BACKSTORY

So , last years have been somehow rough for me at times. By no means am I not in a priviledged position, we are a middle class family, I can have any luxury I want ( besides buying supercars, affording flying first class etc ) meaning we travel as a family and I also travel with friends or my girls pretty often. I've probably visited over 30-35 countries by now which most people will never do in their entire life.

I was also a swimmer since I was 6 did that professionally till the age of 19, then just kept going for the lols with my groupies . I now mostly lift weights (last 5 years at least, not counting my gym days when I was swimming) I am 186cm/102kgs currently bulking I'd say 18% bodyfat max. And play some basketball, ride my bike with friends in my free time.

I also never had a problem with girls, I have a count of 40+ and I just don't count anymore. Besides a couple times when I was younger and couldn't approach , now I can easily approach ,also having a decent wingman helps (last time I saw this phrase I was reading The Game lol) , used to casually bang a couple new chicks from Tinder a month and had plates,fwb whatever you can imagine. I used to find myself tired of sex sometimes because I had too much of it and too often. Am currently with what I consider a cute hb7 and very satisfied and happy.

I can also have any phone I want, although my dad usually gives me the 150 euro ones he gets for free every couple years with his phone contract. I can buy the latest PC, have fancy clothes and stuff but the thing is I don't care about those. I'd say the only materialistic things I care about rn, would be a motorcycle because I have been dreaming about this shit for the last 3-4 years and I feel like it would give me so much freedom and happiness because I think it would be a hobby that would sparkle something inside me. Other than that, I dunno maybe a decent action camera to give YouTube a try and see how that goes.(not an attention seeker)

My story as someone else would describe it would sound very interesting, with all this travelling, being pretty social , going out , having a very athletic body and banging chicks.

But the thing is, that lately, I've lost my drive. Or I never had a drive, I just did things that occured. Go to swim practice, bang chicks , get my degree in Agriculture. I am very good when I decide that I want to get involved with something.

Guys I don't know what to do right now. Getting a job is easy, I can easily work in my father's business and help expand it. And I do help him when it is needed and I replace a worker there when I am in town. I just haven't went balls out yet with the business trying to make more money.

Feels like I am just wasting my time doing things, that I don't like, purely existing until death takes me away. Ok so I got my degree, went back to the home town and I am waiting for my own place. I did set a decent room up in our garage which isn't being used anymore because I can't be productive when I am with my family and my teen brother who gets in verbal fights with my parents all the day. I am waiting for my own place to start doing things that I like, although I know this is mostly a mindset and I can just start doing them rn. You ever been in a place that simply put, doesn't inspire you? I am at this place right now. How do I fing the things that motivate me. I know adventures are one, and fitness is the other. I think I could be a great personal trainer and that I can motivate anyone to succeed with their body and their training. I really don't know what I am good at, I feel I can't impress anyone atm, don't know anything in a particular sector either. I am just a guy that you can have some good times with, and I can probably talk you out of your bad habits or make you look how life is good while doing simple things.

I don't know what I am writing at this point and I don't know what is the response I am trying to get from this that will help me see things a better way. The only things I want to do right now in life is get a motorcycle and just travel around, maybe have fun in some techno or metal fests, meet new people. Couple months work to get the money for a used bike. Already have money for festivals. But what the fuck do I do the rest of the days when there isn't a festival or party to attend?

Routine right now is wake up, my nutrition is mostly on point and my workouts as well, go to the gym whenever possible ( never miss a day ) , read couple pages of any book , rn finishing the old man and the sea , visit my grandparents who live next door for a coffee, wait for a text that I have to work on my father or uncle (bcs they both have businesses and need me from time to time) and spend time with my gf or friends. How can I improve my daily routine and how can I improve my mindset to become a guy that always learns new stuff, gets proficient at some of them, be involved in politics and form an opinion . Guys that had your dream reality come true, or your dream item bought how did that change you. Can you even have fun most of the day? I know I can't be productive 247, I know the 80-20 rule, I know pomodoro , I know that I need to chase what I like most bcs regretting it is better than never doing it.

I am trully lost and exhausted. I am just existing and having fun from time to time. What's next? Living and making money seem easy for me. maybe I am just using my money wrong? maybe I just have the things wrong in my head, that I am actually having a great time and I have set such high happiness standards that are unachievable. Maybe I have too high expectations of myself. I always want to learn new stuff and push 10 items through my mouth at the same time. Maybe I need to slow down a bit. I dont have to learn 3 languages at the same time, neither become an artist or a great street basketball player. I think I need a chill pill and take every task as a single one and finish it before I start something new. and maybe set lower achievable standards. because I am probably comparing myself to the fucking social media millionaires and I despise doing that. I am definitely not in a rage mode. Let them have the supercars sitting in their garage, i will have more fun with my moms fwd 1100cc car and my true friends. Hell , having travelled 30 times is an achievement. Although it got achieved with the help of my parents but still. I am pretty succesfull I think I have to focus more on that than my bad side if there even is one.

I think I will start meditating again for sure. Then maybe do a small task towards any goal I choose. And about my lifestyle I will try to live as extreme as I can and put as much action as possible in my days. This post was eyeopening even for me. Any suggestions welcome really, but I think I am pretty frustrated when there is no reason to.