708,624 posts

Cannot stand my pregnant wife.

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June 2, 2020
14 upvotes

I'm 27, 5ft10, 185lbs. Lift 5 times a week. 2 plate bench, 3 plate squat, 4 plate dead. 16-17 body fat.

Having sex a 2-3 times a week.

My wife is about 22 weeks pregnant and I cannot stand the sight of her. She is constantly looking to pick a fight over any little thing she can, and then bark at me like a dog for the rest of the day.

She resents my STFU specifically because she wants some kind of reaction. When I don't cave in, she uses her ace which is taking our son to his parents. She has me by the balls here because I love my son and I hate to be apart from him. Previously I have stood in her way when she threatened to take him, and she threatens to call the police. We all know how that would go.

But nothing gives her pause to self reflect. She is incapable of realising what a huge bitch she is being. No matter how much I STFU, stay out of her way, take my boy out, lift, work.. she is convinced I'm the monster out to fuck her life. And the craziest shit is, in company, she can flip 180 totally and be the sweetest little thing.

If I didn't have a kid with this woman, and another on the way, I would have left by now.

Has anybody dealt with this before? She is pregnant, but the level of abuse and disrespect is nothing short of the product of a diseased mind. The pregnancy cannot be an excuse. I have no idea what to do though.


Post Information
Title Cannot stand my pregnant wife.
Author inshallahmode
Upvotes 14
Comments 29
Date 02 June 2020 04:02 PM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/670901
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/gv9zin/cannot_stand_my_pregnant_wife/
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Comments

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (0 children) | Copy

Most of you guys are offering advice on, what exactly? The very brief, one-sided account of an ego-hurt faggot? Does this guy own his shit? You don't know. Does he have a mission? You don't know. Christ guys, I've been gone too long. This is another version of "she's BPD!"

[–]Bigboyleggos26 points27 points  (5 children) | Copy

My autistic ass lived this not long ago, shortly after my wife told me we had a kid on the way she started losing her shit 2-3 times a day over the silliest things. 2 weeks into it she launches into bitch fit so fucking silly I couldnt hold it in! I kept myself from rolling on the floor laughing but couldn't hold back the grin, she started to escalate to the next level of bitch fit, I gave her a HUG, rubbed her back, told her I loved her and held her for 5min. A tiny bit of my autism died that day as she totally melted and the bitch fit went POOFFFFF!

I put my preggo wife and I through 2 WEEKS OF CONSTANT HELL because I was too fucking dense to give my newly and first time preggo wife a fucking HUG.

Maybe your preggo wife is scared shitless, is panicking and just needs a fucking HUG?

[–]Morpheus_TNTB9 points10 points  (3 children) | Copy

OP's a virgin with a pregnant wife and I can't wait for the real shit storms to hit.

[–]TrynaBeTheBest0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

no he's muslim if she's cheated on him in saudi she gets stoned to death!

muslims don't play games!

[–]Morpheus_TNTB0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Muslim is OP's problem to deal with. Women are often crazy children and even more so when the crazy juice (hormones) is amplified during pregnancy. OP doesn't properly comfort and/or lead making his plight worse. He shouldn't be married if he's unprepared to handle this.

[–]inshallahmode[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

There was another comment to this effect, and on reflection I think it's definitely possible that I have had my tism dialled up too high. I'll take this advice into account, thank you.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando17 points18 points  (0 children) | Copy

Women only disrespect men who allow themselves to be disrespected.

[–]wkndatbernardus9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

So many "she's" in this post. Your sack is in her frame because you allow it to be. If she has leverage over you, eliminate it for a time and see if she goes back to normal (assuming she has a "normal" state). She goes to take your son to her parents? "No problemo honey. Grab me a falafel on the way back."

My theory is she isn't getting enough comfort from you during this pregnancy which is why she is acting out (you could be dreading her into this behavior with your solid gym stats and STFU). In her mind, negative attention is better than no attention so, sprinkle in some positive game, give her a good banging (as a prego woman, she's probably horney) ignore her bitchiness, and see if the environment improves. Reassess after the birth.

[–]inshallahmode[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for the advice. I never considered lack of comfort could be a factor. I have read that dread during pregnancy can nuke the relationship. I will try this.

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Has anybody dealt with this before?

Most newcomers here face a well deserved lack of respect from their wives. Your situation is as ordinary as mud, snowflake.

She is pregnant, but the level of abuse and disrespect is nothing short of the product of a diseased mind.

LOL. No, it's a product of your complete lack of frame.

Just as ignoring or backing away from someone is insufficient, if they're determined to fight you, STFU is neither a complete winning strategy nor a substitute for frame.

The problem is you, not her. The MRP program and sidebar has the answers you need. Stop thinking that either your wife or you are special, and get to work, snowflake.

[–]ancient_resistanceShit coming out my eyeballs6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

She has me by the balls here because I love my son and I hate to be apart from him.

Stop being such a bitch and maybe she will stop treating you like one.

[–]inshallahmode[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks, tough guy. Maybe one day I will be alpha enough to regard my son with dispassion like you.

[–]RStonePT3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Her hormones are all over the place. She literally can't control herself.

You can't beat a dog for being a dog, just get better at training and learn to put up with them whining in your ear at dinner time... Or just not put up with it, your call

[–]Bedtimeshine2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You should use the time that she’s gone to set up a security system. Everything in the house should Be on camera now.

[–]Tyred_BiggumsRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

She has me by the balls here because I love my son and I hate to be apart from him. Previously I have stood in her way when she threatened to take him, and she threatens to call the police. We all know how that would go.

There's your problem. You're letting her use your son as a weapon. DNGAF, be a good parent when he's around and deal with it. You know you can't stop her.

What's your boundary? Have you stated it clearly? Are you following through?

She doesn't respect you and until you can respect yourself enough to NGAF if she's pregnant or not pregnant or takes your son, you're shooting yourself in the foot.

[–]FoxShitNasty832 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Keep drinking your cup of STFU, limit your time around her as much as possible. You need to add in a healthy dose of not giving any fucks because she knows you give fucks about the kid and she knows that's your weakness. She goes away fine, she takes the kid not fine but.. take notes specifics times dates that she / you did things with the kid. Try and get as much of your logistic decisions in writing as possible and is she challenges you just go wisnig on her... Broken record, negative inquiry etc. "I don't understand what what is it you don't like about me doing x with my kid" stay calm.

Don't hang about be busy or be gone doing shit

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I did not have sex with my wife more than a few times for nearly 3 years during her two pregnancies.

I have posted about it before on here.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

And how'd that work out?

[–]2wo2wo3hree1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Brother, you need to hit the side bar some more and get to reading, understanding and applying... at a slow to moderate pace.

Although you can... I wouldn’t absorb the “red pill” tonight and dump all of it on her tomorrow morning. It gets to be too confusing for both of you. During the application, try taking small bites. It’ll be easier to correct your errors.

The Pill is about remaining aware. Knowing your wife is JUST a girl. She’s playing stupid little girl games with you for your lack of providing her the right feelz, comfort, and controlled drama and most importantly... tingles.

Be aware that you have to deliberately and explicitly game her. I don’t Know your pick up background but your wife is just a girl. Talk to her and touch her like a girl you’re just trying to fuck. Play her. Give her tingles.

Be aware that you have to constantly be owning your shit. Dude, it appears your whole day is a shit test. It’s harder for them to shit test a man that owns their shit and it’s easier for you to pass these shit tests when you own your shit.

Be aware that maybe she’s telling you the truth about you. Maybe you need to step your game up. Maybe you’re truly a weak piece of shit and she regrets being with you.

—————————————————————

Now about your post...

“She is constantly looking to pick a fight over any little thing she can, and then bark at me like a dog for the rest of the day.”

-What are those little things? Why are those little things there? Are those little things true? Be true to yourself. Those little things might be your lack of value. It’s frustrating.

-Barking all day is unacceptable. Take a walk, Reset, Revisit.

“She resents my STFU specifically because she wants some kind of reaction.”

Its normal. For now, just keep on with the STFU. At your level of awareness, I’m almost sure you’re still having some accidental victim pukes here and there. Just know that when you advance, you’ll begin to understand that STFU is not always just turning into a wall. Sometimes you can STFU but validate without DEERing. It’s actually a power move. But don’t play with that just yet.

“When I don't cave in, she uses her ace which is taking our son to his parents. She has me by the balls here because I love my son and I hate to be apart from him. Previously I have stood in her way when she threatened to take him, and she threatens to call the police. We all know how that would go.”

-Guess what?! Your wife loves your children too. She takes them to her parents!!! You can remove the power of this move when you stop giving a fuck about it! Bro, no wife? No kids!? What a great time to spend making yourself a better man! That shit is a bonus.

“But nothing gives her pause to self reflect. She is incapable of realising what a huge bitch she is being. No matter how much I STFU, stay out of her way, take my boy out, lift, work.. she is convinced I'm the monster out to fuck her life. And the craziest shit is, in company, she can flip 180 totally and be the sweetest little thing.”

-You mad, BRO?!?! She got you this mad?Weak shit. Stop it. You want “her” to self reflect? For who? For you?!? Lol.

-You seem very butt hurt about your wife simply being a girl. You need to find some stoicism and outcome independence. This paragraph has so much butt hurt and victim puke with a sprinkle of covert contracts. I honestly think this paragraph is where most of your issues are. It shows that you’re really living in her frame. Don’t worry, said paragraph is where a lot of us started.

So yeah man... side bar, side bar, side bar. Read the books.

[–]inshallahmode[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I appreciate you taking the time to write this, thank you. There is a lot for me to reconsider, and I will take the time to reflect on recent events and my own actions.

Regarding my kid, yes I am overly sentimental. And a lot of replies are pointing it out. That's clearly another thing for me to look into.

I haven't completed the sidebar, but I'm into it. I'll continue. Thanks again.

[–]LeonidasMRP0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Have you tried saying: "stop treating me like shit."? Are you afraid to stand up for yourself?

[–]inshallahmode[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Yes, I have tried that, and no, I'm not.

The reason I no longer do this is that it's just fuel for the fire. She wants a reaction and any she gets incites further rage. This particular one will activate her eternal victim mode. It will cause her to do the mental gymnastics required to frame herself as the victim.

[–]LeonidasMRP0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You’ve told her to stop treating you like shit, but she still does it. You can not enforce boundaries. You also very much identify yourself as a victim of her behavior. Shedding that perspective is the first step in recovering. Take responsibility for your situation and take responsibility for the way you allow yourself to be treated. All of this is in the sidebar.

[–]BootySlayer9110 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The fact that you stated she has you by the balls regarding your child(ren), means she is aware of this fact. That's how intuitive they are. She LOVES having you by the balls, which means you still give a fuck. Sidebar and lifts, don't say a fucking word

[–]TrynaBeTheBest0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

chad alert

[–]business---travel0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

and then bark at me like a dog for the rest of the day.

This is on you...

Your wife clearly doesn't enter your frame, you never set up boundaries with her (early on), and she has no respect for you since you have no respect for yourself.

[–]Secret_Twitch-2 points-1 points  (2 children) | Copy

You have a very complex problem and there is no simple answer. You say you have managed to STFU. Sometimes when you are getting shit tested like this, it IS appropriate to have a controlled reaction. You can tell her in no uncertain terms that if she keeps it up she is going to lose you. YOU HAVE TO MEAN IT AND BE PREPARED TO LEAVE HER IF IT COMES TO THAT. I know it's hard because there are kids involved. That is the only reason she has power over you. She may have flicked the light switch on you and it may be too late.

I suggest using Dread. I would start with making the statement, "You are going to lose me". Continue staying in shape, dress well, have a plan, increase your SMV. Your SMV gap has got to be getting bigger especially while she is pregnant and about to be saddled with 2 kids? Next, start flirting with other girls in front of her. Start talking to and texting others girls. Continue escalating the dread. Not gonna give you paint by number dread, but look it up and use it.

[–]mindfulbutgutlessRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I suggest using Dread.

I suggest staying in your own sand box.

I wouldn't outright dread the pregnant. It is a lose lose. Passive dread, sure.

[–]inshallahmode[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you sincerely for judging my post by its content and not jumping to call me a bitch or a snowflake.

You have spelled it out very accurately. It's true that I am scared to be the one to say that I will leave, because I hate the thought that if it did happen I'd be without my kids. That is obviously my weakness.

However, I realise I have to be prepared to do it, and it may in fact be a display of my willingness that finally gives her pause.



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