How do you tell a girl a fling is over without being a dick about it? No ghosting allowed either

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May 30, 2020
67 upvotes

Just this, you had a good time with her but want to end things, maybe it’s just been one time or multiple, but it clearly wasn’t a relationship. So, it’s that weird in-between where a “break-up conversation” would be too much, but also just stopping contact suddenly and expect her to understand would be an asshole move (and coward too).

How do you do it in a way that’s direct and unambiguous, but also not dickish or cruel?


Post Information
Title How do you tell a girl a fling is over without being a dick about it? No ghosting allowed either
Author harry_powell
Upvotes 67
Comments 103
Date 30 May 2020 07:48 AM UTC (11 months ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/670661
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/gtafyo/how_do_you_tell_a_girl_a_fling_is_over_without/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
ghosting
Comments

[–]FinancialThanks1135 points136 points  (13 children) | Copy

you had a good time with her but want to end things

[–]1DullIntroduction70 points71 points  (9 children) | Copy

So simple, yet somehow elusive.

[–]harry_powell[S] 24 points25 points  (5 children) | Copy

I might just go with that if there’s no better alternative.

[–]1DullIntroduction26 points27 points  (2 children) | Copy

There isn't. Keep it simple and straightforward, don't justify yourself.

[–]RPOpenUp1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Very true. You don't ever need a reason to leave a girl. The fact that you feel like leaving is enough

[–]dark_rabbit1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The truth will set you free. And just because you’re breaking up doesn’t mean tempers need to fly or that anyone needs to be a dick about it.

You had a good time, you’re both good people, and you both grew as a result of this relationship, but now you want different things. That’s it.

[–]3chazthundergut0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

There is rarely a better alternative to the pure unadultered truth

[–]Internet-Troll-4 points-3 points  (2 children) | Copy

elusive how?

[–]1DullIntroduction11 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy

OP answered his own question without knowing it.

[–]Internet-Troll1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ahh dang I thought It was elusive to the listener, not the speaker

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy

[deleted]

[–]ThePriorityBike1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

"I don't think we're well matched."

"Different goals/priorities." "Best of luck."

End it in a public place, where you can walk away. Or at her place, so you can walk out.

[–]ThePriorityBike0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

"I like you but don't think we're well-matched."

[–][deleted]  (7 children) | Copy

[deleted]

[–]harry_powell[S] 10 points11 points  (4 children) | Copy

Precisely because I don’t wanna think too much about it every time something similar happens is why I want to have an easy way to say it prepared.

[–][deleted]  (3 children) | Copy

[deleted]

[–]betatest20207 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

No need to block. If you just feel like ending it you might just feel like opening it back up again a later.

[–]Livecrazyjoe3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Maybe he's afraid. Dudes are actually afraid of a women half their size. Could be tires getting slashed or a dramatic break up.

Remember just break up with her. Don't be afraid or threaten her.

[–]Joe_Doblow-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

What do you have to lose by saying this

[–]coldestmichigan7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Be a man and end it with a proper explanation. Nothing long winded, make it succinct. Show her some respect as a human and tell her that the interaction has run its course and that you appreciated it. Then just leave.

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev53 points54 points  (22 children) | Copy

Mix and Match:

A. "It's not you, it's me."

B. "I feel like I am standing in the way of your dreams."

C. "You deserve so much better than what I can give you."

D. "It's not fair to me, it's not fair to you, and it's not fair to the guy who could REALLY love you the way you DESERVE."

[–]dkod06673 points74 points  (4 children) | Copy

Jesus, why do you feel the need to feed her all these retarded little lies? Tell her you had a good time but don't feel like you wanna carry it forward, be a fucking man about it

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev31 points32 points  (1 child) | Copy

I see you do not understand satire.

[–]dkod06613 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ahaha ah my bad it's hard to tell when people are messing and serious sometimes when these commenters can spew so much bs.

[–]Inyox5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

It’s uncle Vasiliy

[–]Livecrazyjoe7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ha!! Even I can see he was joking. This is shit women say to men.

[–]harry_powell[S] 17 points18 points  (9 children) | Copy

Half the guys here are “fuck her, block her and move on, don’t even bother to talk” and the other are “invent some kind of story of why you two can’t be together even though she’s amazing and you would love to, so treat her like a delicate flower”.

Is there no reasonable balance? I want to say “hey, let’s end this. And not why I’m not prepared for a long relationship or that I don’t have time or that there’s someone else, no, I just want to end things”. And if she gets it, perfect. If not, I done my part already.

[–]dusara2173 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

These are two different types of people. One type of person is the alpha take-charge that doesn't see the need to lie to a person just to assuage their ego, the other is the type of person that thinks any amount of lying is advisable on the off-chance that you don't have to deal with another human being. Quite simply, it comes down to what kind of person you want your actions to make you into. Do you want to be the person that is honest and dependable, even when he's ending a relationship? Or do you want to be the kind of person that's Machiavellian and manpulative, even when it isn't always necessary? There's a solid middle ground there where you understand power dynamics and use them to your advantage while also strengthening who you are into a dependable rock for those around you. You don't have to lie at every opportunity if all you want is to control power dynamics.

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Why does it matter? The point is to get in, cut the cord, and then GTFO.

Perhaps the problem is all inside your head?

[–]jaznex9 points10 points  (5 children) | Copy

put yourself in her shoes. will she do this talk with you or just ride cock?

[–]bearholdingbeer1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

just think like women bro

Great advice brother

[–]golgynat0r0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

“hey, let’s end this. And not why I’m not prepared for a long relationship or that I don’t have time or that there’s someone else, no, I just want to end things”

there you go

[–]Shitcuckedredditsays2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Vasya has heard them all :D

[–]hatefulreason1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

we should have books about this kind of shit women pull to excuse their shitty behavior or make us feel bad, so we can use it :))

[–]Internet-Troll1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

That's some passive aggressive bullshit

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

No, it’s satire.

[–]stavrosch-4 points-3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Too much of pedestalizing this bitch with these statements

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I see that you understand neither “pedestalizing” nor satire. Have a think about things, perhaps less literally, and see if something occurs.

[–]hatefulreason1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

don't bother with them. one click on your username and they would have all the information they need, if they are capable of understanding it

[–]IXseed4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

"We had our fun and I wish you the best."

[–]harry_powell[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This might be it. Thanks!

[–]FightForYourWay2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

just tell her - you’re chopping her head off not asking her to prom.

[–]RedPillHerring4 points5 points  (9 children) | Copy

Start with telling us why you want to end it and maybe we can help translate it. You only said that you wanted to end it but didn’t say why.

One valuable thing I learned through the rp is that removing the nice guy filter is usually a good thing.

[–]harry_powell[S] 6 points7 points  (8 children) | Copy

I want to end it because I see her just as a fun fling, I’m not interested at all in getting serious with her. I don’t even want her as plate either, I’ll have a lot more fun adding someone else new.

[–]leotard-princess21 points22 points  (6 children) | Copy

"Hey you're a lot of fun - you're great to be with - but I don't want anything serious at the moment and if we keep sleeping together this is where this is going to go"

And if she says I'm a lot of fun why you leaving me then?

You say "because there's loads of other girls out there for me and a ton of other guys out there for you - and one day we'll be old and wrinkly and stuck in a care home without the energy to go for a shit let alone have a fuck."

[–]harry_powell[S] 14 points15 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yes! This is perfect. Thank you!

[–]leotard-princess9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dude. I got your back. For me that's what Red Pill is about. Bros increasing the peace with knowledge, science and high value insight. Man your gratitude has just made my day. Feel properly honoured.

[–]leotard-princess2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

This keeps your frame whilst also giving her her dignity as a player too in the sexual market - it empowers her and makes her live in the moment rather than getting bogged down into what could be or could not be with your bad bad black little soul.

[–]harry_powell[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Yep. Best answer in the thread.

[–]RedPillHerring3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Not only the best answer but I think it’s exactly what it is. You just speak your mind and that’s all there is. No hidden agenda’s or manipulation.

Another thing I learned that in hindsight most of them will see you as the villain, but that’s what manhood in 2020 is in most parts of the western world.

[–]leotard-princess0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah you definitely deserve some kudos Herring for being the dude who was prepared to ask the question rather than going in all guns blazing. We definitely could not have got there without you.

[–]VigilantSmartbomb0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Always keep two in the poon is there for a reason. You barely have one!

[–]epeplubot3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

Be straight forward bro. Tell her that you want to stop hanging out with her and tell the reason. Honest and vulnerability bro 😎

[–]harry_powell[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Yes, it’s what I want. I was just missing the wording for it.

[–]epeplubot-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

No wordings bro, don't invest to much on that. Tell what u want to say that's all

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (10 children) | Copy

“I have a lot on my plate with work etc and don’t have time for extracurriculars wish you all the best”

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points  (0 children) | Copy

No. That's an excuse.

[–]harry_powell[S] 2 points3 points  (8 children) | Copy

I like this, but feels a bit insincere if she later sees you again on a dating app or with someone else on the street. I want to be able to say “hey, we had fun but I’m not interested in going further with you” in a straight way. Not implying that I’m superbusy at the moment or whatever. I don’t know how to do it without sounding like a complete dick, though.

[–][deleted] 18 points19 points  (7 children) | Copy

No offense man, but she’ll be on a new dick within a month. They move on easily and fast.

Do you think she would be as considerate vas you are if Brad Pitt asked her out? She’d tell you to kick rocks.

[–]harry_powell[S] 12 points13 points  (6 children) | Copy

Non taken, but things aren’t always as black and white. If I can end things with a girl without her feeling confused or used with just some carefully chosen words, I’ll do it. Now, if she doesn’t want to get it on purpose and wants to play the victim, then fuck her. But why start in that mode?

Sometimes I feel there’s too much of an adversarial attitude here. Making a girl feel bad after a fling isn’t payback for the cunt who didn’t answer your calls a month ago.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

I respect that approach I used to be that way.

It goes so much deeper for me than some Random chick not responding could care less. Get your soul ripped out once or twice in your 20s and you’ll stop caring about people’s short term feelings.

Quite honestly I envy your attitude. Not to be melodramatic, but I killed that side of me off.

[–]prettyawsm-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah. It just died by itself after some time. OP probs just needs more experience going through all that.

[–]VigilantSmartbomb-2 points-1 points  (3 children) | Copy

But this is the thing, she doesnt WANT you to do it! Ahhhhhh

Has it ever occured to you women like being treated that way? Or why degradation is even a category of porn? Dog lol LISTEN TO THESE PEOPLE

[–][deleted]  (2 children) | Copy

[removed]

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy

[removed]

[–]cartmaninfit1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

My respect for being decent enough not to ghost

[–]Jcorb1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Maybe something along the lines of "This has been great, I've enjoyed our time together. I think we're both looking for different thing, so it's probably time to move on, but let's keep in touch." (even the closest friends have trouble keeping in touch, so you're not actually committing to anything here)

Just my two cents.

[–][deleted]  (2 children) | Copy

[deleted]

[–]lolomotif120 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Just tell her "I've had a good time and enjoyed your company but I don't think things will progress further" pretty straightforward.

[–]thrwy754790 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

How do you do it in a way that’s direct and unambiguous, but also not dickish or cruel?

You're rejecting her. Even if it's not personal, it's going to hurt no matter what you say, or how you say it.

Do it in person. A semi-public place is optimal so you can part ways, and not get caught up in emotions.

Time is our most precious resource. The less you waste her time, and yours, the better.

[–]Itshighnoon7770 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No matter what you say it's gonna hurt her. Just be straight forward about it and move on. You'll feel like a duck which is reasonable but that's part of it. Don't waste each other's time.

[–]Zero-Milk0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

"I'm sorry if this comes as a surprise, but I think we should go our separate ways."

As in every thread, there's some seriously cringeworthy advice here. Just say what needs to be said and don't fuckin lie. Nobody respects liars.

[–]redpillcad0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I always say something like hey this was so fun, I enjoyed your company, but I dont feel the chemistry to pursue this relationship any further

Then ghost. Instant Alpha Widow. Great use of my valuable time to avoid any further drama. The only suitable response to any outsiders questions after that is its complicated

[–]smhfamswag0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

ghost the bitch, stop being soft

[–]harry_powell[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I'm curious about your logic, how is ghosting the contrary of being soft? What's strong or brave about ghosting?

[–]smhfamswag0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

the fact you’re worried about pulling an “asshole” move shows me you’re too invested in this girl.

the #1 thing when dealing with women is to not give a fuck.

women come and go. if you not fucking with her, just leave. women love men like that, not guys who spill their hearts out saying that they we had a good time, but we gotta go separate ways.

just leave.

[–]RPW ECFleetingWish0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you want advice ask for it, if you've already decided what you want to do, then don't.

But none of this, "I want advice but only tell me what I want to hear".

[–]moontripper12460 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hey I've had a lot of fun with you but i think I'm looking for something else. Hope we can still be friendly and all

[–]ariky0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Block her.

[–]niceguycoach0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

"I'm not feeling the way I need to feel in order to want to continue." Or the short version, "I'm not feeling it anymore."

[–]alphakari0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

So you want to reject someone but don't want them to feel rejected.

It's no surprise that the answers you're getting either criticize your purpose (why you tryna be nice to these hoes) or tell you to lie. Either you bend the painful thing to make it easier to swallow, or you don't bother. Giving it straight isn't gonna ever be some satisfaction. Possibly hurts even more than if you just ghosted them depending on the bitch.

I'ma go with the former btw. Your decision to take responsibility for her realization she's not as high on the hierarchy as she thought is flawed.

You can't protect her from that, and the attempt is liable to make her feel worse the moment she realizes what you're doing if she has any ability to see through your motives/understand the meaning of your efforts.

The meaning being that you pity her and that would probably either make her feel worse or she'll interpret that as a sign you don't ACTUALLY want to end things.

Tl;dr: Can't protect a bitch from rejection. Can only make her feel like she didn't get rejected.

[–]Pimpcool4200 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

How about "let's just be friends"?

If she has a good sense of humor you can even use a meme (some sort of ridiculous image with an "I lied, I don't like sex" caption).

[–]trematar0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Bro, ez. Tell her you dont have feelings for her and its best if you just remain friends. The same shit that they do to us works even better on them.

[–]Onefamiliar0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Funny thing is she wouldn't give you the same courtesy

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy

[deleted]

[–]dojoboy-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yep. She’ll be shocked she was rejected, and more upset over that than not having you in her life.

[–]catsdontsmile-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

I friend zoned a few and turning down future invites, took hours to reply etc and they do not like it one bit but when they turn violent it's easier to go k Bai

[–]VigilantSmartbomb-1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy

It's not a coward move. Its a power play. Read more.

You're effectively trying to choose for her instead of making yourself known through your actions. In a perfect world she should understand you and you should be communicating with her nonverbally. She should already know the breakup is coming if it is.

Now with that being said, if you were more open and honest with your own self/actions, do you think she would be more open and honest with her own to the point you'd want to continue this?
--

Try not to be so judgemental on things you're unfamiliar with. Ghosting isn't a coward move. I don't think most red pilled men are cowards, but they might not care as much that's forsure - which effectively also gets more poon. (butttttt, if you'd rather end things like a gentlemen with them that's fine too - just don't expect any past flings to hyu years from now that just wanna fuck, have recently been going to the gym more, and already know how to please you) but hey do you

(also if the tables were turned, not that you're that type of guy but do you really think she'd take out the same luxuries for you? It's a game youre makin it too serious lol have fun)

[–]harry_powell[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

A couple of times I had a great one night stand that I wanted to continue and have been turned down super gracefully and cool. So much, that with one of them I ended hooking up with again a few months later.

Being direct and honest isn’t a sign of weakness.

[–]VigilantSmartbomb-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

I never said it wasn’t , but it definitively doesn’t turn them on

Play a little damn lol

I’m more or less connected with every single female from my past. Let alone one one night stands.

People grow.

(Okay every female from my past that wasn’t a one night stand and that was of any value anyways.)

You shoulda prolly ghosted them, they’d likely have continued it with you.

Why did you wait months to hook up? Unless you were fucking other people cool but it doesn’t sound like it.

Being direct can be a powerful move to play, but so can being aloof and making her figure shit out once in a while.

Either way just have fun with it you doin good

Edit: downvoting but disregarding basic principles in the side bar?

[–]cracksniffer666-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just say you're struggling with your mental health if you wanna save face (I mean, you're mentally struggling with staying with her, so not a total lie.) Play their game.

[–]Cerohero-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Let's stop, bold and fearless. Alpha

[–]mrrooftops-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just use their words when they let people go.

edit. Looks like I triggered some bad memories for some bitches

[–]Lyxeka-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Do something that will turn her off from you so she dumps you first hahahaha. Tell her you love her or something dumb like ask how many kids she wants to have together but sound totally serious

[–]Killjoys13-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just say it. Condense this post and say it.

[–]DOJITZ2DOJITZ-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fuck more, care less.

[–]Shitcuckedredditsays-4 points-3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Asshole and coward are made up words to control blue pill men. And clearly you are still programmed

[–]_MAMBAK_1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

If you can’t be a good, sane, functioning human being, please at least let him be.

[–]Shitcuckedredditsays-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Damn youre soft



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