How to create sexual tension/make conversations man-to-woman as a Christian?

redwall92 · 2020-06-02T20:22:44+00:00

last several girls I've dated

What number are we talking about here? How many girls?

You're 23. You're STEM. I'd bet you ask mostly yes/no questions after a certain point and chart her answers.

Do you make sexual references at all in your conversation? Any "That's what she said!" jokes come out naturally? Jokes are helpful in getting sexuality into a conversation. But don't lean on jokes exclusively all the time to express your sexuality. It's not a joking matter at its core.

If you're not creating what you call the "proper mood" for a girl to want to hold your hand or for her to want to kiss you, then it's probably just simple attraction.

If a girl is attracted to you, then she'll make opportunity readily available for you to hold her hand.

Oops ... we're so close we could almost kiss behavior is normal if there's attraction.

Sure ... you're the man; you'll need to initiate some; some pursuit is good. But if you're TRYING to create some proper mood where physical contact doesn't feel forced, then I'd wager the attraction isn't there.

I'm not waiting for my wife to feel in "the proper mood" before I come in for a kiss or more (or less, too). Heck ... sometimes I'm not in "the proper mood" and she starts talking about how horny she is and how she wants me to lay on top of her.

Forget about creating "the proper mood." I think you're using that language to save your ego from hearing she's just not all that into you.

Read the sidebar. How to Win Friends and Influence People. The Way of the Superior Man. Books on how to interact socially/relationally; STEM guys don't have it naturally.

And keep trying. Keep stepping into the batter's box.

Deep_Strength · 2020-06-02T22:14:32+00:00

I agree with redwall that escalating usually isn't the issue. It's probably she's somewhat attracted but it kinda fizzles

Attractive man giving a woman flowers = romantic
Unattractive man giving a woman flowers = creep

You're probably somewhere in between, or you have behaviors or traits that turn a woman off so the relationship fizzles in the dating stage.

The attraction thing is hard to tell over the Internet, but if you have a muscular physique then the other things to look at are usually style, grooming, etc. Masculine traits are the others.

As far as the unattractive turns off it's usually behavioral stuff that is even more difficult to see . If you're leading and she's laughing, then it's usually just being uncomfortable with physical contact. Getting used to platonic contact like hugs with your friend (men and women) are a good start. I had some issues like that became my family didn't really hug or have much physical contact growing up.

You don't need to "escalate" but just give her a hug, be confident grabbing her hand going for walk, put your hand on her back when you're going places/leading her, or arm around the shoulders and stuff like that,

Red-Curious · 2020-06-03T02:25:47+00:00

How to create sexual tension ...?

and ...

Reading : first 5-6 posts on RPC sidebar

You're asking the question too early here, brother. I appreciate wanting to skip ahead to what you think are the fun parts, but you have to lay the foundation first.

Praexology · 2020-06-02T22:19:34+00:00

. . . chemistry or compatibility.

Chemistry and compatibility are concepts that betas and women use to justify a mans social incompetency. You make chemistry happen. You make compatibility happen.

Understanding how to Neg properly would do wonders. Additionally women love a guy that they feel like they "naturally connect with". An easy example from this is Jim Halpert from the Office. He would give that classic look to Pam and she got to feel like she was reading his mind (and her hamster is going to tell her she is the only one who would understand it.) It's all fake, anyone he gave that face to understood it. Those more nuanced social skills are imperative to develope. Business, relationships, friendships etc all greatly improve the better you get at it.

Billy_King · 2020-06-03T04:42:54+00:00

What do you mean when you say you don’t know what the boundaries are?

TheChristianAlpha · 2020-06-03T14:48:47+00:00

Lose 10 more pounds of fat and read up on kino to build sexual tension. That said, I have a sneaking suspicion that it's not tension you need.

Willow-girl · 2020-06-03T12:03:19+00:00

In the end, one of us would end things because there just wasn't enough chemistry or compatibility.

I suspect the problem isn't you, but the simple fact that there wasn't any chemistry.

Were you strongly attracted to any of these girls? Did you look at them and think, "There's the mother of my children right there"? Probably not, huh.

If you're meeting dating partners online, or asking out women you don't know very well, it's really a roll of the dice whether there will be any chemistry. You have to take your chances and see where it goes! But if you know up front that you're not strongly attracted to a woman -- say, someone you've seen every week in church and have been able to observe at a distance for awhile -- I'd say don't bother asking her out. If that initial 'spark' isn't there, the relationship probably isn't going to get off the ground. Seek out the girl who really rings your bell, and gives indications that she is highly interested in you, too. Of course you will still have to properly vet one another ... you can't just marry anyone to whom you're attracted! But that attraction is foundational IMO.

DaLaohu · 2020-06-03T13:34:10+00:00

Did you get to Book of Pook, yet? A huge takeway from that is to let your masculinity speak.

And u/red-curious handles Christian sexuality boundaries in his posts. As he told you: Keep reading.

agoodcrayon · 2020-06-04T19:18:19+00:00

Attract a girl that compels you.

You may be attractive but you might not be as attracted to her. If she was attractive enough, you’d naturally want to pursue her and wanna bang. Have self control of course.

She may have been attracted to you but then it fizzles out because there’s simply not enough comfort to either parties. It’s not fluid. It doesn’t make you feel at home when you’re together. You get a feeling of something’s off and it grows larger and larger until you go your separate ways.

If she’s hot and she’s attracted to you, you’ll know. She’ll make the right moves and give you the opportunity for you to make moves. Watch her gestures, watch her confidence and execute on them. If she’s got a twinkle in her eye or licking her lips or blinking her eyes seductively, you’ll know.

Research and learn body language. It speaks a lot.

If she’s hot enough, you’ll be attracted to her as well. Does she have enough substance to her or is she a rag doll? Ask the right questions and you’ll receive the right answers. Also, go after what you want not what you can settle for, you’ll have more motivation. Have confidence to get what you want and know your worth.

PRW63 · 2020-06-09T22:58:57+00:00

How to create sexual tension/make conversations man-to-woman as a Christian?

You do it the same way that non-Christians do it. Biology doesn't change because you are a Christian. But you just do it with more class and less vulgarity and have boundaries on how far it goes.

Title	How to create sexual tension/make conversations man-to-woman as a Christian?
Author	gettinjuiced147
Upvotes	11
Comments	14
Date	June 2, 2020 6:28 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askRPC
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askRPC/comments/gvcsja/how_to_create_sexual_tensionmake_conversations/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askRPC/how-to-create-sexual-tensionmake-conversations-man.670346 https://theredarchive.com/post/670346