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Can you guys clarify what you mean when you say don’t chase women?

Reddit View
May 8, 2020

Okay so I can understand putting your career, money, fitness all ahead of women. Getting a mission in place.

Let’s say I wake up at 5 am to workout, go to work and end at 5 pm. Then I go do BJJ for a couple hours and then go home , eat, read and bed. Am I to expect that women are magically going to appear in my life? And even if one did, is this this lifestyle she’s going to be even interested in?

Just trying to understand this better. Thanks

Post Information
Title Can you guys clarify what you mean when you say don’t chase women?
Author watchguy45
Upvotes 139
Comments 44
Date 08 May 2020 01:03 AM UTC (9 months ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Original Link
Similar Posts

[–]AshyLarry27227 points228 points  (5 children) | Copy

Don't take it too literally. Obviously you need to initiate conversations with girls. What "don't chase" means, is don't do all the work and go overboard. If you talk to a girl at a bar, start with general banter, and make sure you and her have some back and forth that can lead to more physical escalation. Chasing is when you put the girl before everything. It means you are always the first to text her, you're always checking up on her, you reinitiate everything always. She needs to feel you might not text her, she needs to have space from you. You need to make sure she is doing something. When you do all the work, you are "forcing" it to workout. She needs to organically want to also reciprocate. The idea of "chasing women" is a bit broad, maybe you could expand on the context.

[–]DrGandu13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

This hits the spot. But for beginners, to sum it all up, it means not putting girls on a pedestal. Always keep in mind that they have nothing special to offer. AWALT

[–]MrAnderzon4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

No need to expand. This is the now the official definition

[–]Ill_mumble_that2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

"Be the flame, not the moth"

If she's not fluttering around you, she's not into you. Yeah, you need to make the first move, but after that, she should be coming to you.

If she's not into you, don't waste your time on her. Find a girl who is into you. Abundance.

But also: be the man that women want. By being the man that men want to be.

[–]johncillo0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Thank you, I needed to hear this today.

[–]Noodlesoupe2108 points109 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don’t chase one woman or make women your whole goal. Pick up chicks as a side thing. I think a more accurate saying is put minimal effort into chasing women and don’t waste your time with uninterested ones.

[–]Whitefarmer37 points38 points  (1 child) | Copy

If you can can be high SMV and talk to a high SMV woman without a hint or neediness or thirst because you truly don’t give a flying fuck you are not chasing. It shows in your body language and woman will be gawking at you at the gas station. Dgaf attitude is the key to life

[–]ldnborda15 points16 points  (3 children) | Copy

Some women have an air of arrogance about them. Like they dont want the same thing as you. You both know they do, but its a game, she pretends to be aloof, unfazed, uninterested (but will encourage you to keep trying). Its as she walks off slowly waiting for you to follow and embark on a journey of proving yourself and constant shit tests, you just let her sway off into the dark and trip over. Women who show an interest and make an effort are the ones you will get a truly positive experience from.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Absolutely correct my friend. People take TRP advises too literally and end up confused.

[–]kollegah13371 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy


[–]ldnborda0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

50% of the effort is ok. As long as its not a chore for you its not a chore for you. If you’re enjoying the interaction thats a good thing, just enjoy it. Consider trp before big life decisions or when you’re stuck going round in circles but dont get caught up on it

[–]DeepC198023 points24 points  (1 child) | Copy

No, women aren't going to magically appear in your life. You need to go out and talk to them when you're out and about. Next time you go out doing shopping or whatever, just strike up a conversation with a few girls you find attractive. No need to go out of your way or change your schedule up just for women. You just do it on the side when you're already out doing stuff.

If you're into online dating, just swipe while you're sitting on the toilet or eating a meal. Doesn't have to be more than 5 minutes a day.

You're overthinking things if you're at the point where you're wondering if she'd be even interested in your lifestyle. You're the prize, it doesn't matter. A woman who is interested in you will make it work to be with you. She'll want to be a part of your lifestyle as it is. If you meet a girl and then change everything in your life to be with her, she'll most likely leave. A woman wants to add to your life, she doesn't want to BE your life.

[–]UriahTheChosen2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This. Don’t chase doesnt mean dont go out of your wY to be where attractive women are per say, but rather, if a woman is not showing semi/peak levels of interest in you within the first minutes of meeting, don’t become a dancing monkey and attempt to “win her over”.

Save your time (with your schedule you have little) and only entertain girls who are seeing you as the prize from the jump.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes I think not chasing is a broad area, but if I use dating apps for example if they don't agree to meet after a few messages back and forth or if you do meet and no kiss on the first date or no sex by the second, just break it off. Too many thots aka attention whores willing to waste your time talking for hours with no purpose.

[–]alfred3113 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

In my office i am known as "the rich guy" despite i dont have the highest salary but because i go to gym, i dont eat junkfoods, i bring my own healthy packed lunch almost everyday, i own a brand new car (2 car btw, i am using it in my business actually) i can fucked 8-9/10 women whether they have bf or married. I approached/message them once only and if they dont reply then i just forget about them and go on with my life. If you read a lot of books you will sound intelligent and women might be intimidated by you, of course you still need to be funny. This is the prize and abundance mentality and the definition of not chasing women

[–]ev3rynightfireworks3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

you plan on staying single for life?

[–]alfred3110 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Im already married dude

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

It means don't let the presence of women in your life derail you from your purpose. Of course you will have to pursue women a little bit, but I personally know so many guys that literally treat pussy like the fountain of youth and put women on the highest pedestal. Then, when she leaves, they are literally crushed, depressed, devastated, and can't go on with their life. The reason is because they didn't make themselves their mental point of origin - they made the pursuit of women their mental point of origin. And who can blame them? Society constantly asks men, when are you getting married? Do you have a girlfriend yet? What do you mean you're 30 and single?? So therefore, don't chase women simply means, don't be a simp, and stop acting like women are these rare unicorn creatures. You don't need arm candy to make you feel better. Do the work on yourself first.

[–]watchguy45[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Thank you. This is excellent.

But what if you’ve done the work? I get it for those who aren’t lifting, making money etc.

But here I am. Making money, lifting, style is good , yet because I want a family I get excited when I meet a girl that could possibly fit the bill. That excitement makes me subconsciously chase which ruins attraction. How the fuck can I get better?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I would say become super clear on your personal values and belief system.

At this point, you aren't just vetting a woman for an LTR, you are vetting her to be the mother of your children. Therefore, if you mess up, you won't be the only one facing the consequences. Your kids will be exposed to her craziness, too. This is where your excitement will come to bite you in the ass.

I am a long way from wanting kids. I'm still in the "building and creating" phase, so take my advice for what it's worth. But in my opinion, you need to know exactly what you're looking for in a partner. It's normal to be excited, but at this point in your life, it's even more important to be super careful. Think of it like buying a house. It's normal to be excited, but before you buy the house, you have to look at its past history, fires, damages, etc. Do the same for a woman.

It sounds like you can have any woman you want, and it sounds like you'll be a good dad. Just make sure that any woman that you have kids with is equally devoted to your mission. Yes, this will involve some level of "chasing" because the perfect woman isn't gonna fall into your lap. But don't become desperate. That's my $0.02.

If I were you, I would take advice from guys who have already been there. I'm still relatively young. I think you should create a new post outlining your situation, because you didn't mention kids anywhere in your original post. Or just revise your post and be more specific.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy


[–]watchguy45[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Excellent thank you

[–]skunkbear4441 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think chasing women is a great thing in the right way. It sharpens your social skills, charm, confidence, helps you read people, spot red flags faster.

Spending too much time or money on any girl that doesn't put out is bad. Being in contact with 5 or more different girls trying to get them out with you at any one time is a good thing and approaching and going after hotter girls that are more well put together is also a good thing. If they like you so much they start initiating dates and sex great bonus, but isn't needed.

So I am pro chasing women.

Chasing women is great, simping is not.

Again red pill gets too defense minded on not having losses due to past trauma or past lack of success. If you chase women the right way the worst you get is a rejection or a ghost. The reward can be mind blowing self filmed sex to remember forever.

The choice to not chase women is the choice to let them pick you for your status and not you pick them. You can build yourself up and still choose who you go after at the same time.

Red pill guys also like to say put minimal effort. Again a hyperbolic phrase to be on defense because they got burned or saw others got burned. A more nuanced way is to say put in the needed the effort needed to pique her interest and sexual attraction as high as you can get it. Often times this amount of effort is more than minimal by getting creative and into her head, but is much much less effort than simping or getting to the point of obsessive stalker.

Minimum effort is 1/10 effort (texting only for logistics, hoping your muscles or money alone is enough to get her in bed repeatedly). The effort to get her sexual interest high is probably more like a between 4-5/10 (charming conversation, get her to open up about herself, well planned venue selection, effort in bed). Simp effort of offering her a full vacation to Hawaii with no promise of sex is a 10/10.

[–]jchrist980 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Basically it means don't be desperate. If she shows no interest at all, move along. Abudance mentality.

[–]spartan_samurai0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Not chasing women means you don't go out extra mile to get girls who are not attracted or connected to you in first place.

They don't reciprocate to your actions but you keep trying in order to get them interested in you that shows chasing, desperation/neediness from your side.

Women gonna appear in you life at cafes, bars, clubs, shops and in your social circle so when you feel any IOI from her side just start conversation.

[–]DTron23320 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Think of chasing women as being needy. Chasing should never come to your mind, remember back in school how all the girls would chase the boys? That’s exactly how it is in the adult world as well.

What this means is that there’s investment from her as well, of course you need to be bold and initiate 95% of the time, but you want to make sure she’s showing interest as well. Don’t do all the work, instead focus on talking to many women. More women= more abundance.

[–]Domebeers0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Two concepts. 1) don't chase women as a sexual strategy, which means don't be an orbiter or a puppy dog. Women like to chase, women actually like to 'conquer' a man. So let her.

2) Time management strategy. I think it is best translated as don't over invest in any one women in particular, especially before you have slept with her. Protects your time and resources, as women will lead you on.

[–]IXseed0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You PURSUE women. Don't chase them.

You go out and meet women. Chat em up. Move forward with what you wanna do. The keys are to not put a ton of effort into it. Calling her ever day. Texting every day. Literally following around women at the club and shit.

Best way to know if you're chasing vs pursuing is how is she responding to escalation. If she's not down and you're STILL trying to get her out or hit her up, you're chasing.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

it's a mental thing.

i can go out to a bar and talk to every girl in that bar but still not technically have been "chasing" them.

cos mentally i do not give one single fuck if it goes well with them.

"not chasing" basically means "not caring about the outcome"

[–]CeratedOlly0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Not part of TRP, but from my (limited) experience, I’d didn’t even want a partner, so when I met my now gf, I was myself and didn’t really do anything to impress her particularly. She proceeded to fall in love with me, and I eventually found out like 3 years after, when she had liked me for two. What I guess I’m saying is if you just make friends with people who you like, the right person for you might just pop up randomly

[–]Arnoux0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you want kids you actively have to chase woman. By chasing I mean you have to go out, meet with a lot of girls, understand how they work and settle with one of them.

If you don't want any family just fuck some bitches when you have time.

Don't chase woman means if a woman lives 1.5 hour away and you are horny but you don't care too much about this woman then you should stay at home jerk off for 10 mins for some nice porn and focus on any other thing and save 5 hours of your free time. If this woman means something to you then dress up nicely and fuck her well.

[–]thicknecck0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Bro, we’ve same lifestyle but I daygame too on weekends

[–]exscionewhuman0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It's about energy, if they are running away, trust it, chasing is weak. When they are moving towards you, push back, there you can feel your strength... match their energy. Play.

[–]FinancialThanks10 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

In order to chase someone, they must be running from you

[–]lolomotif120 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Dont chase but persue. What this means is initiate conversation, meet ups etc but the effort needs to be equal from both sides. If they're not replying to your messages, dont double message. This will be chasing. If you arrange a meet up and they flake, dont be the one again to arrange a meet up, that's chasing. The balls in their court.

[–]Guarnerre19950 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

You start momentum, you both keep the ball rolling. The moment she stops pushing is the moment you leave her.

TRP makes you realise when to spot this moment, because most males become blind for it.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Can you expand on that? And describe a moment where you saw it happen?

[–]Guarnerre19950 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Myself. Me and this girl had a flow going. I began to chase which led to me pushing this so called ball.

Reading RP stories made me realize wtf I was doing.

[–]Boo Hoo World So Evilred__Man-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

there is a huge difference between approaching and chasing..

[–]Greek-God-Brody-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

Your social life needs to be on point, you must make yourself a popular guy. That is being open to opportunities. If you sit on your ass, women are not going to fall into your lap.

This whole mindset works in conjunction with being high-value and living high-value.

An attractive lifestyle is what's gonna get women chasing you. Hard to do that if you work a 9-5.

[–]L2diy0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It’s not hard to do that if you work a 9-5. Just have an interesting job and work your ass off at it. You don’t have to be some kind of entrepreneur or freelancer to live an interesting life and attractive lifestyle.

[–]cfbovernfl-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

You will never be high enough SMV to have 8+'s go after you (which I'm assuming are the type of girls you're trying to attract). Ask girls out and use game, but a) don't fixate yourself on one particular girl unless you're in an LTR and b) put girls behind your career, important extracurriculars, etc..

[–]mr_Tobbor-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

And now you know what is chasing women, what? is it any different? You will find a woman on Saturday fever? Then you have to had 3 women sexually involved with you for having abudance Mentality which will help you to find a 4th woman! Isn't it all bullshit? I forgot it : Go lift!

[–]mr_Tobbor-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Get married to have some pussy (hopfully). If you are in LTR it is like you are married or you will be married soon. If you (think) you are FWB or FB you have halucinations. If you regularly masturbate you are doing what all others do!

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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