Blocking low effort people- a good thing or a petty thing?

jedzy · 2020-05-26T23:50:22+00:00

A good and healthy relationship is between 2 people who are:

like-minded
compatible

And, as cliche as it sounds, the not-so-secret secret of fixing minor issues is, surprise surprise: Communications.

So, from the get-go is important to establish:

What is the scope of the interaction? Make sure both parties are on the same wavelength of the nature of the situationship, don't enter into one, hoping for another:
- ONS?
- Hookup?
- Casual dating?
- Regular hooking up?
- Affair?
- Sugaring?
- FB?
- FWB?
- Relationship?
- Looking to get married ASAP?
Boundaries
How things are going. If frequent exchanges of text, calls, whatnot is important, make sure to express your desire and see how like-minded/compatible you are
Is one party supposed to initiate most/all the conversations?
Is one party supposed to carry on most/all the conversations?

and so on... and if something doesn't work out... it doesn't work out. No need to Ghost/block, make it a fun process to discover the other person, to discover what each wants from the situationship, and what each expects from the other.

asdf333aza · 2020-05-27T01:48:04+00:00

Men's problems are not for women to solve. Block or accept you allow yourself to be treated badly over something that isn't yours to fix. I didn't birth them, it's not my job to raise them.

Lacrimose_Leca_1342 · 2020-05-27T01:13:42+00:00

I had a bf, bf had a long term friend, curvy, long blond hair, big blue eyes and the darkest longest eyelashes. She was ok but also had no boundaries and cheated with my ex on me. He was a pos for more than that, as he used breadcrumbing and insulted me out of the blue to try and lower my self esteem about my looks and situation in life, things I hadn't done to him when he has physical flaws aplenty. People wonder why he can get with so many pretty girls, answer is he's good at personality shape shifting. Don't lower your expectations for men because they will try to find out just how low they can go. Anyway don't settle for pos who has no goals in life and disdains women, better to be single than that.

Sekina7 · 2020-05-27T03:28:49+00:00

Why are people antagonising this poster and taking it so personally? If someone is being low effort any person male OR female is entitled to their standards and to block FFS! If a woman is being low value to any of the men whining on here -guess what? YOU CAN BLOCK HER! Let's say this poster chooses to give these low effort men the benefit of the doubt then they progress into a low effort one-sided relationship then he abuses her or kids get involved and he is a dead beat dad. What will you all say?

WOMEN ARE THE GATEKEEPERS TO SEX, YOU SHOULD HAVE CHOSEN BETTER. Which one is it? Try and give an objective answer for once instead of taking it so personally or getting your ego panties all in a twist. The difference is that for most men blocking a woman means one less chance to get easy and cheap sex which is not the woman's fault that you don't have enough options.

sublimemongrel · 2020-05-27T01:22:18+00:00

I mean blocking someone you barely know because you know they will be a hassle/aren’t worth the trouble isnt petty IMO, particularly where you’re implying you shouldn’t for some sort of “greater good for mankind” (aka struggling men). Do you want to be some pseudo psychologist for every man you assume may have “man issues” who happens to cross your path?

mangolover97 · 2020-05-26T23:27:36+00:00

You should block them. People put in effort for those they value. Using them as an ego boost is a little petty but simply blocking them is not. If you’re not compatible it’s best to just move on.

fromdusktildawnzzz · 2020-05-27T00:57:07+00:00

Of course block or ghost. Why waste your time on people who give zero investment?

Pontifex_Lucious-II · 2020-05-27T01:20:34+00:00

He’s just not into you. Do whatever you like.

PersonalJudge · 2020-05-27T03:19:43+00:00

I never used to block, I would just let things fizzle out because I'm fine with neutral, or I'm fine with saying no if he comes back in a serious way.

I think FDS gives the block advice for a very good reason though, and that's the hamstering you're trying to do now over whoever this most recent guy was.

You're trying to come at it from a powerful angle, but at it's core you're still trying to make excuses for him and questioning your own decision to cut him off.

His mental health is not your concern at this stage of a relationship. A man shouldn't be trying to be with you if he's not healthy enough to be consistent and he knows that. When you've been with a man for years and built a life together, by all means nurse him through health issues but don't even start if he can't start a relationship on a good healthy note.

You don't block because you need an ego boost? How many of these men need to come crawling back (don't worry they always do) until you realise it doesn't mean anything. Men want sex and attention from women, but you need to get to place where you realise you don't need it from them. Once you realise them coming back is natural and doesn't even ping on your radar, that's when you know you don't need to block anymore.

accounthrowaway123 · 2020-05-27T02:52:12+00:00

The key concept is reciprocity. I have a friend whose been putting up with her bf's low effort for the last 5years. Finally after nearly bullying him they've gotten married. She's terribly unhappy in the marriage.

You can't force someone to love you. So if they don't care about you, cease communication and move on

LittyKitsune · 2020-05-27T06:51:29+00:00

That's going to depend on how you met them.

Like, a dating app or something? Who cares. People ghost and move on all the time. It comes with the territory.

If you met him irl that's trickier. I have a strict "no burning bridges unnecessarily" policy. Call it fate or our chaotic universe or whatever but you never know how and when people will pop in and out of your life. I find it's important to keep that in mind when letting people down, or in pretty much any human interaction for that matter.

Like, if we end up being assigned to a group project together next term I don't want him to remember me as that girl who blocked him out of the blue. I'd prefer to be remembered as the girl things didn't pan out with. Yeah, there are guys who will be pissy at you regardless, but there are also ones who wouldn't be.

tracysreddits · 2020-05-27T07:06:28+00:00

Such a good question! The guys who put little to no energy, but still drop a line once or twice a week, then disappears again. I almost say block. Like one guy in particular, I swear I get a message from him when I’m forgetting about him. And why live through that disappointment over and over? Am I THAT hell bent on being “mature” looking?

obvi_imnicklachey · 2020-05-27T13:07:17+00:00

Blocking is the best course of action if you know you’re prone to emotional manipulation, this I also precisely the reason why women tend to block and not men: 1) men don’t have enough prospects to block women they know they aren’t interested in. Even when a man doesn’t like a woman at all, most will still orbit or stay vaguely present in that woman’s life for the chance for casual sex 2) women block because so many act like victims of their emotions, and thus, are way too susceptible to being pulled back in by an asshole fuckboy if he sends a gushy enough text message.

If you’re the latter type of woman, and most women are, blocking at the FIRST sign of disrespect should be standard and don’t ever think twice. There’s a reason why only men on here are laughing at the practice of blocking, and it’s because they know I’m right and they know it’s the best defense most young women have to not giving assholes second and third and tenth chances (as a woman, always notice which behaviors only men seem to be invested in you performing/not performing, you’re likely better off doing the exact opposite lmfao).

Stay woke!

TheBookOfSeil · 2020-05-27T00:58:35+00:00

I have been told that if a guy is stringing me along, not giving me effort, breadcrumbing etc that i should BLOCK.

I'm not really sure what most people are expecting in this situation. If people are dating multiple other people, they can't give all of their dates 100% effort.

If you want to block these people, that's your call, but I think being direct and upfront with others is always the right answer. Go for what you want instead of waiting for people to give it to you. If they can't, then "sorry, bye."

But then i started thinking about all the men's issues out there. The stats of men's mental health is not... good, depression, suicide, etc. I see all the time in purplepill how it's women's fault for these things.

Can be. Depends on who you're talking to. It seems like the guys who have these issues aren't the guys that women are always going for. Every time I hear women having problems with men, it's always along the lines of men not wanting to commit or give them 100% of their effort, while the guys who are depressed, suicidal or lonely are that way because nobody is interested in them in the way that women are interested in "low-effort" guys.

People who treat others with low effort, do you want to be blocked? Is this petty? How can we deal with low value humans?

I can't really say, because I'm not "low effort," nor do I block anyone unless they really deserve it. Distance yourself from them, and if they don't reach out, you have your answer. No need to block. People who are low-effort won't take the time considering why you left. They'll just move on and give more effort to the people that they might be talking to.

mashakos · 2020-05-27T02:14:36+00:00

There was this woman who started DMing me a year ago. Hit it off on the first few days, then radio silence for a week. Returns to flirt then disappears again for another two weeks. I confronted her on it the next time she DMed with a "hey" and she apologised, stated that she suffers from severe depression, doesn't want to bring others down with her when she is in a bad place. I made sure she understood she's always welcome if she wanted someone to talk to and left it at that. This is sort of why even if someone acts in a way I find inconsiderate I leave things neutral rather than slam the block button. You never know if the person was being a dick or was struggling.

EDIT: that is only if the intentions are not clear, if you don't have the full picture of the other person's attitude yet. If the actions are overtly disrespectful to you, then block.

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-05-26T23:39:18+00:00

[removed]

FeniZio94 · 2020-05-26T23:53:32+00:00

Depends on why there’s a low effort

It can come from potential psychopathic/sociopathic behavior where the person is simply using the typical “hot and cold” approach... cold meaning virtually zero effort , of course just for an ego boost... in this case block.

Or it can be that the person narcissistically believes that its entitled to stuff so “low effort” takes a different meaning.

Maybe there’s no attraction... which this one is pretty obvious in itself. This is up to the person tbh

Overall as a rule of thumb if there is no balanced input on both sides, there’s no need to block or anything like this, just move on

Sekina7 · 2020-05-27T00:24:14+00:00

[deleted]

AnalGenocideComeBack · 2020-05-27T01:07:54+00:00

I would not bloc Natural selection will do the trick. If the OP is not interesting just ignore it as long as it is still respectful. Ir wil be burried in the mass of the other OP. That s only my opinion

cloudydays84 · 2020-05-27T01:49:23+00:00

Low effort is relative, the effort a person puts into a relationship be it platonic or romantic is going to be different for different people. With social media it's easy for people to comment with how they think relationships should be and the ideal amount of effort that needs to be put in. If you feel like you're not getting the effort you want you're more than free to walk away but...

I haven't blocked because it is an ego boast when a guy does come back...

It seems you don't want to do that. Is it petty? I'm my opinion, yeah it is and also vain.

How can we deal with low value humans?

Deal with them the way you want to deal with them, if you want to string them along because you feel validated by doing so, go ahead.

2020-05-27T04:12:42+00:00

Block or ignore, they won’t know the difference.

Effort and enthusiasm should match effort and enthusiasm. It may not always be 1 for 1, but should level out. If it doesn’t, stop communication.

No need to get yourself enmeshed in feelings for someone who won’t reciprocate those feelings. (It’s disheartening when you can look back and pinpoint the moment you should have disappeared ).

Don’t try and force a person to be who you want them to be, find someone who is already the person you want to be with.

MerryVegetableGarden · 2020-05-27T06:14:28+00:00

Is this fds?

madymar79 · 2020-05-27T09:54:10+00:00

I'm a woman, I've had mental health problems including depression and anxiety for these past few years, and despite wanting a relationship I knew I was unable to put in the effort required (and the effort I wanted to) to be a good partner. I knew I'd take too long to reply and over analyse stuff so even in the early stages I'd be pretty useless. I decided not to pursue anything romantic until my mental health was better and I could be an equal with my partner, rather than a burden right from the get go which would only invite trouble. You have to own your shit, a relationship isn't anyone's right, and in the early days when I first tried dating before realising all this, I didn't blame the guys for rejecting me or ignoring me. I wasn't putting in the effort they deserved. It's the mindset of like attracts like, and if I wanted to be with someone happy and healthy I needed to do the same.

SeemedGood · 2020-05-27T03:06:46+00:00

If you let your ego run your life it’ll fuck your life up. Your ego is your enemy (see: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Revolver_(2005_film)). Before you make any decision, put your ego in a box in the corner and ignore it.

goatismycopilot · 2020-05-26T23:43:34+00:00

I don't block people unless they persist or get nasty. I just ignore them it is not difficult.

Appomattoxx · 2020-05-27T00:22:04+00:00

Blocking low effort women would mean blocking most women. And high effort women aren't always the ones you want to date, anyway.

Pastelitomaracucho · 2020-05-27T04:48:55+00:00

How can we deal with low value humans?

We have reached peak Reddit.

MrJive01 · 2020-05-27T06:31:19+00:00

Petty.

phlegmdawg · 2020-05-27T07:02:52+00:00

If they don’t match your effort (whether it be high or low) they’re a waste of time. Block and be done. Just don’t be a hypocrite and be honest with yourself about your level of effort.

You can always send a text explaining your side and wish them well. No use in telling them they’re blocked if you won’t respond anyways. They’ll never know the difference. That would be petty.

IMHO, not blocking them so they can come back around for an ego boost is super cringe.

TheValyrianBiologist · 2020-05-27T07:21:15+00:00

Block away. They distract you. All they want is someone to prop them up when the person they’re really crushing on hasn’t answered their texts fast enough. Block block block. Byyeeeeeeeeeee.

ifosfacto · 2020-05-27T07:49:45+00:00

My opinion is just ignore them, not necessarily block them unless they become annoying because you went silent on them. In saying though some guys react back to the feedback they receive from the female, so hopefully you put in effort back. I used to find it frustrating with online dating just getting back a lol or handful of words as replies, and I was the one having to keep up the conversation. I soon learned to drop the level of effort.

Jip_Jaap_Stam · 2020-05-27T11:09:23+00:00

Surely you block someone to stop from pestering you. If they're low effort, they're not pestering, so why bother blocking them? It's like wearing sunglasses when the sky is full of clouds. In this case, blocking would be petty; it's making a statement rather than carrying out any useful function. If you want to make a statement, use words instead of doing the online equivalent of closing your eyes and covering your ears.

jansolo76 · 2020-05-27T11:20:12+00:00

Do you return the effort? Do you respond with the same energy? Sometimes, not always tho, men put less effort in it, if we see that we are the only one trying. Also many times the one texting less is the cause.

Am I wrong? I get talked down on this sub often. Please anyone respond constructive. I am here to understand.

daniellederek · 2020-05-27T11:25:06+00:00

But what if low effort guy was actually trying and OP is the one giving 1 word answers in electronic communications.....

carlsberg24 · 2020-05-27T12:38:34+00:00

What level of effort do you put in?

wtknight · 2020-05-27T15:32:17+00:00

It's a good thing. If a man is really into a woman he'll put in effort naturally. If he's not doing it, then a woman is just being used.

Men should do the same for women, too, but their thirstiness often prevents this so it happens far less than for men with women.

Peacheslikeyou · 2020-05-27T05:06:03+00:00

As long as you get your petty little ego boost, what do you care?

People are there to be used for your own amusement, right?

taapy234 · 2020-05-27T08:50:42+00:00

Think of it like this. Many men today are not putting up more effort because women are extremely selective in choosing their partner to the point that its becoming pointless for men to actually make an effort in pursuing women.

Online dating has basically made most men's dating approach futile. Because, most men around you have to deal with competition from top percentile men 100 miles on all directions. This ends up putting men and women in different "bubbles".

Women think that because he got that chad to fuck her, she also thinks she's the "catch." She basically genuinely believes she "deserves" to be with chad forever and is basically resorts to waiting for one of these top 20% men to commit to her by continuing to ride that cock carousel for all their 20's and in cases, even most of her 30's.

Men think that despite all his potential to achieve good accomplishments, despite his good upbringing, despite his normal way of life, he is somehow worthless because most women are not paying that attention or showing interest towards him.

Guess what... BOTH of them are wrong.

In other words, your actions are only good if its some concerted effort by groups of women to care about men. There isn't any movement of that sort anywhere. In fact, there's countless "feminists" groups who are more intent on propagating man hating agenda over actually helping men.

As for asking if this a good thing or petty thing, remember, its not just men who are at fault. Its you (women as a whole) who don't respond to usual markers of success that men are made to develop growing up.

Men respond well to women they think deserves that kind of effort. But a lot of women today give little fuck about those stuff so it basically becomes a numbers game to most men who are looking to date someone. Hit up 100s of profiles and maybe there will be a few women who would respond.

I recommend you not to block these men because chances are online dating already enabled your narcissism even worse, so you have little real life input in your social life bubble. Because if you keep blocking all the so called "low effort"people, you are basically self rejecting yourself out of potential suitors, who were flaky at first, but are actually good men once you get to know them, but you blocked them because you wrongly assumed these men as "low value" and basically make judgement of that person based on few interactions alone. (exceptions include men who abuse you or threaten you or any men who is making you uncomfortable)

PickUpScientist · 2020-05-27T06:43:51+00:00

Spin more plates. I smell oneitis. He isn't yours, it's just your turn.

89320420934 · 2020-05-26T23:30:24+00:00

If this is someone you met recently, why should they put effort in?

If it is someone you've known for a while, but treats you poorly, then block them.

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Sid_Insidious · 2020-05-27T01:21:25+00:00

The undesireables? A few of us here are compiling a list... haha j/k.

So why do you equate low effort with a low value person? They're not the same thing. Maybe there is a reason why the person(s) are not putting forth the effort the other person wants.

ElectricalStatement7 · 2020-05-27T04:05:42+00:00

I mean I block people that are assholes to me, but I don’t really care if they’re low value outside of that. To be honest I find this whole low value, high value thing pretty objectifying anyway. It’s a really silly, dehumanising way to view people. People are not commodities.

blazing_shuffle · 2020-05-27T07:22:51+00:00

You should try what I do and prefix contacts in your phone with labels.

For example, DNC is Do Not Contact, DND is Do not Date, and DNR is Do Not Respond.

ohgodneau · 2020-05-27T10:09:11+00:00

To start with, the mental health of people you don't know and haven't personally hurt by being an asshole is not your personal responsibility. That said, I think it still makes sense to be mindful of other people. If people are an asshole to you you are within your full right to block them (and you should). The question is what you define as being an asshole - are they actually trying to "use" you for something, or could there be something else (maybe they've got busy lives, personal problems/issues, not very social.. w/e it is)?

If it could be the latter case I'd argue a good rule of thumb is to give people a fair chance (as much as you would want to be given), but to be mindful of how people treat you when you give them this chance. Above all keep in mind you don't have to and shouldn't put in what you aren't getting from people in return, especially if you do not know someone. Treat people how you would want to be treated.

If you're being respectful and trying to have a nice conversation/getting to know someone and putting in effort, you can totally expect them to do the same. Are they treating you with respect and is it nice talking to them, or are they making you feel bad or not valued? If you can conceive a situation where you would be acting like the other person is acting, because of personal problems or a situation outside of your dating life, you could just send them a message politely stating it was nice getting to know them but you feel like the contact hasn't been what you hoped and you wish them all the best.

If you think someone is being callous or uncaring with regards to yourself, don't put in more than they give you. If they don't reply or put in effort/time when it doesn't suit them, you're not obliged to reply or put in effort/time when it doesn't suit you.

And, if you feel like someone is deliberately being an asshole or they're actively having an adverse effect on your life and mental health, blocking them is justified. You could politely let them know why, as it might help them become a better person in time, but you're not obliged to stay around and wait.

Jimmy-Turnchapel · 2020-05-27T11:06:54+00:00

I think it only matters to you how you proceed.

Only thing I’d say is today’s low effort person could well have been yesterday’s too keen/needy person who life taught to play it cool or try hard n die hard.

Or maybe they just don’t fancy you or are not nice people. Who knows :-)

HoneyNJ2000 · 2020-05-27T11:31:21+00:00

I only block those who disrespect me.

Low effort people simply aren't interested enough in someone to MAKE more effort. That's not disrespect, it's just how they feel. I don't see a need to block someone who has minimal interest. I simply write them off my list of possible mates, is all.

DesertWolf45 · 2020-05-27T13:36:22+00:00

If they're giving you low effort, just give them no attention in return. Keep an open mind, however, that they might change by the time they come back. It's also important to be direct about what you want in a relationship, because a lot of guys don't understand what they're doing wrong.

Don't block them unless they're really bothering you.

wtknight · 2020-05-27T13:36:45+00:00

[removed]

Peacheslikeyou · 2020-05-27T13:45:07+00:00

I see all the time in purplepill how it's women's fault for these things

Sorry what the fuck.

We aren't responsible for mens mental health, they are responsible for themselves. Block and move on, don't waste your precious time.

duffmanhb · 2020-05-27T13:58:22+00:00

I highly doubt the people recommending blocking actually do it themselves. It’s easy to recommend online but it completely impractical. Most normal people will just ignore the person. Blocking seems psycho imo

Courtcase1234 · 2020-05-27T15:37:13+00:00

The block button is my best friend. I don’t have time or energy for a three month run around.

Most women need to get out of this self-esteem nightmare, putting up with bullshit just so they can say someone is interested. Unless you are deformed, someone will fuck you. If you’re personality is decent, you will wind up in a relationship.

No one needs to get breadcrumbed for months on the off chance that someone asshole with figure out that you are amazing.

Find someone else.

2020-05-27T15:41:31+00:00

Those dudes are sending the same low effort messaging to 50 other women. They don't care about you or your wellness. Let them send their dick pics to sit in the T-Mobile blocked messages data repository.

PapyrusLover420 · 2020-05-27T15:48:31+00:00

It’s Usually anybody’s fault. The people who push Stereotypes against men are usually men. Same for women. Not to say women don’t have a part In it. Sometimes it’s the man’s fault himself. But it’s not just one group of people who’s responsible.

2020-05-27T17:45:29+00:00

I haven't blocked because it is an ego boast when a guy does come back... but maybe i should.

That's more petty than blocking someone, IMO. So yes, block them.

ontherailstoday · 2020-05-27T18:36:45+00:00

Don't bother dating people you have no potential for serious interest in. It wastes your time and gives them unrealistic expectations.

slavicgypsygirl · 2020-05-27T21:13:40+00:00

If low effort people are boosting your ego I feel you need to ask yourself why rather than block them

PronKing10 · 2020-05-27T22:33:42+00:00

Block. You’re a girl so you’ve seen how someone who is interested acts. If someone wants to be around they’re not going to play games. If they come back after a while it’s because they’re bored and don’t have any other options. When they find something they’ll go after that, and when that’s over this process will go on until they or you find someone else or you block them.

Physiologist21 · 2020-05-29T03:29:33+00:00

Or you could act like an adult, explain yourself and move on if needed.

Is this seriously a question? Don't worry you will get plenty of, "you do you queen, you don't owe anyone shit" type responses below I'm sure

retal1ator · 2020-05-26T23:44:32+00:00

As a man, I think that women should make the first move. The first moves between two people are extremely important but in my opinion women have the responsibility of showing interest in you first by non verbal communication. All it takes is a smile. Then, when you get clues she might be interested, you as a man have to make a move and so on.

If we're talking about online dating, I think women absolutely have to put as much efforts as men, if they like the man in question. So, to answer you question, I think you need to understand you are not something to be chased, you have to become an active participant.

You're assumption that these men are low value just because they don't actively pursue you speaks volume on the kind of woman you are.

Are you aiming at men out of your league?

psypD · 2020-05-27T00:11:21+00:00

Depends on how much effort you put in.

cuckspace · 2020-05-27T00:37:59+00:00

High effort reeks of desperation. People also use high effort on people who they are really attracted to and are probably out of their league anyway, and in turn get ignored or rejected. So they learn not to put in too much effort next time. Not too little either. It has to be exactly the right amount, or else the other person will get scared, think you’re a loser, ignore you or worst of all, block you.

anonymous_9999999 · 2020-05-27T04:34:48+00:00

Ever considered that if you are consistently coming across people who make low effort then MAYBE YOU are “low value” yourself?

Also you sound toxic/entitled. Maybe you should stay away from Men. Men being lonely,depressed is still better than being with someone toxic/entitled/leeches.

Sekina7 · 2020-05-27T01:50:32+00:00

Blocking means you care. If you block someone, they win

asdf333aza · 2020-05-27T04:17:00+00:00

You're blocking low effort guys, when you yourself are most likely a low effort female.

You don't like guys treating you, the way you treat them.

Shocking.

Title	Blocking low effort people- a good thing or a petty thing?
Author	Sudden-Double
Upvotes	84
Comments	188
Date	May 26, 2020 11:23 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/gr83qj/blocking_low_effort_people_a_good_thing_or_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/blocking-low-effort-people-a-good-thing-or-a-petty.668078 https://theredarchive.com/post/668078