I've been dating this girl for around a year and 5 months and it started as a dream. She was everything I wanted in a girl. Great listener, my best friend, absolutely beautiful. It was the most fun I'd ever had in a relationship. I was and still am head over heels in love with her. Tooting my own horn here, I have been an amazing boyfriend. I take her on dates, give her random gifts, love her as well as I can.
She started getting depressed about a year and a month into our relationship and we basically completely stopped having sex. She stopped being emotionally available and we never saw each other anymore. She's from my hometown and I'm in my college town 2 hours away. She went to college with me last year as well but now she's back home with her family because she doesn't have an apartment like I do. A couple months ago she asked if we could take a break and I was completely against it. We continued dating until last week she decided she was taking a break and we stopped texting and talking cold turkey. The weird thing is a day before she wanted to go on a break we face timed for hours and I had a great time and I thought she did too. I was planning on going back to my hometown to see her and we would hang out. I requested off 3 days of work so I could focus on her and be with her. As soon as I got to my hometown she decided we should go on a break so I was stuck wallowing for a few days before I headed home.
I have been in contact with one of her good friends who is just as confused as I am and we decided that I should send her a thoughtful text message explaining how we should have ground rules if we are going to actually make this break work. After I sent her that, she did want to even respond. I had worked like an hour on the text messages I had sent and they were literally perfect, she had nothing to complain about apparently. Then she sent me a text an hour later telling me that she thanks me for the relationship but she doesn't think that she is the one that I am supposed to spend the rest of my life with. She said that it's time we grow apart. I had a terrible panic attack as soon as I saw that message and her friend was not happy with her for leading me on. I've had the worst anxiety I've ever had this last week or so. I feel so alone. There was little to no explanation for why she doesn't want to be with me and what I did wrong but everyone I have talked to tells me that I have done literally nothing wrong. I sent her one last message explaining that I'm confused and I asked her why. She didn't respond to that message, so I sent her another a while later that literally just said "I deserve clarity" and she proceeded to block me on every social media, including my phone number.
Yesterday I learned that on our break she downloaded tinder to try and find and talk to girls. She told me she's bi about 2 months ago. I also learned that she went to a party and fucked some guy I went to high school with after we broke up, she was supposedly looking to fuck anything breathing and moving. Someone I've known since preschool. My family is members at the same country club as his. I had a conversation with him the last time I went home. She's apparently fucked a girl, and a few more guys. Her and two of her friends decided to make a game where they got points for stuff they do with guys. She was winning by a lot. They stopped that game last night because of her mental health. When she went to that party, she stayed the night at her friends house who lives two houses down from my house back home. She drove by my house knowing what she did. I can't stop thinking about her body on his, something only I have had the ability to touch and love. This has to be a rebound, something to try and get me out of her head. I think this hurts worse because she told me how she was never horny and didn't ever want to do anything sexual in any way for about three months before we broke up.
I want to wait for her. She's coming back to the same college next semester in a few months. Only 4 months ago she was head over heels in love with me. A couple of my friends have been telling me that eventually she'll smarten up and at least explain to me why she did this. All I can do is wait until then.
If anyone has any input on my situation I would love to hear it. At this point I'm just venting because I don't know what else to do. If there's anything else you would like to know, leave a comment and I'll answer. Thank you all so much.
TL;DR: Girlfriend broke up with me after a year and a half. I'm confused, broken, and hurt. I don't know what I did wrong here, or what I did to deserve this. She started sleeping around and it hurts to think about.
EDIT: currently reading the sidebar and hahaha holy shit. Thank you guys for the help.