Should You reveal moments of melancholy and misery to her ever?

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December 3, 2018
71 upvotes

Everyone experiences setbacks that inevitable darken mood.

To which extent do you reveal them to your plates/ ltrs..

Let me know your experiences..


Post Information
Title Should You reveal moments of melancholy and misery to her ever?
Author Aesthetik_1
Upvotes 71
Comments 94
Date 03 December 2018 08:41 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/69685
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/a2squo/should_you_reveal_moments_of_melancholy_and/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
long term relationshipplate
Comments

[–]Johnny-Thunderfrost104 points105 points  (15 children) | Copy

If your women is infatuated with you, she will take it as an opportunity to be motherly and feminine and it will only strengthen your bond. Of the few times I’ve let my occasionally sad emotions show, my woman pulls in to me and wants to help and be there. If she’s on the fence about you, it will only push her away, saving you the time you may have wasted investing in her in the first place.

[–][deleted] 30 points31 points  (3 children) | Copy

This is the answer truest to my experience.

While I am not in a monogamous relationship, I do have a girl I have been sexual with for years. She has seen me from the depths of betadom, to my greatest achievements. She has seen me cry, and more than once. Any emotions I have expressed with her has not wavered her interest at all.

ONS and short flings will be turned off, as you ruined the “24/7 alpha” fantasy they constructed for you, but a girl you have built a bond with, LTR or not, can be a great source of comfort.

Of course, should you decide to stay in an emotional state, she will certainly lose interest if you never pick your head back up.

[–]cornylamygilbert1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I'd like to hear more about rp LTR from you bud. Got any posts? Consider doing one if not

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I appreciate it, brother!

I think most of the content I could put into a post, however, has already been covered by more experienced men than I. Rollo has covered the idea of not changing who you and holding frame in an LTR extensively.

It really all boils down to this simple dichotomy; You absolutely WILL NOT hold “alpha frame” 100% of the time, and a girl you have built a bond with is fine with that. At the same time, when you hit those low points and lose frame, you damn well better get back on your own two feet. She will be there for you, but she is not the solution to nor the escape from your problems, and she WILL be gone if you put her in that position.

Too many guys on TRP write and advise as if they are the perfect alpha 24/7....not only is this impossible, but the mental gymnastics will drive you insane. Just keep improving yourself, stay true to yourself, and she will follow. No bond forged on false premises will be worth the trouble anyway. Save the act for Tinderellas and ONS.

Hell....maybe I’ll do one after all.

[–]cornylamygilbert2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

fuck man that gives me confidence about a relationship compared to all the fear mongering and relationship dread and vitriol that can sometimes get alluded to on this sub.

I think too much reading can taint a man's perspective here.

Fuck I needed to hear this for sure

[–]HectoSexual10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

See this is why I almost like this sub better than the main one. This is a real answer from real experience with no autistic shock value thrown in.

Thank you.

[–]_quote 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

I disagree, it may be a good thing initially, but then she will be turned off by the event afterwards. But that is just my experience. I know exactly what you are talking about, it's happened to me, my girlfriend was really happy to help me out when I was sick/unhappy. but it eventually contributed to the decline and end of the relationship. Better to save the mom stuff for your mom.

[–]Casd1210 points11 points  (2 children) | Copy

Exactly. If you constantly act like a bitch being down then she'll end up hating you

[–]Johnny-Thunderfrost2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I agree, it obviously has to be occasional. It’s the same as if a movie star or famous singer talked about having anxiety or bad days sometimes. It makes them seem human and relatable, and endears their fans to them more.

[–]Aidsagain2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly this, some women can detect or smell pussy regardless of the source

[–]LunarTears0 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

Just never cry or break down in front of her, or anyone for that matter, and you're fine. You can have emotions, just don't let them control you like a woman's does.

[–]_quote 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

I never cry, period. I’m not a depressed person either. During two of my relationships, I had one or two days of feeling sick or just down and out, as I tend to have a day like that every once in a while. Really minor stuff. Still nuked the relationship. I should have just stayed home.

[–]mickey__0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I should have just stayed home.

You are missing the point god damnit! Do you think this is normal?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I agree. I hate the whole "toxic masculinity is telling people to man up."

You can feel emotions, just don't be controlled by them like a little bitch. Be a stoic, masculine man who faces life with calm.

[–]Aidsagain5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

save the mom stuff for your mom

Except milking those titties for as long as you can¡

[–]DrizzlyShrimp366 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is very good advice.

[–]gregoire_77 points78 points  (1 child) | Copy

If it’s a girl I’m only having sex with, I cut contact until I’m good. If it’s someone I’m invested in, I’ll tell her what’s going on and back off. If she reaches out to support me, great. I don’t expect women to handle my emotional problems, but I thoroughly appreciate one who will take the steps to do so.

[–]es14269 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

Right answer. I’ve cried in front of LTRs

[–]1KirthWGersen123 points124 points  (5 children) | Copy

A woman is not going to want to hear of your weaknesses and the bad times you went through... unless: you tell her how you overcame it, how you would not let it hold you back, how it was tough at the time but you never think about it now because it does not matter any more. It is a very different narrative.

You can tell her you are facing a tough challenge now. And tell her how you are going to beat it. Let her see your confidence in the face of adversity.

If she knows what she is doing, she might even encourage you. That way she can share in your success and boast of your high value.

[–]Aesthetik_1[S] 34 points35 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thoughtful response and a new point of view, thanks mate.

[–]megadummy 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

This reads like a verse from the Bible

[–]ReasonablyGoodMexica2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I don't see goats or immoral acts by today's standards.

[–]Endorsed ContributorAuvergnat10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

You can tell her you are facing a tough challenge now. And tell her how you are going to beat it. Let her see your confidence in the face of adversity.

Which is incidentally the best mindset you can have to actually overcome a setback. Double whammy - you fix the issue faster AND you get to keep the girl. It’s almost as if women’s attraction triggers reflect a natural selection for successful men..

[–]1FixYourselfFirst55 points56 points  (11 children) | Copy

Don't cry in front of women. Be the leader.

[–]KingZeeke20 points21 points  (1 child) | Copy

With my LTR, I couldn't hold my self back when talking about the passing of my dog.

[–]Xevalous6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Same here. Dogs, especially childhood dogs, are some of the toughests things to loose.

[–]Aesthetik_1[S] 6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy

I know that.. I was wondering more about being down.

[–]1FixYourselfFirst20 points21 points  (2 children) | Copy

down vs crying vs sad, what's the difference? All of them dry up pussy.

[–]Eldudearino8910 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

I cried... will agree dried it up

[–]Aidsagain4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've cried so much that it actually kept the pussy wet

[–]SalporinRP1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

It usually isn't a good idea but it depends on the context. If your dad/mom/dog dies and you let a few tears come out I don't think a girl is gonna hold it against you.

Just gotta make sure you're not a blubbering mess.

[–]g5qU9PQ5RY 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

If your dad/mom/dog dies and you let a few tears come out I don't think a girl is gonna hold it against you.

Lol I recall a few posts here where guys cried over the death of their parents, and their LTRs immediately went into soft next mode.

[–]KingZeeke2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Lol I recall a few posts here where guys cried over the death of their parents, and their LTRs immediately went into soft next mode.

From my view, that is a good thing. They are nexting themselves in that case.

We next a girl when she does questionable or unacceptable behavior. If she changes her perspective in a less favorable way about me because of my grief, then thats an easy next for me! I just wouldn't do it cause I am griefing...

Obviously I am not enforcing you cry your eyes out every night while snuggling with her. But lets be real, some moments of tears and being down is perfectly normal.

[–]SalporinRP2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Like the other guy who responded to you said then that is a red flag uncovered. If a girl is such a sociopath that she can't show compassion towards you if your dad dies then she's just a cunt.

[–]matt6755 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

My mom said when she was a child and her dad’s mother died, he went into his closet away from everyone and cried alone for weeks until he was done. And my mom respected him greatly for it

[–]Khiv_13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'll be the different guy here and say that yes and that showing these feelings is actually good. It shows you are human, and more importantly it shows you are confident because only weak people need to constantly fake strength (unless you have someone depending on you, but even then it is good to open up once in a while).

What is not ok is to be frequently in a state of low mood. Women, and people in general, get bored, and even worse contaminated by your low mood. They will not want to hang out with you if they feel you are dragging their own mood down. A person that is always on a low mood appears to have no control over their lives, too, and that is the opposite of who we want to be here. On the other hand, people will admire a guy that shows dissatisfaction one day and on the next is eagerly working on improving his situation.

Lastly, women have innate social skills that men can't dream of. They can feel if you are this super loser who is always faking confidence and they won't respect that. They will respect a genuine man much more, but again, if you are constantly in a low mood than you need to do something about your life.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (9 children) | Copy

I am also struggling with this one.. What if you had an awful time growing up as a child? Never tell or tell and act like it was nothing?

[–]Aesthetik_1[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

Seems you have to throw out this entire aspect of human interaction with them..

and if you don’t ever reveal that shit bothers you don’t you also come off as insincere?

[–]TSwizzlex162819 points20 points  (4 children) | Copy

Find a bro to confide in or go to a specialist, nothing to be gained from speaking of those things to your LTR.

[–]Debtpass9 points10 points  (3 children) | Copy

For some reason this red pill truth was one of the harder ones for me to accept. I grew up programmed to think your SO would end up being the person you should discuss trauma/shit with.

I was abused as a kid, and I wake up in the middle of the night shaking sometimes from bad memories - having to lie and pretend to my LTR that it was some generic sleep disturbance, or brush it off is tiresome.

Not being able to confide in your SO was hard to accept, but thankfully other RP tools and books help with developing ones ability to overcome internal conflict and strife, so you can end up serving sort of as your own council/self-mentor in moments of weakness.

[–]Li0nhearted4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

What RP tools / books helped you develop abilities to overcome internal conflict & strife? I could really use those.

[–]Debtpass0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The Red Pill Handbook has a lot of good sections on learning to reframe your gut reactions towards adversity and difficult situations.

Meditations by Marcus Aurelius is introspective and stimulating.

Here's my recommendation that I haven't seen listed here before, but I actually found the most immensely helpful for dealing with negative internal states: The Charisma Myth by Olivia Cabane. It has some really solid chapters on productively handling anxiety, shitty mental mindsets, and gives a lot of really specific tips on dealing with internal conflict.

Check em out and let us know. I found The Charisma Myth really useful.

[–]TSwizzlex16282 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You’re incredibly strong, much respect.

[–]Peter_B_Long3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Talk to a therapist. Get that shit behind you first before you start throwing up emotions to a girl.

[–]BusterVadge2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Reframe it into an experience that made you into the strong man that you are now.

[–]friendandadvisor1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly. They don't want to hear you tediously (and yes, you will be tedious) reliving your childhood. They aren't your fucking psychoanalysts, they are the biggest child in the house. These women are supposed to call you 'Daddy', and you want them to call you 'Baby' or 'Patient'.

Just tell them that you had a boring or dull childhood, and stop waiting for them to ask a question that you can use to spill your guts about how rough you had it.

[–]Peter_B_Long7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Plates - Never

LTR's - Rarely

[–]SlappaDaBayssMon5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think it really varies.

You can be forthcoming about your struggles but what you don't get to do is act like a little bitch about it.

"It's tough, I've got this but here's what I need from you" vs "omg it's all Soo hard plz come hold me mommy"

Just stay closer to the former and you'll be fine

[–]BittyMitty5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's Ok to have ups and downs.
You can share a little if she is interested, but don't start to complain and whine.

[–]YesVeryKewl4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

Plates no. But LTR... wouldn't you want to be able to say what's on your heart to the woman you're committed to? If her attraction levels are so low and volatile that expressing yourself to her makes them plummet, then she's not worthy of your love.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Plates no. But LTR... wouldn't you want to be able to say what's on your heart to the woman you're committed to? If her attraction levels are so low and volatile that expressing yourself to her makes them plummet, then she's not worthy of your love.

Exactly, and this is why Walt Disney Studios is such a great Relationship Counselor.

[–]YesVeryKewl1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It’s hard to tell sarcasm online but I’d like to hear an opposing opinion if you have one.

[–]furcryingoutloud3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

NEVER. LET. ANYONE. SEE. YOU. BLEED.

That is the end of it. Tell your story only in a book. Otherwise, nobody wants to hear it.

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

No.

[–]icecruzader2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've heard of sob story game but it's not for evrryone

[–]Musicgoon2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

No. Fuck no... Don't show weakness. You'll get eaten alive.

[–]BlackVale2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don’t tell her shit. Keep her in the dark. Most women don’t give a fuck about you so why would they care about your feelings. She doesn’t deserve this unless she’s been in your life for years and had your back the entire time. By years I’m talking 2+. Remember they run from you at the first sight of weakness.

[–]peacemakerzzz2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

In general, no, but it would depend on the temperament of the woman. If she's the hoe type, she definitely won't. If she's the type who respects depth, she might. As a general rule of thumb, don't reveal misery. It destroys frame. Frame is game's pot of gold. If you lose it, even just the slightest bit, game over you just submitted to a higher power--that is, your emotions. To be rational is to be logical, and that include's the ability to hold back emotions to women.

[–]Chainega2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, there's a difference between sharing your weakness and sharing your darkest moments.

The key here is to show how you overcame it and how it's not a problem for you anymore (you do have to get your shit together to say this kind of stuff to your girl), this will not only make you look like a emotionally strong man, but it will also make your ltr/plate feel secure, because you will be the rock in her emotionally turbulent ocean and all that shit.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Should You reveal moments of melancholy and misery to her ever?

Never. Not even on your deathbed.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (6 children) | Copy

Never show any weakness

[–]Aesthetik_1[S] 17 points18 points  (5 children) | Copy

So you live a fake life till the end?

[–]Jc96816 points17 points  (1 child) | Copy

Due to being highly emotional creatures, decent Women are natural nurturers that usually feel fullfilled by caring for others, particularly her children and partner. If your wellowing in self pity all the time then sure, she will obvs catch wind of insecurity and possibly leave. But every now and then it's ok to show your flawed beastly characteristics as it gives her an intimate sense of duty and purpose in the relationship.

Be careful with younger women though, they are different beast. They will be less inclined to deal with your shit as they usually don't have much life experience or responsibilities when dealing with the negatives of other people and life. They are easily able to jump ship whithout much consequence. They are attracted to the idealistic "flawless" male - thus if you reveal flaws too often or too bad they will naturally chase after the next best thing - and probably rightfully so.

[–]Aesthetik_1[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Excellent thank you for this thoughtful piece.

[–]DownyGall8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Be robot. Bee boop.

[–]muddynips0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It's not fake because you genuinely shouldn't want to share insecurities with women. It's not about lying; it's about getting your headspace correct so you don't have to.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No, you stop spewing your fucking guts out every chance you get, onto a human being that is ill equipped to be your mental health care professional.

[–]Red_pill_20171 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I don’t plan on being with my S.O once next school year rolls around (I’m transferring), so I just tell her everything. About how I get roasted by friends, my shitty childhood, etc. As of now she has actually shown more affection towards me because she admires how I handle adversity. This is pretty much an anecdote to another comment. So my advice would be to do whatever you heart desires, feel it out and learn.

[–]Garathon0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

This is the answer. Be genuine to yourself. If the SO can't handle it, there are always the next one.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is wrong. The chick isn't there to be your fucking mental health advisor. She's there to be the mother of your children, and to be your partner in life (for however long). Stop being a cheapskate fuck and get a real professional to get your shit out.

Being 'genuine to yourself' shouldn't mean 'unload all of your shit onto a woman' that can barely handle her own emotions.

[–]Flpgneves1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The problem is that you never know how the girl will react. Maybe she will feel closer and more intimate with you and develop stronger feelings, maybe it will dry her pussy up.

However, the chances of making her see you as weaker are much higher. It's too risky. Better not do it.

[–]UnbreakableFrame3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy

The honest truth is one of the hardest Red Pills to swallow.

No.

It's a common tenant of contemporary Western culture that telling men not to cry is "toxic". The reality is that it's necessary. Crying is a form of weakness that will always reduce women's attraction to you. It's really that simple. The natural response to a crying man for women is disgust and nothing more. She doesn't want to know your struggles. She wants you to be an immovable object. You are the sheer, stone face of the cliff that her waves crash against. You need to foster deep, meaningful relationships with your male friends for times when you need to let go of baggage or even shed a tear.

[–]sealdream2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you are expressing/doing something that shows strength, which should be always, crying is okay.

[–]ihateyouguys1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Hmm. The only correct answer here is at the bottom of the whole thread.

[–]UnbreakableFrame0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

A lot of these guys are still plugged in. They pick and choose the answers that they want to hear and leave the rest.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The "dealing with women" chapter of Way of the Superior Man is excellent. Very RP but put in a more digestible and poetic language.

Talks a lot about masculinity being the rock and femininity being the ocean. If you become more feminine, then you neutralise and the spark dies

[–]Rkingpin2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

How many times must it be said.

You know what, you go show emotional weakness to your women. Then report back.

[–]light-----------dark2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Nope.

[–]flapjacksrbetter3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I mean if a girl leaves u because u cry and bitch a bit then she wasnt even quality material to begin with.

[–]anrdp0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It depends, but it's best you be as alpha as you can 80% of the times and for the rest 20% you can strategically show vulnerability, then again don't act like a bitch and complain about it, express yourself like it once could've killed you but it just made you stronger. I've strategically acted vulnerable a lot, and it works as long as you are not a little bitch

[–]Mr_KenSpeckle0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

For the most part, no. But they can often tell when there is something wrong and if you don’t fill in the blanks, their imagination will. That can cause a lot of unnecessary strife. So I might say: “I got some shit on my mind. It’s not you.” Blame it on work if need be. But never lay the details on them. That will usually suffice because as long as it’s not them , they don’t care.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Don't.

You are looking for an excuse to whine to a chick, hoping that she will mother you. She will despise you for acting like a child/woman/weak man.

Just tell her "Sometimes I get a stick up my ass, and need to not be bothered."

[–]Senior Endorsed ContributorFieldLine1 point2 points  (9 children) | Copy

You shouldn't reveal moments of melancholy and misery to anyone. No one enjoys getting dumped on, despite what they might tell you.

Unhappy? Fix the problem. Talking about it does nothing.

[–]DrizzlyShrimp3612 points13 points  (5 children) | Copy

« Talking about it does nothing »

Well fuck me dead, I guess therapists are outta job. Talking about your problems can absolutely help what kind of insane statement is that.

[–]Senior Endorsed ContributorFieldLine0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Well fuck me dead, I guess therapists are outta job.

I am pleased to see you understood the implications of my comment.

[–]DrizzlyShrimp361 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

And I am not pleased your left out a part of my comment to make yours seem valid

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Oh, grow up. You know fucking well that that isn't what he was doing. Your words aren't so magical that leaving off a few of them negates all positive energy.

[–]Senior Endorsed ContributorFieldLine0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

?

I was confirming that the implication of my comment (which you didn't like) is precisely what I intended to say.

Therapists are a waste of time and money.

[–]DrizzlyShrimp364 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

How can you say something this stupid. I am baffled honestly. There are PLENTY of people out there who get immense benefits from their sessions with their therapist. There is data to back this up. You are completely out of touch with reality.

[–]Aesthetik_1[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Ok, but What if you need advice..

[–]Trphello3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Your woman probably isn't going to know any better than you. Ask a wise authoritative man.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You are just jumping at the chance to dump it all on her, aren't you?

[–]ProFriendZoner-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

Never show your true feelings to a woman. Fake it.

[–]3chazthundergut-2 points-1 points  (1 child) | Copy

No but every once in a while it wouldnt hurt to lose your temper around her



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