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GF is kind of needy lately

Reddit View
June 22, 2020
99 upvotes

For circumstances regarding my job (I work at a foodshop and can't expose my parents to it everyday) COVID and quarantine in my city, I'm forced to quarantine at my GF's place, she lives alone.

It's been a couple of months, everything good. Sex life kept active, nothing to complain about.

Except that over the past few weeks she has become more needy, considering that I work 8hours at the shop and spend some hours during the day writing (I'm pursuing a career as an author, I have already some published works).

So lets say I have some hours after work and I use them to write a chapter, and she comes from our room to the livingroom for kisses and wants some time hugging and whatnot, to go to her bed and cuddle (not sex, we fuck regularly, we sometimes have little times were we just lay in bed hugging, the love thing whatever. But her interrumptions are growing and it's annoying me, which hasn't happened before. Like if she approaches my desk, I kiss her two times and she says "more kisses" with a cute face and I don't want to have my work interrupted sometimes. One thing is a quick kiss with her which is good, but when she stays and wants multiple and a hug and whatnot it feels pretty annoying.

I know she is kinda needy, especially after getting together, and I always handled it bc it wasn't this present. Now it annoys me.

Any advise?


Post Information
Title GF is kind of needy lately
Author 1984Survivor
Upvotes 99
Comments 45
Date 22 June 2020 09:33 PM UTC (8 months ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/698280
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/he1c46/gf_is_kind_of_needy_lately/
Similar Posts
Comments

[–]Unsmurfme49 points50 points  (1 child) | Copy

You should set terms that address both of your needs. You need this time to do this thing. She needs this attention. I’ve had past girlfriends like this where I’d read my book with her laying on my lap on the couch and my hand on her ass petting her.

I preferred my hand on her ass while I read, so this was a good “compromise” where I got more out of it than reading alone and she got the affection she needed out of it.

So if she needs more physical contact, do it in a way that benefits you as well as her. Maybe get one of those TV tray tables and put your laptop on it so you can go between petting her and typing and she can feel connected.

If you can’t find a compromise that makes you happy, then no is a fine answer too. Boundaries are important. “I need this time to do these things, then I have this time to be with you.”

Also, not a red piller I just visit sometimes. But I think this advice jives with the philosophy here and is generally good.

[–]420chiefofZEP57 points58 points  (5 children) | Copy

Literally just say no. Not as a dickhead or anything, but in whatever type of language is appropriate. If she can't respect that you've got bigger problems on your hands.

[–]qwerty_asd45 points46 points  (4 children) | Copy

Yeah, this is really so easy.

"Babe, I'm focused on writing now."

[–]Lousycabbage20 points21 points  (3 children) | Copy

Is that quote from the shining?

[–]cracksniffer66614 points15 points  (1 child) | Copy

Sounds like this whole post is from The Shining, just twisted a little for fun lol

[–]mickenrorty6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Good family movie

[–]qwerty_asd0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Lol it's just what I would say if I were OP.

[–]ViolentInteger63 points64 points  (3 children) | Copy

This is no different than any other boundary enforcement scenario.

If you didn't already, start by directly telling her that you need space to work. You'll come find her when you're done. That will work 90% of the time. For the other 10%, simply get up, lead her by the hand away from your space, then pat her on the head and tell her to be a good girl. Threaten to not feed her dinner if she's a bad girl again.

Or use any number of other amused mastery responses.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

TIL my condescension has been amused mastery all along.

[–]Unfugwitable0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Amused mastery = condescending Agree and amplify = sarcasm Frame = do and say what YOU want

A lot of everyday TRP terms and principals have had to be broke down and explained for Autists like you and I who are on various levels of the spectrum.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

It took 25 years for it to be identified in real life and yet people identify it every single day on the internet. Amazing.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

But her interrumptions are growing and it's annoying me, which hasn't happened before. Like if she approaches my desk, I kiss her two times and she says "more kisses" with a cute face and I don't want to have my work interrupted som

Set boundaries and STICK TO THEM.

[–]Snowboard1817 points18 points  (8 children) | Copy

Even if your somehow forced to, living with a girl is 9/10 a bad idea my friend. If you can I’d find somewhere else to live.

[–]idevastate30 points31 points  (7 children) | Copy

Yeah OP, if you marry her make sure you live in separate houses.

[–]Snowboard1811 points12 points  (4 children) | Copy

I’m talking about while dating

[–]Bleu_Cheese_Pursuits14 points15 points  (3 children) | Copy

Relationships stay fresher when you don't live together anyway. If I were to get married I wouldn't cohabitate. But obviously I wouldn't get married, because I'm not an idiot.

[–][deleted]  (2 children) | Copy

[deleted]

[–]Bleu_Cheese_Pursuits4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

I would never tell any girl I'm seeing this, or at least, I wouldn't voluntarily offer it; but I see relationships kind of like television shows. They stay around for several seasons, and perhaps you'll revisit them at some point. But personally, it is like, I am in my early 30's. When I was a younger man, I contracted oneitis with the same degree of pathetic alacrity that many of us know all too well. But at this point in my life, where in the last 5 years I've only fallen prey to it maybe 2 times, I know myself well enough to know that those feelings of overwhelming adoration are transient...and it is really only during those periods of excessive preoccupation and infatuation (which are themselves pathological states, that in my opinion, only occurred as a product of my own insecurity) that I really, honestly, and passionately believed that I could (or would) be happy with one woman for the rest of my life.

I learned in my early 20's how I was brainwashed to put women on a pedestal, and to have my self-image determined by how they see me. It was because of that brainwashing that I had routinely succumbed to the itis. But when you divorce yourself from the expectations of others, not only do you become more attractive by virtue of being free to pursue your missions, you actually become liberated.

Anyway, I went on a huge tangent, but to answer your question; the plan is to have plates, not LTRs. However if an LTR is the goal, there are more and more people who agree with my assertion that "living apart together" is optimal. There is a subreddit (~300 subs) and a wikipedia article. But moreover, I think cultural attitudes are shifting. Literally 2 close friends of mine (I don't have many close friends) have in recent years opened their relationships with their partners. It might not be the same thing as "living apart together", but it is indicative of how norms are certainly shifting.

I said earlier that in my current state of general relative clarity, I couldn't see myself with one girl for more than a few years probably. However, I could be wrong. Some girl out there could change my mind. But the reality is that the more women I get to know, the more they seem to reinforce my current attitude. Also, I never tried nofap. There is a good possibility that if I literally stopped masturbating, then an indefinitely prolonged relationship would be appetizing. But atm, it is more trouble than it is worth.

[–]drevenx130 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Marriage is so stupid that the richest woman on the planet made her billions through a divorce.

Courtesy of the "king" of beta males/simps, Amazon leader Jeff Bezos.

[–]DevilMayCry0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I believe she is the fourth richest but your point still stands.

[–]DoubleConversation423 points24 points  (2 children) | Copy

She is trying to see if she can get more from you since you both started living together

Keep focusing on your purpose

Decrease the non-sexual time you spend with her

Stop those little times

She is not needy, she looks "needy" to test you

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy

[removed]

[–]DoubleConversation40 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Stop playing video games with BP fiction

He's already moved in faggot

[–]forgotten_orc7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm so sorry this is happening to you

[–]FirstName_LastName46 points7 points  (5 children) | Copy

Women will often try to take your attention from your purpose. Purpose always comes first. Id say just explain to her that your writing is really important to you and what she is doing is upsetting you

[–]Brushyourteethm828 points29 points  (0 children) | Copy

Christ on a bike - DON'T tell her that she's upsetting you

[–][deleted]  (3 children) | Copy

[deleted]

[–]FirstName_LastName419 points20 points  (2 children) | Copy

Fair enough i might delete my comment then. But my reasoning behind it is that these dont seem like shit tests, in the sense that She doesnt seem to get pissy about it (eg: you are always on your Office and dont help around the house)

And being working on his book isnt already a type of dread, isnt this more of like a comfort test?

Would like to know your opinion

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy

[deleted]

[–]babybopp6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

You are right. That girl is testing his frame.

[–]Senior Contributoradam-l1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is easy: buy a light, maybe some fancy red one. Tell her "when Red Light is on, means I am working. No interruptions whatsoever."

[–]Pycnostyle0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Have you had an actual conversation about the effects her interruptions have on you? She can't read your mind.

Surely she can grasp the concept that when you're in the flow and you have an hour left of work, if she breaks your focus, then you still have that hour of work left, but you have to take more time to get your focus back. So by being "cute", she's working against her goals of spending more time with you.

So have a conversation to make sure you are both on the same page and maybe come up with a signal or sign that says when you are or aren't interruptible. Maybe get a mini construction sign that says "MEN AT WORK". If she can't respect that, then she's either an idiot or she has no respect for you. Either way, not LTR material.

[–]cafeitalia0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Have a quick fuck when she tries to be cute and wants kisses etc. Quick fast hard fuck. Then go on with your regular activity.

[–]waterbottle0122220 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Bro you want her to be needy. Trust me. You’d rather be annoyed by her neediness, than wonder why it doesn’t exist. As others have said though, just say no, push her back. Be cold if you have too.

[–]beardestbird0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Trust me. Just focus on it. As long as you’re not being a dick and never hanging out with her then you’re fine. Your purpose comes first

[–]cracksniffer6660 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like "the tests" have began. You're actually interested in SOMETHING other than her vagina, and women simultaneously hate this/get turned on by it. Shut her down, stand your ground if you're busy, let her pout about it for a little while, and then carry on.

[–]Stunning222-2 points-1 points  (2 children) | Copy

Be careful, because there is a risk if you don't provide it, she will find it from someone else.

Maybe not in this scenario, but there's always a chance. As usual, preemptive (time) regulations should have been your best call.

[–]Bleu_Cheese_Pursuits2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

If he is makes his affection scarce, she'll just crave it more.

[–]Stunning2222 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

There's a point she can snap and find it somewhere else. There's always a balance in LTRs between comfort and attraction.

[–]RPOpenUp-1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy

Remember, Your frame, your time, your life, YOU get to decide if you spend time on her or not. Once she gains control of this it's over

[–]exsomnium-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah everything except his own place. Didn’t see anything at all about contributing to the household he’s chosen to stay at, either. Sounds like a huge case of entitled to her space. “Our living room.” Sorry, did you start paying something orrrrr?

[–]RPOpenUp0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Doesn't matter if it's her place or not.

Red Pill answer is simple to this. You do whatever the fuck you want. If OP is not content with the current situation he should do something about instead of coming her whining about his situation

Ah i see whats going on here, My dumb ass replying to a woman. no wonder your comment is out of context.

[–]sawyer94117-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Stick to your frame.

Donuts to dollars she's digging it. Besides there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. You wanna get there?



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