What is the long-term motivation for working/focusing on my “beauty”?

relish5k · 2020-06-06T01:58:20+00:00

Girl, don't even worry about it now. Just wear sun screen and have fun. Maybe when you get older you'll feel the need to put together a more "polished" look but for now just dress and look however makes you feel good.

But seriously wear sunscreen.

c_dolly · 2020-06-06T04:54:48+00:00

The only worthwhile motivation is one that you pick yourself. If you like how you feel when you look good, then that should be your motivation. If you don't really care, just wear sunscreen and exercise, but for your own health. And maybe get a low concentration retinol when you hit your mid 20s. The rest doesn't matter that much, no need to spend a fortune on your appearance if you don't feel like it. Take care of yourself for yourself.

Take what you read on this sub with a grain of salt, men here are not representative of reality and it's easy to vet for men like them. You're 22, you have your whole life to find a partner, but you only have now to enjoy life at 22. One thing that is way more important at 22 than finding a partner is building a strong social circle, make new friends and strengthen your bond with the ones you already have, it gets a little harder to make friends later. Focus on yourself first, then a man later.

goatismycopilot · 2020-06-06T11:00:26+00:00

Do it for you. Men are gonna men and if you are valued for your looks then the minute that shifts, then you are considered "useless". These retards saying if you are beautiful that will capture a good man to spawn with have never been in a LTR and good men want the same things as "bad" men. There is not a pool of good men who want an ugly duckling so you can forget that.

You remain active and eat healthy so as you do age you might, maybe will struggle with fewer consequences and complications. And it helps you mentally. One of the best cures for a tough week for me is to get out in nature and go for a little hike with or without the dog. But I enjoy going and getting a mani/pedi or some other beauty type thing as well.

You can also invest in learning a language or playing an instrument because you enjoy it or it is a cchallenge and you want the challenge.

Unless you are married or in a LTR men are always going to just see you as a collection of body parts and a projection of their own experiences whether you are 22 or 80. When you are 22 they think ooooooooooh 22 year old pussy and when you are 80 they think old hag walking too slow, they don't care about who you are because they have already decided so getting worked up about what they like or don't like is a huge waste of time.

TheKarmicWoosh2 · 2020-06-06T01:44:27+00:00

You can do whatever the fuck you want, you're just probably not going to be as pretty to as many people (if you care) at 38 vs 22. It's your life, live it how you want!

LeJacquelope · 2020-06-06T06:38:36+00:00

There's a well known fact about women that if she wouldn't love you if you're 5'6, she won't ever love you when you're 6'2.

Same goes for men: any man who finds youth and beauty attractive will leave once all that fades. He doesn't love you for you. Best to identify this early and avoid men like that.

I married a 30something woman, and cringed at dating younger women. Younger people in general are vapid idiots. TRP and its counterpart FDS are prime examples of this.

HOLYREGIME · 2020-06-06T01:55:58+00:00

Most men aren’t going to leave you because you’re not in your prime. Men probably aren’t either and by that time you’ll hopefully have bonded and made memories together you’ll both want to hold onto that.

However, if you spend no time improving yourself aesthetically no guy respectable guy is going to want you unless he’s chosen the same path, you could find the most HVM but he’s not going to choose you if don’t have even basic attraction towards you.

You’ve got to do it all. Be education, have money, learn 3 different languages, become fit and healthy or else you’ll be passed over... for men at least. You’re a woman so if you have a pulse some guy will want you.

tututut56 · 2020-06-06T05:25:40+00:00

Honestly as a female who just hit 25 and has seen all the posts saying men prefer women aged 20-24, and knowing some men would consider me to have “hit the wall” even though I look exactly how I did at 23 and 24 except I’ve lost weight ???

I wasted soooo much of my time from 20-25 caring about my looks and worrying about them eventually fading, I wanted plastic surgery, I still get sad thinking I’m running out of “good” years.

I’ve just kind of gotten to a point where I don’t care. I’m still going to take care of myself, and exercise, and put on sunscreen and do what I can to age well but I definitely regret not spending that time on developing my hobbies and learning more, I wasted soooo many hours crying in the mirror over my looks, fucking with my hair, etc. All sorts of stupid things.

I’m glad I’ve gotten to a point where I realize how valueless male attention is anyway. Sadly I still have low self esteem and my appearance still takes up way too much of my mental space but I’m working on that.

I guess I have not much to contribute to your post except that I’m a few years older than you and I encourage you to spend this time having fun and enjoying life, and definitely putting time and energy into developing skills and improving hobbies or whatever you like doing. People will still be attracted to you even if you aren’t making your appearance a huge priority. Just take care of yourself to the extent you want to, don’t do extra if it’s just extra to attract a male. It’s not worth it.

Edit: also this woman is in her 60’s and looking better than some women in their 20’s. Those same men will tell you women age like milk and men age like wine.

Also just wanted to add that in the long term women who have skills, passions and hobbies have a lot more to offer as people than women who just focused on being attractive and desirable. Not trying to put those women down. It’s just that you should spend as much time if not more developing your character and personality and hobbies as you do on your looks. Looks will always fade no matter what, that is inevitable. But you need to have something there for when they do, not even for a man but for yourself. you’ll be a lot happier. Maybe you won’t be as pretty and cute as you once were but if your existence isn’t based on your appearance then when it fades you won’t feel so lost.

Bekiala · 2020-06-06T02:32:32+00:00

You seem pretty darn wise for 22.

Yep the whole be pretty thing might have a few (very few) advantages but yeah, get an education, learn to play the Ukulele, bond with a child; that stuff lasts.

I always felt my youthful good looks were an amazing power to do nothing worthwhile.

Keep doing you and don't get involved with any guy unless you really want to and he is a super decent person.

learn2earn89 · 2020-06-06T15:49:28+00:00

I went thru a phase in college where I stopped caring about beauty and dressed like a slob. It made no difference, men still hit on me...but I did it as a statement for a couple years and it seems like I was angry at the way people pressured women to look like dolls. Later in my thirties I did this again, dressed like a slob for a couple years and the photos are embarrassing but I was not lonely at all. Huge social life, lots of fun. If you want to run this experiment, you will find people to be your friends and boyfriends. They will simply be less shallow.

DangZagnut · 2020-06-06T02:08:18+00:00

Why wouldn’t I spend my time doing activities that make me happy, pursuing hobbies and skills that won’t corrode with time, and fostering mutually generous and loving familial, platonic, and romantic relationships based on trust, personality, and care, rather than aesthetics?

You should, and stop simping for men with "beauty". Go enjoy your hobbies and career and stop worrying about being in some relationship with a guy. Plenty of time for that later, as every feminist on here will tell you.

8copiesofbeemovie · 2020-06-06T03:17:20+00:00

You only get to be 22 once. Maybe you're curious to know what would happen if you totally optimized your looks? What wielding that kind of power feels like? And make no mistake, there's a lot of power to be had.

But maybe if doesn't interest you. All the same, isn't it worth taking the time to find out for sure and try it on for size?

Assuming you haven't yet. Maybe you already have, and it was meh, and other pursuits are more your speed.

Kentucky_Supreme · 2020-06-06T05:39:26+00:00

I think 20's is only a rule of thumb. But only because so many women (and guys) don't take care of themselves at that age. They generally aren't thinking long term and only focusing on partying, fun, and the short term.

If you take good care of yourself, (i.e. exercise, refrain from smoking and drinking, watch what you eat, etc.) You could maintain your looks will into your 30's.

I never cared for smoking and drinking or the social validation that comes with it. I'm in my early 30's and people say I look almost 10 years younger. I've also always tried to be somewhat health conscious about what I eat and I like to exercise regularly So I'm sure that helps too. But I'm a guy so it doesn't really help much as far as dating goes lol.

Sepean · 2020-06-06T09:25:39+00:00

It will matter now, and with better looks you can find a better man and have a family with him. The quality of the partner you are going to have and raise children with and live with for decades makes a real impact on your quality of life.

And it will matter latter. My wife is 40, still has defined abs and can do pullups, puts effort into hair and skin care, and she just looks much, much better than her peers and easily outshines many younger women who don’t put the same effort into their looks. The idea that at 30 you hit the wall and go ugly is just silly - age begins to show and that is a negative effect, but that doesn’t mean everything else is worthless. And besides, do you see yourself competiting with 21 year old fitspo models when you’re 45?

Ecocavalry · 2020-06-06T14:08:35+00:00

Good looking women get more mileage in life for the same amount of effort as compared to an average and below-average looking women. The time you invest on looking better will give you better returns and will become a multiplier. You would be a better [insert role] just by looking better. Read about the halo effect. Most of the opposite sex will suffer from it and you can use it to your advantage.

LittyKitsune · 2020-06-06T01:52:12+00:00

Okay let's back this car up for a second.

Do you enjoy making yourself beautiful? Do you see any inherent value in it?

Does seeing yourself in the mirror before you go out make you go "damn I look good" or "damn why do I have to invest time and energy into this"?

darudeboysandstorm · 2020-06-06T05:16:55+00:00

Other than don’t be fat I say do what you like.

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2020-06-06T04:13:04+00:00

Nothing, people do too much - for every lonely disgusting woman, there are 5 lonely disgusting men below her that haven't shaved in yrs waiting for a female form to even sniff them & probably share his hut with her - only on Reddit we like to pretend this isn't true bc of the insignificent portion of males that is incel

SeemedGood · 2020-06-06T03:31:16+00:00

It all depends on what you want in a mate.

If you want to optimize for his utility to you (ie you have a long list of “standards”), you should probably focus on your looks. If you are able appreciate a man for his being without regard to his utility to yourself then you should focus on your being.

In other words, if you plan to shop for the “best” available man to whom you can prostitute yourself you would do well to be offering peak “beauty” in the exchange.

2020-06-06T04:51:54+00:00

If you aren't interested then you probably shouldn't pursue it. I'm not a woman but I take it on its face when women say "I do my makeup for me"; they're not peacocking, they genuinely just like doing the feminine styling stuff. If you want to learn to play ukelele, other skills, etc. it's almost certainly going to be better for you to do that. When it comes to romance, the floor's pretty low.

It does seem that your appearance impacts your professional results and it may be worth looking into that if that's the way you want to go.

Specifically r.e. getting skinny, though:

This is something you should think about doing for the sake of lifestyle. Maintaining healthy weight is important for maintaining quality of life and setting those lifestyles for yourself while you're young pays dividends later in your life. For example being overweight is a risk factor for COVID.

2020-06-06T07:08:37+00:00

You know, you should want to do these things for yourself. Maintaining the health and quality of your natural body isn't easy which is why so many people let themselves gain weight by eating like shit and refusing to start a workout plan. You don't have to care and that's up to you but I'm personally doing everything I can to look 20 when I'm 40.

2020-06-06T07:09:24+00:00

self-respect. self validation

day_dreamzzz_ · 2020-06-06T07:12:48+00:00

I see no reason why can’t you do both?

Silly_Field · 2020-06-06T07:31:26+00:00

You should focus on things that bring you joy. The truth is that you don’t ‘need’ to do anything particularly complex with beauty - but it’s part of your expected grooming and hygiene. Figure out a make up look that works for you, wear sunscreen and moisturise and you’re pretty golden.

Having a good sense of style and looking put together is handy for more than attracting men. People take you more seriously professionally, are more courteous in your daily life etc.

Nothing you do should really be about ‘men’. Be fit and healthy because that’s good for you. Take some pride in your appearance - nothing excessive - because it’s going to give you a general boost in life.

DaphneDK42 · 2020-06-06T07:45:42+00:00

Focusing on your physical beauty is the same as focusing on your physical health. Wear sunscreen (and avoid cancer), exercise, eat healthy, don't smoke, don't do drugs, don't drink (in excess). All these things will make you more beautiful now and for a longer time - and will make your more healthy and healthy into a later age.

TechnicalMight0 · 2020-06-06T09:01:44+00:00

Because it can help you land a man who you find attractive and who will stick around when you're older because he has emotionally bonded to you (and your kids). Even if you don't want that life then female beauty is important to gain status among female hierarchies (like a workplace with many female colleagues) and beauty can get you casual sex with hotter men or make people be nicer/more accommodating to you.

I'm sure you care about at least one of these things, otherwise you wouldn't care enough about people's opinions to start a thread on Reddit.

ifosfacto · 2020-06-06T12:58:09+00:00

When a woman is young in her prime beauty years, imo she doesn't have to put in a lot of effort to be beautiful. Nature did a really good job of making the average young woman sexy to the average young horny male. In terms of long term motivation all you need do is live a healthy lifestyle and stay fit and in shape and it will stand you in good steed for later in life.

As for men usually ditching their wives when they hit middle age, is that the norm for all the women you know? Sure it happens but the reality is 70% of splits are initiated by the woman, so its impossible to be the 'usual'. More the case of woman wanting a better deal, than the man.

This statement defies logic somewhat.... "if my beauty is only going to be a real asset to me for the next 7-9 years or so, what’s the point in even focusing on my physical beauty?" Because it sets you up for the future and in landing a good catch man. Your desire to be desirable to men and them for you doesn't expire at 29. Also you can undertake a health & beauty regime and still have time for your hobbies or studies or career or friends. Its not like eating healthy, doing physical activity, looking after your skin, dressing stylish & doing some subtle but well applied makeup is going to over whelm your no work time.

Pastelitomaracucho · 2020-06-06T03:16:55+00:00

It's not a zero sum game. You can do anything you want in life and still try to keep your beauty for as long as possible.

What is so difficult about applying some suncream and keeping a healthy diet? These things shouldn't even be something you consider an alternative.

TheBookOfSeil · 2020-06-06T03:16:33+00:00

My question is, if my beauty is only going to be a real asset to me for the next 7-9 years or so, what’s the point in even focusing on my physical beauty? Why wouldn’t I spend my time doing activities that make me happy, pursuing hobbies and skills that won’t corrode with time, and fostering mutually generous and loving familial, platonic, and romantic relationships based on trust, personality, and care, rather than aesthetics?

You should really focus on your looks (basics/ not obsessive makeup use and techniques, eat right, etc.) and your personality, if you hope to still find a relationship later in life.

Uglier people have to work on their personalities more (and sort of end up doing so as a consequence of not being sexually desired), and I've found that less-attractive people/women tend to be more interesting and personable (like "real people") than their more attractive counterparts who are a mish-mash of various "popular" cultural tropes like partying, drinking, music, tv shows, fashion, inspirational quotes, and cute little dogs.

Take this for what it's worth from someone who is very observant of people and has seen it all first-hand. Don't neglect your "inner beauty," because at some point in your life, in all of our lives, it'll be more important.

Smoogs2 · 2020-06-06T04:01:57+00:00

I mean there have been many studies that have been done on how more conventionally attractive people have various advantages, from your career to your social life.

Why wouldn’t you want to be beautiful? What’s the point of living if fat and poor? Ultimately, do you but why would you want a life otherwise?

GennyX · 2020-06-06T05:28:31+00:00

I’m a 46 year old woman. Only do beauty related things you want to do for yourself, not for men. They’re thirsty enough that attracting someone will never be a problem.

thetruthishere_ · 2020-06-06T11:58:41+00:00

If you want to slow aging take care of yourself/skin. How you take care of yourself in your 20's will show in your 40+ years.

Using skin care and wearing sunblock doesn't have to be some 'focus'.

Im almost 50 with hardly any wrinkles because Ive been taking care of my skin my whole life. Its our largest organ and needs to be taken care of. I kept up with sunblock and also minimized my time in the sun. People think Im in mid to late 30's. I didnt do it for men, I did it for me.

richlad · 2020-06-06T01:49:51+00:00

No matter what you do - there will be a man charging same rate as you and out performing you at all the things except ofc getting attention from men.

That's why competing in other areas with men is lost cause.

You want assets/wealth? Capitalize your beauty.

gaylord_fag_2 · 2020-06-06T01:44:39+00:00

It depends on what you value. I enjoy having orgasms so I have to stay beautiful to attract a Chad to give me orgasms. Art & music doesn't come close to that.

I like to draw but it's literally because I'm trying to keep a Chad. I'm not drawing only because drawing is fun. Sure it is. But most drawings I show people. I show them for a reason. Because it's social to engage in art. Because I'm trying to impress Chad and make him stay with me. I'm trying to skill signal. It's still all about Chad though. What would I even draw if I didn't have a Chad as a muse???

Barely-moral · 2020-06-06T02:23:31+00:00

Do what you want and be happy.

But I can tell you a line of reason that argues for not wasting the advantage that comes with being a young woman.

Youth and beauty are resources. Resources that are only available for a limited time and resources that can be used in multiple ways to achieve multiple goals or just as leverage to help you achieve multiple goals.

I get that since those resources will not exist 20 years in the future it feels like anything you get using those resources may feel fragile or less valuable.

That is stupid. Everything you can get with other resources, you can get with more ease using youth and beauty. And if you did things right and you did not earn thoses things only with youth and beauty you get to keep those things.

Any relationship you can get through trust, personality and care. It is easier to get using youth and beauty and then you make it grow with trust personality and care. Once the youth and beauty are gone, the relationships stay because you built them to last.

Youth and beauty can be compared to any other resource. Being born as a woman when it comes to social circumstances can be compared to starting a bussiness with a comfortable bank account that is slowly decreasing in numbers. Yes, eventually that bank account will be empty, but you can use it while is there to build something useful that will still be there when that money runs out.

Only-Eagle · 2020-06-06T02:38:26+00:00

If you had $1 million in a bank account that was guaranteed to be closed and lost 10 years from now. Would you waddle around saying what's the point of using this money if it's going to go away? Or would you find a way to use that $ to build a better life. Say, buy a home or start a business.

Peacheslikeyou · 2020-06-06T11:12:41+00:00

Most men aren't piece of shit redpillers, you can very easily learn to filter them out and give them no attention.

Then find someone who loves you for you.

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Workaholiconew · 2020-06-06T15:18:54+00:00

what’s the point in even focusing on my physical beauty?

The TRP hypothesis state only the obvious, after your 20's you gonna age. (Well duh)

You can use beauty to acquire great amounts of resources from men worldwide, with very little resource investment, if you so choose, but this opportunity will decrease with age. That is just it.

Why wouldn’t I spend my time doing activities that make me happy, pursuing hobbies and skills that won’t corrode with time, and fostering mutually generous and loving familial, platonic, and romantic relationships based on trust, personality, and care, rather than aesthetics?

You can choose to do that. Most women choose to do something similar too. The resources are yours to use. If you think you do not need other resources such as wealth in your future, it makes sense to just have fun. But them, you will have no say in how things turned out. It was, again, your choice. You knew the consequences and took it anyway, unlike other women. It is your own fault if you gind yourself needing the resources in the future.

I suppose I could spend my time getting skinny, perfecting the “natural” makeup look and shaving every part of my body, but why would I spend time on that when it’s not gonna matter in 10 years and I could instead learn to play the ukulele beautifully (which I’m doing, slowly but surely) and be able to retain that skill and create something beautiful as long as I live, not just until I hit 30?

You could also, 'save in times of plenty so you may have things in times of the scarcity'. You age, money doesn't, But it is on you.

And lets be real, you can do both.

2020-06-06T15:38:37+00:00

Shaving and skin care routine do not take that much time. And you don’t have to shave your entire body, or shave every day, depends on your body tho. At 22 have you honestly not done those things? And you can watch 20 minutes of YouTube videos on natural make up, and since you will be applying it regularly you’ll get better and faster at it quickly but make up does not even have to be worn every day unless it’s important for your job. I didn’t start wearing make up regularly to work until I hit 40.

The only thing that could take up a lot of effort and discipline is not being fat if you are now fat. You’ll have to commit to calorie restriction and exercise that a girl who has already been doing fit maintenance wouldnt need to do. Even that does not stop you from developing your hobbies or relationships. It sounds like you are being lazy.

pooppeebuttmcnuggets · 2020-06-06T17:08:55+00:00

I dont like how you act like staying skinny is a thing you need to work hard at, in order to preserve through. Every woman and man on both sides of my family was skinny for the last 100 years except for maybe one or two outliers. There was no gyms and the only exercise they got was walking everywhere. It's all about diet if you eat like a pig your going to have a hard time.

noNooodleArms · 2020-06-06T19:22:19+00:00

Barbell training is big medicine. Be healthy for life.

Sid_Insidious · 2020-06-07T03:43:34+00:00

Just be the person you want to attract. If you want a sculptured metrosexual Chad with impeccable grooming and fashion taste, then you too must be like that.

If you want to be a "comfortable thick girl in flannel" and find your lumberjack soul-mate with the dad-bod, then do that.

But don't let yourself become Becky if you still expect a Chad.

The thing is, and the TRUTH is, if you're pining for really hot externally pretty and well put together people, you have to be one yourself else you might end up wasting a lot of time in line.

If you VALUE "thin and pretty" then BE thin and pretty and only date thin and pretty.

There is NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS.

But, Becky's in size 14 Yoga pants who "won't ever settle" until a Calvin Klein model comes along might be waiting around for a while. Just saying.

slavicgypsygirl · 2020-06-07T22:12:31+00:00

My motivation is a deeply ingrained unhealthy professional obsession & habit, booking jobs & self pride

2020-06-10T12:05:04+00:00

Its a choice that is yours, there is no right or wrong decision.

However if in the future you are not happy, say you become one of these women writing articles about how unfair dating is and how you should not be single, blah, blah, blah.

If you look back, remember you made that choice.

Same goes for dudes who let themselves become fat and out of shape.

Remember, we all made choices, now instead of moaning about how "unfair wahhhhhh, life is" (sorry if I offend the majority of this sub), either accept your choice or realise it is never too late to change.

Workaholiconew · 2020-06-06T04:01:32+00:00

[deleted]

psypD · 2020-06-06T04:05:41+00:00

Having the ability to exploit simps for money for a longer period of time I think would be worth some effort.

mediumbonebonita · 2020-06-06T14:56:47+00:00

I think you’re on the right track. Focus on what you love and put energy into creating a personality rather than just looks. Honestly confidence is key, when I was in my earlier 20s I had 0 confidence, regardless of my young looks, and didn’t earn as much attention as I did when I aged and learned how to carry myself in a more attractive manner(if that makes sense). I only see men harp online about the age thing, most men I know in real life aren’t so cut throat with how old their partner is but maybe that’s just my experience..

12112019 · 2020-06-06T03:07:32+00:00

and I’m seeing a lot in this sub about how women are considered much more desirable in their 20’s versus any other time in their lives

That is because most men in here are red pilled, there are still plenty of blue pilled men who don't think like that.

There are large amount of men who get depressed when they are single and they realize that they won't be able to get younger women as they age without paying, it will take another 1 or 2 decades for the US to be where Japan is today so you will probably make it if family is what you are looking for.

Offhisgame · 2020-06-06T14:57:55+00:00

Ride dick and have fun. Ignore the ugly men in here

wizard_down_there · 2020-06-06T07:34:36+00:00

Forget makeup nobody cares about that. These days it's all about being thicc not being pretty. If you're thicc you'll have men eating out the palm of your hand forever.

Being pretty is hard. Being thicc is easy, there's even cheat surgeries if you struggle.

A smart accomplished girl who can play an instrument who's thicc as fuck is the new bees knees

Title	What is the long-term motivation for working/focusing on my “beauty”?
Author	8copiesofbeemovie
Upvotes	88
Comments	172
Date	June 6, 2020 1:40 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/gxht5j/what_is_the_longterm_motivation_for/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-is-the-long-term-motivation-for.671176 https://theredarchive.com/post/671176