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Praying with my wife

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May 26, 2020
5 upvotes

Not having been raised in a praying family, and overall unaccustomed to praying with anyone at all, I am struggling with the best way to pray with my wife. It seems if I pray for things that are personal to me, I will come off as weak and/or broken. If I pray for her, it will come off as preachy or my trying to change her. If I pray for us, then I am still trying to change her. If I don't pray for any of these 3 things, then I care more about anything and everything else.

I'm losing my patience and feeling like quitting the prayer, but I don't want to let Satan win this war.


Post Information
Title Praying with my wife
Author Wranglers74
Upvotes 5
Comments 11
Date 26 May 2020 09:31 PM UTC (9 months ago)
Subreddit askRPC
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/668658
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askRPC/comments/gr64vp/praying_with_my_wife/
Similar Posts
Comments

[–]OsmiumZulu3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Friends once showed me the following model for family prayer:

A.C.T.S = Start the prayer with Adoration (why God is great or why we are in awe of him), then Confession of sins and asking God for strength to overcome them, next Thanksgiving for the ways God has blessed us and been faithful to us, finally Supplication (asking God to meet our needs).

When we do this I typically ask my wife about each of these things and we discuss them before praying. This pairs well with bible study.

[–]Wranglers74[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you for this!

[–]agoodcrayon1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Be transparent. Pray for change within yourself first.

I’ve prayed for people for 15 years and nothing’s changed. I’m sure they felt the call to repent and change but ultimately, it’s their choice to do it. You may never even see the results of prayer.

Satan rather have you falling apart than your wife because he knows you’re the head. He knows exactly how to make you falter. He knows all your weaknesses.

If you fall, your wife, kids, everything else your life touches will start falling apart.

Be strong and holdfast. If you’re not strong, get strong however that may be for you -physically, emotionally, spiritually, socially, mentally, etc.

If I were to be married and have a family, I’d lead a bible study and then pray in turns. Anything private or personal would be between me and God in my prayer “closet”.

I’ve only seen a handful of women in my life that study the Bible and have a prayer life on their own. This includes church-goers as well.

People play the church-goer card amazingly well. We should all get Oscars for such incredible performances.

[–]Wranglers74[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I agree with much of what you've written, thank you.

One point of clarification when you say to be transparent. In my out loud prayers with my wife? If I'm that transparent, I will likely do more damage than good

[–]agoodcrayon1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It could go both ways. Perhaps, you’re right it may cause more damage. But mentioning things passively or indirectly is just as bad if not worse.

Discretion is up to you. But if you do become transparent, choose your words wisely.

While I do believe prayer is important, I think proper action is the universal language we subconsciously understand more.

If you’re having issues whether marital or with children, there is a high possibility they stem from you. There are questions you need to ask yourself.

Are you a leader? Are you attractive and not unattractive? Are you lazy? How are your finances? Do you go on vacations? Are you insecure? Are you a liar? Are you a yes man? Are you skillful?

Do you spend too much time on entertainment and games instead of building that shed you’ve talked about for the last 4 years?

What I’m saying is... there are many things you have the power to change by doing and working on them versus praying and waiting on things to magically change. Miracles do happen but God has given you free will and the responsibility to take care of things you can, he’ll work on the impossible.

[–]Deep_Strength1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

Brother, you're overthinking this.

Matthew 6:9 “Pray, then, in this way: ‘Our Father who is in heaven, Hallowed be Your name. 10 ‘Your kingdom come. Your will be done, On earth as it is in heaven. 11 ‘Give us this day our daily bread. 12 ‘And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. 13 ‘And do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from evil. [For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.’]

  • v9 - Praise God
  • v10 - Pray for God's will to be done on earth in each or any situation (and then go out and do it)
  • v11 - Provision for our needs (not our wants!)
  • v12 - Pray that we can forgive others
  • v13 - Pray to be able to resist temptations and for deliverance from them

These concepts from the Lord's prayer are in alignment with God's will that we should pray for. It's not just about you or your wife.

It seems if I pray for things that are personal to me, I will come off as weak and/or broken. If I pray for her, it will come off as preachy or my trying to change her. If I pray for us, then I am still trying to change her. If I don't pray for any of these 3 things, then I care more about anything and everything else.

For instance, if you are praying for yourself, pray for the Holy Spirit to help you handle situations in alignment with the fruit of the Spirit. In love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, humility, and self control. You don't have to go self-castigation mode where you're crying out that you're broken because X, Y and Z and need God's help to change. Focus on putting on the new rather than taking off the old.

For your wife, ask her what she wants you to pray for her for before you pray. If your wife is really a Christian, she shouldn't care if you point out some of her weaknesses and will want to work to change them. Christians by definition should be encouraging and helping each other to become more like Christ, and that includes pointing out areas where we sin and need to repent and go the other way

[–]Wranglers74[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you so much for this reply!

[–]IsAllThisReal0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Why do you specify to pray for needs rather than wants?

[–]Deep_Strength0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Because the oft stated "Don't worry God will provide" is often misinterpreted as including wants. It's right there in the same chapter.

Same for the "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" which is about being content in all circumstances.

I don't think it's wrong to pray for wants (or even selfishly in some cases), but I wouldn't expect them to get answered. Plus, if you're newer, it's good to get straight on the fundamentals and seeing answered prayer is very helpful in growing a new believer's faith. Wants not being answered can be confusing.

[–]IsAllThisReal0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I would bring up Matthew 7:7-11 and Philip. 4:6 as I think God does want to give you desires of your heart, (Psalm 37), but those desires will be in line with his will if you are 'delighting yourself' in him. So I do think there is benefit in asking God for things we want, but of course there is no guarantee your prayer will be answered in the affirmative. I also get the feeling that our concept of 'needs' is much different than Gods. Many Christians have died of famine, disease, and lack of what we call 'needs' being met. This would make me think it is referring to eternal, or spiritual needs,

"For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?"

on the other hand, Matthew 6:25 onwards explicitly makes it about physical needs like food and clothing.

What do you think?

[–]Deep_Strength0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I would bring up Matthew 7:7-11 and Philip. 4:6 as I think God does want to give you desires of your heart, (Psalm 37), but those desires will be in line with his will if you are 'delighting yourself' in him

Yeah, I agree. Though many Christians in the west seem to think its material prosperity (which is why prosperity gospel is so popular).

I also get the feeling that our concept of 'needs' is much different than Gods.

Agreed.

Many Christians have died of famine, disease, and lack of what we call 'needs' being met. This would make me think it is referring to eternal, or spiritual needs,

on the other hand, Matthew 6:25 onwards explicitly makes it about physical needs like food and clothing.

Yes to the latter. It's the former that is tough for us to comprehend though.



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