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How to create sexual tension/make conversations man-to-woman as a Christian?

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June 2, 2020

Stats: 23M, 6'2", 190 lbs, 17% bf. 250 deadlift, 225 squat, 105 OHP, 155 Bench

Finances: university student in STEM field

Reading: first 5-6 posts on RPC sidebar, NMMNG

Spiritual: pray rosary daily, Bible study once a week, talk fairly regularly with friends about faith and figures like Jordan Peterson, Carl Jung, etc.

With the last several girls I've dated, the romance has always fizzled out right before the LTR stage (so after multiple dates). I was doing a lot of things well: leading the interactions, making jokes/banter that had her laughing, bringing up conversations about faith, etc. I think a big factor was that I wasn't creating enough sexual energy/tension that can make dates so exciting. I honestly have no idea how to lead a girl in this direction of a conversation, and what the boundaries are as a Christian. I need some advice or resources on this, because I feel clueless on this and need to figure it out.

I did hold hands & kiss some of these dates, but the physical escalation felt kind of forced because I didn't create the proper mood. In the end, one of us would end things because there just wasn't enough chemistry or compatibility. And no wonder, if we're talking about everything else but not addressing our physical attraction to each other, then we're basically just friends.

Post Information
Title How to create sexual tension/make conversations man-to-woman as a Christian?
Author gettinjuiced147
Upvotes 11
Comments 14
Date 02 June 2020 06:28 PM UTC (9 months ago)
Subreddit askRPC
Original Link
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Red Pill terms found in post:
long term relationshipNMMNG

[–]redwall9211 points12 points  (3 children) | Copy

last several girls I've dated

What number are we talking about here? How many girls?

You're 23. You're STEM. I'd bet you ask mostly yes/no questions after a certain point and chart her answers.

Do you make sexual references at all in your conversation? Any "That's what she said!" jokes come out naturally? Jokes are helpful in getting sexuality into a conversation. But don't lean on jokes exclusively all the time to express your sexuality. It's not a joking matter at its core.

If you're not creating what you call the "proper mood" for a girl to want to hold your hand or for her to want to kiss you, then it's probably just simple attraction.

If a girl is attracted to you, then she'll make opportunity readily available for you to hold her hand.

Oops ... we're so close we could almost kiss behavior is normal if there's attraction.

Sure ... you're the man; you'll need to initiate some; some pursuit is good. But if you're TRYING to create some proper mood where physical contact doesn't feel forced, then I'd wager the attraction isn't there.

I'm not waiting for my wife to feel in "the proper mood" before I come in for a kiss or more (or less, too). Heck ... sometimes I'm not in "the proper mood" and she starts talking about how horny she is and how she wants me to lay on top of her.

Forget about creating "the proper mood." I think you're using that language to save your ego from hearing she's just not all that into you.

Read the sidebar. How to Win Friends and Influence People. The Way of the Superior Man. Books on how to interact socially/relationally; STEM guys don't have it naturally.

And keep trying. Keep stepping into the batter's box.

[–]Willow-girl3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think you're using that language to save your ego from hearing she's just not all that into you.

In all fairness, maybe he's not really all that into her, either.

[–]TheChristianAlpha2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

HTWFAIP is not a book to use to attract women. It's a great book in general for people and building friendships whether personal or her business, but using those principles found in the book don't apply well if you're looking to build a romantic relationship.

[–]redwall922 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

using those principles found in the book don't apply well if you're looking to build a romantic relationship.

Agree 100%.

What I've seen in the STEM world is that most 23yo STEM guys need more foundational basics of how to engage in ANY sort of sustained conversation before they work on the romantic side of things.

[–]Deep_Strength5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

I agree with redwall that escalating usually isn't the issue. It's probably she's somewhat attracted but it kinda fizzles

  • Attractive man giving a woman flowers = romantic

  • Unattractive man giving a woman flowers = creep

You're probably somewhere in between, or you have behaviors or traits that turn a woman off so the relationship fizzles in the dating stage.

The attraction thing is hard to tell over the Internet, but if you have a muscular physique then the other things to look at are usually style, grooming, etc. Masculine traits are the others.

As far as the unattractive turns off it's usually behavioral stuff that is even more difficult to see . If you're leading and she's laughing, then it's usually just being uncomfortable with physical contact. Getting used to platonic contact like hugs with your friend (men and women) are a good start. I had some issues like that became my family didn't really hug or have much physical contact growing up.

You don't need to "escalate" but just give her a hug, be confident grabbing her hand going for walk, put your hand on her back when you're going places/leading her, or arm around the shoulders and stuff like that,

[–]Red-Curious3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

How to create sexual tension ...?

and ...

Reading : first 5-6 posts on RPC sidebar

You're asking the question too early here, brother. I appreciate wanting to skip ahead to what you think are the fun parts, but you have to lay the foundation first.

[–]Praexology4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

. . . chemistry or compatibility.

Chemistry and compatibility are concepts that betas and women use to justify a mans social incompetency. You make chemistry happen. You make compatibility happen.

Understanding how to Neg properly would do wonders. Additionally women love a guy that they feel like they "naturally connect with". An easy example from this is Jim Halpert from the Office. He would give that classic look to Pam and she got to feel like she was reading his mind (and her hamster is going to tell her she is the only one who would understand it.) It's all fake, anyone he gave that face to understood it. Those more nuanced social skills are imperative to develope. Business, relationships, friendships etc all greatly improve the better you get at it.

[–]UpTanks0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy


Improving social skills may seem difficult, but you learn a lot just watching experienced conversationalists, and getting comfortable in new environments.

[–]Billy_King1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

What do you mean when you say you don’t know what the boundaries are?

[–]TheChristianAlpha1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Lose 10 more pounds of fat and read up on kino to build sexual tension. That said, I have a sneaking suspicion that it's not tension you need.

[–]Willow-girl0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

In the end, one of us would end things because there just wasn't enough chemistry or compatibility.

I suspect the problem isn't you, but the simple fact that there wasn't any chemistry.

Were you strongly attracted to any of these girls? Did you look at them and think, "There's the mother of my children right there"? Probably not, huh.

If you're meeting dating partners online, or asking out women you don't know very well, it's really a roll of the dice whether there will be any chemistry. You have to take your chances and see where it goes! But if you know up front that you're not strongly attracted to a woman -- say, someone you've seen every week in church and have been able to observe at a distance for awhile -- I'd say don't bother asking her out. If that initial 'spark' isn't there, the relationship probably isn't going to get off the ground. Seek out the girl who really rings your bell, and gives indications that she is highly interested in you, too. Of course you will still have to properly vet one another ... you can't just marry anyone to whom you're attracted! But that attraction is foundational IMO.

[–]DaLaohu0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Did you get to Book of Pook, yet? A huge takeway from that is to let your masculinity speak.

And u/red-curious handles Christian sexuality boundaries in his posts. As he told you: Keep reading.

[–]agoodcrayon0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Attract a girl that compels you.

You may be attractive but you might not be as attracted to her. If she was attractive enough, you’d naturally want to pursue her and wanna bang. Have self control of course.

She may have been attracted to you but then it fizzles out because there’s simply not enough comfort to either parties. It’s not fluid. It doesn’t make you feel at home when you’re together. You get a feeling of something’s off and it grows larger and larger until you go your separate ways.

If she’s hot and she’s attracted to you, you’ll know. She’ll make the right moves and give you the opportunity for you to make moves. Watch her gestures, watch her confidence and execute on them. If she’s got a twinkle in her eye or licking her lips or blinking her eyes seductively, you’ll know.

Research and learn body language. It speaks a lot.

If she’s hot enough, you’ll be attracted to her as well. Does she have enough substance to her or is she a rag doll? Ask the right questions and you’ll receive the right answers. Also, go after what you want not what you can settle for, you’ll have more motivation. Have confidence to get what you want and know your worth.

[–]PRW630 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

How to create sexual tension/make conversations man-to-woman as a Christian?

You do it the same way that non-Christians do it. Biology doesn't change because you are a Christian. But you just do it with more class and less vulgarity and have boundaries on how far it goes.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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