it ties in with disrespect. She would have said, at the time, it had nothing to do with him. On the contrary, it had everything to do with him.

[–]CaiusBard2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

lol yeah women are weird, I won't pretend I'm an expert on what motivates them. Him always having to coax her to go to the gym was probably his downfall i.e. losing frame. Since you said he was ripped, he should've just told her "Going to the gym now, see you when I get back" and she would've most likely gone with him eventually if he never asked. Would've started hamstering and wondering what she was missing out on

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Nah, after a while he pretty much did that. She never budged. It pretty much all came down to him being too beta in a few different ways so that she didn't feel she needed to keep pace to keep him.

[–]KilluminatiGotti20 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

While I don’t disagree, and I feel what you said is true, some people (most people) just so severely lack self control, in that moment she just wants shitty food more than she cares about him.

She also knows somewhere deep inside that even as a land whale she can still easily draw in beta orbiters, so the urgency isn’t there to keep herself together. She’s not in scarcity (yet).

[–][deleted]  (9 children) | Copy

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[–]His_Hands_Are_Small27 points28 points  (4 children) | Copy

This, for real.

Everyone here is so hellbent on getting them to break up, but honestly, it sounds a lot more like she is just plain unmotivated. It's certainly not to say that life doesn't have it's dominance plays, but more realistically, losing weight is probably difficult for her, and she has a problem. Just like how many men have trouble controlling their urge to eat in excess, she too has the same issue. I really don't think it's some kind of dominance play like one of the top rated comments made it out to be. She is weak, and frustrated, and she had a moment where she snapped.

Letting her know that it's not going to go away just because she has an emotional outburst is a good move going forward.

Stay calm, if she gets mad, don't enter her frame and feed off her emotions. If you stay calm, she will feed off yours.

I would say this though, OP, if you are thinking about marriage, it's going to be very hard to get her to lose baby weight. Post baby is when most women gain weight and never lose it. You need to be prepared for that. I'm of the mindset that if you go the marriage route, it absolutely must be 100% for her personality, not her looks. She is going to get older, and her body and skin will sag. It is the way of things. Judging by this, you're probably going to have to be a rock of eating healthy foods. I think it's something we should encourage more people to do, but you know how society can poison blue-pilled minds. Crabs in a bucket.

Be reasonable, collect more data by challenging her again, and decide how you want to proceed after that.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah from an initial female reaction, talking about weight is a no-no. But it’s honestly reasonable to want a healthy, in shape partner in a more serious commitment. It goes both ways. No girl wants her guy to slowly waste away and start getting a beer belly and shit. I think of it like any other personality issue / problem that isn’t the end of the world and can be communicated reasonably to a degree.

[–]MindlesslyBrowsing2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is what I consider healthy TRP :) nicely written

[–]Pycnostyle0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

it's going to be very hard to get her to lose baby weight. Post baby is when most women gain weight and never lose it.

FYI, this was not the case in my wife's experience. I mean, it's not like she lost it all in the first month, but she did in the first year. Granted, we're a really active family and we eat healthy food, but I'm just saying that having a kid doesn't change the fundamentals of fitness.

Like anything else, the man needs to be the leader of the household. Be active, work out, eat right, and invite your wife to join you. If she was healthy before getting pregnant, why wouldn't she want to join you post-baby?

[–]TheGillos41 points42 points  (1 child) | Copy

Buy an "I'm with fatty" t-shirt and make sure the arrow always points to her. /s

[–]Standgrounding7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

😂😂😂😂

[–]HumbleTrees4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

This. Call the bluff. See what her hand is.

[–]Greaterbird4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

There we go. If you don't call her bluff, you've proven you're afraid to lose her.

[–]Senior Endorsed ContributorFieldLine15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy

I literally told my LTR that she needs to lift weights three times a week. I used the words "expectations" and "standards" and didn't even feed her a bullshit line about merely wanting her to be healthy -- I told her that I also want her to look as great she could.

When she expressed concern that I was judging her, I told her that I would definitely judge her if she started skipping workouts after I taught her what to do, but I can't be disappointed in her for not knowing any better.

Which is true. It's your fault if your girlfriend is fat.

What should I do in this situation?

Realize that she doesn't respect you and grow a pair of balls.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon28 points29 points  (2 children) | Copy

She exploded at me and said if I mentioned it again "she is done".

She wants to look like she's trying, but mysteriously failing. "Look, I count calories, how much more do you want me to do!?"

What should I do in this situation?

The problem isn't just the weight. She's now exploding at you, and lying to you. This means she has lost respect for you.

What you should do: get yourself in great shape and tell her you need to have sex with a slim girl, so you're opening up the relationship.

What you will actually do: negotiate with her, beg her, plead with her, run zero dread, piss her off and put her off you by looking weak in her eyes.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy

[deleted]

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Agreed, but realistically he's not going to do that

[–]kmf0172 points73 points  (1 child) | Copy

She exploded at me and said if I mentioned it again "she is done"

And you still stay with her and want to "save her"? She doesn't respect you. You are her beta, break up and move on

Btw watch how she losses most of her additional weight in few months after break up

[–]HumbleTrees0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She's getting you to break up with her so that you do her dirty work for her.

[–]TxnyMontana60 points61 points  (7 children) | Copy

You've talked about your GF weight. But, what about you? Do you even lift? are you fit and ripped?

One efficient way to make someone do something you want, is to give the example.Usually, when i was dating, i started to bring the fitness topic like "yes, im running 4 times a week and eating healthier" the girls are like "yeah! I wanna go running to, I'll join you"

If you're in a higher frame than her respect to body fitness, she'll do everything to be, at least, same as you. If she does nothing about her figure, is because she's not afraid of loosing you.

It's a frame battle, that goes beyond the body itself.
What do you think pal? let me know

[–]CaiusBard26 points27 points  (1 child) | Copy

I had a GF just like this many years ago who was totally into my fitness frame. She was a 6 or 7 when we met who was in good enough shape just by being young and going to the gym occasionally. However, once we started dating she was obsessed about going to the gym with me, playing outdoor sports, doing outdoor workouts together, etc and she got in great shape.

So no surprise I bumped into her and her new fat BF many months after I broke up with her, she gained atleast 30 pounds and was not attractive whatsoever. I actually felt bad which is rare. If you're a good leader, she'll follow along

[–]TxnyMontana0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly. There are a lot new red pillers who are stucked in the moral/ethics issue about "the real desire of being fit". But as you may know, we don't do that. Lead and if she's attracted she will follow.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy

[deleted]

[–]TxnyMontana6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're wrong here my friend. Imitation is a good sign of desire and frame. If she wasn't doing it before, it's not OP business. Not all people has the habit of being fit and it's ok.

There are multiple reasons why she wasn't doing it, but since she is dating OP, if he's making a good dread with the fitness issue, she should be making things to be better.

[–]ValorElite0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly. This guy is full of himself

[–]fucktard_engineer0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

My girlfriend and I are going to strive to lose weight together. I'm 6' at 207 (probably 25-30% fat) and she's 140 and 5' 7".

it's been tough with the quarantine shit and everything else. Excellent point on being the leader though!

[–]solstone10917 points18 points  (1 child) | Copy

Accept that she won't change. Or dump her. But you already knew that

[–]-ThePathIsTheGoal-12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don’t feel guilty for not being attracted to her anymore.

[–]Lateralanouncer4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

If she was a plate on the cc competing for chad, she would not be eating at all. Point is if she knows you're the prize (competition. Comments from other girls etc) she will keep herself in top shape.

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

She exploded at me and said if I mentioned it again "she is done". What should I do in this situation?

Dump her fat ass.

It's never going to get better. 5 months and she's porked up even more.

Sometimes, one of my girls (the ones that don't know better) will ask me "Will you still love me if I get fat?" I answer that with "Hard no." This is usually met with incredulity or extensive promises about how they will never lose their figures.

When the ask me why, I say "You're lovely girl with a sexy figure. What you are really asking is my permission to let you destroy your beauty. That would be irresponsible of me."

Anyway, "Amy" won't take responsibility for herself and expect you to love her even when she hits 200 lbs. That's not going to work out for you. Better to cut shit off now.

[–]Shitcuckedredditsays29 points30 points  (7 children) | Copy

Why do you talk to your girl like a fag?

[–]ACE-JHN1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

lmao, this had me on the floor.

[–][deleted]  (4 children) | Copy

[deleted]

[–]Rich_has_the_tricks1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

You must not have any experience being alpha in a woman’s eyes then

[–][deleted]  (2 children) | Copy

[deleted]

[–]Rich_has_the_tricks1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

There should be no "shit-storm" if you made it clear from the get-go that you expect her to be in shape. If she's slipping up, you tell her how it is. I'm not married to the woman. If she feels like I'm being an ass, so what, she can leave and I'll be alright. If she's living with me, she would be missing out on what I provide for her.

[–]Shitcuckedredditsays0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Keep thinking that

[–]Casanova-Quinn14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy

Your girlfriend has become “comfortable”, meaning she’s not afraid of losing you. She sees you as a beta with no better options. She won’t change just talking about it, she’ll change when you take action. If you want to keep her, you need to apply dread. Start improving your appearance, chat up slimmer girls, act more disinterested, see her less, etc. And if she doesn’t improve, dump her.

[–]axiscontra2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I love ultimatums. I would have said it again :D. Good riddance makes room for something better.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Start lifting heavy and don’t tell her much. Keep her wondering. This will intrigue her. You will feel more positive. She will either feel she needs to keep up or you don’t need her and you will attract someone hotter. This wont be easy she will try to distract you.

[–]ramaga2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

OP, I don't know how old you are, but take it from an older guy in his late 40s who used to love dating curvy girls:

In the long run, they always get fat.

Always.

Every woman who was curvy and sexy when I was with them looks like a beluga whale now. Without exception.

If you're concerned about your girl's weight now, you'll be mortified about and disgusted by it in a few years. If you're okay with that, fine . . . keep on doing what you're doing.

If you're not--and it sounds like you're not--perhaps it's best to look for the exit door.

The great thing about life is that there are tons of other women on the other side of that door.

And many of them don't weigh tons.

[–]awfulgoodness2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

this is a leadership problem more than anything. the fault that she's a fat bitch lays squarely at your feet. if she isn't responding to your attempts to get her to stop mooing instead of talking fall flat, it is time to move to skinnier pastures. but I suspect you'll just end up with another fat.

[–]strongerthandeath972 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

It is your personal choice. Every time a thought comes to your head that you shouldn't do that, that it is not a right and moral thing to do, remember that she would do the same to you if you gained fat, lost money, attractiveness etc.No love is unconditional.Do you know what would be the smartest move in my opinion if we would play it like it is a game of chess.Stay with her,apologize for what you have said,and tell her:"Baby,you don't have to lose weight for me to be attractive, I will always love you just the way you are, I was just worried about your health and wanted to motivate you to lose it,it isn't good for you.I am sorry,if I ever hurted your feelings,it wasn't my intention baby.".Tell her that, be with her and in the same time look for the other girlfriend but don't throw her until you find the one you like.

[–]ACE-JHN2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

The classic bait and switch.

lol leave the cow! run!!

Then she will lose the weight to get back out there.

[–]AuberyBitoni2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I had the same thing. Was dating a pretty girl but she got too comfortable and started eating a lot of chocolate and unhealthy stuff in general. She was gaining weight fast and I told her a few times that it's not attractive when a girl eats candy all the time.

She was getting heavier and I broke up with her (not the only reason). Now, 1 year forward she has gained even more weight. She has a boyfriend but still. They 90% of the time won't change their eating habits.

[–]TheRedApprentice4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

If her weight gain and refusal to put legitimate effort into getting rid of it is unacceptable, you gotta next her, man. I had a LTR who behaved in the same way a few years back. She was already obese when the relationship began (I've set a personal boundary since then- no more fat women) but I felt as though I deserved no better because I was still overweight, myself.

She expressed a half-assed desire to lose weight for the health benefit. She got "inspired" to do so when she noticed that I began losing weight (I've lost 40lbs in total since then, still going slowly but surely) but she wasn't seeing results from her "intuitive eating" because she was still consuming massive portions of calorically dense foods. She was confused as to why she wasn't losing weight, using fat-logic excuses, etc., and when I tried to explain the concept of CICO (calories in vs. calories out) to her, she lost her shit.

I ended the relationship shortly after. The evidence was there, she didn't want to change her lifestyle and I didn't want to pursue a relationship with somebody whose lifestyle was radically different from my own.

Figure out what you want, OP. What kind of life do you want? What kind of woman do you want (that is, if you're more LTR/monogamy oriented)? What's holding you back? Start making moves.

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[–]TheRedApprentice0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks brotha. Still working on it but I'm in better shape than I've ever been since I was an athlete in high school (almost 30 now). Yeah, intuitive eating works for healthy people, but not for the morbidly obese, especially those who have binge-eating disorders.

[–]Dongune4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Your position is so weak in this relationship that she gave you an ultimatum. The only thing you can do is leave.

[–]Protocol_Apollo4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

140 at 5’5 is a bit much no?

It’s very rare for a fat girl to slim down once in a LTR.

What incentive do they have to lose weight after you have given them commitment?

[–]MisterMarbles19880 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Depends on her muscle, frame and how she carries it.

[–]Protocol_Apollo1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

200 lb women be like “I’m not fat, I’m curvy look at how I carry my weight”.

OP didn’t describe a 140lb gym rat, this is an untrained woman with very little muscle mass.

140lbs at 5’5 = fat.

Show me pictures of women at 5’5 weighing 140.

They will all be fat.

[–]slappysq10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy

What are your lifts and BF%?

[–]Domebeers1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

tldr sounds like you need a new girl and be sure to vet her properly this time (that means saying "if you gain weight I'm going to leave you")

[–]kellykebab1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She exploded at me and said if I mentioned it again "she is done".

What should I do in this situation?

Ideally, you say fine and you dump her then and there.

Sounds like she's not going to change her routine any time soon. If it really bothers you, you should leave. She already whipped out the nuclear option before you did and yet she's the problem. That should tell you everything you need to know about her likely compatability into the future.

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[–]1rugged791 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Nah,

I just tell a bitch when she's getting fat. It's actually pretty easy to exercise and lose weight.

Most women won't date a guy shorter than 6 feet tall. It's physically impossible for some men to grow taller.

So why would men try and "be careful" about a dating standard that is actually achievable, when women themselves have standards that some men absolutely can not meet?

Besides, it's not like she's gonna go nuclear and hit you with some 96-hit-combo boxing move. She's gonna pout or try to hit below the belt on some shit you feel sensitive about, etc. etc. regular bitch shit. But in reality, she can't really do shit to you, besides bitch and moan or go lose some fucking weight.

[–]hibloodstevia1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She can't improve because she is weak and broken, and when you push her she lashes out in desperation.

What part of NEXT do you not understand?

[–]CHANCHAN181 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm assuming u are in ur 20s. It only gets harder as time goes on. She will more likely keep gaining weight as she gets older unless she makes serious changes. Extremely hard to lose weight in America with most foods being bad quality.

[–]Sylvester_Sterone1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It’s a lot easier to start off brand new with a woman but here are some suggestions...

Set an example. Have her workout with you. Teach her a simple program combined with walking then fade out if you want. Have her get Fitbit and link that shit to myfitness app.

[–]SteveSan821 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Exploded and said one more time and she is done. Why are you still with her?

[–]StoicPsychopath1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you aren't attracted to her, demote her to plate or dump her and start fucking girls you are attracted to.

[–]awihsoj1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dale Carnegie said in How to Win Friends and Influence People that the only way to persuade someone to do anything you want is to make them think they want to do it. If you're really keen on staying with her, then that's your answer. Her actions speak louder than words. If not, move on.

[–]throwaway-ibmt1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She is obviously comfortable and knows you are going nowhere.

Sounds like you need to lift (more if you are already) then apply some dread.

If that doesn't work then maybe she just isn't the one.

[–]johnhello1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I can’t believe she threatened to breakup with you just for saying that. Oh well, all you can do is hope she changes

[–]arcanepolar1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I agree with many other commenters but also will add that you may not have kept any dread. She has already made you her beta. Chad wouldn't have this problem.

[–]etucker5461 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This post pretty much sums up why I can not get in an LTR with a chunky bbw type woman. Their Margin of error is so slim for them to be sexually unattractive. Even if she looked like Ashley Graham I would not get into a relationship with one.

[–]Raizzen1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sad thing is she’ll be hot again after you dump her ass. Or even hotter. And she’ll use that chip against you for a longgg time. Up to you not to fall again for that (or not lol). Time to do the hard math bro. Best of luck!

[–]KAWA_TOY1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Find out what she wants and figure out a way to tie that into losing weight.

You can influence people greatly by spinning what they want Into what you want.

Let's say shes a sex fiend. Absolutely loves it. Tell her that sex could be spicier if she was thinner because you can toss her around easier and can bend in different ways. She will then be on board to losing weight since she wants sex.

That is just an example but I hope it helps.

[–]trppr3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

lol went through the same thing when I was a lot younger and naive.

At 140 and 5'5, she is already overweight.

That means when you met her she already had these problems. Girls know they are overweight. That means she thinks you wee already OK with her being fat. Now you are changing the terms of the relationship , but she's not taking it seriously. This could be for many reasons. It doesn't really matter because she clearly isn't going to lose weight.

tldr: she's only gonna get fatter if she was fat to start. Proceed to cut the fat.

Just dump her.

[–]Don_Draper273 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Let her do her thing. She needs to want it. Best you can do is invite her to do fitness stuff with you. Start by going on a walk every day.

[–]MikalCartier1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She seems pretty set in her ways either get used to having a fat girlfriend or leave

[–]ViolentInteger2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

First of all, you made a mistake by talking about it. Women let their looks slip when they're with a guy they know they can take for granted. In her mind, you're classified as her provider who will always be with her no matter what. She doesn't see that you have other options.

Apply dread. Dial down your attention to her, and spit some game at other women. Develop abundance mentality. She'll notice that you're a hot guy who has other women available--prettier women, no less. At that point, she will either get in line, or your replace her with someone better.

No more talking.

[–]Casd122 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Are you jacked and shredded? If you're not, lead by example

[–]TRP VanguardWhisper3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

You know exactly what you need to do.

You're asking questions here instead because you don't have the balls to do it.

[–]communistcontrolact1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Lol she got mad out you for holding her accountable for untrue eating portions then says if you do it again “she’s done”. Dump her and if she’s crying and begging quote her words and tell her not to be suprised.

Or use hardcore dread and ignore her physically/sexually and talk to skinner women. She should get the hint you ain’t playing

[–]llanojen1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

15# gain? Dude check yourself

[–]RednaxB1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She exploded at me and said if I mentioned it again "she is done".

Seems like you should be done with her. You shouldn't keep putting up with bullshit like this. Being fat is a sign of laziness, I don't think you want to keep her around.

[–]__TheDon__1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

As crazy as it sounds, It is partially your fault that you allowed her to gain weight. You failed by not making her wanting to please you. She doesn’t give a shit whether you’re satisfied or not, hence the weight gain. You tried 3 times to help, but she just doesn’t care ENOUGH. She gave you an ultimatum. It’s tough, but I would bounce.

[–]MagnumBurrito1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Tease her about the under reporting calories to myfitnesspal.

Next time you're both eating a big plate of food.. give her some jokey shit like, "Can't wait to see you put that as 1/16 of meal."

I'd tell you to call it "myfatpal" for her but she already seems way to butthurt for that to come off as fun jokey.

[–]usr000nm1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've been in that situation. After asking the poor girl even started forcing herself to throw up in the bathroom after meals, but didn't lose weight. Eventually had to break up. I suppose that's the RP way. Be high value and get high value girls to chase you, dump the rest.

If you want to help her, maybe you should try to actively guide her? Decide that you two are only going to have salad with some protein on top for dinner every night this month, and always take a walk for half an hour around the block each night, etc. then actively do these things with her. Throw out any snacks or unhealthy food in your place and hers, take her to dance classes, etc..

Asking her to lose weight sounds like complaining so gets a bad result. Try to be her fitness coach and leader instead. A team sports coach doesn't ask the players to lose weight, he makes a workout plan and makes them follow it, etc..

[–]hockeyaddict871 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Leave before you get a reputation of dating fat girls. Before you know it every girl will try setting you up with there fat friend

[–]FrickOffAHS1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Normally TRP’s advice would be to dump her, find another girl, and watch her lose 30 pounds in a month to look good for the next guy.

If you really want to keep her, what’s worked for me in the past is to completely stop acting sexually interested in her. Let her get jealous watching you talk to skinny girls. You have to make it clear to her subconscious mind that you’re not interested in fucking fat bitches and you’re going to move on if she doesn’t shape up fast

[–]comcain0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Imagine what she'll be like in 5 years. Or, hell, even 1 year down the road. You'll have to roll her in flour and slide your dick where the flour sticks.

After her ultimatum, I'd start disconnecting. I hope you don't have a common checking account and so forth. I hope she hasn't been there long enough to demand a common law divorce. Because it'll be ugly if you break up "because you called her fat". That's a nuclear trigger word for women.

I think you're headed for the rapid. It'll be bumpy, but you'll get through it.

Cheers

[–]smhfamswag0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

lmaooo asking more than once is begging, next the pig

[–]DrGandu0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Your mistake? You mentioned it.

She knows she's fat: she isn't gonna lose it for you. That's not how inspiration works. You can give her a reality check and insult the fuck outta her, hell even break up with her, claiming it was because she turned fat. That'll give her angry bitch energy to start getting fit.

My advice: Let her say she's fat, and don't disagree. Don't bring it up yourself. When she asks if you'll cheat on her, say that you inevitably will.

Today's society full of Billy Betas will feed her fat positive energy no matter how chunky she gets. When you bring it up to her, it shows inherent insecurity on your part: shows that it affects you. You want her to naturally want to lose weight for you. If you look at the forest for the trees, there must be something fundamentally fishy in your relationship. Work on yourself so she doesn't feel as comfortable to stay chunky.

[–]flyinghorse10 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I dont think this will end well as you've tried a lot already at fixing this. Is she interested in working out with you?

[–]Thunder_banger0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Look, she tried to change, it's clear she doesn't know how to lose the weight on her own. Probably because she thinks oppressive self discipline and drastic diets are the only/best way.

Whenever I discuss health with girls it's always in a specific context, this food/activity is healthy/isn't. Not just hey did you meet your weight loss goal or not. It sounds like you got someone who is on some level listening and trying, I say you needed to be giving her more achievable goals, and maybe more tools (most girls are psyched to learn about intermittent fasting for ex)

Basically whilst I agree with the red pill rules that you should say when you don't like something about a partner like their weight, but there are ways to do it so that she doesn't feel like she's turning in late homework, thus drastically increasing the odds of getting through to her.

[–]wakewakew0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She exploded at me and said if I mentioned it again "she is done"

Then mention it again. if your woman wants to walk away from the relationship because you are trying to help her its her problem. Move on

[–]Yusuf180 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I’d recommend complimenting her body often, saying she looks sexy in an outfit, or commenting on how she looks thin and you love that. That will motivate her to keep herself healthy

[–]H_Crush0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

man, you're letting a fatty threaten you with quits. no need to end it right now, but get your power/balls back

you made her too comfortable. you should have enforced better boundaries

[–]MGTOW_BEASTMODE0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She exploded at me and said if I mentioned it again "she is done".

"Let me save you the explosion then.. we ARE done"

[–]Pycnostyle0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You can't just tell a chick to lose weight, what the fuck. Most people can't muster the knowledge and/or motivation to lose weight, and anybody doubting this is encouraged to visit the local Walmart for some people-watching. Thanks Netflix and Doordash.

Like anything else, the man needs to be the leader. Eat right, work out, be active, and invite your LTR to join you in all of these. Do the thought work for her and all she has to do is show up. If she does, then great! If she does not, then the female attention you'll be getting as you look better will convince at least one of you to get off your ass.

[–]pigofwallstreet0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Instead of being an autist you could have achieved the same goal in a better manner. You could of cooked a healthy dinner, and asked what portions she wanted when you plated the food for her. You can take her out on healthy exercise dates such as hiking. Dread should be applied by being extra friendly with fit women you encounter, taking her to the gym at the same time all the hotties are there, and follow some fitness model accounts on Instagram.

Trust me it won’t go over her head that you want a fit girlfriend

[–]flexingtonsteele0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hey bro, I was in a similar relationship as you

I was in a 4 year relationship with a girl before we broke up last year.

When we met, she was 5’1 and about 128 pounds. A bit chubby but I didn’t mind that weight

As the years went on, she began to gain more weight

When we broke up, she was about 194 lbs.

I tried encouraging her, leading by example, working out with her at the gym, buying her home workout equipment (she said she didn’t have time to go to the gym while in school, but the gym was inside her school 🤦‍♂️), encouraged her to see her doctor, told her I wasn’t as physically attracted to her as before, blah blah blah blah

All she said was that I should love her the way she was, that I was controlling, that it was my fault she gained weight (we didn’t live together and maybe had dinner together like twice a week as we both were in school and worked-I like to eat fairly healthy and would never have junk food with her), and that she didn’t have time to workout (but would spend hours watching Netflix).

Hearing that hurt. It made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. That I wasn’t a great leader in my relationship, that I should have tried more. But you know what, she was just the type of individual to always be a victim. She never wanted to take responsibility for issues in her life. Her weight wasn’t the only thing she neglected. She was horrible with money, managing her time, and her school/work. This behaviour typically transmits into many areas of life.

The more you try to help her, the more she will resent you. She needs to want to change by herself.

Her weight gain was a sign that she was not willing to make an effort to improve herself. If somebody can’t take care of themselves, how are they going to take care of you and your future family?

[–]marcoll20000 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

All I have to say is I hope she leaves your ass.

What a horrible thing to say about someone you care about.

[–]shvmir1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just like previous comments, if it's a deal breaker for you then move on. I sure the hell would

[–]z2a1-90 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

hard next

[–]Jacked5parrow0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Dread

[–]Martian536840 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If your girl gets fat and doesn’t want to lose weight she doesn’t respect you

[–]japjap0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Mention it again.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Encourage her to go jogging with you. If she doesn't then key her knife that getting fatty is a turn off for you and go from there.

[–]juliank470 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Fuck a skinny chick.

[–]SupremeBBC0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I wouldn't even have told her nicely, OP; therein lied your first error.

You should have just employed dread instead by continuing to lift and get better looking, essentially showing her that you are ready to leave for hotter bitches through your actions. If she cared about enough about keeping you in the first place, she wouldn't have turned into a sea animal right before your eyes.

Move on.

[–]FleshPanda0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Do you need help finding the door?

[–]BusterVadge0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You're not instilling enough dread in her. If you're ripped and she know there are at least 2 or 3 other women that want to fuck you, she WILL stay in top shape.

IMO, I would just dump her and move on to someone more attractive. But if you really want to keep her STFU about her being fat and start installing whatever dread you can. If she notices subtly that other, more fit women want to fuck you, she'll get on the right track.

[–]le_wolfe0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Bless your stars you're not married. You can drop her ass in a minute. BTW are you lifting? If you did look good and applied some dread, it wouldn't have come to this.

[–]bert_cj0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

How does your body look? Are you shredded?

[–]ChadBreeder10 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She’s disrespecting you by not taking care of herself. She clearly knows she has you in the bag. Break up with her, natural selection and evolutionary biology will force her to lose the weight to find a mate as good as you. Then hit her back up once she looks good again and you’ve fucked a bunch of girls, you need to get your abundance mentality up. If you had abundance you wouldn’t be with a fatty. Stop going easy on her. She has a responsibility to take care of herself and she clearly isn’t doing so. You got this, bro.

[–]zeekt12-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is funny af ngl lmaoo, cant take this post seriously

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[–]urbancore-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

Introduce IF. It works......

[–]Nergaal-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

The gaining weight is for some reason, but the existence of that reason means you are not her priority #1. Maybe she is stressed and depressed from work, but means she is more focused on that than on you. Up to you fi you are ok with not being her #1, even though that might not be another guy

[–]brngamer-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

What shape are you in?

Appreciate you’re now in a tricky situation.

You need to lead by example? Are you in the best you can be or at least working towards that?

Are you guys working out together or at least keeping each other accountable over the covid shutdown?

[–]paint-the-world-red-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Cull the herd, she made her choice and now you need to make yours.

[–]PinacoladaSauce-1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy

There’s a saying something like you build the unicorn with you, you dont find one. I think you need to decide what your line is. When you’ve had enough. From the way you put it it sounds like you are being very reasonable with her and respectful, and she’s insecure, understandably.

But if she isn’t willing to improve to keep you then that’s on her, despite you talking to her about it. If what you’re saying you said is true, then you’ve been respectful/reasonable, but i’m cautious with internet stories. Not calling you a liar, i’m just not there so i don’t know the full situation.

Women respond to emotions and ultimatums. “Hey Amy, I really enjoy and appreciate XYZ about you and about our relationship, but the fact you’ve gained weight despite saying losing it is your goal shows to me you don’t respect yourself. I’ve approached you about it in ways I consider to be respectful, and yet nothing has changed. This shows to me that you don’t respect me or our relationship as much as I do, and it’s not fair for me to be in a one sided LTR.

I need to see sincere effort being made in 1 month/2months/2weeks/whenever otherwise I will break up with you. Not because of your weight and physical appearance, but because of the subliminal messages of the way you value and prioritize our relationship and your own self care.”

Obviously twist and tweak it so it’s not robotic but yeah there are some key phrases there. Decide what your tolerance line is, and give it to her straight up.

Good luck

[–]FranckShmibery0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Ultimatums don’t work.

This sub is about being effective, not reasonable.

[–]PinacoladaSauce2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ultimatums absolutely work.

Nothing I said would be ineffective. If she doesn’t change, then he drops her. Great, get rid of dead weight. If she does, then they stay together. Great, girlfriend is healthier and relationship is better.

Losing her might not be the option he wants but it could be the best option is she is unwilling to adapt for the sake of the relationship. Hence— the ultimatum.

[–]7inchnofapper-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Lmao this was a good read

[–]Yee2911-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Lmaooo

[–]throwawayok272728492-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Look in the mirror and ask yourself if she needs to be fit enough to keep you from fucking other women. 8/10 times it’s you not being high enough on the food chain for your woman to care about her appearance.

[–]catsdontsmile-5 points-4 points  (4 children) | Copy

Counting calories is for hardcore lifters. She needs to get an eating plan from a nutritionist and NOT eat outside from it instead of wasting her time with an app all day. Then just keep track of her weight.

Also holy shit america, 5'5" 140lbs? That's downright fat here in south-america.

Do you think maybe you should get healthier and lose weight"

This will never work. You need to say you are BOTH going to be doing it or it will never take. "Lets get in shape and eat healthy together". If you leave it up to her then don't expect things to happen. People here will suggest you to dread and play mind games but IMO down that road you're risking breaking her and that's not something you'd want in a LTR.

[–]znikrep0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Counting calories is for hardcore lifters

It is if you aim for 100% accuracy.

Calorie counting and nutrition are always ballpark, but if used with discipline and honesty it will help you understand what you are really eating.

Even if your logged intake is 20% off, if it helps you go from 3000 to 2000 kcal a day, you are already making great progress.

[–]Sonny_Luna-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

Counting calories is for hardcore lifters.

This is a ridiculous comment. Counting calories is the best way for someone to lose weight. I’ve seen several friends use that method to permanent success. It’s silly to suggest it’s anything other than an excellent strategy to lose weight.

[–]catsdontsmile0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It's not ridiculous if you have a little of common sense. It's the smart way to do it actually. A nutritionist will have already designed an eating plan that will have the calories pre counted. You just stick to that and there's no need, and it'd make no sense, to count the calories again. They have already been counted, there's no point to it. I lost 31 pounds in two months and a half with 0 effort by doing this. Why the hell are you going to add the same calories every day? That's autistic.



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