I recently had two interactions which gave me pause.

1) I was telling a guy about how my sister and I look so similar we’re almost twins. I showed him a photo of us wearing the same outfit to illustrate this. His response: “You’re hotter though.”

Why would that be a compliment? My whole point was that I was proud of how similar we looked. And if I am hotter, that means my sister is less hot. For me to be the winner she has to be the loser. And I love my sister, I do not want her to be less than me in any way. So I actually found his comment hurtful.

2) Walking past a shop window with a guy, I point out a pair of sandals and say me and my best friend both bought them. Him: “I bet they look better on you.”

This is a clever and subtle strategy that society has been employing since time immemorial. It’s not only men who do it, it is so ingrained that a lot of women pitch women against other women. But it is based on the fake idea that there can only be room for one. Society only tolerates a small number of women to be successful, so you are either the best or you don’t matter. And this mentality has us fighting against each other, wrongly believing that for me to win another woman has to lose.

But that is simply not true! Someone else’s beauty doesn’t make me less beautiful. Someone else’s skill doesn’t make my skill less impressive. We need to stop viewing other women as the enemy and lift each other up instead. Together we can be unstoppable.

I love you all and I vow to never try to dim anyone’s light, but only to help make it shine brighter.

Edit: I know it’s pitted and not pitched.