How to stand up for myself in a feminine manner? (From random rude strangers)

ajaa123 · 2020-08-14T04:25:04+00:00

I just want to know where were you? She wore a fancy hat and crisp white gloves..

If someone made racist comments to me. I would politely say 'I'm sorry your parents didn't teach you any manners but let me tell you that is rude and no need for it'.

If someone pushes in line 'sorry but the end of the line is over there' and point them in the right direction.

Be polite and firm and people will respect you. Look directly into their eyes when speaking to them. If you say it in a soft calm manner and don't seem confident in what you are saying - that's when they usually roll their eyea. Don't let them walk all over you girl.

JadedByEntropy · 2020-08-14T05:15:37+00:00

When someone needs scolding, do it. Being feminine is not being a doormat or a punching bag. They're crossing so many lines im angry for it. Trying to look feminine while you take abuse won't make them stop or learn. That is not the time to be concerned about appearances. Being submissive to dangerous people will cause them to hurt you more because they can. That's a human thing regardless of race. Evil people will act more evil the more you submit. Good people will correct others. Quality people will change when confronted.

I don't mean get in their face but do say something. Tell them why it's inappropriate and they look foolish for that behavior. Don't explode, but you don't seem like the type who would start screaming and fighting.

Take the mom approach if you want. Use the mom voice. Treat them like children who should know better and you are in control and disappointed in their behavior.

MissOrion24 · 2020-08-14T03:09:13+00:00

Following, I’ve been thinking about this too recently.

yungsweetro · 2020-08-14T03:57:55+00:00

I’ve struggled with this as well. I’m sorry you were targeted because of your race - that kind of negativity is so hurtful and lingers in your mind for so long. In situations like that, I’ve tried to stand my ground and if they brush me off, I keep politely telling them that it isn’t okay until they’ll at least address me. What helps is creating a consensus with those around you. For example, if someone cuts me in line, the people behind me would be upset as well, so I’d turn around and say, “that person just cut us!” With more than one person to face, the rude person is more likely to back down.

However, if this person seems particularly disturbed, excessively hateful, or threatening, I would back down. No amount of everyday disrespect is worth bodily harm and if they retaliate, there’s no guarantee anyone would have your back. I think it’d be better to be the bigger person and not risk unnecessary chaos if they seem even a little unhinged. Not everyone is going to be receptive to a rational conversation, especially not the type of person who is willing to do racist, petty, and rude things to complete strangers.

I hope you feel better! No matter how well dressed and wealthy that lady seemed, she seems very disturbed and is probably suffering from some deep insecurity that caused her to hurt you like that. She’s proof that classiness is so much deeper than appearances and if she is prone to this kind of behavior, the consequences are probably showing in other areas of her life.

goblinkate · 2020-08-14T06:13:38+00:00

If a person is rude to you without any prior conversation, you can ignore them, like don't even show that you hear them, that whatever they are saying is affecting you in any way, don't raise your head, don't change your manner, nothing: if they continue then and draw the attention of others, remember they are drawing attention to their rudeness, not you yourself. You can also walk out and that's okay - at this point, they made a fool of themselves so you are leaving the situation as the strong party. Sometimes standing up for yourself is a silent act of deciding you're worth more without having to demonstrate it with engagement in the situation.

If you are dragged into having to defend yourself, a few things are worth doing. Don't be snarky, sarcastic and loud - and I know it sounds like a generic "be too agreeable" advise but it's all about staying civil and not sinking to the other person's level by being rude back. It's not rude to defend yourself, to stand up for yourself or to fight back. What helps me is to remember that I didn't start the fight and only react when I make up my mind that me, engaging in defending myself, is my conscious choice. You can say sarcastic or snarky things, but don't make them sound sarcastic and snarky, make them sound genuine. If you give the other party what they are giving you, they will take it and turn around against you faster then a frog jumps.

As for the little silent acts of disrespect, like cutting in line, ignorant assumptions perhaps, ugly looks, shame or shade-throwing, you still have a choice to ignore it gracefully, but you can also (that's what I do) ask them if they are aware that what they are doing is rude because that way it's not simply informing them, it's questioning them and we do tend to think before we answer even if we don't look it. If they go something like "oh, I'm sorry" without changing their behaviour, ask them if they'd please either stop or start doing whatever they are doing or not, again - not going all snarky or whatever, not sounding cold or disapproving. Don't draw attention, don't be loud, be an example of what you expect from the other party, because it's easy to mirror behaviour for us, so don't let them mirror your anger. If they refuse, insist.

Also, a top trick. Lover your tone of vice. It sounds more genuine and honest and if you're coming from this ground it's hard to attack you.

As for courage to defend yourself, remember that whatever problem they have with you, it's theirs, not yours and they are not being courageous in their rudeness, they are being idiots.

PoubelleTheGreat · 2020-08-14T04:10:50+00:00

For me I just let them be and know that karma works in mysterious ways. Most of the time such ppl are having their own mental issues and are off loading their anger on u so just knowing that makes me less angry and have more pity for them. It also serves to remind me not to act like this to anyone else to make their day bad.

librarylady1980 · 2020-08-14T11:57:52+00:00

So I've been watching a lot of old school tv shows recently, and I have to say I love how the women on Designing Women deal with things like this. I think the character Julia Sugarbaker does a fantastic job of dealing with bullshit in a classy yet firm way (whether you agree with what she says or not). She is a total lady and a badass at the same time.

cast-away-ramadi06 · 2020-08-14T12:25:28+00:00

Maintaining grace is very important. In most cases, when people act like this what matters is if you validate the legitimacy of their actions. A short but dismissive shake of the head will usually communicate to everyone around that you're the bigger person.

Nobody thinks people who behave in the way are cool, regardless of how their dressed or their social status.

We have a tendency to feel belittled when people of higher status treat us poorly and threatened when people of lower status treat poorly. This is mostly in how you process the incident and react to it.

Me personally, I usually just feel sympathy for the person that they're going around acting a fool and embarrassing themselves, often without realizing it.

HappilyMrs · 2020-08-14T08:24:01+00:00

I can't give any advice about being targeted by nasty racists, but generally trying to ignore people who are rude can be good. If they persist, ask for help from the staff. No-one, feminine or otherwise, should be subjected to that.

Lagstravaganza · 2020-08-14T11:29:07+00:00

"I love your outfit. But your behavior is downright penniless."

"Honey, you're an embarrassment to our gender."

"Watch that tongue. I almost mistook you for a lady."

"I'm feeling benevolent. I won't charge you for this lesson on how to behave with grace and dignity."

Thorusss · 2020-08-14T04:57:20+00:00

The attitude behind Eye rolling!. Realizing you are way above engaging with such a person, as it is a waste of time. Subtle eye rolling for people who might get it (so they see you are not a pushover, but choosing not to engage). Graceful, measured fluid efficient movements with purpose but without hurry to get you out of there. Maybe with a hint of being grossed out. The last one really hits them, if they notice. Powermove in my book.

-ladykitsune- · 2020-08-14T05:35:45+00:00

Crisp white gloves??

LateralThinker13 · 2020-08-19T21:17:33+00:00

nother woman started a whole racist rant towards me. She was dressed immaculately too - beautiful flowy dress, shiny handbag, crisp white gloves and a fancy hat.

Take the high road. "I would have expected more decorum from somebody presenting as properly as you. Have you no dignity, madam?"

Other instances include when someone cuts in front of you in a line, pushes you aside when trying to get to their destination etc.

"Pardon YOU, sir. That is most unbecoming!"

Rarely is acting/speaking with class and formality going to escalate or aggravate a situation. Especially in the first case; WTF?

What's more, that fancy woman, was that her Sunday best? That sounds like post-church. I might have also said, "How unChristian to be so bigoted in this day and age. Have you no shame?"

EDIT: In short, nobody slaps the indignant Southern Belle, either in movies or IRL, unless she deserves it, and sounds like you really don't.

Title	How to stand up for myself in a feminine manner? (From random rude strangers)
Author	-ladykitsune-
Upvotes	55
Comments	19
Date	August 14, 2020 3:05 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/i9e7lb/how_to_stand_up_for_myself_in_a_feminine_manner/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-to-stand-up-for-myself-in-a-feminine-manner.66651 https://theredarchive.com/post/66651