Coronavirus killed my rookie Red Pill progress. How do I recover in this environment?

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May 28, 2020

I'm 36 and my wife (SAHM) is also 36, been married for 12 years. We have 3 kids, 11, 6, and 2. We had issues for most of the marriage because mom and wife dont get along which has caused resentment between her and I but not enough to end the marriage.

I found red pill around November 2019 after marriage had been falling apart for the previous 2 years. In 2017 Wife found out I was visiting massage parlors (happy ending) and that was the beginning of the end I suppose. We tried marriage counseling, I was told I'm a sex addict, then I went to a sex addiction counselor for a while which helped me understand some of my issues but did nothing for my marriage.

Fast forward to November 2019 when I find the red pill, I start reading the sidebar and get MORE serious about lifting, start dressing better, and being more spontaneous....and marriage gets better. We start fucking more. Her jealousy goes up based on the passive dread I've been letting off and divorce/separation talks start to fade away.

Anyway, you get the point. Theres alot more to be said but I'm trying not to write a novel.

Stats: 5'6" 175, was doing 5/3/1 before COVID, DL: 370, B: 294, SQ: 362, OHP: 164

Sidebar: NMMNG, MMSLP, Book of Pook. I really identified with NMMNG and realize I'm extremely guilty of covert contracts. Since learning that I've started to voice my needs and live more for myself.

Before C19: I was slowly building back my social life and going out with guy friends. Was crushing my lifts and seeing crazy gains. Wife was worried about chicks checking me out at the office.

Now: Can't go anywhere so social life is at ground zero. Started a home gym, bought a barbell, squat rack, and bench but can't find weights Anywhere. Working from home so again dread is non existent.

Bottom line is that I've seen tremendous results in my limited time since swallowing the pill but Covid has crushed that! Wife is again saying she needs a break, wants to separate, and says that I haven't done enough to prove to her that I won't hurt her again.

The biggest issue is that I was trending in the right direction and covid hit at the absolute worst time for me. I'm seeking advice on how do I recover from this. How the hell do I create dread when I have to be home all the damn time? How do I get my muscles to pop like they were when doing 5/3/1? My wife was responding like crazy to my new self and now that guy is gone.

For the experienced red pillers you've built up enough alpha to make it through the COVID storm but what about the rookies? Where do I go from here?

Post Information
Title Coronavirus killed my rookie Red Pill progress. How do I recover in this environment?
Author BentBarbell3536
Upvotes 21
Comments 74
Date 28 May 2020 02:22 PM UTC (11 months ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Original Link
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Red Pill terms found in post:
alphadread gameliftthe red pillNMMNG

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret32 points33 points  (6 children) | Copy

Such is the fate of the dancing monkey with the wrong motivation.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret8 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy

Yes, I like to phrase it using red pill tools to achieve blue pill objectives. Why is it that every guy that comes on here tells us he only read 2-4 books off the entire sidebar when they should have been through the entire sidebar. Then, they wonder why they’re stuck

[–]part_wolf4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

I will never understand the mindset of "read the sidebar, now I'm done!" I'm on my second read through of it right now.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Once you get the whole thing once, there should be an itch to revisit it

[–]BentBarbell3536[S] 6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

Thank you for the words of wisdom. Your words truly resonate with me because I know I've been a dancing monkey for awhile now.

Do you have any additional advice?

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

OYS thread. For a year.

[–]BentBarbell3536[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red18 points19 points  (0 children) | Copy

Tinder Profile:

Corona-19 isn't the worse thing you can catch from dating me.

[–]justpickanyusernameRed Beret17 points18 points  (4 children) | Copy

Oh no! What on earth would an attractive 36 year old man with popping muscles do to find another woman? He probably wouldn't be able to find one as old and wise as his current 36 year old wife. He would probably only be able to find those less mature 20 something year old women to replace her with. What a shame. Sorry mate.

[–]PillUpAss9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

He’s not going anywhere unless he gets permission.

[–]BentBarbell3536[S] -1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy

I know I know...I suffer from Oneitis and I've put this woman on a pedestal. Been trying to snap out of it. I understand abundance and know there are a ton of women out there but this one has my kids. I know I sound like a bitch but that means something to me not to mention I can't stand the thought of her being fucked by another man if we part ways.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

You're fucked. So long as you carry on like this you're in her frame, she owns you, game over. She isn't yours, it was just your turn.

[–]BentBarbell3536[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're so fucking right. Thanks for the reality check. Back to the sidebar.

[–]redwall9234 points35 points  (5 children) | Copy

Sounds like you're entire purpose is to save your marriage.

You were on a good track (because she said so).

You were going places (because she behaved a certain way).

She owns your frame.

Sounds like you need to stop dancing and up your dose of the red pill sidebar. Internalize what you read. Stop looking to your wife and her actions/words/feelings/behavior for validation. Build a frame of your own.

[–]BentBarbell3536[S] 6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

You're absolutely right. I've been in her frame for a while, maybe even the entire marriage. I didn't realize just how much in her frame I was until I discovered red pill. I've been dancing for approval for years and even with my eyes open I'm still struggling to figure out how to stop dancing.

I'll admit I relaxed a little on reading the sidebar once I saw results. I'm going to recommit myself to the sidebar and focus on building my own damn frame.

Thanks for the feedback.

[–]_-resonance-_4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don’t forget that going Rambo will nuke the marriage and do not be afraid to proactively offer comfort throughout your frame grab. Keep making progress and let the dread remain passive.

Imagine a point in time in the future where she willingly, voluntarily, optimistically and lovingly submits to your frame. Let her realize it’s in her best interest, let her come to it in her own time.

By holding the above image in your mind, you can provide ample comfort without it being a blow to your ego.

[–]the_man_i_want_to_be3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

But what if that isn't enough to save his marriage? Can't he just up the dread until she loves him again?


[–]_-resonance-_2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

No. She’ll just think he’s turned into an asshole or that she’s not able to maintain the stud. OP keeping dread passive is paramount. It’s tempting to flaunt progress but it will backfire. In a LTR, the love vibe has to remain strong. OP should be proud of himself for his progress, and consider any adaptation on his wife’s part as a bonus.

[–]the_man_i_want_to_be2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I should clarify, that was sarcasm.

As long as OP is gauging his progress solely by her reaction, he's missing the point.

[–]Redrover85711 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy

Hell I’d go back and read Wendler again. There are things you can do to stay in shape. Farmers walks/push ups, pull ups, sprints. Put your barbell at the top setting of your squat rack=pull ups. You aren’t at a level yet that pull ups/sprints won’t at least help maintain your strength levels. People drastically underestimate how hard full out sprints are on your body. I compete in powerlifting and have said several times on this thread that my wife reacts to me the same way when I compete at soft 198 as she does at a lean 165. Being disciplined enough to lift and the way you interact with her is way more important. Continue to lift something, stfu, and don’t be a pussy.

[–]BentBarbell3536[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'll definitely check out Wendler's book. I actually never read the book. I heard about the workout on this sub, downloaded the app and got started. I'll see what other recommendations there are in the absence of weights.

Back in college I was on the track team as a 100m sprinter but over the years my cardio and explosiveness has gone to shit. I'm going to work sprinting back into my routine. Thanks for the tips.

[–]Chump_No_More11 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy

The change in paradigm that you must seek is how/where you derive your validation for living a 'well executed' life.

Validation is a necessary component of any well adjust human being. Men & women approach it differently... men from the internal, women from the external.

A man's existence makes the most sense when he achieves mastery of self and his domain. From mastery, comes abundance. From abundance, comes Frame. From Frame, comes dread and desire. This all comes from within... no man or woman can give this to you.

A woman's existence is validated by the external. Acceptance and consensus is her currency.

You're programmed by a feminine-hijacked society to seek the external. As a result, you pursue the wrong goals. This is why you fail, and your gut knows it.

Coronavirus is not responsible for your lack of progress. Your shitty mindset, goals, and metrics for success are.

[–]dll1421 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

OP, this is exactly why validation (external) seeking behavior makes a man unattractive, because it is a female behavior. You need to polarize your relationship (i.e. you male energy, her female energy). Validation seeking polarizes you as feminine and pushes her feminine energy away.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando10 points11 points  (3 children) | Copy

The weather here has been fantastic since the lockdown. I mean unseasonably warm.

Since the beginning of April, it's also been sunny. I'm tanned at the minute. While that might be normal to some of you guys, it's completely unheard of here. A tan. In April.

[–]Tyred_BiggumsRed Beret3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

I’ve never seen a tan Irishman. Either they are bright red or white as snow.


[–]FoxShitNasty831 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’ve never seen a tan Irishman

I have, all green. F'kin weird ;)

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you do it consistently you do get freckles that kind of join together. Mine keep changing shape though.

[–]FoxShitNasty839 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

I'm in lockdown, I'm still busy. I still gym in my house. I still get outside. In fact I'm better because I get to spend more time with my kids. I get them all out excercising etc. The wife is around the house somewhere not joining in, eating biscuits, watching TV, complaining but I don't give a fuck. Her problem.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

She's been social distancing for the last 7 years. She probably doesn't even know there's a lockdown.

[–]Tyred_BiggumsRed Beret6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

You create dread by being a HVM. Not overtly by doing x y or z.

Do shit. There’s tons of things you could be doing. Take your kids and go out into the woods. Teach them how to fish. Your mindset is fucked if you’re thinking the virus has caused your life to go back to shit.

Adjust, recalibrate, and use the situation to your benefit.

And stop caring how she acts or what she thinks.

[–]BentBarbell3536[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

You're right, I need to change the way I view dread. I also need to be more creative with my time and find fun shit to do.

Most importantly I completely agree that I need to stop caring about how she acts or what she thinks. That's been my downfall and as someone else recommended I need to read WISNIFG and start building my own damn frame and get out of hers.

[–]Tyred_BiggumsRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

You’re thinking via covert contracts still. Works at first and you get excited but you’re still not living in your own frame.

Add the subtle art of not giving a fuck and take another pass through NMMNG to really understand how to live for yourself.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret11 points12 points  (6 children) | Copy

I'm also a sex addict. I'm also addicted to air, water, food and shelter. If I married a woman that made me go to counseling for needing water she would no longer be my wife. Men need sex, they don't need sex with their wives.

[–]ancient_resistanceShit coming out my eyeballs3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy

Men need sex

Fuck man, not to hijack your comment but reading this gave me a flashback to my BP days when I actually thought this was either not true or not supposed to be true. God I spent so much time and energy hamstering away that shit. So fucking grateful for MRP.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Check out some of my needs and wants posts. Having that sorted out within yourself first is the cheat code to life IMO.

[–]ancient_resistanceShit coming out my eyeballs1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Do you have a link? Couldn't find them

[–]InChargeManRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hmm, I thought I made a post but I guess it was a lot of comments. Read Act 3 from my "story" here.

[–]Tyred_BiggumsRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I missed this. FFS. This is insane. Sex addiction. Wtf.

[–]tightsleeves7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

Stop having the divorce conversations. It's the same as the 'sex' conversations... They go no where

Next time she mentions it tell her you don't want to hear about it unless she is ready to file.

[–]BentBarbell3536[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I completely agree. When I decided to STFU those conversations were over quick. I fucked up a few times recently and actually engaged in the conversation and the shit just escalated. I need to stay focused on STFU and not take the bait.

[–]the_man_i_want_to_be7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

The short answer is that the approach for this environment is exactly the same as for any other.

The long answer is that you need to hold in your mind that circumstances are worse now. You are going to have to work harder and slip less to avoid losing what little progress you've found.

You should be giving your wife the opportunity to watch as you fix your house, do weird bodyweight fitness routines, and generally own your shit instead of sinking into a depression or getting drunk every day. And you shouldn't be doing it so that she sees it. You should be doing it because it needs done. Don't go doing dumb shit like holding up each good thing you do for her approval and a gold start.

You should be finding ways to turn isolation into an adventure. You should be finding your own healthy outlets, emotionally, physically, and creatively.

Have you done this? Do you really think proximity is killing your gains? Or is your wife getting a peek behind the curtain and finding weakness where she expected strength?

[–]UsefulWalk40 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Do you really think proximity is killing your gains? Or is your wife getting a peek behind the curtain and finding weakness where she expected strength?

This is gold!

[–]johnmic075 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

You need to read more of the sidebar books. Not working out for a few weeks and losing dread are not going to kill your marriage. There's something else going on here. Wisnifg, and map would be good for you.

[–]BentBarbell3536[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm not gonna lie, there is a loooonngg story here but I didn't want to bore this sub with the details and risk people not reading it. For the most part that is the story in summary.

The marriage was on life support but my rookie red pill gains revived it. Now stuck in the house together we've sunken back to where we were as I've lost momentum.

Should've read WISNIFG already but relaxed on the sidebar in general when I started seeing progress. It will be next on the list as I get back to my sidebar work.

[–]Massive-Plate3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

Started a home gym, bought a barbell, squat rack, and bench but can't find weights Anywhere

Home Depot.


  1. 1 1/2 PVC coupler.
  2. 18" plant pot tray (the bottom piece for water)
  3. Buy short pieces of rebar
  4. Buy cement
  5. Buy 5 gallon bucket


  1. Place tray on the ground.
  2. Center the coupler in the middle.
  3. Mix the cement, into the 5 gallon bucket.
  4. Pour cement into tray
  5. Place rebar on the outside, as well as the center around PVC pipe.
  6. Wait 20 minutes
  7. Remove PVC pipe (if dry enough)
  8. Pour water over cement after 2 hours (rewet it)
  9. Wait 24 hours
  10. Flip tray upside down
  11. Gently tap the cement out
  12. Wait 24 more hours.
  13. Repeat these steps 7 more times
  14. Stop being a fucking pussy, I got bigger, massively, on COVID19.

Each 17" tray is making me 35-40LB cement plates.

FYI 8x35 LB = 280LB plus your 45 LB bar = 325

I'm sure that is enough for you. If not, buy 20" tray.

Total cost: Under $40

Hint: Go to 99c store, buy their shitty Tupperware jars.

Go to home depot, buy PVC 3/4" pipe

Make your own dumbell, kettlebells, and stop being a bitch.

[–]BentBarbell3536[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

That's good shit. Thanks for taking the time to write that out. I'll give it a try and it will probably be fun for the kids to help with too.

Are your weights holding up? I thought maybe that concrete would crack and crumble if they slam up against each other.

[–]Massive-Plate2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've dropped them a few times, but not very high.

Grab the mesh to out with it.

Yes, they can crack, make sure you mesh and rebar.

Cracking is fine, exploding on the bar mid lift is not.

If you mesh and rebar, they can crack but will hold.

Mine have not cracked, make sure you learn how to cure cement, they are pretty damn strong.

Likewise, you can paint them in rubber.

I forgot to add... I bought floor leveling cement, it made each plate perfectly flat.

Anyways, now that I am set up, I will replace the cement plates with real ones over time... once the price comes back down.

[–]AlohaMaui8084 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

TLDR; The only thing that happened is that your wife realized you're a dancing monkey who's been LARPing Alfa. It has nothing to do with Corona.

because mom and wife dont get along

NNMNG mama's boy much?

that was the beginning of the end

No, it just put your wife to a quick end instead of your death of a thousand faggot cuts, but you insisted on reviving her corpse to cut some more

helped me understand some of my issues but did nothing for my marriage.

This statement alone makes it easy to tell you aren't your own mental point of origin. If you had fixed these issues that you "understood", your marriage would have improved. Instead, you're so desperate to fix your marriage that you stopped fixing yourself.

I start reading the sidebar

But obviously haven't gotten very far. You went after the surface based easy shit but expected the wins to be long term, even though you are not a HVM and its easy for even strangers on the internet to tell.

divorce/separation talks

STFU faggot. You can't have a talk if you aren't talking.

I really identified with NMMNG

Yet haven't even scratched the surface of how deep your Nice Guy really runs.

I've started to voice my needs

Wow. If you'd read the sidebar properly, you'd know that NMMNG is supposed to teach to recognize that your needs are healthy NOT that you should be negotiating desire for sex or other "needs" like a Beta Faggot.

and live more for myself.

I don't believe you, because your entire post is about how you can't figure out what to do to Dread your wife back into sexing you

Can't go anywhere

You're a boring fuck

can't find weights Anywhere

Your kids are walking weights. 5 gallon buckets filled with water are weights. Your wife is a weight. You however, you are a walking sack of shit covered excuses.

I've seen tremendous results

It was either hysterical bonding on her part or you're just not that good at LARPing, sorry.

since swallowing the pill

You haven't swallowed shit, you've got Oneitis like a mother fucker (you may also want to fuck your mother, not enough data to say)

but Covid has crushed that!

More excuses you pathetic DEERing Beta bitch. I've made more progress during COVID in every area of my life than I ever did before. That includes Social and with other women. This has nothing to do with COVID and everything to do with you failing to OYS. Speaking of which, why have I never seen you posting in OYS? Nevermind, I don't want to hear more of your faggot excuses.

I was trending in the right direction

No, you weren't.

how do I recover from this

By starting to actually follow the program.


Start over at Steel's Guide. Read every linked post and every post that is linked in those posts. Read all the books, not just 3 of them. (3 books in 6 months guy? Really? That's your best effort? Fuck you, you low effort POS)

now that guy is gone.

He was never there, just an illusion that was paper thin. Which is unfortunately stronger than your Frame.

built up enough alpha to make it through the COVID storm but what about the rookies?

I started 1 month before you. One. Am I an "experienced" vet of the sub or something? Or are you just a low effort faggot?

[–]BentBarbell3536[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sheeesh! I'm not even going to try to respond or follow up on all that! Man, nothing you said is false and that's exactly why I came here.

I appreciate you taking the time to pick all that shit apart. Your criticism and advice has not fallen on deaf ears and will not go to waste.


[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

What is the point of your life? Why are you on this Earth?

[–]BentBarbell3536[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

That's a good question. COVID has given me a lot of time to reflect on things like that. As others have said I've been so focused on my marriage I've forgotten to work on myself and my mission.

One thing I know I want to start doing is help to feed hungry and less fortunate children. COVID has exposed a huge issue regarding kids that get the majority of their meals at school and without school many of those kids are missing meals. I want to be a part of helping fix that.

That's just one of the things I've been thinking about in relation to what my purpose is.

Thanks for the question.

[–]UsefulWalk40 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

One thing I know I want to start doing is help to feed hungry and less fortunate children.

Is that really what YOU want? Because it kind of sounds like your perception of what OTHERS think you should want to do. If that's really your deal, by all mean, tell me to fuck off and go do it, but I've got a sneaky suspicion that you have no idea what you actually want.

[–]Over60_FireTempered3Red Beret3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy

OP your understanding of RP is at epic noobie status. Seems the only part that makes sense to you is dread. That puts you solidly in the "dancing monkey" group in the balcony, as u/HornsOfApathy stated.

You need to reset yourself mentally back to finding a path for YOU that works for YOU, and maybe your wife will come along, and maybe not. My point is the same as u/SorcererKing stated, that you don't "get it" and until you change your mental models, you are screwed.

I will make a simple suggestion for a simple guy like you. Take your side bar books, and re-read them. Take a clue from u/Bogeyd6 and go to a parking lot and spend the afternoon(s) reading. Not to get laid, but to work on yourself.

You are fortunate to get so much good advice here. I'm betting on you to waste it...

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Only fools and assholes bet against old wise men.

[–]Over60_FireTempered3Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

As they say, "Old age and treachery will always beat youth and exuberance."

Besides, life in prison doesn't mean as much to me anymore.

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Seems like a lifetime ago. Back in the days when you could just keep your mouth shut but twenty dollars was twenty dollars.

[–]Over60_FireTempered3Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Good times, not forgotten.

...not even for Twenty dollars.

[–]MagnumBurrito2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Body weight exercises till you can get weights.

Get out of the house activities.. hike/kayak/swim/ anything nature. Don't tell her where you're going. Say "I'm going out" and leave for a few hours. That'll get her hamster spinning.

[–]BentBarbell3536[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for the tips. One of the biggest issues has definitely been the lack of dread. I've been trying to think of ways to get out of the house even if I'm just solo and not with friends. Haven't thought about hiking or nature focused activities but I'm gonna give it a try. It would also give me some time to read privately.

[–]RStonePT2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Suck it up. be ready for opportunties as they arise. thats what all of us do

[–]entrep42 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

I think you need to turn the frame around.

You shouldn't be worried about "earning back her trust" after you went to get your own needs satisfied because SHE failed to do so.

Are you really a sex addict or was it just a convenient excuse to let your wife pass 100% of the blame onto you?

[–]BentBarbell3536[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You make a good point. The marriage counselor was an older woman who seemed to take my wife's side immediately. Didn't care about the background or anything. After hearing about the spa's she pretty much just blurted out "you're a sex addict!" From there she referred me to a sex addiction counselor and that was it. Wife never took any accountability for our marital issues and I was deemed a sex addict who needed intense and extensive therapy.

[–]entrep41 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Do you have sex so much that it interferes with doing normal activities? Do you fail to do necessary things like cleaning, washing, work etc in order to have sex? If you can answer no to both of these then you're probably not a sex addict and it was just a convenient excuse to blame you without your wife taking any responsibility for her part.

Now I'm not saying that what you did was all fine. I'm just saying it takes two people to make a relationship work and it seems from what you said like one of you isn't trying very much

[–]screechhaterRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

What the fuck is preventing you from taking the kids fishing without her ?

How about Facebook marketplace or craigslist for plates ?

Call six buddies and tell them to meet at x parking lot of park and bring lawn chairs Or camp.

for fucks sake, you have 10k excuses. But your post never dictates your path is for you. Whether your marraige survives or not, you have kids and your gonna have to be strong for you. Your mission is to put your oxygen mask in first for you, then them. Keep your foot on the throttle and ignore her comments. Verbalized feels of the moment, but that’s all they are

[–]wkndatbernardus1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dude, you can get ripped doing calisthenics. How do you think those beasts in prison get so jacked when the warden takes their weights away? Excuses are like assholes...

[–]JoeAccidental1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Most wives won't leave a man who is improving. You have stopped improving and the talk of divorce that has returned is her way of drawing your attention to that fact. Get a plan together, MAP if you like and start working on it. It's also highly likely that the extra close proximity to your wife during lockdown and your beta history means you are not passing shit or comfort tests. Learn these skills and use lockdown as a opportunity to train yourself.

Btw, counsellors will always take her side. That happened to me, but in a wierd way accepting that it was my fault was a real internal game changer, I was a drunk captain. Now I'm learning to lead again.

Lift (anything), STFU, and read the sidebar again and again and again

[–]BentBarbell3536[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I appreciate the insight. You are spot on about the shit/comfort tests revealing the beta in me. They have been non stop since lockdown. I already have difficulty sometimes telling the difference between shit test and comfort test and when you add in the increased frequency of tests I'm sure I've failed many of them.

Regarding the counseling I've also accepted that it's my fault we are where we are. I realized I'm only in control of myself and by making myself better my life will be better.

Thanks for the feedback.

[–]IveSawitall1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If she wants to leave the marriage( zero will to stay) why are you trying hard to keep it? You are operating under her frame. she's already gone anyway. I assure you.

[–]drsherbert1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You recover by filing those divorce papers. Save your money, you’re gonna need it. She’s taking half.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

How did you get caught OP?

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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