I realized that most of the goals I made to improve myself were just there to impress those around me.

Reddit View
June 8, 2020
184 upvotes
    This has been etched in my mind from a long time now and recurs with every sleepless night I have. I realized that most of my goals, namely, bodybuilding, meditation, reading, etc, were set up by me not for myself but for others in hopes of being looked up to as 'that cool guy'. Don't get me wrong, I love bodybuilding, meditation, reading, and yada yada, but I hate where my motives lay. I despise the thought of chasing validation around like a carrot on a stick.  So basically the foundation and motivation of my dreams and goals are for others? Man thats fucking bullshit. I mean isn't the point of self improvement to be independent and to make your life your own? How is that possible in my case when I depend on others so much for their validation? I want to stop living my life for the sake of others. I want to not give a fuck anymore. 

Post Information
Title I realized that most of the goals I made to improve myself were just there to impress those around me.
Author Tater__thot
Upvotes 184
Comments 22
Date 08 June 2020 03:17 AM UTC (11 months ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/671582
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/gyqw3z/i_realized_that_most_of_the_goals_i_made_to/
Similar Posts
Comments

[–]Leonardslemons62 points63 points  (0 children) | Copy

It’s not going to change overnight, but your head is in the right place. As long as you are aware of it, and want to make a change, you’ll make the right choices, and maybe that involves to keep doing what you are doing. Maybe the lesson here is that, although you got into those things for the wrong reasons, you can say that you love them.

[–]ASTRA-LUX32 points33 points  (0 children) | Copy

Self betterment and improvement should be for your own personal benefit, not others. Immerse yourself in things/hobbies you like and enjoy. The fruits of your hard labor are yours and yours only.

[–]peacemakerzzz17 points18 points  (6 children) | Copy

On the outset it may seem as such, but if you think about it, the things you mentioned are for your own benefit. Your mind will tell you otherwise if you’re not happy with what you’re doing. Also, validation is a natural part of life. That’s just how the way the world works.

[–]Eagleassassin32 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

We’re a social species after all. It’d be hard to do everything for ourselves. We evolved living as groups forming relationships with others. So some part of us seeking some validation or love from others is completely normal.

[–]Tater__thot[S] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

I understand you completely. You've got a great point there. However, doesn't it completely go against the 'dont give a fuck mentality'? If you were to just accept validation as part of your life that is.

[–]RinkyInky4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

DGAF about the people that try to knock you off your purpose or try to influence you to do things you don't want to. Give a fuck about people that support you and the people that you respect and believe that they can help you reach your goal.

You say you want to be the cool guy. What is the cool guy that you want to be? No one can be the cool guy in every single social circle or every single moment.

[–]peacemakerzzz-1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy

Why would you not want to give a fuck? Accepting it for how the way things are, and accepting it and developing yourself to help others are totally different things. The reason why you do things for you is to help others. It’s what makes a person of high value. If you truly don’t want to give a fuck, then you wouldn’t be looked up to by people.

Not giving a fuck as a be all end all is a trap.

[–]-Siptah-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

The thing is, you can still help others despite them not seeing you in a positive light. You don’t need to be praised to be a better person. Do the right thing because it’s the right thing to do. That in itself should be its own reward. If people don’t appreciate your efforts forget about them. Keep it pushing because you know your purpose. And no one can tell you otherwise.

[–]Meloxian7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

The foundation for your motives can be external, so long as what keeps those motivations consistant is internal.

I started weightlifting for a chick, after she dumped me like two years back I used it as fuel- that was the reason, does that mean I should quit lifting because my foundation was external? Fuck no, I’ve grown to really enjoy weightlifting, so at this point my motivation is internal, I do it because I like the feeling and the change I see mentally, emotionally and especially physically, it maybe a bit narcissistic but I do it because I like it.

Motivations change over time.

[–]TehJimmyy2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

OP:

This has been etched in my mind from a long time now and recurs with every sleepless night I have. I realized that most of my goals, namely, bodybuilding, meditation, reading, etc, were set up by me not for myself but for others in hopes of being looked up to as 'that cool guy'. Don't get me wrong, I love bodybuilding, meditation, reading, and yada yada, but I hate where my motives lay. I despise the thought of chasing validation around like a carrot on a stick.

So basically the foundation and motivation of my dreams and goals are for others? Man thats fucking bullshit. I mean isn't the point of self improvement to be independent and to make your life your own? How is that possible in my case when I depend on others so much for their validation? I want to stop living my life for the sake of others. I want to not give a fuck anymore.

[–]asskisser6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

I wish someone had some nice insight on this, I feel the same. I want to not care and live my own life - but even that, I want it to be empowered and get more women...

[–]alfred3111 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

So eating healthy, fitness, feeding your mind knowledge is for other people? Believe me in my work, when someone is brought to the hospital destroying themselves such as diabetics, heart disease or accidents due to drugs or alcohol, you will thank the redpill by teaching you to take care of yourself, its just a bonus that other people is drawn to your physique but ultimately the benefits is yours and yours alone

[–]ExaltedR3V3NG31 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Using your hobbies as a framework, maybe you can frame them so that your motivation to do them is on yourself and not others.
You can still lift in order to look good (or be stronger), your self-esteem..., your desire to compete so you can challenge yourself (though I'm not fond of bodybuilding competitions); you can read the books you want so you can learn something of your interest, learn new words/languages/refresh grammar/etc.; and you can meditate so you can work better, relax, reduce stress... so you feel better.
In these examples, there are no third persons involved: Maybe you bodybuild to impress ladies, maybe you read to express opinions on the latest New York Times Best-seller or you meditate because relaxation improves your frame/game/attitude/etc. to attract people into you. See the difference?

Finally, none of those things are inherently bad, and ditching those hobbies would probably be a mistake for anyone who wants to self-improve. My tip would be to keep it, just re-frame why you do it and off you go.

[–]impotentludius1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

we are human, we like attention. it’s normal.

[–]Huntbutt0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Goals are something i consider recently a lot so ill share my thoughts (even tho you prolly dont givee a fuck, but my idea may help you idk)

what if it can impress you and those around you, but the goal is stemming from you not validation ??

ideally any great goal would do this

cheers bruh

[–]Ekhochambeer0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

We are social creatures, we need vlidation. Best advice I can give you is to surround yourself with like minded mates whose validatiom you care about, rather than getting it from somewhere like girls or stramgers

[–]le_wolfe0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Wow, you've really got self aware with all that meditation. Give yourself a pat on the back.

[–]PritM130 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I totally get that, and whether we do it for ourselves or we do it to impress others, we can't deny the fact we love that feeling when we see people around us are getting impressed. We as social beings derive pleasure by giving others a great experience, that experience being "Me! You're Welcome!" . At the same time, I'd be a little cautious that I'm not lying to myself about who I am when I'm making those goals - those goals should be around areas that I'm really passionate about, while impressing others could be a motivation that is required for the push

[–]rplad420-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dont think about it much.

All that you are doing will benefit you alot but will also benefit the people around you since you will be a better person.

[–]Kizzou-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

We are social creatures to our core so I believe its almost impossible to completely disconnect from seeking validation. Recognize it for what it is; which you have, and dont beat yourself up for it. We operate within culture and culture is a conformity and narrowing of perception mechanism. That's going to influence your choices

With that being said those hobbies you mention are seen as valuable both individually and societally. So just focus on the individual benefits. It takes time to slap around that conformity part of you so that your true self can be expressed.

[–]eddiebluudy-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

We are in the same place! But because of you I have realized, thank you! Best of luck

[–]FinallyRed-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

There are any number of bullshit things you could do to play the status game. In the end, you'll probably never actually do any of it that you don't also get personal value from, at least not for long without becoming miserable. It's up to you: lean toward the things you enjoy that get you denigrated by society like MLP or some shit, or lean toward the things that benefit you and also earn you status like lifting and making money.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2021. All rights reserved.

created by /u/dream-hunter