• How old are you (and how old is your partner) and how familiar are you with RPW?
    • I'm 23; Hubby is 48 (please ignore age gap during discussion; it's not important). I found TRP a couple months ago, and have since been lurking on the related subs (TRP, AskTRP, redpillwomen, RPW, etc.)
  • What is your relationship status?
    • married
  • What is the problem? (Don’t badmouth your SO!)
    • So, kind of a long story, but I'll try to make it short without sacrificing important details. A few years ago when Hubby and I first moved in together, we adopted this precious miniature pinscher, whom we named Cerberus. I love that dog dearly.
    • Flash forward to fall of last year: we're living in a big house, and now have four dogs. One night, one of them, a great dane, attacks our min pin, nearly killing him. After an expensive vet bill, Cerby went to recover at my husband's ex-wife's house (kept the dog in the family and the step children happy). We haven't gotten him back because a) for a while we kept the great dane, until she started fighting with our other dogs, and we obviously couldn't have her around Cerby, and b) now that we have re-homed the great dane and she is no longer a problem, the ex-wife is complaining that Cerby is constantly getting into cabinets and peeing all over the house, and Hubby doesn't want that happening to our house.
    • Currently: We recently replaced the great dane with another adoptee, bringing our pack back to up three, and Hubby is interested in getting a fourth. However, I really, really, really miss Cerberus, and I have been begging him to ask his ex-wife if we could borrow the dog for a day or two long visit (which she is on board with, because she suggested Cerby could go back and fourth with the children. This idea was immediately rejected. Figures.) I personally don't see what the issue is because a) how much damage could one dog do in 1-2 days, with everyone home all day to supervise? b) the most recent adoptee had some trouble navigating the dog door for a while, and has peed in the house; we are still trying to get rid of the smell, to which, of course, a fourth dog will only add to, and c) I am the one who does the cleaning in the house, including the dog messes when Hubby goes to work.
    • So, my question becomes: do I push the issue, because I miss this stupid min pin every day and my heart hurts, or do I stop asking in order to respect my husband's wishes, even if I can rationalize away his reasons for saying no? I don't want to add additional stress to his life and I want to be submissive to him, but it just feels like we've wrongfully cast our very first dog aside, and that's left a hole that can't be filled.
  • How have you contributed to the problem?
    • I have, half jokingly, suggested I could kidnap the dog from the ex-wife's yard. That did not go over well. A while back, before Cerby started reportedly misbehaving, I also put a lot of pressure on Hubby to ask his ex-wife to borrow him, which he absolutely did not want to do because she's been manipulative and borderline abusive to him for many, many years, and they were arguing at the time and he just wanted to stop talking to her. I regret that a lot. (But it seems like they're more at peace now, since they're communicating civilly about casual things like the dog?)
  • How long has this been an issue?
    • At least 2 months
  • What have you done to resolve this problem?
    • I've tried to talk to him about it calmly and rationally, explaining the way I see things. Hubby becomes very defensive with the vaguest suggestion of criticism, most likely as a result of his awful previous marriage, so conversations in which we disagree can often go downhill quickly (we are working on this together.) I often think he hears me, knows I have a point, and then does this strange thing where he somehow slips out of the conversation without giving me the feeling there's been a definite resolution or decision? And then the problem still just... hangs. I don't know how he does it, honestly. It's very unsettling, to say the least. (hope that doesn't come off as bad mouthing)

If married or in a committed, monogamous relationship:

  • How long have you been together?
    • five years
  • Is your relationship long-distance?
    • No
  • Do you have an active bedroom life?
    • Yes lol