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MRP: why did u get married and what are your biggest lessons?

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June 19, 2020
22 upvotes

Hi, I wonder why red pillers get married. Did you marry before discovering RP? Has your life improved? Would you make the same decision?

I’d like to hear a contextual view. How old are you and your partner, are you in the east or west? Do you have children? Are you concerned of infidelity?

What have been the big lessons in the experience? Any thing you wish you did differently or would advise a younger self?

Thank you and hope we can all learn from each other.


Post Information
Title MRP: why did u get married and what are your biggest lessons?
Author Redpilltaken
Upvotes 22
Comments 49
Date 19 June 2020 07:08 AM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/696458
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/hbw31l/mrp_why_did_u_get_married_and_what_are_your/
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Comments

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill25 points26 points  (6 children) | Copy

Are you concerned of infidelity?

Why would I be? This is the kind of question that comes from a lack of abundance. If she wants to be unfaithful, that's on her. She will be easily replaced.

[–]Redpilltaken[S] 2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

I get your perspective and I wonder how you marry with a mindset of abundance. What am I missing here? The way I see it “abundance” would no longer be real, but tied into a contract that may involve your assets, children, and you also Also you presume you find out she’s unfaithful.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret6 points7 points  (4 children) | Copy

The way I see it “abundance” would no longer be real, but tied into a contract

Abundance is a mind set, not necessarily your physical situation

[–]Redpilltaken[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

yeah but i’d say ‘abundant mindset’ is different from TRUE abundance, which the latter being optimal. I can have an abundant mindset even if I’m just banging hookers and spending on my credit card in debt.

I guess the real measurement here is the actual cost vs reward, and I am trying to change my view on whether there are some benefits to marriage that I am missing.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You’re basically expanding on my point.

[–]the_man_i_want_to_be1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Look, getting cheated on can happen, and it would suck. It would suck because I would have to share custody of my son, and because I genuinely enjoy the company of my wife.

But I'm not worried about it. I don't spend any time or effort trying to investigate or snoop or stop her from being unfaithful. Because I'm 100% certain I could end our relationship, rebuild a fulfilling life for myself, and maintain a loving relationship with my son. I have no fear of it, just like I have no fear of losing my job or my investments. I am certain that I could get past any or all of those shitty occurrences and find a new path for myself.

That's abundance mentality. My wife doesn't mean nothing to me, quite the opposite. Being cheated on would hurt. But only for a while, and the closing of one door would open others.

Abundance is knowing I have enough value to replace my wife with a woman of equal or higher value. It's not having affairs (although for some guys it might be, whatever) or fucking hookers.

As for the benefits, IMO marriage is only worth it if you actually, genuinely like who you are with and find them to be talented and competent. Two can do more than one, if they work well together, and there are social and professional benefits as well.

[–]Chump_No_More0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

True abundance is knowing that you have the competence to handle whatever comes your way.

"Knocked down seven times, get up eight".

Divorce, 7 years ago, zeroed me out. Going back to living in an apartment at 53 yo humbles and gives you perspective.

So, what did I do? For the first time, I focused on me. "What the fuck did I actually want?"

So what did I do? I furthered my health, career, and mastery of self to a level I never thought I was capable. I published peer reviewed papers, developed a now 'patent pending' design. I'm living the life that I choose.

Abundance mindset is knowing you little to no control of the curve balls thrown your way, but saying "bring it!".

[–]InChargeManRed Beret17 points18 points  (0 children) | Copy

Marriage is for raising kids, I wanted kids.

[–]tightsleeves35 points36 points  (2 children) | Copy

It is safe to say that the majority, if not all, of the men on this subreddit did not know 'red pill' before they got married. They may have acted it in certain ways but did not understand all the components and what they meant.

Most of us 'went with the flow' or are coerced into decisions. Go to school, find a job, find a girl, get married, have kids... how many? as many as you CAN! - Its all bullshit and unfortunately you dont stop to think about it until its too late... but maybe its maturity that lets you figure it out

I have a good wife... but if there was a time machine I would hop right in. Marriage is good if you want a family with children. Otherwise its not worth it. And even the idea of children is not sold as reality... its hard and time consuming at levels you cannot comprehend

[–]PreEntertain11 points12 points  (3 children) | Copy

I didn't realize I was redpill when it all when down. I was a bit of a natural after some bad shit happened in my life. Physical abuse from my LTR. Kicked her to the curb after a few years and decided to focus on myself. Started spinning a plate or three. Most of them ended in sorrow for her, and good spankbank memories for me.

Then one was just too fuckin' good. She did everything I liked. Her independence was astronomical. She'd sneak to the til and pay for meals when we'd be out. opened up to her a bit about my dream and that bitch not only loved it, but she made it come true. It was easy to ditch the plates, and easy to partner up with her.

I didnt want a fucking wedding, but she planned the whole thing and laid it out for me and told me that she didnt like weddings either, so we kinda re-defined a wedding as you know it. The only time I had to compromise was the church service, which she did for her family. But after all those times I face fucked her and forced my dick and balls into her mouth without her complaining I thought what the heck. I should throw that bitch a bone. Wedding ended up being way too much fun. No pre-nup.

I was so worried things would dry up between us. Thought she would stop being my bitch. Thought she we would lose everything I loved about her, but instead she kept getting better and kept making me better

We achieved our collective dream, and we've been soaking it up in a sort of cruise control mode for a few years now. I relaxed on the constant efforts to better myself, but I still do little things, and she stilll encourages me. And I encourage her. She's a career woman and she has made equal to or more than me annually.

Another worry I've had has been cheating. I've remained excruciatingly loyal despite some very fucking good offers. I've never thought for a second that she has cheated, but that alone is enough to make me worry, because AWALT.

I've been enjoying TRP for two years now and I love how the mentality lines up with everything I've been doing.

I know what I have is a fucking rarity, but I still wish it upon all men.

[–]AlohaMaui8082 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

We achieved our collective dream, and we've been soaking it up in a sort of cruise control mode for a few years now. I relaxed on the constant efforts to better myself

This is how it starts. Find your next big dragon to slay over the next 5-10 years ASAP dude, and soon, or she is going to lose the attraction she had for you and you'll realize eventually all you would of had to do was not coast. She will seek those Captain qualities elsewhere and you'll never know what hit you.

[–]PreEntertain2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for the insight brother. You username reminds me that we are due for another trip to Maui. We hang out around Wailea when we go

[–]business---travel1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for sharing!

[–]johnmic0720 points21 points  (5 children) | Copy

31 years old, married 3 years, 1 kid, wife is 30. I got married before red pill. Blue pill marriage was terrible and I would have preferred being single. Red pill marriage is great and I enjoy it much more than being single.

Obviously I wish I would have discovered red pill much sooner. If I had before getting married, I would still have married my wife. I was pretty selective with who I got into a relationship with before getting married which served me well. If a girl was slightly older than me or had any sort of red flag I would drop her immediately. I think a lot of guys get tripped up when they get so horny that they're willing to commit to dating a relatively attractive woman with major red flags and then end up marrying them. A lot of the time, if a woman is super quick to put out and you aren't a 10/10, she's using her body to get something from you, or she has some major mental issues. I think that's one blind spot in the red pill dating strategy as far as trying to find someone to marry vs finding a plate.

Benefits of marriage: kids, 2 incomes, wife does most chores, as much sex as I want, I don't need to waste my free time chasing women, people automatically assume I'm responsible, taxes are lower, my wife is really great 90% of the time. I have no concerns about infidelity.

Drawbacks: risk of divorce, once in a while my wife is difficult, in-laws, less free time than single, less flexibility to go travel or do other stuff like that.

[–]redirectedfs1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Same situation for me. Although I stopped being blue pill pretty early in the marriage. If I never took the red pill I’d likely be on a path to divorce.

[–]johnmic072 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes I think my wife would have left me by now if I was still blue pill. Honestly it amazes me that the divorce rate isn't much higher than it is with how many blue pill guys there are out there.

[–]broneilbro8 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy

Got married because I was taking a daily dose of BP from my widowed mother. Stepdad was not a resource as he was a BP.

I was 27 and she was 23. West. One child that is awesome.

Look up my posts and you might be able to gather the context of what I have been through.

Biggest lesson? Marriage is great when you truly marry the right person. Hindsight is 20/20 but after the RP its really an eyeopening experience.

I would have advised myself to put myself first and drop the Mr. Nice guy routine. It fucked me over so many times in the past in all pillars of my life and now that I have become aware I am living to the fullest in many aspects.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Neil! Long time no see, though to be fair it has been me who has been away. Any updates? Looks like you're spending your time figuring out how to bankrupt yourself in the stock market. How are you doing otherwise?

[–]broneilbro0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Not much. I was dating around for a while but found a LTR but it’s going to end soon as she wants to leave town. Definitely different within this serious relationship. I had gone Rambo a couple times but dealing with younger girl (35 she’s 26) tends to be frustrating at times but definitely solid.

This Covid thing needs to go away but I’m remaining focused on growth but need to improve more things.

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

Had scarcity mentality, felt like I was lucky to lock down "the one" for life. Wish I could go back and make different decisions, but I can't. Things have gotten way better since MRP, but I'm ashamed of the man I was.

[–]FatherSonRule14 points15 points  (1 child) | Copy

Got married while still BP (like most others, I would assume).

Marriage is currently great, but as we all know that could change at any time depending on my goals and outlook.

If this ends I would never get married again.

[–]theycallmenubs7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Lol I was literally going to say this exactly. Got married before rp, marriage is great but wouldn't get married again

[–]WolfofAllStreetz12 points13 points  (4 children) | Copy

Married 8 years together 13. (Mid 30s).I really only think marriage makes sense is if you want kids. This coming from someone who likes their wife. Shes hotter now, a great Mom and compliments what I do because I provide direction.

With that said, most of my married friends lives seem miserable.

Also, kids are a massive amount of work. We have one, are not having more. You give up everything for them yet they become the reason to live life.

[–]part_wolf3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I really only think marriage makes sense is if you want kids. This coming from someone who likes their wife. Shes hotter now, a great Mom and compliments what I do because I provide direction.

This. Dad Gang 2020.

[–]PreEntertain2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Cheers dad. I also like my wife. Wouldn't be where I am without her and she can say the same.

[–]LabelOtherSide1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I really like my wife too, seems like for many of the men here, there is so much resentment built up that it becomes difficult to enjoy their wife’s company.

You say your wife is hotter now. As I improve myself (going to the gym 5 days a week, increasing protein intake, etc.) I hope my wife will be inspired to improve her physique as well. What has been your experience since you say your wife is hotter now

[–]WolfofAllStreetz2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ive lifted my whole life, she had our daughter and didnt want to stay fat. She was always a thin girl too so I think that was part of it. Shes sitting at 117lbs now. She does macros as well. I couldn’t stay with a woman who didnt care about her body, as superficial as that sounds.

[–]akihonj15 points16 points  (3 children) | Copy

I got married because I coerced into it.

I'm currently 42, divorced 3 years, 2 kids, west.

I got married at 27 when my then fiance said either we get married or we break up.

The biggest lesson I could give to my younger self then, don't get married, go for the breakup, marriage is state endorsed slavery. There is no moral nor legal imperative for marriage.

[–]Grimsterr2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

I got married at 27 when my then fiance said either we get married or we break up.

Yeah hindsight is 20/20 but that's a huge red flag. My wife wanted to get married but never even got CLOSE to an ultimatum. I'm also very bad with ultimatums, even if it's probably in my best interests if I'm being coerced/forced I flip the table.

[–]Bigboyleggos1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

. I'm also very bad with ultimatums, even if it's probably in my best interests if I'm being coerced/forced I flip the table.

I throw the deduces up, stfu and disapear when given an ultimatum. I dont get mad, im not open to discussion, I smile and walk. A "fuck you" without the drama.

[–]Grimsterr1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah when I say flip the table it means "flip the table over and walk out" usually with 2 middle fingers up.

[–]tropicsGold4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy

I love marriage and I don’t see any conflict between TRP and marriage. I love having kids (we have 4) and my wife is a great partner. Of course there are huge challenges but a real Red Pill man ought to be up to those. Lessons: work on all red pill skills, hold frame, stay in shape, keep driving forward and being a success. The biggest lesson of red pill is to not ever let yourself get complacent weak and soft. I guess I am purple pill not red, never really interested in banging lots of women, and I love having a partner in life. Maybe some see it as a weakness but I see it as a challenge and a strength.

[–]AlohaMaui808-2 points-1 points  (3 children) | Copy

You've got Oneitis and its going to fuck you over in the end dude. Hit the sidebar and kill that shit. OI. Abundance. DGAF.

Before its too late.

[–]Over60_FireTempered3Red Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Once you move in together, you are 90% married. Without RP awareness, this begins a long beta slide that just happens for most men. Even the PUA's fall victim to the same slide.

IMO most men are born with RP knowledge. A lifetime of anti-male messaging, sets men up to marry and fail.

The short answer is NO, I would not.

[–]RPMahoutsukai3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

Got married when I considered myself RP.

I thought I have met my unicorn. (I was 28, she 19)

Why married:

  1. The way society works in Russia, if I would not marry, given our age difference, and me being divorced, that would be absolute hell for her. She would be bombarded with "what are you doing he's going to dump you for another young chick" "ure a slut" "ure wasting ur time with him" and shit. She would no be able to have normal conversation with her family, parents, and most of her friends.
  2. I trusted her, I vetted her pretty hard and I trusted her not to take advantage of me no matter what. I also made sure to have backup plans and to keep power in my hands so even if she would go crazy, she could not ruin me (basically, stuff out of Machiavelli's book). Plus, divorce laws are way better in Russia than in other countries (like, I keep 100% of what I had before her, so all my estate is mine, since I earned it before I married).
  3. I wanted to spend my life together with her until one of us dies. We just are so spiritually fit together that way.
  4. Given 1 and 2 and 3, it was a reasonable compromise to marry. I still openly oppose marriage, which she is okay with. This is basically a formality

Lessons learned:

  1. Unicorns do exist. But it's such a coincidence that no sane individual should expect to find one. Plus it is SO easy to enter a self-delusion and be very disappointed later. Looking back, It was pure luck I have found a unicorn. I could have easily be mistaken and that would be a disaster. I thought I vetted and checked but I was wrong. I could have easily been mistaken many times. It's pure luck I was not. So, its still the same old truth - Unicorns do not exist. I mean, they do, but for all intents and purposes, it's easier to suppose they don't rather than look for one.
  2. Unicorn or not, TRP applies still. No matter how compliant, in love, trustworthy, awesome, spiritually fit for you, well educated, conservative, smart she is, she will behave just like TRP says. Just she won't be as malicious and exploitative. But she will test you. She will bullshit you. She needs to be not taken seriously and she needs to be dread gamed and stuff. Just to a lighter degree. But if you slip you get your brain fucked and tested and shit and you have to bounce back.

[–]redirectedfs1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

How long have you been married?

[–]RPMahoutsukai1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

five years LTR, three years married

[–]Grimsterr1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Did you marry before discovering RP?

When I got married there was no RP, I was "sorta" RP when I married, my old man was quite RP and I learned from him but discarded lessons I felt were not right (my old man was a good example by often being a bad example, I could write a book about the shit he got me into growing up and in my early adult life, some of it's pretty damned hilarious).

Has your life improved?

It's hard to compare 21/22 year old me to me now 26 years later. I'm respected in my field, my kid's nearing the end of college with a full tuition scholarship, sorta following in my footsteps hopefully he'll avoid most of my big mistakes, but I'm sure he'll replace them with new ones, and I'm happy where I am.

Would you make the same decision?

Hell yeah. It worked for me gangbusters. My wife ain't perfect, neither am I but we deal with each other's shit and keep it together.

How old are you and your partner, are you in the east or west?

West, it's easy enough to find in my post history Alabama. We're both mid/late 40s.

Are you concerned of infidelity?

Nope. Neither is she. We use each other phones regularly, I, as an IT guy control our network and could easily, if I felt the need, track anything she did online because I control the router. And she knows that if I wanted to hide something she'd have no chance of finding it. My computer screen only gets locked during Christmas so her or the boy can't snoop out presents.

There has never been a red flag or a minute of doubt for me, she gets jealous some but that is good for her.

Big lessons:

Be the fucking oak, never let her doubt you are the rock, the cornerstone, the anchor.

Be very stingy with sharing emotions, make it count.

[–]tropicsGold1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She is really really awesome that is for sure, and I really love her. But I don’t think there is only one possible girl, I have dated plenty of others, and I could move to another if I had to. I freely admit it can be a struggle though, she pulls me towards the blue, and I have to struggle to hold. No doubt it can be a bitch but challenges are what makes life great.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Some questions for you, OP:

How old are you?

How fat are you?

What are your 3 major vices?

Why do you want to get married?

Do you want to have children?

Are you concerned about infidelity?

Do you even lift?

[–]business---travel0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It really comes down to what each man wants out of their life.

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The families expected it from us on account that is just how things are done. Many years later I came home to divorce papers. The rest is on here and I would not do it again.



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