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There’s 1 guy in my friends group everyone enjoys being with. Without him everyone is more boring, sometimes when I’m with 1-2 others we barely talk at all.

Reddit View
June 11, 2020
108 upvotes

How can I fix this for myself? Outside this friends group I have 1 good friend with the same interests and ambitions. We don’t see eachother often (he lives 1 hour away from me) but we talk through app everyday about school stuff, irl stuff etc. Also he’s pretty red pilled. Back to my current friends group, that 1 guy is also pretty red pilled (natural), and everyone enjoys his company. Why does the group get less talkative without him? It’s also safe to say that he mostly gets alot of attention (positive, negative). My social skills aren’t that well but since TRP I’m actively trying to change that, both to females and males.


Post Information
Title There’s 1 guy in my friends group everyone enjoys being with. Without him everyone is more boring, sometimes when I’m with 1-2 others we barely talk at all.
Author youngfuture7
Upvotes 108
Comments 51
Date 11 June 2020 10:48 PM UTC (8 months ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/673500
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/h78hv1/theres_1_guy_in_my_friends_group_everyone_enjoys/
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Comments

[–]DoubleConversation498 points99 points  (12 children) | Copy

My advice would be that find yourself a few interesting stories to tell for each time you guys gather around, and learn some open ended questions that make people talk and let the conversation flow from there. It usually comes naturally but it can be learned later on as well.

I wrote about this before. I'll quote it.

It's so rare to meet a person with a really solid sense of humor nowadays

"In a good friend circle, (normally) everyone should have at least a bit of sense of humor. But nowadays, all of the humor in a social circle is utilized by only 1 or 2 guys. The group is heavily dependent on them for having fun.

When those guys leave the group, it ceases to be a group anymore because for everybody the group was "those guys"

People pretty much lack the ability to think for themselves now"

[–]youngfuture72 points3 points  (10 children) | Copy

Could you give me some examples of open ended questions?

With that good friend outside my friends group we’d laugh all day about goofy shit. Our humour is practically the same. It’s all natural when I’m with that friend, but with the others it goes way harder. It it because we just have way less in common?

[–]DoubleConversation417 points18 points  (8 children) | Copy

Could you give me some examples of open ended questions?

One question I always ask is "Which animal would you be if you had to be reborn as one of them?"

Or

"What would you change in the world if you became god?"

Look at AskReddit

With that good friend outside my friends group we’d laugh all day about goofy shit. Our humour is practically the same. It’s all natural when I’m with that friend, but with the others it goes way harder. It it because we just have way less in common?

It's because he's leading the conversation

He's a natural at this

When you go out with the others, there is no one to lead the conversation so it becomes awkward

With one of my friends in highschool there was never silence

And our questions to each other would often go unanswered

Because we were both leading the conversation, it'd just flow so fucking fast and we'd have no time to answer that

He was such a deluded guy but he was fun

[–]youngfuture71 point2 points  (7 children) | Copy

Thanks alot man. With that good friend of mine I tend to lead the conversations too. It just feels we’re at the same frequency (study wise, family situations, parents, struggles). I’m starting to catch the drift you’re explaining me now regarding the friends I’m awkward around with.

[–]DoubleConversation47 points8 points  (6 children) | Copy

With that good friend of mine I tend to lead the conversations too

It just happens so smooth, right?

Like, he knows exactly what to talk about with you

Your friend sounds like quite the chatterbox

It just feels we’re at the same frequency (study wise, family situations, parents, struggles)

Pretty sure someone else with a different life would feel like they're at the same frequency as well

He could be mirroring you as well, that's just something some naturals do get the most out of everyone

Some people are naturals at this, but EQ is something you could really improve with practice

But most people don't put in the practice, they leave it to naturals and naturals end up being everyone's favourite

I am not a natural at this, but I became good without putting in effort on purpose because of some situation I went through in my childhood

[–]Ill_mumble_that2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I'm a "natural" with one on one. Any individual person has a hard time wanting to leave my presence.

But groups? I'm no good. I don't even know where to start with leading a group unless I've taken each individual aside 1 on 1 the before.

Goes for women, men, business. I can do meetings with high powered ceos and I always nail every contract and win them over. But I completely fail with groups of ceos or board members.

[–]DoubleConversation42 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Groups are harder because you have a lot of people to focus on

It's hard

What I do when it comes to a group I don't know is that I just let them speak and take it from there

[–]youngfuture71 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

What’s EQ?

[–]DoubleConversation41 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Emotional Intelligence

You should look it up

[–]wtfdoiaskfor10 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Emotional Intelligence

This does not exist. As far as the psychology literature is concerned, this is absolute rubbish.

For something to exist, it has to be (1) well-defined and (2) measurable, and this is neither.

[–]DoubleConversation40 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Here comes the guy who can't get his dick up again

I think you should look up John D. Mayer

Will not explain, again.

Blocked

[–]mega_kook0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

An open ended question is anything that doesn't have a "yes or no" answer. How was your day? What do you guys think about (insert news headline)?

Those are super basic ones but you get the idea. The whole point is to give them opportunities to keep talking instead of being a human survey machine.

[–]asm12930 points31 points  (1 child) | Copy

It's ok to be polarizing. I mean it's ok to have opinions or stories that some people might be offended by. The most memorable people are often times the ones who aren't afraid of saying things they find funny that other people might not. I'd you're holding back on comments because you think the others might not like it, people can sense that and it makes you lose value to them. Just say whatever is in your mind.

Also remember that if you can't be interesting, then be interested. Follow up and ask questions when people say something.

[–]Zero-Milk1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

if you can't be interesting, then be interested.

This whole post is sage advice, but this comment here is so perfectly succinct and appropriate that I had to single it out. A great number of people you'll meet in your life will be dull. And that's not only because they don't have interesting or relatable things to say; it's mostly because they'll conduct themselves in such a way that makes YOU feel like you have nothing interesting and relatable to say.

Be the guy that takes an interest, and the people that matter will take notice.

[–]Casanova-Quinn16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy

To be more like your popular friend, you simply have to observe his behavior. Does he start conversations? What topics does he talk about? Does he smile a lot? What does his body language look like? Don’t copy him exactly, but figure out what he does in general and start practicing it yourself.

[–]wolverine8475 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Same mf problem here man

[–]BryceKA7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just watch a bunch of comedians that you wish you could be funny like, pay attention to what they do that makes people laugh. I feel like I'm a lot funnier for watching them all the time. Obviously that's if you wanna be funnier but I feel making people laugh gives you confidence and makes talking about anything easy. Some comedians are pretty damn smart as well.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm like that "other" guy your talking about. The one who makes social events exciting. The fun one in the group. Maybe I'm just a narcissist but when I'm there, people always tend to have more fun and better memories are formed (from what I'm told). The reason for this is because I'm adventurous. I'm always trying to go out on crazy spontaneous adventures, and I think people are drawn to that.

So the best advice I can give you is to go out and do more stuff. Get as far away from the internet as possible. If you want to go on a hike, go do it. You want to go to the mall, go do it. You want to go climb a billboard for fun, go fucking do it. YOLO MENTALITY. Eventually you'll start to strive for adventure and people will be drawn towards you.

[–]bitesizechicken2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think different things work for different people/stereotypes. Like for some, including myself, I find laughing and being a comfortable person to talk to works well for me. But there are types who attract the attention without having to be funny/relatable, say by being ‘cool’ , the Robert Downey Jr type for example. I say this however I do think one of the most important social skills ever, regardless of personality, circumstance etc, is telling a good story/anecdote. It’s essential for a social circle for you to be able to tell a story. Do this and people will be interested in what you have to say/enjoy your company. Yeah not everyone can do it straight away, it takes practice. Sometimes no one will even look your way and that hurts but oh well? When you notice one story or something working well, think what worked; interesting hand gestures, good language, storytelling in general (plot, buildup/tension , punchline/release). These are very useful and can ruin a good joke/story if not used well. Like how it’s very clear when someone is using their hands to try and gesture people actions but it gets distracting after a bit.

[–]tyronethejabrone5 points6 points  (5 children) | Copy

Do you jerk off

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Idk why I laughed so hard at this

[–]ThatNights0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Why did you ask that?

[–]tyronethejabrone1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Difference is night and day for me.

On a nice strike, life just flows differently. You actually start to see what people mean when they talk about people being on different frequencies/wavelengths. It suddenly doesn’t sound so mystically and pretentiously retarded.

If you wanna know how to have a presence like this friend OP is talking about, a strong, desirable and enjoyable essence, take a break from all the lust and the jerking off.

[–]ilike-titties1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I’ve found that people are more likely to take interest in you if you are perceived as taking interest in them. I thought about some of my favorite people - the ones that everyone liked and who are easy to talk to - and I realized that they always asked me about my life, remembered details I’ve told them in the past, and found a good balance between sharing opinions, listening, and promoting responses.

People are naturally egocentric. Find the balance between asking and telling.

[–]Zero-Milk1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Here it is again, OP. This advice has been given at least two times in this thread, and because it's such solid life advice, it cannot be overstated.

if you can't be interesting, be interested.

This is the way.

[–]sofferenzah0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Any ways you can think of to show IOI via questions?

[–]peacemakerzzz1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think it helps to have a sense of frame here. Just know that you are operating in your own world and just do you. Not being polarised by how people behave just because the interesting guy isn’t around shows how much you believe in yourself. If you want to be interesting then show off things you find interesting even if they don’t feel the same way. Same principles apply. Selling yourself is the same as seducing a woman.

[–]flyinghorse11 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you dont like hanging out with the others then dont do it unless in a big group.

[–]kriskros181 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Most people mistake ‘being funny’ as interesting than entertaining. And these days, everyone tries so hard to be funny. Unless standup is your goal, not really worth being the constant dancing monkey.

Step 1 - Stop telling yourself anything that implies you are boring. Find your replacement belief. Internalize it. Step 2 - Stop seeking validation a.k.a stop being a SIMP. Easier said as it’s ingrained deep from childhood. Realization is the first step. Step 3 - Find your IKIGAI and follow it for 30 days till it becomes a habit. Step 4: Remember the average human life span in days. Yup, that’s all we got if we are lucky. Now go live your interests.

[–]juliusstreicher0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Copy his behavior. Steal some of his stuff, and use it in a different context with a different group of people. After a while, you'll learn how to do this stuff instinctively.

[–]thisisAHNAF0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Bruh, are you me?

[–]rookieMale0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I am like this but when 1 on 1 with a guy. If there is anyone else i feel alright. I think i have trouble initiating conversations with guys. Like nonsense topics. And i rarely gossip with anyone.

Anyone else get this way?

[–]wolverine847-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's that guy everyone follows and listens to how do we become like those people?



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