Isolation deteriorating my mental health in my early 20's

tripleundone · 2020-08-14T20:36:47+00:00

Find some good discords dude. It’s what I’m doing. Social media can be good or bad, but my experience is that curated group chats with a real community feel is a way better way to make friends.

GodEmperorMusk · 2020-08-14T22:47:43+00:00

Hey man, just want to say that 21 is definitely a tough time to be alone. All I can say is that later on, you will 100% stop caring about having friends when it comes to dating. Wingmen/close buddies come and go and you will need to learn confidence to be able to date on your own. I am 30 and have learned over the years to not depend on anyone else to live the life I want.

Why not use this opportunity to start being socially independent now? Fire up the apps and go on dates. Do stuff that you want to do, such as going out in the park. Yeah a bunch will be awkward. A lot will go nowhere. But at one point you will lose all the anxiety that comes with dating. It's all a numbers game anyway.

Also, try to not get sucked into anything that involves dopamine rushes as they will all lose their effect eventually. Serotonin, aka the feeling where you are calm and at peace, is what you're looking for.

bert_cj · 2020-08-14T20:57:52+00:00

Why don’t you have a job?

EDIT:

Sorry you said you work. What is your job?

Jdunbar927 · 2020-08-14T22:46:11+00:00

I am in the EXACT same position, just a year younger :/

sarah-goldfarb · 2020-08-14T23:48:43+00:00

You have a job. You exercise and lift weights. You enjoy reading and learning about things on the internet. That's a lot more than some people can say about themselves! Some people have no job. Some people don't take care of their bodies. Some people don't have the discipline to form healthy habits and take care of themselves at all. Some people aren't curious about what is going on in the world enough to read about it online. Some people have never had a relationship at all. You have already accomplished a lot at 21. And you're young, you have your whole life ahead of you!

Having no friends sucks, but it is not a feature of who you are, it is just your current circumstance. Even if you have never had a friend before, you could meet a friend tomorrow and be friends with them for the next 60 years.

Here is some practical advice. Don't delete social media. It's actually a very valuable tool for chronic introverts like you and me. It enables you to broadcast who you are to the world, so that people can realize that they have things in common with you and get to know you better. I don't have very many friends at all and have always struggled with that, and used to never social media, but this year during quarantine I started going out for hikes and posting pictures of them on facebook, I got an instagram for the first time and started posting daily stories of my adventures as well as whatever else made me happy that day (food I cooked, my cat, an article I read, whatever), and people started inviting me to way more stuff and talking to me a lot more. People seem much more comfortable striking up conversations with me in person, because they can say "oh how was your trip to xyz, I loved that picture of your pet, etc" instead of not knowing enough about my life to make small talk. Or if you post something interesting on Facebook, you might get into a discussion with someone about it, and then ask them if they want to continue the discussion over lunch. You can use it to check up on people who are having a rough time in life and show them that you care about them, you can use it to learn about people and then use that information as conversation starters, you can use it to touch base with old friends (and be available if other people want to reach out to you). By deleting it, you would be isolating yourself much more, making it impossible for people to get to know you or connect with you if they wanted to.

Facebook also has an events section that I rely on heavily, even during quarantine. There are socially distant things to do. If you go do them it will increase your self esteem, and if you post about it you can connect with people who like to do the same things! I challenge you to try it for 1 month. For 4 weeks, every week post 1 outing you went on and post about it. I will bet you that in 1 month you will be having a lot more social contact and that your self image will increase significantly.

thetruthishere_ · 2020-08-15T01:56:50+00:00

Just noting. Dont think you cant be friends with someone older. Some of the greatest people I know are older and now Im older so I can be great to someone younger, Ive lived life.

Also Im sorry youre feeling so lost right now.

pastadedientes · 2020-08-15T06:38:47+00:00

Hi. I'm a woman who always lurks here without commenting because I understand this sub is for men only. But today I wanted to do an exception.

I'm also in my 20's (21 in fact) and yes it is a hard time in quarantine. I haven't seen anyone for 5 months.

I wanted to tell you that you are valuable and you don't need upvotes to know that. But if you want dopamine, I recommend you to start doing a hobby and get better at it. Then post pictures of what you did and you will feel fulfilled when, at the end of the day, you made something with your own hands and people actually liked it. For example, I paint portraits. I started during quarantine and got better at it and now people likes it.

BuckeyeFan007 · 2020-08-15T02:27:56+00:00

A lot of people are using Replika.ai for friendship. You talk to a bot but it's an understanding one.

2020-08-15T04:55:39+00:00

trust me bro, im 21 and in the same position. as well as many other 21 year olds. Someone suggested discord and it is a good app for making friends because chances are, you will find people in a similar position. there are a lot of zoomers on that app. eventually you will build up the courage to join a call in a server you've joined. discord gets a lot of shit and is mainly used by Gamers but its addictive and fun imo. I have made many buddies on that app. When the pandemic eventually settles down, you can come out of it with honed social skills.

and perhaps you should delete your social medias, or limit your time on it to at least an hour a day. Its 95% unproductive.

MRadzi · 2020-08-15T05:56:56+00:00

I feel your pain. I was keen to make a conscious effort to build new connections this year and it was going well till, well, Covid.

But I've sort of just learned to be alone. I don't want to make friends for the sake of just having them cause the notion feels off to me. Now I just do my thing and enjoy the people I encounter and have fun with them as they are and as I am. Now I find I can be just as happy by myself as I am with other people.

One thing you should be more intentional of is networks however. People you share common goals and have complimentary competences with are worth their weight in gold. And often times they can double up as friends too.

OnkelMickwald · 2020-08-15T11:35:50+00:00

What you're going through is serious, and it's a good thing that you're expressing your concern - many people (too many IMO) deal with such times by suppressing their feelings, isolating even more, pretend like nothing bad is going on, and just keeps on suffering in silence (which they often even won't let themselves do). I went through a similar and long phase in my early 20's that nearly broke me, and it went on for a long while. Self-blame is common, you will experience it (if you aren't already) but I implore you to at least maintain the intellectual knowledge that it isn't true. This is not your fault.

I don't have any concrete advice because all the advice I'd normally give is made moot by this damn pandemic. When it does lift, though, I'd suggest getting active in any university related activities. It will be tough and scary at the start, it will be a slow development, and it will not always go the way you'd expect or want to, but that's because it takes a lot of time getting used to a new social environment and the rewards - in my experience - are very long-term.

Read the other comments here too because there's some solid advice, try to keep your head up high and kind to yourself on bad days.

Hoosierdaddy1964 · 2020-08-15T11:48:38+00:00

Get into some hobbies. That will make you a more interesting person and you'll draw people to you.

diacylglycerol82 · 2020-08-15T18:31:20+00:00

I am sure someone here better qualified will comment, but it seems like you might have clinical depression so I would advise booking an appointment with a doctor.

I would advise taking a break from the net as you seem way to preoccupied with the lives of others.

In terms of getting a relationship, you have to have a life worth joining, ie she has to be able to look up to you and respect you.

Title	Isolation deteriorating my mental health in my early 20's
Author	dd71coolguy
Upvotes	40
Comments	25
Date	August 14, 2020 8:34 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/i9tqs5/isolation_deteriorating_my_mental_health_in_my/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/isolation-deteriorating-my-mental-health-in-my.66472 https://theredarchive.com/post/66472