I'm not going to do any more updates, but I think the following info could be useful for everyone, no matter you have kids or are planning on having them.

So on Friday night more of our immediate family arrived and my husband decided to announce everyone the gender of our baby. He took our toddler in his hands and asked him, "who are you going to have?" and my little dude replied with a shy "b'otha", meaning, we're having another boy! For the past few days, before and after daycare, he'd been teaching the toddler in the car, just to do this surprise. It was very sweet. We celebrated with pizza. Next day everyone, including my mom, left. I will be honest, I specifically asked my husband not to start solving this issue on Friday, because after my fight on Thursday I was in so much pain I could barely move and spent most of the day in bed. I was afraid that more stress could absolutely ruin our gender reveal party with me being stuck in bed.

So yesterday, Monday night, my husband went to his therapist and told her about the situation. It's unusual for him to hold grudges, but this time he really couldn't stop bringing it all up in the weekend. So he explained the situation to his therapist. And she really put things in perspective.

My mom has never had a dad. None of her brothers ever did a great job being dads. My own dad never had a father. And when my mom married my dad, the times were difficult and he had to work abroad for long years. So basically, my mom was the main parent forever.

Also, my mom is very aware of how dysfunctional is my husband's family. And how his own father is absolutely useless and tirannical. It's really surprising that my husband didn't go into his father's steps.

So the therapist explained, that there is absolutely no way how my mom could really trust someone to be a good dad to her grandson. She is expecting him to fail, because no other men have succeeded at parenting and because she expects him to start acting like his dad. So unconsciously, she is taking on the role of another primary parent - dad - and pushing him away.

All in all, she said that boundaries are a must, as well as multiple discussions between my mom and my husband, because she doesn't take me seriously. She thinks the talk must come from the dad, because then it will show he is serious about his place in the family. To put it shortly, she is basically discriminating against him, because of the stereotype of what fathers are like.

And honestly, it won't be the first person to do it. Many women say stuff like "babysitting" in regards of my husband watching out toddler when I'm away. Not parenting. In playgrounds, some moms try to explain him basic stuff like safety and how "why would your wife make it so hard for you, it's super hard with toddlers, she should be main caregiver in early years". So surprisingly, women, even though they are extremely tired from being sole parents and whining about it everywhere, and making jokes, how incapable their husbands are, never put the 1+1 and don't stop themselves from repeating their mother's mistakes.

LET YOUR HUSBAND PARENT. Sit back and drink tea. Close your eyes and get into your happy place, if the reality becomes too much to cope with, but for God's sake, don't become an Eodipal mother.

In any case.

Apparently I've been doing something right. My husband has been extremely loving and sweet. He explained, how much me, putting things in perspective, helped him during this time. He really started feeling like a failure and like a bad parent (mind you, he's still struggling with burnout), but when I named the things he does and when I say "thank you for doing x" he really understands, that he's doing a lot and he's doing well. He wants to get me a little vacation, away from home, so I could just enjoy a spa and sleep in, without the toddler running into the room. I really appreciate it.

Thank you, RPW!