First off, for those who don't know, I am one stupid sonofabitch. I'd like to put that one down to the TBI courtesy of Timmy Taliban, but the Muj don't give out bluepills. I took that one myself, and now I have to own it.
I sent my HB9 girl to the Navy, and I'm expecting an invoice from the Department of the Navy for all the worn out mattresses any day now. Not my finest hour, and not even the funniest way I've destroyed government property. It hurts like a motherfucker, but mostly because I chose to believe a fairy tale when I know how this story ends. One way or another, Jody gets your girl.
This is fucking common knowledge: Jody is at home banging your wife right now. That’s right, Jody. There’s nothing you can do about Jody; he is your girlfriend’s friend at work–the funny one, he’s your soon-to-be-ex-best friend, he’s the guy at the bar that doesn’t care that she’s taken.
So, now that we all know how stupid I am, what did I do about it?
Well, thank God I had my boys reminding me that I was going to pieces about my girl being a Field Mattress, but kept my shit together in Kunar. My little princess taking hot loads a thousand miles away doesn't really compare to mortars coming down on my head. On both sides of the equation, I'd prefer to be sending rounds downrange rather than have incoming, but only one of those is going to kill me and it's not my girl getting glazed.
The feedback here was good too. I would have preferred to not be called a snivelling little bitch in broken English as much, but that's pretty clearly not the most insulting thing to happen to me in the past few days. Most of you guys gave really solid advice, and by some miracle, I nutted up and took it.
Big ups to u/Tambamwham who set me on a righteous path:
I know this is hard but you’re a fool if you talk to her again. I would send her the text message that I wrote out to you in an earlier comment and then I would box up all her shit and drive straight over to her parents. I would look them in the eye, tell them everything you told us, tell them thank you and good bye. And in that last final text before blocking her on everything I would also tell her that if I don’t receive my ring within one week I’m suing for it. And that she better hope the clearance people don’t call me because I won’t shit good to say about you.
I grappled with that one for, no lie, probably four hours. However, as soon as I started bagging up her shit I felt better. Not like, oh a little better, a sea change. I started filling those bags faster than her barracks buddies are filling condoms. Everything went in there, clothes, books, knickknacks, down to fridge magnets and her vibrator.
I know you shouldn't be having a come-to-Jesus moment while packing lacy panties, shipped directly for Jody to tear off, but hey that's what happened. I gave myself a barracks cut, shaved off my stupid fucking depression/quarantine beard, laced up my fucking boots and went for a 10 mile run. I was able to look at myself in the mirror and recognize myself. Turns out, I have a pretty sharp jawline, who knew?
I have been through worse, and came out better, and I did that because I remembered a few simple principles: Boldness and Decisiveness of Action, or as some say it, Speed and Aggression. You don't do shit halfway, and you don't sit and wait around if you know the only direction is forward. You set the tempo, you get inside the reaction loop so everybody is following your lead.
You know the first 20 minutes of Saving Private Ryan? You know how the GIs know that if they follow their natural instincts and sit and cower at the beach, they're all going to die? How did they solve that problem? They changed forward, into the danger, because by so doing they reduced their exposure and were able to fight through. It's counterintuitive, which is why it's trained behaviour, but it fucking works. Well, substitute Germans in bunkers for cum being shot at my girl every second I sat around hoping things would get better.
I had blocked her number Thursday, because you fuckers were able to talk some sense into me. Now I pulled the fucking trigger. I texted her mom:
Hey, what would be a good time today for you, for me to drop off (The most popular girl in barracks)'s things?
That's it that's all. After two fucking hours, I would love to know what happened in them, I got back:
Can we just hold off for today? (The Colonel) has surgery Wednesday so we are in a crunch to get stuff done today. Phone appointment with fin advisor, nurse, home repairs and (Col) work calls and a zoom
That's as may be, but I know that after 2 hours that looks more like a calculated stall than a real scheduling problem. Remember, Bold and Decisive, Speed and Aggression. So, I thought of you fuckers giving me shit if I backed down, I thought of the rooms I had charged into not knowing what was on the other side, and I thought of the fucking cum bunkers of Normandy:
(Her Mom), I’m going to be frank with you. You and (Col) have been like a second family to me, I mean that. You have both treated me with love and respect.
(My beloved Navy-issue Fleshlight) made her choices, and unfortunately she wasn’t thinking of you or I when she made them. I’m genuinely sorry that this is a consequence of her actions, I wish she had acted differently. I am very sad and disappointed about this situation and sadder still that it will make today harder for you and (Col).
Both you and (Col) are close to my heart, and at some point I would like to sit down and talk to you about this. Today is not that day.
I will be dropping off her clothes and personal effects today, by 5pm. I’m flexible about any time before then.
I would like to speak with you on Monday to discuss other logistics.
Boys, I'm going to tell you that felt so fucking good. It felt like a fucking call for fire. I just did the drills, pushed my nagging little feelings aside and did what I knew I had to do. I know I'm being a retard hooah cheeseball right now, but that's better than being blue pilled, yeah?
Her mom, after another pause replied with:
I’m sad too! I really didn’t think you were at this stage. Long distance relationships are hard. Even more difficult during a pandemic. She’s been bummed but I thought it was more being isolated.
Well, that's very nice to hear. It's not true, I don't even think her mom thinks it's true, but what a nice story.
(Mom), you and I were both in the military. With respect, let’s acknowledge what this was. (Individual Soldier / Small Unit Desalination Device) made a promise she couldn’t keep. She can keep the ring if she likes. I will be over at noon.
Bing bang boom. Done. I cruised over, shook the old man's hand and carried her shit into the garage.
Her mom was crying the whole time. Asked me to please, please take a call from her daughter. Said she was on duty today, but would call me as soon as she could. I said, well her stuff is all here and I'll work out any logistical details or missing items with you guys, I'm not interested in talking to her.
She wailed "oh but she was so surprised that you were moving her stuff out". I said, that's weird because I was pretty surprised when we broke up on Wednesday, but It's been two days, how long could it take to pack? She kept telling me how shocked and devastated her daughter was and could I please take a call, and what happened? Things were so good between us! I said, well, what we have here is a typical Jody situation.
Her old man sadly grunted. He was stoic and reserved throughout the whole exchange. Whenever Mommy Dearest begged me to take a call, he said that it was up to me, and I'd talk to their daughter if and when I wanted to. When everything was packed up and I walked over the the car, he pulled be aside, shook my hand, said I was a good man, he was sorry, he thought he raised his daughter better than that. I told him I knew he did his best, he had my respect and my door would always be open to him. He asked me, if I was up to it, to talk to his daughter on Sunday. He said that maybe she'll learn from it, but she needs to take a lesson from the experience.
I told him I would, for him. I'm not sure what I need to say, really. My word is my bond, and he's a good guy. If he needs his daughter to hear something from me, well I can only try. Mostly, between how her mom was carrying on and whatever communication must have been flying back and fourth, I want to give the man some peace and quiet by putting this issue to bed.
Now, there's nothing I need to say on Sunday, you all made that case. Actions speak louder than words, and I'm so fucking relieved that I took action. I feel like any more instruction here should probably have come from him over a decade ago, but he was probably deployed when she was the age most dads give the "fuck around and find out" speech. If anyone has ideas, I'm game.
I'm driving him to his surgery on Wednesday and we'll hit the links once he's on the mend. So I came out of this with car, house, dog and her old man. Good thing we didn't get married.
How did I do today, and what should I do next?
I think I hit most of the points that u/Tambamwham pointed out here:
No. Call him up and tell him you’ll be dropping off her stuff later. And then tell them thanks for everything. And goodbye. And if they ask tell them everything. The drinking, the guilt trips, the mom stroke call, her friends freezing you out, the planned blindside, the obvious cheating, even that it ain’t her first time cheating...and tell them you’re done letting her hurt you and you’re going no contact with her. And you’re moving on with your life.
I feel bad for her folks, really. I stayed my hand from going over the details, but when her mom wailed "what happened, why are you kicking her out?" and I said, you guys were in the military, you know, I could see that he did. I don't know what it's like to be a father to daughters, and I don't want to insult him. If he wants to talk about it on Monday maybe I can find a tactful way.
e: Many of you have pointed out that I put ultimately put myself into this situation because of my self-esteem and need for validation and approval. That's true, but I don't think there's much I can do about it in the next few days, and I think as far as this situation goes, it's irrelevant now. That's going to have to be a long-term project. Having my self-image totally tied up into external forces and signifiers is definitely why my LTR fell to pieces, especially because her star was rising in all the ways I value, and all the ways that attracted her to me. That was obviously going to be a problem, and it was.
I figure building self-image or whatever is going to be part and parcel of getting over the heartbreak and getting my head back into the game.